Sanctuary for the Abused

Sunday, October 10, 2004


Goodbye Mother, Hello Woman: Reweaving the Daughter Mother Relationship
- Marilyn Irwin Boynton & Mary Dell, 1995

Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting, and Enjoying the Self
- Charlses L. Whitfield, 1993

Men Who Hate Women & the Women Who Love Them
- Jan Torres & Susan Forward, 1987

Recommended books for those recovering from Narcissistic Abuse ---------------------------------------------------------
Narcissism & Abusive Parents
* People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil
- M. Scott Peck, 1981

* Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in Their Struggle for Self
- Elan Golomb, Ph.D., 1992

* Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder
- Paul T. Mason, M.S. & Randi Kreger, 1998

* Narcissism,: Denial of the True Self - Alexander Lowen, M.D.,1985

*Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grownup's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents
- Nina W. Brown

Lost in the Mirror: An Inside Look at Borderline Personality Disorder - Richard A.
Moskovitz, 1996

The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis & Treatment
- Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman

Through the Looking Glass: Women & Borderline Personality Disorders
- Dana Becker, 1997

* Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship
- Christin Ann Lawson

Adult Children of Abusive Parents: A Healing Program for those Who have Been Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abused
- Steven Farmer,M.A.,M.F.C.C., 1989

* If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World
- Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., 1998

Coping with Your Difficult Older Parent: A Guide for Stressed-Out Children
- Grace Lebow & Barbara Kane with Irwin Lebow, 1999

* Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
- Dr. Susan Forward with Craig Buck

When Parents Love Too Much: What Happens When Parents Won't Let Go
- Laurie Ashner & Mitch Meyerson, 1990

Problems With Parents
The Woman Who Gave Birth to Her Mother: Seven Stages of Chance in Women's Lives
- Kim Chernin, 1998

* For Mothers of Difficult Daughters: How to Enrich and Repair the Bond in Adulthood
- Dr. Charney Herst with Lynette Padwa, 1998

* When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life
- Victoria Secunda,1990

Mothers Who Drive Their Daughters Crazy: Ten Types of 'Impossible' Moms and How to Deal With Them
- Edward M. Cohen, Susan Simon Cohen, Ed Cohen, 1997

Goodbye Mother, Hello Woman: Reweaving the Daughter Mother Relationship
- Marilyn Irwin Boynton & Mary Dell, 1995

Mending the Broken Bough: Restoring the Promise of the Mother-Daughter Relationship
- Barbara Zax, Stephan Poulter, 1998

How to Manage Your Mother: Skills & Strategies to Improve Mother-Daughter Relationships
- Arlene M. Matthews & Nancy W. Cocola, 1993

Mama Drama: Making Peace With the One Woman Who Can Push Your Buttons, Make You
Cry, & Drive You Crazy
- Leslie Ayvazian, 1999

Good Bye Mother, Hello Woman: Reweaving the Daughter-Mother Relationship
- Marilyn I. Boynton & Mary Dell, 1995

My Mother, My Self: The Daughter's Search for Identity
- Nancy Friday,1977

* Women & Their Fathers: The Sexual & Romantic Impact of the First Man in Your Life
- Victoria Secuanda, 1992

Fathers & Daughters
- William S, Appleton, M.D., 1981

Where were you When I Needed You, Dad?: A Guide for Healing Your Father Wound
- Jane M. Drew, 1992

You Can't Grow Up Till You Go Back Home: A Safe Journey to See Your Parents as Human
- William F. Nerin, 1993

* Divorcing a Parent: A sympathetic and practical guide for adult children who need to free themselves from an abusive relationship with a parent
- Beverly Engel, M.F.C.C.,1990

Cutting Loose: An Adult Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents
- Howard M. Halpern, Ph.D., 1976

Boundaries, Setting Limits
* Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, to Take Control of Your Life
- Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend, 1982

Boundaries Workbook - same as above

Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting, and Enjoying the Self
- Charles L. Whitfield, 1993

* Co-Dependent, No More: How to Stop Controlling Others & Start Caring for Yourself
- Melody Beattie, 1989

* Beyond Co-Dependency: And Getting Better All the Time
- Melody Beattie, 1991

Playing it by Heart: Taking Care of Yourself No Matter What
- Melody Beattie, 1999

An Adult Child's Guide to What's "Normal"
- John Friel, Ph.D. & Linda Friel, M.A., 1990

Adult Children: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families - same as above

Drama Games: Techniques for Self-development
- Tina Dayton, 1990

Never Be Lied to Again: How to Get the Truth in 5 Minutes or Less in Any Conversation or Situation
- David J. Lieberman, Ph.D., 1998

What Smart Women Know: Wisdom for the Thinking Woman
- Steven Carter & Julia Sokol, 1990

Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
- Daniel Goleman, 1995

Dealing With Abusive Relationships
The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships
- Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D., 1997 (RECOMMENDED)

In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People
- George K. Simon, Jr., Ph.D.,1996

* Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You
- Susan Forward, Ph.D. with Donna Frazier, 1997

* Lethal Lovers and Poisonous People: How to Protect Your Health From Relationships That Make You Sick,

* Toxic People: 10 Ways of Dealing With People Who Make Your Life Miserable
- Lillian Glass, Ph.D.,

* The Emotional Rape Syndrome: How to Survive and Avoid It!
- Michael Fox, Ph.D., (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED)

Control Freaks: Who They Are and How to Stop Them From Running Your Life
- Gerald W. Piaget, Ph.D.1991

The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns & Reclaiming Yourself
- Beverly Engel, 1992 (RECOMMENDED)

Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity
- Helen Marx, Thomas Moore, Marie-France Hirigoyen, 2000 (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED)

Coping with Difficult People: ...In Business and in Life
- Robert M. Bramson, Ph.D., 1981

When Your Lover is a Liar: Healing the Wounds of Deception & Betrayal
- Susan Forward, 1999

Men Who Hate Women & the Women Who Love Them
- Jan Torres & Susan Forward, 1987

Ditch That Jerk: Dealing With Men Who Control and Hurt Women
- Pamela Jayne, 2000

Nasty Men: How to Stop Being Hurt by Them Without Stooping to Their Level
- Jay Carter, Dan Hochstatter, 1993

Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us
- Dr. Robert D. Hare, 1993 (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED)

Dealing With Verbal Abuse
* The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond
- Patricia Evans, 1992,96

Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out: On relationship and Recovery
- Patricia Evans, 1993

The Secret of Overcoming Verbal Abuse: Getting Off the Emotional Roller Coaster and Regaining Control of Your Life
- Albert Ellis Ph.D., Marcia Grad Powers, Albert Ellis, 2000

Tongue Fu: How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict
- Sam Horn, 1996

The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense
- Suzette Haden Elgin, 1980

Speaking Your Mind in 101 Difficult Situations
- Don Gabor

Family Dynamics, Inner Child, & Growth
* The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self (orig. Prisoners of Childhood)
- Alice Miller,1981 (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED)

For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Childrearing and the Roots of Violence
- Alice Miller, 1983,84,89

Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society's Betrayal of the Child
- Alice Miller, 1984,86

* The Only Child: Being One, Loving One, Understanding One, Raising One
- Darrell Sifford, 1990

* A Child Called "It": One Child's Courage to Survive
- Dave Pelzer,1995

Scapegoating in Families: Intergenerational Patterns of Physical & Emotional Abuse (hard to find)
- Vimala Pillari, D.S.W., 1991

Recognizing & Healing the Family Scapegoat: Avoid Carrying Childhood Roles Into Adulthood
- Sharon A. Smith, 1995

Black Sheep and Kissing Cousins: How Our Family Stories Shape Us
- Elizabeth Stone, 1989

Family Myths: Living Our Roles, Betraying Ourselves
- Joyce Block, 1994

The Secret Life of Families: Truth-Telling, Privacy, and Reconciliation in a Tell-All Sociaty
- Evan Imber-Black, Ph.D., 1998

Family Secrets: What You Don't Know CAN Hurt You
- John Bradshaw, 1995

Adult Children: Secrets of Dysfunctional Families
- John C. Friel, John Friel, & Linda Friel, 1988

Intimate Violence: The Causes & Consequences of Abuse in the American Family
- Murray A. Straus & Richard J. Gelles, 1989

Intimate Worlds: Life Inside the Family
- Maggie Scarf, 1995,97,99

* Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child
- John Bradshaw, 1990

Unlocking the Secrets of your Childhood Memories
- Dr. Kevin Leman & Randy Carlson, 1989

How to be Your Own Best Friend
- Mildred Newman & Bernard Derkowitz with Jean Owen, 1971

Making Peace with Yourself: Turning Your Weaknesses Into Strengths
- Harold H. Bloomfield, M.D. with Leonard Felder Ph.D., 1985

Necessary Losses: The Loves, Illusions, Dependencies and Impossible Expectations That
All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Grow
- Judith Viorst,1986

Unfinished Business: Pressure Points in the Lives of Women (on women & depression)
- Maggie Scarf,1980

I Ain't Well - But I Sure Am Better: Mutual Need Therapy -
Jess Lair, Ph.D., 1975

Emotional Clearing: A Self-Therapy Guide to Releasing Negative Feelings
- John Ruskan, 1993

You Can Heal Your Life - Louise L. Hay, 1987

Misc. Related Dysfunctional Problems
* The Courage to Heal & Workbook: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
- Ellen Bass & Laura Davis, 1988,93,94

Imperfect Control: Our Lifelong Struggles with Power and Surrender
- Judith Viorst,

The Culture of Shame: Understanding & Easing Shame
- Andrew P, Morrison,1996

Dysinhibition Syndrome: How to Handle Anger & Rage in Your Child or Spouse
- Rose Wood,1999

* Money Demons: Keep Them From Sabotaging Your Relationships - and Your Life
- Dr. Susan Forward & Craig Buck,1994

* Shadow Syndromes: Recoginizing and Coping with the Hidden Psychological Disorders That Can Influence Your Behavior and Silently Determine the Course of Your Life
- John J. Ratey, M.D. & Catherine Johnson, Ph.D., 1997

The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You
- Elaine N. Aron, 1996

Soul Murder: The effects of chilhood abuse and deprivation
- Leonard Shengold, M.D., 1989

* The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us From Violence
- Gavin DeBecker, 1997 (RECOMMENDED)

* Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples
- Harville Hendrix,Ph.D., 1990

Happiness Is A Serious Problem: A Human Nature Repair Manual
- Dennis Prager, 1998

The Dance of Anger: Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
- Harriet G. Lerner, 1997

The Dance of Deception: Pretending & Truth-Telling in Women's Lives
- Harriet G. Lerner, 1997

The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships
- Harriet G. Lerner, 1997

Spiritual Effects & Help
* Finding Your Way Home: A Soul Survivor Kit
- Melody Beattie, 1998

Journey to the Heart: Daily Meditations on the Path to Freeing Your Soul
- Melody Beattie, 1996

Stop Being Mean to Yourself: A Story About Finding th True Meaning of Self-Love
- Melody Beattie, 1998

The Language of Letting Go: Dailey Meditations for Co-Dependents
- Melody Beattie, 1996

Legacy of the Heart: The Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood
- Wayne Muller,1992

* Care of the Soul: A Guide for Cultivating Depth & Sacredness in Everyday Life
- Thomas Moore,1992

* Subversive Thoughts, Authentic Passions: Finding Love Without Losing Your Self
- Bonnie Kreps, 1990

* Spiritual Literacy: Reading the Sacred in Everyday Life
- Frederic & Mary Ann Brussat, 1996

A Life of My Own: Meditiations on Hope and Acceptance
- Hazelden Foundation, 1993

Gentle Reminders: Daily Affirmations for Co-Dependents
- Mitzi Chandler,1989

How Good Do We Have to Be?: A New Understanding of Guilt and Forgiveness
- Harold S. Kushner, 1996

* Living Without a Goal: Finding the Freedom to Live a Creative and Innovative Life
- James Ogilvy, 1995

* The Seat of the Soul
- Gary Zukov,1990

* Creative Visualization
- Shakti Gawain (very useful on audio version)

Staying Well with Guided Imagery: How to Harness the Power of Your Imagination for Health and Healing
- Bellfruth Naparstek, 1994

The Healing Power of Dreams
- Patricia Garfield, 1992

* Quest: A Guide for Creating Your Own Vision Quest
- Denise Linn

Writing as a Road to Self-Discovery: How to Reach Within Yourself to Find the Questions & Stories that Help You Understand
- Barry Lane, 1993, 97

Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths & Stories of Wild Woman Archetypes,
- Clairissa Pinkola Estes, 1997

The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity
- Julia Cameron & Mark Bryan, 1992

Animals as Teachers & Healers
- Susan C. McElroy, Susan Chernak - 1998

And the Animals Will Teach You
- Margot Lasher - 1996

Misc. Relationships
Scapegoats: Transferring Blame
- Tom Douglas, 1995

True Colors
- Roger Birkman, Ph.D.1995
Please Understand Me: Character & Temperament Types
- David Keirsey & Marilyn Bates, 1978, 84

Novels about Narcissists
* White Oleander (Oprah book)
- Janet Fitch, 1999:

I Look Divine
- Christopher Coe, 1987

Recommended Authors
John Bradshaw
Melody Beattie
Sharon Weigschider Cruz
Harriet G. Lerner
Pia Mellody
Alice Miller
Susan Forward
Maggie Scarf
Victoria Secunda
Judith Viorst
Charles L. Whitfield

Alice Miller is excellent! *The Drama of the Gifted Child* is about narcissism specifically. She also has a web site,

The Alice Miller interview at this link a a great read.


about the kinds of parenting we didn't have.
shared by Barbara at 10:23 PM



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