Sanctuary for the Abused

Monday, March 18, 2013

Heartfelt THANK YOUs!


And most of all, my therapist of 15 years, the late Dr. Kathryn Faughey - who when I showed her this site told me emphatically to "Continue! Continue!" and gave me advice, support, straight talk and compassion.  I owe my sanity to her.

I even want to say thank you to my abusers, those who abused & used me, and those who open blogs about me yet NEVER met me - who forced me to look for ways keep putting one foot in front of the other - and who showed me that even Evil looks just like you & me.

Bless you all -
I remain your humble servant & fellow victim and survivor

his site is well over 1,000,000 hits. That's a Million hits in the 10 years since I opened this site to the public.

I am honored and awed that so many have found resources and answers here. I am moved often to tears by the thank you letters I get from women & men who found the strength and information they needed to reclaim their lives here.

I started this blog in November, 2003 as a way to keep my own personal research on abuse private and out of view from people around me, including some of my abusers and my abusive relatives. As a voracious reader and a research junkie... I needed answers and I got them.

Nine years ago I was (for hopefully the LAST time in my life), 'emotionally raped' by a narcissistic sociopath. I'd had a Narcissistic Parent, pathological partners, 'friends' and bosses. I made a decision to open this site to the public not only for my own therapy - but because the pain I realized so many others were going through was similar to mine.

I won't tell anyone what to do about the abuse in their lives. I know I personally turned a blind eye to it for years and even rationalized it away thanks to the brainwashing & gaslighting I was subjected to. I learned that one big reason was because I was raised by a pathological parent so had no idea and was brainwashed to 'accept the unacceptable'. On this site I simply put the information out there. You must reach your own decisions.

In the last years many, many painful revelations have come for me. Only through reading, therapy and helping others - has any of what I have personally experienced made any sense at all.

In 2004 after finally getting clarification on one of the more soul-rending experiences I have had with being abused, I decided that only by trying to help others could I be right with myself about decisions I had made. I am hoping this site helps others.

I know first hand what it is to be taken advantage of, brainwashed, emotionally raped, used, lied to, manipulated, laughed at, slandered, covertly abused, ignored, sexually used, psychologically abused and much more. I look to see where people who visit here come from... what groups & links brought them here.... and what I post hopefully answers that.

I want to remind all of you that I am trying to make this site a one-stop-reference place. I don't push anyone to any of the links. If you see something that you think belongs here, or that this site needs to address - please email me. (link at left)

The sad thing about this site reaching over 1,000,000 hits is that it shows the deep need for validation. That abuse, particularly non-physical abuse, is running rampant.

Sociopathy and Narcissism are becoming more prevalent in our society. Women & men are suffering in silence every day for a variety of reasons -- embarrassment, lack of information, feeling alone, thinking their situation is unique - and no one will understand, etc.

And the Internet has opened not only avenues for predators to stalk and prey on the trusting but new pathways for victims to find healing and fellowship.  I have made some mistakes in this area, feeling sorry for people who turned out to be disordered and probably beyond help.

I believe in the "Bumblebee Effect." The Bumblebee Effect says that a bumblebee flapping its wings in Italy, can cause an eventual tornado in Toledo, Ohio.

Ironically, 3/29, the date the first 10,000 hits was reached by this site, was the birthdate of my original, first abuser. My history has a lot of varying types of abuse in it; abuse that I translated into my personal life - and I am determined that it will stop with me. How about you?


Right now there's a lot being put on the web about me by a group of disordered person on the internet.  Some of it is true, a lot is laughably fallacious & concocted.  Some of these people are looking up 'facts' about me that are 10 or more years old - 35 year old photos, finding out who my family is and attacking them and I to get a rise out of me.  If you see anything that you are questioning, feel free to contact me.  Otherwise, note that it is all the same "voice" because it is fabricated by the same group who were unable to con me.  Please ignore it.  This is price that those of us who speak out about abuse pay.  Even other alleged 'abuse advocates' are hard at smear campaigns to pull down anyone who might be cutting into their bottom line. This is the ONLY blog I run.  I am only me - not writing or blogging under any other name.  I write extensively but I want the experts writing to be seen here.   I am truly grateful for the many many emails I have gotten from those who see right through the stuff out there.

The Paypal button here does NOT go to me.  I absorb any taxes and send it on to a DV organization.  I do not collect credit card or social security numbers.  My accountant know about all this, the police have looked into me (at my smearer's request) and found no credible evidence against me.  I have never scammed anyone.

Again, I thank each and every one who uses this site. I want to especially thank Shari, Sandra P., Nani, Linda, Holly, the late Kathy Krajco, Anna Valerious and my friends who listened to me, who - when I told them everything - still supported me & understood, cried with me.  Thank you all.  I am humbled by the support I have recieved.  


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shared by Barbara at 12:06 AM



You have done such an awesome job with this blog. I remember years ago when you started it! You have indeed done a great thing, and its a huge accomplishment in itself! You should be proud of yourself!

I refer people to you regularly, and tell them on a personal note that you have a big heart! You are very genuinely good person, and we all should be thanking you for all the knowledge you have brought us!

LOL You even inspired me to start my blog!

2:42 PM  

Your site is the first one I click on in the morning to see what informational article you have placed here.
I was mentally, emotionally and verbally abused for 20 years of my life, starting when I was 24 and newly married to who I now know is a narcissistic. I never knew that word until my counselor explained it to me last year when my husband walked out on myself and our two boys. He wanted to prove to me that I needed him and would not survive, but you know what? I have not only survived, I am becoming a woman that I never knew existed within myself before, and 45, I'm just now coming alive.

And your site has been part of my healing, and I'm so grateful to God for all the resources and people He has put into my life to give me healing and growth.

God bless you!

11:00 AM  

Congratulations! That's an awesome achievment. Even greater is that you are a strong survivor of abuse. The WOMAN TO WOMAN blogsite has a special interest in women's issues (abuse/battery of women) being one of them. We are currently asking our readers to share their views on why some women stay in their abusive relationships. WTW would love to hear your views. Thank you in advance. Please, visit the site using the following link.

Woman to Woman

1:56 AM  

I too check this site first thing in the morning. After my Bible reading. It's a sweet time of day for me and part of my morning routine. I don't know any of the gossip that you're refering to Barbara and I have no desire to be a part of it. Your website speaks for itself. By the way, it speaks BEAUTIFULLY! I do believe what you are saying is true, that many are probably against you. You have so much truth here, so much wisdom, that it is just the way it goes. Evil is real and will do anything to discredit good.

Many of the articles here have changed my life. Opened my eyes to the deeper layers of the abuse that was done to me. To so many of us. I'm so grateful for this information all in one place. Please don't be discouraged. Don't get disheartened.

Galatians 6:7-10 "7Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." And Ephesians 5:11 "Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them." And because you ARE exposing many of the evil deeds, well, evil will try and hurt you. I'm so sorry, but you are not alone. God is here Barbara, and he uses you to bless others.

As trite as this sounds, don't give up. You, through God's grace, have been a blessing to so many. There's a song by the Christian rap artist "Lecrae" titiled "Jump". He's talking about how he finally had the courage to serve Jesus wholeheartedly and in order to do this he had to just "jump!". Well Barbara, you jumped and blessed many because of it.

11:24 AM  

^^ beautifully written. I too appreciate all that you have shared here, you will never full understand the POSITIVE effect you have had on so many people.

Thank you.

5:57 PM  

Just google my name - Barbara Camwell - and sit back and enjoy the smear! Its ridiculous and obviously fabricated.

I am disgusted that even a well known "counselor" and her assistant have believed and participated in the smear (on a board run by a cult, no less). People just amaze me...

9:38 AM  

Your blog has helped me make sense of a lot of things. There are two things I find lacking in all of my searching for tools: coparenting (after the abuse continued during the legal process and the result is not what you would wish for your children) and dealing with people who simply do not get it.

1:09 PM  

I too enjoy your blog as part of my morning routine. I left my husband a little over a year ago, after a 25 yr marriage. One of the things I really appreciate is finding out I'm not the only one with multiple people in my life who are disordered and abusive. I was starting to think "am iI some kind of freak?" Or "am I paranoid and seeing more than is there?" It's very painful when you learn and grow and realize your life was a lot more messed up then you knew! Keep up the good work! I so enjoy your blog and have used my of your resources.

9:46 AM  

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