Domestic Violence Victim Bill of Rights
* You have the right NOT to be abused.
* You have the right to anger over past abuse.
* You have a right to choose to change the situation.
* You have a right to freedom from fear of abuse.
* You have a right to request and expect assistance from police or social agencies.
* You have a right to share your feelings and not be isolated from others.
* You have a right to want a better role model of communication for yourself and your children.
* You have a right to be treated like an adult.
* You have a right to leave the abusive environment.
* You have a right to privacy.
* You have a right to express your own thoughts and feelings.
* You have a right to develop your individual talents and abilities without harrasssment.
* You have a right to legally prosecute the abusing spouse.
* You have a right not to be perfect.
(Adapted from; Victimology: An International Journal., Vol. 2 1977-78, No. 3-4, p.550)
How do you help someone who keeps going back?
ReplyDeleteAmen to that Barbara!
ReplyDeleteCarol - you need alot of patience.
They must find the strength within them to truly get away. Its not uncommon for people to go back. Some people have coined the term 'hoover' YES like the vacuum! They suck you back into their world. Normally, guilt - manipulation, threats, etc.
Barbara has some excellent articles on Traumatic Bonding that may help you understand.
If the victim is pressured to leave or even pushed - or feels pushed - that is the worse thing people can do unfortunately. Its a self respect decision that they must own 100%. If they don't own it? They will fall for the hoover most times.
Their sense of worth is almost null, and helping to build that up - while waiting for the light bulb to go off? It does wonders.
Barbara also has articles for your question. Just wanted to throw in my own!
What do you do when you have left and have been doing well for 6yrs now only to have him now threantening and manipulating me all over again trying to put me back into the fear I was in when I lived in it. Never could get anyone to believe me then and that's how I lost my daughter to him, and worried I can't make anyone understand again now that the school is calling me telling me that my daughter is now the one suffering from the abuse.
ReplyDeleteThat's why he is starting to bring up old memories of mine abuse and I feel once again that its working since I had to take refuge at a church for some relief through all this.