After a long seven hour night waiting tables and dealing with horny men drinking to oblivion, Jessica came home to find that her husband was ready for sex. Being exhausted both physically and mentally, she tried explaining to him that she was too tired and that her back was killing her; that the only thing she wanted to do was take a hot bath and go to sleep.
Of course, her husband grilled her. Accusing her of not working and sleeping with some customer she supposedly picked up at the restaurant. She pleaded with him and tried to make him understand that it was not personal. He continued his badgering and called her every name in the book. He, then proceeded to go on the bed laying on his back naked saying, "Look at me...I am Jessica the slut."
She proceeded to walk out the bedroom door when her husband followed her like a nagging kid. Exhausted as she was, she started crying. Dealing with her back pain and her tiredness, the last thing she needed was her abusive husband pressuring her for sex. After a long hour of persuasion and manipulation from her husband, Jessica gave in just to shut him up!
When the abuser emotionally and mentally abuses the victim, this is emotional and mental rape.
At times, a woman who is abused will have sex with their partner only to pacify the abuser to stop the "abuse." But a lot of women don't realize that when this happens, they are being "raped." Although, the victim says "yes" to the act, it is the "way" the act happened that makes it emotional rape.
In turn, the aftermath of this type of rape leaves the woman feeling dirty and cheap. She may eventually not trust or believe what people say...and if the woman were to ever leave her abusive partner; sex may become a dirty memory and therefore handicap the victim to not want sex at all.
Verbal, emotional, and mental abuse amongst other types of abuse is not "protected" or "accepted" as abuse as much as physical abuse. This leaves the victim feeling lonely and isolated.
The only way, I believe, to avoid this type of rape is to not give in. As much as the abuser can be a pain in the butt (and that is saying it lightly) just like any kind of abuse it is important to walk away, don't respond, call 911, or just walk out of the house - if possible.
NOTE: Emotional and Mental Rape described on the internet is very different from what I believe it actually is. I have chosen not to share links to emotional rape as it sends the viewer to porn sites.
I never realized it till reading this article. There were many times I gave in to my husband just to shut him up or keep him from accusing me of cheating or "rejecting" him. It was easier to get it over with, and sometimes I would have some peace knowing that it would be at least a day or so before he would start nagging me again. I didn't enjoy being with him anymore because of the verbal/psychological abuse, and he resented that I wasn't eager to do it with him all the time. He would make excuses that the lack of sex was making him/would make him more abusive and say that if I would just sleep with him more, he wouldn't be so aggravated with me all the time/not be so abusive towards me, which was never true.
ReplyDeletei can relate to what that poor lady went through, but please dont forget that family members can commit emotional and mental rape too, i was raped in 2007 and my family was told last year after some very careful personal searching of myself. 2 of my sisters made allagations of sexual abuse against me in january ( which is lies) and i was arrested in april. i was subjected to many hours of discusting and vile false statements, as the police were reading them i was literally reliving my rape again and this is on the same day whilst in custody i was addmitted to hospital with a body tremer. as the police carried on reading what the siblings had seaidi was sickened further and further and literally watching my attack blow for blow. as a result of police investigation and time all the charges were dropped and no further action taken yesterday. but since april i have had to relive my attack over and over again, and to some extent my partner has had to live it with me too. and this all because 2 sisters wanted 1. attention. 2. to try and attack me.
ReplyDeleteyou see they found that they couldnt use the fact idlost my children to adoptionagainst me anymore as i have resolved them issues BUT they know i havent quite resolved the rape attack yet and that its the only thing they can use to hurt me.
so even though the police have cleared me of all the charges please do remember that there are some pretty sick people out there, and not always a partner that will use your attacks/abuse against you and think they can get away with it. what my family have done is mentally and emotionally rape me all over again. finally i think peoplethat do that to other should be prosercuted for it 'rape is rape' no matter what form it is.
I have experienced this form of rape as well from my abusive ex. I rarely gave in to the pressure and he would turn to porn and a do-it-yourself job.
ReplyDeleteI was insulted, berated and called a lesbian each and every time I did not want sex...at least once this came up in front of our 3 young children as well.
I consider myself lucky that I was able to resist his pressure and not suffer a worse consequence for resisting...although being made to feel as though there was "something wrong with me" because I didn't want sex from him hurt TOO. I'm aslo lucky that I did not lose my drive...I just had no desire for a man who treat me worse than a piece of s***.
I do not know if he was ever unfaithful and I don't want to know.
This is something I have recently come to terms with. I did not realize that rape can be his wanting sex and me giving in to it - not because I want to have sex - but because I'm afraid of him and his temper. I don't think I've ever had a healthy sexual relationship. Hopefully, if I can ever get out of this, I will be able to experience what sex is supposed to be.
ReplyDeleteI was abused like this for a long time. I am still trying to get out of it. I don't want to say it is worse than rape, but it is just as bad.
ReplyDeleteYou replace your own wants and desires with their own. Not because you want to but because you are to scared to do anything else. Or because they just will not give in, and make your life horrific if you do not give in.
The worst part about it is the fact that they make it seem normal that you give in and abnormal that you do not, in my experience telling me that I want it really. Leaving you confused as to whether you ever wanted it or not.
I am kinda relieved there is a name for this. I came out of it knowing there was something wrong, but dismissed it as over reacting. I feel relived I am allowed to feel this way over it.
This is more than emotional rape. It is rape rape. There is no grey area here. It is rape.
ReplyDeleteI was in a 5 year relationship with a cluster b.. When the mask came off, and I realised that he was never really who he claimed to be...
ReplyDeleteI felt like I had been sleeping with a malicious stranger...
I was disturbed to the core..
The feeling that I had been "emotionally raped" was/is the only way I can describe it.