Sanctuary for the Abused
Wednesday, April 04, 2018
Emotional & Physical Responses to Abuse
Victims have experienced and mentioned the following physical and emotional responses to being involved with abusers.
- Severe Fatigue or Exhaustion/feeling ‘drained’
- Physical weakness/knees buckling
- Hospitalization, needing assistance with mobility, medication for depressive symptoms
- Migraine and other Headaches
- Breathing Difficulties/Asthma
- TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint/Pain Disorders, (TM joints attach lower jaw (the mandible) to the skull)
- Teeth Grinding/Pain/Loose Teeth/Jaw Clenching
- Periodontal conditions
- Difficulty Swallowing/Dry Mouth
- Severe Stomach aches and cramps, Gastrointestinal reflux disorder (GERD)
- Vomiting/Heartburn/Nausea/Indigestion
- Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)
- Ulcerative Colitis
- Constipation/diarrhea
- Weight Gain/Loss (sick at the 'sight' of food)
- Increased use of alcohol/substance abuse
- Visual Disturbances/Worsening Vision/Temporary Blindness
- Bell's Palsy, trigeminal and peripheral neuralgia, numbness, "pins and needles" sensation, loss of hot/cold skin sensation, (all with often lengthy duration)
- Hair thinning/hair loss varying in severity
- Haggard appearance/loss of 'sparkle in our eyes'
- Sleep Deprivation
- 'Night Terrors'/Nightmares
- Sleep time disturbances, sleeping day awake at night
- Skin Itching/Hives/Acne/Rash/Other Skin Problems
- Horizontal Ridges in Fingernails
- Urinary Tract Infections (UTIs)
- Stiff/Sore Neck
- Dizziness
- Menstrual irregularities
- Loss of sexual interest/libido
- Flu-like symptoms/muscle aching
- Cancers/heart ailments
- Paranoia/panic/hypervigilance, nervousness (jumpiness/abnormal startle response)
- Uncontrollable shaking/hand shaking, eye-lid twitching (& other areas)
- Panic Attacks (waking up at night and at other times)
- Sadness/Crying/Worrying/Loneliness/Severe Anger/Anxiety attacks - rollercoaster emotions
- Coping emotionally with good days/bad days and strong and weak times of the day
- Frustration due to Inability to reconcile or mourning a lost relationship with no emotional closure
- Jealousy
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
- Emotional shock at realization we have been in manipulative/abusive situations - often for decades
- Feeling unwarranted embarrassment or shame for involvement
- Self-directed anger. blaming ourselves rather than blaming the abuser
- Feeling “stupid” despite above-average intelligence
- Damaged self esteem/robbed of our 'identity'/feeling 'soiled'
- Developing negative attitudes where previous optimistic ones were normal
- Self-imposed isolation (hibernating) – often lasing months
- Alienation (from former friends and family)
- Needing to talk about it (or not talk about it)
- Difficulty talking about abuse because other people do not/will not believe us
- Difficulty talking to friends/family because they know nothing about our abuser's disorders
- Feeling isolation due to lack of support/validation/assistance even from people who may witness abuse
- Focusing on or missing the sexual aspect of the abusive relationship
- Cannot stand being touched
- Aversion to certain people who remind us of abusers
- Obsessive Thinking
- Having 'in our head' mental conversations with abuser
- Scared/fearful
- Suicidal thoughts
- Feeling a need to be in relationship with abusers regardless of abuse inflicted
- Interruption of common-sense, logical thinking, suspension of sound judgement
- Wanting to warn other people/expose the abuser
- Ignoring possible harmful self consequences
- Difficulty realizing/taking in the reality/nature/severity of the abuser's disorder(s)
- Feeling that we may be 'crazy'
- Confusion about recognizing abuse and manipulation
- Knee-jerk rage reaction following witnessing abuse to our children - lack of awareness of consequences of such action
- Depression ranging from mild to severe
- Loss of motivation
- Loss of sense of humour
- Loss of our former 'selves'
- Loss of joy/particpation in former enjoyed activities
- Mental Confusion/Inability to Concentrate/Diminished mental acuity
- Short-Term Memory Loss
- Emotional Numbness
- Feeling ‘frozen’ unable to act (deer caught in the headlights feeling)
- Experiencing temporary adjustment-reaction narcissistic/psychopathic traits in ourselves
- STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases or fear of this)
- Difficulty looking at self reflection in mirror
- Loss of former interest in wanting to look good/pride/dressing up
- Feeling like we’ll never have a love-relationship again/Rejecting other relationships
- Panic and difficulty coping with multiple problems - everything starts going wrong
- Imagining future as hopeless, fear of the unknown, despondency
- Fear of having experienced the feeling of 'evil' in our presence
- Despair/panic/resentment/betrayal over financial losses, lost years/time
- Depression, coping with loss of businesses/careers/livelihood/financial support
- Feelings of wanting justice/revenge/vengeance
- Imagining hostile retaliation to abusers
- Feeling bodily/mental 'dissociation' 'spaciness' - depersonalization/Feeling of 'body part' detachment
- Unreal/surreal concept of relationship.
- Discovery of our previously unknown dependent/co-dependency traits and naive characteristics
- Tendency to see narcissists/psychopaths in everyone around us (seeing them behind every bush)
- Long emotional healing time
- Discovery of having mentally-disordered parents influence in subsequent self esteem and relationship decisions and realization and catastrophic emotional pain of need to end relationships with many people, spouses, partners, parents, children and others due to recognition of abusive situation
- Lack of positive medical results to explain physical symptoms
- Lack of empathy or explanation from physicians/therapists
- Accusations from professionals that we're 'imagining' things
**Arthritic problems/Lupus, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome, chronic pain, atypical M.S. (reported by a surprising number of abuse victims) This abstract from pubmed may shed some light on this topic.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=11161117&dopt=Abstract
With the kind permission ...
"I am remembering too how my body began to react to the stress. I ended up in hospital twice. I had never been in hospital in my life. That is how bad it was. One of the worst memories is of a nurse having to support me as she got me out of the bed and walked me around the hospital corridor (the doctor said I would have to walk a bit each day), and this was not because of medication or anything like that. My knees were actually buckling under me, (weakness no doubt due to not sleeping, not eating, constant panic attacks, fear of the unknown. financial uncertainty and the loss of my home, and my weight had plummeted and kept going down. And I had been a very fit person prior to this happening, so I can imagine the horror of physical breakdown for someone who perhaps was not so fit."
"The relationship lasted for 8 years and it took 7 years of therapy, to undo some of the damage he did to me. I was in bad shape. I do not glorify him anymore. I stopped. It was a terrible experience. In the end, he was afraid of me. As I had helped to raise him up, I also had the power to bring him down. We both understood that. His tears and pleas lost their effect on me. I stopped caring about him and worked on myself, to get past that time and recover my health. I don't even want to be reminded of that time. This is now the only place where I talk about what really happened and how it affected me. I hope it helps others who read, here, if only to know that 'it' comes to an end. There is hope for all."
Labels: abuse, emotional, fatigue, pain, physical abuse, ptsd, responses, sickness, trauma
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