Sanctuary for the Abused
Monday, May 14, 2018
What PTSD Sufferers Need Others to Know
1 – Knowledge is power. Understanding the process of a triggering event, the psychic reaction to trauma, the warning signs and symptoms of PTSD, and available treatment options for PTSD allows you to help recognize, support and guide your PTSD loved one toward diagnosis, treatment and healing. We need you to be clearheaded, pulled together and informed.
2 – Trauma changes us. After trauma we want to believe - as do you - that life can return to the way it was; that we can continue as who we were…. This is not how it works. Trauma leaves a huge and indelible impact on the soul. It is not possible to endure trauma and not experience a psychic shift. Expect us to be changed. Accept our need to evolve. Support us on this journey.
3 – PTSD hijacks our identity. One of the largest problems with PTSD is that it takes over our entire view of ourselves. We no longer see clearly. We no longer see the world as we experienced it before trauma. Now every moment is dangerous, unpredictable and threatening. Gently remind us and offer opportunities to engage in an identity outside of trauma and PTSD.
4 – We are no longer grounded in our true selves. In light of trauma our real selves retreat and a coping self emerges to keep us safe. Believe in us; our true selves still exist, even if they are momentarily buried.
5 – We cannot help how we behave. Since we are operating on a sort of autopilot we are not always in control. PTSD is an exaggerated state of survival mode. We experience emotions that frighten and overwhelm us. We act out accordingly in defense of those feelings we cannot control. Be patient with us; we often cannot stop the anger, tears or other disruptive behaviors that are so difficult for you to endure.
6 – We cannot be logical. Since our perspective is driven by fear we don’t always think straight, nor do we always accept the advice of those who do. Keep reaching out, even when your words don’t seem to reach us. You never know when we will think of something you said and it will comfort, guide, soothe or inspire us.
7 – We cannot just ‘get over it’. From the outside it’s easy to imagine a certain amount of time passes and memories fade and trauma gets relegated to the history of a life. Unfortunately, with PTSD nothing fades. Our bodies will not let us forget. Because of surging chemicals that reinforce every memory, we cannot walk away from the past anymore than you can walk away from us. Honor our struggle to make peace with events. Do not rush us. Trying to speed our recovery will only make us cling to it more.
8 – We’re not in denial - we’re coping! It takes a tremendous effort to live with PTSD. Even if we don’t admit it, we know there’s something wrong. When you approach us and we deny there’s a problem that’s really code for, “I’m doing the best I can.” Taking the actions you suggest would require too much energy, dividing focus from what is holding us together. Sometimes, simply getting up and continuing our daily routine is the biggest step toward recovery we make. Alleviate our stress by giving us a safe space in which we can find support.
9 – We do not hate you. Contrary to the ways we might behave when you intervene, somewhere inside we do know that you are not the source of the problem. Unfortunately, in the moment we may use your face as PTSD’s image. Since we cannot directly address our PTSD issues sometimes it’s easier to address you. Continue to approach us. We need you to!
10 – Your presence matters. PTSD creates a great sense of isolation. It makes a difference to know that although we lash out, don’t respond, are not ourselves, you are still there, no matter what. Stick with us! Your love, support and encouragement matter.
Labels: abnormal, complex ptsd, coping, healing, ptsd, stockholm syndrome, trauma, trauma bonding, understand
6 Comments:
You could substitute PTSD and this would still describe Borderline almost exactly.
I don't know there Haven. I am not borderline and you may not be PTSD.
I was relating to this until I read your words. I guess we can co-exist. It describes my mind set pretty well. I guess I am dissing being borderline and my diss is without merit.
Is this what being borderline feels like. Because whatever the f is wrong with me they nailed it.
With my history PTSD is a fore gone conclusion.
Can anyone help me? I was diagnosed with PTSD a while back and the cause of it was an issue I finally dealt with and got past.. But then I got held up at gunpoint and now I feel like I'll never be able to get over anything and I feel so hopeless and scared now :/
Find a therapist who deals with PTSD.
This is me in a nutshell. I have PTSD and just beginning therapy. I've probably had it almost my whole life but now I have a label.
Im 28. I often wonder how I could have been if things never happened to me. I could be a completely different person. A better one.
Im losing my husband and my kids..everything is slipping away, yet I just stare in wonder.. everything seems like to much to bare or to hard to reach
I have been labeled with c-ptsd but don't experience the same set of symptoms that many others report. For one thing, I have yet to regain much safety, and little stability. And I am re-exposed to my particular traumatic stressors routinely. I find that traumatic stress, which is an accurate label in my case, manifests mostly in a physiological sense. But, I was traumatized to a clinically significant level later in life after having already done substantial work on childhood issues. I do feel somewhat angry at times when I read posts focusing on emotional dysfunction, but I really think it's not that some are `wrong' about trauma and/or ptsd, but that it will turn out to be that trauma affects people in widely varying manners. So many variables affect our symptoms and coping resources.
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