Sanctuary for the Abused
Thursday, January 14, 2021
Will the Narcissist/Sociopath/Psychopath Treat the New Victim Better?
Yes, at first he will.
But keep in mind that when a Narcissist is securing new supply, he will love-bomb her; just as he did you in the beginning. For those of you who are just learning about Narcissism, “love-bombing” is the constant bombardment of flirting and flattery from the Narcissist. This includes actions that are over-the-top after you’ve just started dating, such as:
• Splashing your social media with flirty messages, though you’ve only just met
• Sending numerous texts throughout the day
• Calling more than what’s considered normal
• Pretending to miss you when you go out with friends
• If you work in the public eye, showing up at your place of employment
• Sending flowers and gifts, after only one date
• Leaving multiple voice mails
• Offering to take you on vacation
• Pushing for physical intimacy too soon
• Spending hours on the phone with you
Just as we have four seasons, the Narcissist will use these tactics to secure new supply. That’s why he seems so happy with his new partner; you see him doing the above things with her.
Frankly, it coincides rather conveniently with his discarding of you. Since love-bombing is time-consuming, grueling, and involves spending money, the Narcissist is depleted. On the inside, he is feeling grouchy due to all of this exertion. Therefore, his efforts may as well fulfill two purposes:
1) secure the new supply,
2) fulfill his discarding of you.
Hence, you’ll likely get “heartfelt confessions” that he loves this new girl and they’re a match made in Heaven. She understands him like you never could. She accepts him for who he is. She does everything for him… sound familiar?
Although he and his new supply look as if they’re walking on sunshine, you can bet he is making little jabs here and there. And while you are left feeling that his new partner is much better than you, the truth of the matter is the Narcissist simply wants shelter, food, money, and freedom to do as he pleases. He may feel a temporary giddiness that the new girlfriend doesn’t know him for what he is because he’s extracting copious amounts of adoration from her.
Consider how one typically feels before and during a job interview. There’s a lot at stake so we go out and buy an expensive suit, use our best manners,and tell the interviewer what they want to hear. In essence, we sell ourselves. That’s what the Narc does when he is in pursuit of a new source of livelihood. However, he soon turns into a bad employee who shows up for the paycheck, but doesn’t really do any work.
Reasons Not to Die When the Narcissist Looks Happy with New Supply
1. It’s highly likely that while he is out on the town with a pretty new girl on his arm, he has others who are waiting for his phone call. Why? Just in case. The worst situation for the Narcissist is to be left alone with no supply…which means no one to house him, no one to feed him, no one to make all of his appointments, take care of paperwork, apply for employment of his behalf (assuming he decides to work), etc. Most Narcissists, especially the overt ones, are the equivalent of 7-yr olds running around in adult bodies. They literally cannot fulfill adult responsibilities on their own.
2. Without someone to reflect a positive image back to him, the Narcissist feels worthless. His new girlfriend doesn’t know him like you do, so naturally she is feeding his ego to the nth degree. But rest assured that it will only be a matter of time before she starts noticing the cracks, probably when it’s too late and she’s lost all sense of direction. Everything he did to you will also happen to her.
3. Narcissists are attracted to attractive people, but not for the same reasons we are. Beautiful people make them look good by association.
Besides, because she’s pretty doesn’t mean you’re not…
4. The new girl is not only a new source of supply, she’s a matter of revenge. Since you attempted to establish a boundary, ask for respect and/or fidelity, requested him to find employment, or otherwise pointed out any flaws in him, he has a burning need to show you he can find someone who will accept him as he is. And while he may already have a new partner swooning over his very existence, it won’t last. She doesn’t know he’s an abuser, irresponsible, cruel, or sociopathic. All she knows is what he’s told her, along with the false illusion that he’s a hopeless romantic.
No matter what it looks like, the Narcissist’s “happiness” is a facade. What he’s most happy about is that he’s locked down a new place to live with someone who will cook for him, wash his clothes, and pay for everything. Don’t eat the soup he tries to feed you about how great she is. She may very well be a nice person, but the Narcissist doesn’t appreciate her personality past how it benefits him. Once you understand these dynamics, all that’s left to do is feel sorry for his new girlfriend. She doesn’t deserve what’s coming any more than you did.
Labels: abuse, brainwashing, childish, drama, facade, lies, love bombing, manipulate, narcissist, predator, predators, programming, psychopath, romance, sociopath
came across this and wasnt sure where to post my question. i have placed charges against my sociopathic narcisisstic brother. now he is delaying his police interview and the police are not taking me seriously when i told them he is stalking me. first online once i bloked him on facebook. then more online stalking and recently following me or turning up at my work. i am wondering if he is trying to wait me out so i drop the charges. which i sure hope i dont
OMG! I am so grateful to have come across this article, it describes almost word for word how I have been discarded by my ex who I realised is a psychopath. I now know not to take it personally, women are just prey to him.
Very true. My psychopath ex and father of our 4 year old was with me for 8 years he was having an affair with multiple women all over the United States. He is very wealthy and before I could even move my stuff out of our home he moved his new supply in. Funny thing is he did throw his new relationship in face by trying to tell me I taught him how to be a better man for this next relationship or telling me about the exciting date nights they would go on when id just be calling to talk to put daughter. It felt good to triangulate me and his new supply as well making his new girlfriend jealous of me and me jealous of the new girlfriend. She would call me and yell at me and I had never said or done anything to his new supply if anyone should be calling pissed off it should have been me that's how I know he was making her jealous by me. I would sometimes wonder maybe he has changed for this new girl...until one day him and I were in a mtg together and our mutual friend was sitting between us out friend after the mtg came up to me and said do you think Ryan is faithful to his new girlfriend?? I said I don't know what's going on with them. He said I was reading his text msg while we were in the mtg and he was texting 8 different woman! I laughed and laughed. B.C. that was my clarity. A psychopath NEVER CHANGES. He was cheating on me and he will cheat in the relationships to come like a tornado tearing through the lives of innocent nieve woman breaking hearts. The new supply is also a flight attendant...there for the psychopath gets free flights. He is only with you if you have something they can benefit from. He has millions but he doesn't have free flights.
Wow! This is exactly what I needed to hear. I was so distraught over how happy he claimed to be with his new supply but now I understand and actually feel sorry for her. I wish there was a way to warn her but there's no way she'd listen. We all must find out on our own unfortunately.
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