Sanctuary for the Abused

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Blog Reader Appreciation Day


This week Sanctuary for the Abused got it's 778,000th hit. That's 778,000 hits in the 10 years since I opened this site to the public.

I am honored and awed that so many have found resources and answers there. I am moved often to tears by the thank you letters I get from women & men who found the strength and information they needed to reclaim their lives there.

I started this blog in November, 2003 as a way to keep my own personal research on abuse private and out of view from people around me, including an abuser. As a voracious reader and a research junkie... I needed answers and I got them.

Nine years ago I was 'emotionally raped' by a narcissistic sociopath. Someone who I had felt I was friends with for more than 1/2 my life and yet - had no idea of his true nature for those 28 years. Someone who, to this day, tells a very backward, upside-down and twisted version of the truth (projecting all the things he did on to me) I was left feeling very used & alone with no one to trust. Particularly myself. I made a decision to open that site to the public not only for my own therapy - but because the pain I realized so many others were going through was so similar to mine. I was told by to "move on" and "get over it" when psychologists and trauma counselors let me know - that would never be fully possible.

I won't tell anyone what to do about the abuse in their lives. I know I personally turned a blind eye to it for years and even rationalized it away. I learned that one big reason was because I was raised by a pathological parent so had no idea and was brainwashed to accept the unacceptable. I simply put the information out there. You must reach your own decisions.

In the last years many, many painful revelations have come for me. Only through reading, therapy and helping others - has any of what I have personally experienced made any sense at all.

In 2004 after finally getting clarification on one of the more soul-rending experiences I have had with being abused, I decided that only by trying to help others could I be productive and move forward

I know first hand what it is to be taken advantage of, brainwashed, emotionally raped, used, lied to, manipulated, laughed at, slandered, covertly abused, verbally abused, ignored, sexually used, psychologically abused and much more. I spend time seeing where people who visit come from... what groups or links brought them to me.... and what I post there hopefully answers that.

I want to remind all of you that I am trying to make the site a one-stop-shopping place without detracting from anyone's work.  I make no money from this site (in 2012 I made $15 in donations - I keep none of it.  I know only too well victims are often strapped for cash.  My naysayers say I am 'luring' people to this site.  How the work of others & the validation of other's experience for free is luring anyone to anything I fail to understand.)

The sad thing about the site reaching
778,000 hits is that it shows the deep need for validation for victims.

It shows me that abuse, particularly non-physical abuse, is running rampant. Sociopathy and Narcissism are becoming more prevalent in our society. Women, Children & Men are suffering in silence every day for a variety of reasons -- embarrassment, lack of information, feeling alone, etc. And the Internet has opened not only avenues for predators to stalk and prey on the trusting but new pathways for victims to find healing and fellowship.

I believe in the "Bumblebee Effect." The Bumblebee Effect says that in theory - a bumblebee flapping its wings in Italy, can cause an eventual tornado in Toledo, Ohio.

I participate in hands on support of other abused women as I muddle through my own issues.

Ironically, 3/29, the date 10,000 hits was reached by, was the birthdate of my original, first abuser.  A Narcissistic parent. My history has a lot of varying types of abuse in it; abuse that I translated into my personal life - and I am determined that it will stop with me. How about you?

Again, I thank each and every one who uses Sanctuary for the Abused. I want to especially thank 
Shira, Sandra, Nani, Beth, Holly, the late Kathy Krajco, Anna Valerious and my friends who listened to me, and who understood, cried with me and helped me not demonize the computer but turn it into a tool for good.

And most of all, my therapist of 15 years, the late Dr. Kathryn Faughey - who when I showed her the site told me to "Continue!" and gave me advice, support, straight talk and compassion.

I even want to say thank you to my abusers - who forced me to look for ways keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Bless you all -
I remain your humble servant & fellow victim-survivor

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shared by Barbara at 12:21 AM



I personally cannot thank you enough for the insight, inspiration and information. Please know that what you do matters.
Thank you

5:42 AM  

Thank you and continue!!! The darkness is being brought to light!

11:35 PM  

I read your bog every day, and I want to thank you so much for your work. It has been invaluable to me as I struggle through an extremely painful separation and divorce from my NPD husband. RJS

8:08 AM  

Finding your blog has been a blessing...
I am so grateful for your courage, determination, insight, are definitely a kindred spirit...A bright light at the end of that proverbial tunnel...guiding me through the tornado of insanity that swirls around me....thank you...anything i can offer you would be a gift of appreciation.

10:08 AM  

finding your blog was a blessing..
you are courageous, informative, validating...
a kindred spirit...
you have provided a light at the end of that proverbial tunnel...guiding me through the tornado of insanity that swirls around me.
Many thanks..
anything that I can assist you with is part of my journey...

10:16 AM  

Thank YOU Barbara. For the understanding, the kindness, the information - THE LIGHT - that no one else has given.

~~Barb (filed for divorce. separated but living together! which is just another evil.)

I wish I had words of encouragement for all the others that are struggling. Do what you must to free yourself. Do not remain quiet. ♥

2:13 PM  

My husband turned on me in Sept.2005. We are now in are 3rd year of a divorce. I came across this site a few days ago.I have felt powerless and alone for so many years. Nobody believing me. Feeling like none of this was real. Existing not living. No joy, no hope. Nothing. It was me against him and he would prevail as he always gets what he wants. Something in me changed after reading blogs from your site. I am not quite sure how to put words to it, but I am not going to lay down and die at the hands of this ate up man who I have spent half my life with. He will be held accountable for his actions. He stripped me of me. I use to wish he would just kill me because the hurt I would feel no more. No more I say. No more. He can kiss having control over me goodbye. Thank you. Thank you for helping me see that I am not alone. I am not crazy. This did happen and this is real. God bless you for the courage to help not only you but all of us out there who have lived in this hell. You are a saint. An Angel sent from above.

9:37 AM  

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