Sanctuary for the Abused

Friday, March 11, 2022

Common Traits of Stalkers

It is extremely important to be aware of the following traits of stalkers. These will alert you to the possibility that a potential suitor or even a friend or acquaintance could become a stalker.

Stalkers will not take no for an answer.

They refuse to believe that a victim is not interested in them or will not rekindle their relationship and often believe that the victim really does love them, but just doesn't know it and needs to be pushed into realizing it. As long as they continue pursuing their victim, the stalker can convince themselves they haven't been completely rejected yet. 
Stalker often accuse their victims of stalking them or others.
Stalkers display an obsessive personality.

They are not just interested in, but totally obsessed with the person they are pursuing. Their every waking thought centers on the victim, and every plan the stalker has for the future involves the victim. Ask yourself this. Is the person totally involved in and completely overwhelmed with pursuing someone who has no and never will have any interest in him or her?

Along with obsessive thinking, they also display other psychological or personality problems and disorders. They may suffer from erotomania, paranoia, schizophrenia, and delusional thinking. According to Professor R. Meloy, "these stalkers have rigid personalities and maladaptive styles. These disorders in themselves are very stable and not treatable." There are drugs to treat certain specific mental disorders, but stalkers, when given the choice, seldom continue with their medication or treatment.

Stalkers are above average in intelligence and are usually smarter than the run of the mill person with mental problems.

They will go to great lengths to obtain information about their victims or to find victims who have secretly moved. They have been known to hack into computers, tap telephone lines, take jobs at public utilities that allow them access to the victims or information about the victims, and even to travel thousands of miles and spend thousands of dollars to gain information about or find their victims. Stalkers many times use their intelligence to throw others off their trail.

Most stalkers don't have many relationships outside the one they are trying to re-establish or the one they have imagined exists between them and their victim.

Stalkers don't display the discomfort or anxiety that people should naturally feel in certain situations.

Normal individuals would be extremely embarrassed to be caught following other people, going through their trash looking for information about them, leaving obscene notes, and other inappropriate behavior displayed by stalkers. Stalkers, however, don't see this as inappropriate behavior, but only as a means to gain the person's love.

Stalkers often suffer from low self-esteem, and feel they must have a relationship with the victim in order to have any self worth.

Preoccupations with other people almost always involve someone with weak social skills and low self-esteem.

Few stalkers can see how their actions are hurting others.

They display other sociopathic thinking in that they cannot learn from experience, and they don't believe society's rules apply to them. Most stalkers don't think they're really threatening, intimidating, or even stalking someone else. They think they're simply trying to show the victims that they're the right one for them. To the victims of stalking it is like a prolonged rape.

Stalkers, like rapists, want absolute control over their victims. They don't regard what they're doing as a crime, or even wrong. To them it is true love, with the exception that the victim doesn't recognize it yet. With enough persistence, stalkers believe they will eventually convince the victims of their love.

Stalkers many times have a mean streak and will become violent when frustrated. How violent? Often deadly.

The above traits remind us that much of stalking involves harassment and annoyance, but never forget that stalkers can also be extraordinarily dangerous. Believing that their victims love and care for them, stalkers can become violent when frustrated in their quest for this love.

Although the majority of cases do not end in murder or grave bodily injury, enough do every year that victims should never brush aside the possibility. Victims of stalking should never take the crime lightly, no matter who the stalkers are or how close they have been emotionally.

Look carefully again at the traits below and be wary if someone seems to fit these:


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shared by Barbara at 10:14 PM



My sister was once stalked by a guy for a little while until we got the police in on it and he had to stay away. He was indeed very intelligent, and had violent outbursts and times. He had information about her friends, relatives and would know where she was almost all the time. Watch out for stalkers!! and if you're not someone who is physically capable of defending themselves I would say to keep a self defense weapon on you especially if you know someone is stalking you.

3:12 PM  

Stalkers have low self esteem and no self respect. Often their narcistic personality defines their direction, behaviour and attitude towards the victim. The problem is the lack of punishment laid down by the law. A victim often has to go through some form of severe trauma before the authorities realise the victim is indeed, in serious danger, as was my case. I was told nothing could be done, despite mountains of evidence I had of his harrassment rampage, UNTIL he physically harms me. What about the mental torture and abuse endured by victims? Why does that not count? I had a nervous breakdown, went into hiding, nearly lost my job, and nearly comitted suicide. Isn't this enough harm? The law needs to do more for the victim instead of the stalker.

8:39 PM  

I am being stalked by an ex next door neighbor he knows all my where abouts he even follows me to work. I dont know whaty he wants and im very afraid I feel like im just waiting for him to get violent before the police will do anything. I never leave home without my phone or pepper spray. I wont go easily

9:20 AM  

While reading this article I felt that you knew my stalker. You described his actions, etc. exactly. He is supposed to be served with a warrant of assault, and an order of protection on Monday that I have had to file. He stalked and harassed me for months, then moved in with my next door neighbor, and has threatened and stalked me and my family from there. He has aggravated assault and aggravated stalking convictions from terrorizing his ex wife. He barricaded himself in his home with two assault weapons and had a police standoff when the order of protection his wife filed was delivered. I fear for mine and my families life now.

6:30 PM  

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6:28 PM  

I am being stalked by a co-worker. I am female and the co-worker is female. I am married, but she stills comes on to me. She is highly educated and seems to "go fishing" to see how much attention she can get from others as well as me. I think she may be borderline personality disorder.

She started working at my agency maybe 5 years ago. Gradually she has started stalking me and may be stalking others. She finds me every day at work. Has started calling me at home and insisting I have dinner at her place often as she lives alone and complains constantly about it. No I don't go to her apartment.

I have started practicing "gray rock" - being boring - so maybe she will go away. But sometimes she gets really angry and accuses me of ignoring her. It's so weird. I've decided to take it seriously and change my routines while keeping awareness and making sure I talk to my other co-workers who can look out for me.

Of course the managers do nothing. Even if to make sure she is actually doing her work rather than touring the hallways all day. It's tiring but it helps so much to know that it's her - not me. But I need to be more careful - I felt sorry for her for awhile. But now I realize I need to protect myself as she is a bottomless pit and will never change.

Whew - so many unstable people out there. Thanks for all the knowledge on this site.

9:33 AM  

My stalker was my "mother."
Never underestimate the power of the word "mother" with a Cluster B PD and virtually unlimited economic resources. Post NC, she spend the ensuing decades of her life engaging in all kinds of antisocial behavior directed towards me and my family.
I can not begin to convey how grateful I am I DID terminate the relationship and how grateful I am for her physical death. I never relented on NC regardless of her tactics: Her pathology and my decision to NC were spectacularly and consistently confirmed through her behavior.

2:13 PM  

I wake up with a knot in my stomach every day not wanting to go to work because of my co-worker. Some People have noticed that he follows me at times around the office and my boss has become concerned. I am confused and stressed by his actions, I recognized some of the traits listed in this article. He is younger than I am and in the beginning we were friends but now I feel it was more on this part than mine and I feel bad for not realizing this earlier.

1:27 AM  

My 63 year old drug addict sister stalks me blaming me for everything wrong in her life. Before Mom died, it was my Mom she blamed. Now she tells all of my old friends that my brother stole my Mother form me years ago. He told my Mother I was a drug addict and I'm not a drug addict. As she slurs her speech.

It is disgusting to me and I moved hundreds of miles away so she couldn't bother me but she still stalks me. Even through places I do business. I wish it would just end. Decades of this from my sister is getting to me.

2:24 PM  

Ive been stalked and believe still am. An absolute nut case with major issues that I've seen appear over time. He has the mental age of a 6 year old and just can't see by his behaviour, trying to make me look the crazy one that he's actually fitting the description he has made me out to be. Im living life as normally as possible and there is no way he'll ever gain control over me even by his crazy actions as I know there is a very fragile person under his exterior that is empty and so unhappy. I can be happy but he'll never learn and continue his own path of pain to himself for the rest of his life. Belittling someone for his own personal benefit and having others believe him amazes me. I have seen people Ive known for a long time turn and listen without talking to me about it. Im glad as I now know who my friends are and whose I can truly trust. Once you know who you are the right people appear in your life.

2:57 AM  

My stalker goes on trial march 17. She and her lawyer keep wanting to know when I plan to drop the charges. Today she asked someone when I would drop the charges. She is mentally I'll but iv dealt with it for 4 years.

12:25 AM  

I can relate to some of what your going through, I just don't have paper trail. He's a sex addict which I didn't know would be followed by stalking. He has people that know me to stalk me for him. He also had my stepdaughter come steal my birth certificate and ssc. Stay blessed up at all times.

12:31 PM  

Stalkers may nit be romantically inclined . They can be a friend you don't want to be you're friend anymore or even a friend who is nursing a grudge . That describes mind in both . She called my job to get me fired several ties and when I had a new boss it almost wirjed . I had to sue my employer abd the whole thing was an ordeal . She has called the FBI , LAPD abd CPS on me . She cost me my home and when I moved up north abd married a man it didn't go away , she posted lies about me on his Facebook page , tweeted stuff , in fact tonight sge is trashing me on Twitter big time . My husband jknis she is a freak but refuses to block her or send out the right msg . She hacked his account and posted pics of him wuth his private parts out for a girl I know . We were nit see separated then . She sent it to all his contacts includung me , and our marriage had already hit the skids because he kept posting about me in FB and she would twist whatever he said into something ugly . We are duvircubg now but since she dud sine thing to him he wants my help to bring her down . All I jknis is they both think very badly about me and I feel like taking some pills and calling it's life . I can't. I got my kid to think of . But this is such an awful thing . It's been 5 years of this crazy woman making me crazy . I really loved my husband and feel betrayed and lost

1:16 AM  

Dear anonymous, Thankyou for the scriptures, I will look them up right away! Jehovah is a loving God, i try to go for walks every chance i get and have long talks with him on this very topic. He definitely comforts me.

2:17 AM  

Dear anonymous Jehovahs witnesses, just to inform you praying won't help. I know this from experience. This is as real as it gets. I am going to do something I never do online, I am going to tell my story. I hope you take from this not pity, but strength, this is no time to be meek.
My stalker is a man I met at Kingdom Hall when I was 6 years old. This man was a close family friend and my family are devout JW. I became aware of this behavior when this man came into my work, a local diner, and during the course of my handing him a menu, grabbed my hand, rudley ordered me to "have a seat with me, I need to talk to you" and proceeded to say " I have wanted to taleb you since you were 6 years old. You were just so innocent, and beautiful and I want to destroy that" at this point several concerned coworkers swoop down and rescue me. My manager made him leave. I went home. I was only 16 and frightened out of my wits. I could not find my voice. I could not believe someone I trusted would say something like that to me. I told my grandmother who told the Elders who had a stern talk with him. This behavior escalating to wild car chases, wild foot chases, and him constantly following me, driving in circles for hours around my house, trying to come to my door but the neighbors made him uncomfortable, and a host of other instances. My friends would be like umm d I think that guy is stalking you. It was so bad that even people I never told broached the subject of the weird guy. I moved away, but when I go to my hometown, if he sees me he will Chase me down by car or foot. The elders continue their talks. I am now 27. 11 years and counting..

10:08 AM  

I have a stalker. He has been arrested. He thinks he is fooling the court system, but they are not so easily fooled. He is a sick man physicall.....cancer in the throat, but the courts are not taking any pity on him for that consider the terror he has been putting me through. Right now he is in hospital having the cancer removed....but as soon as he gets out of there he will have to go to trial.....they want him to serve time. I don't know where a lot of you are from, but I live in rural Ontario where they take this crime very seriously!! And for that I am glad.

4:47 PM  

The sad part for stalker lives directly across the road from me. He looks into our windows. I live with drapes pulled....doors locked....and violent dog spray to have on hand when he tries to get into the house again when I'm home alone. No amount of talking to him will help. Was told there is nothing anyone can do about it. My stalker has his rights......but the courts also realize that maybe putting him in jail may give him a reality check....but they cannot make him get mental help. They are on the other hand, demanding that the get a "sexual assessment".....and hope that from this some doctor will see the signs and lock him up until he gets the help he needs. BUT if he doesn't take his medication....I'm not free. Unless he moves (he put his house up for sale because he has been arrested and have been playing with the court system....putting his house up for sale is trying make others beleive he is "remorseful." The courts knows this. By reading the provided information....I now realize that I will never be free from my stalker's fantasies.....from his belief that I am his even though I am happily married.....he will do whatever it takes not to sell his house so that he will not have to move. In the meantime....he is in hospital for a couple months for another medical at least I will have some peace this Christmas!! And the courts are hoping to put him away for another couple of months once he gets out of the hospital. What will he be like when he gets back............

5:53 PM  

My stalkers are my step-brother (the second son) and my in-laws, both female and male. Some of my stalkers are also lesbians. They starved me almost to death, sleep deprived me night after night, ruined my reputation, tried to ruin my marriage, poisoned me multiple times.

They found a private frequency in which to harass me night and day. I have absolutely no privacy, including dressing, undressing, grooming, eating, food prep, making love to my husband, bathing - they watch me all the time despite my protests. I am still enduring a high-tech abduction and a life rape. What can be done? The stalking started ~40 years ago, because my step-brother did not want his father to remarry.

I want to recover and leave all of this behind me, but they stalkers refuse to stop harassing me.

I live in Escondido, CA on a small farm/grove.

3:04 PM  

My stalkers are my step-brother and my in-laws. My in-laws ganged up with my step-brother at my wedding. He comes from a very elite family (think of the wealthiest names you know). When they found out who he was, my in-laws were wannabes who wanted to rub elbows with him. When my step-brother told them he hated me (he did not want his father to remarry) my in-laws ganged up on me and have been doing covert things to me for decades with my step-brother.
Escondido Farm/Grove

3:22 PM  

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