Sanctuary for the Abused

Thursday, January 18, 2018

What Victims Call the "DV-PASS-THE-BUCK"

1. Ignore - 2. Refer - 3. Pass the buck

The title of this post describes the one and only process domestic violence organizations/ agencies/ programs seem to use to send victims in, what I call, the "DV run around".

In the past year of trying to reach out and get assistance from state funded DV organizations set up to 'help victims', I have first been ignored, then referred to someone else, then that person eventually passes the buck and sends me in a vicious circle, unable to assist me, never really addressing my issues.

One clear example I can give in my situation is with the NYS Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence. This agency is a state run office that assists victims and provides referrals. In the past 7 months I have been in contact with a representative from the office who has either ignored my questions, passed me off to someone else who could not assist me in my county, or answered questions I did not ask to change the subject and avoid certain conversations.

The problem is, I am already used to being passed off as a victim of DV, I am used to being ignored, referred to places I already know cannot assist me, and I am used to someone passing the buck, I am used to this circle of re-victimization.

Unfortunately, this is common among DV agencies, the OPDV is not the only organization to blame. Each and every agency is well stocked with pamphlets, they are armed with every last hotline you can think of, they can list shelters off the tops of their heads for victims to run to, they are well versed in safety plans, and exit plans, and warning signs of abuse, and they have great advice like "fill out a Crime Victims Board application!", but to this day, only one small organization has provided me with actual funds so that I could seek medical treatments.

Being a victim of domestic violence, and also an advocate for DV reform at the same time, brings me to a point where I must ask a question. What are these offices providing, what are these organizations providing, besides information I can easily obtain through a simple Internet search?

From being in contact with the Office for the Prevention of DV for 7 months, I have found that most of the work day on their end seems to be an evasion of issues through long email messages back to me. I find this to be true with Coalitions and other DV organizations that "claim" to help innocent victims of DV as well, no one is getting this right.

No one is paying attention to the truth, which is, DV organizations and programs are failing victims.

It's a powerful statement, but from my experience, which has been like pulling teeth, I find this statement to be true. And even when I address this exact issue with DV organizations/ programs that have failed me, they evade the truth and write around my question, again wasting my time and hoping I go away.

When are DV organizations going to stop ignoring, stop referring, stop passing the buck because it's easy?

When are DV organizations going to help victims, by using funding for the victims and not to fund these positions that are unnecessary and not helpful?

I don't need someone listing shelters out of a phone book, giving me hotlines numbers, referring me to agencies that aren't prepared to help me. I need real people helping me tackle real problems, I need real advocates that have one primary goal, which is to stop passing the buck and assist a victim from start to finish.

We are victims and we need help from those who claim to assist, those who are getting paid to help us from start to finish, those who are in positions to make a difference. This process must end, referrals must end, and people from DV organizations must step up and follow up.

Claudia Valenciana

Heather Thompson



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shared by Barbara at 12:07 AM



Thank you for posting this. Spousal rape is an unspoken problem internationally.

The game that's played in the media is little more than cover up and confuse who is doing what to whom and thus condone domestic violence. OP's are not honest, they do little to nothing to protect nor is there much done to hold batters accountable. Women are being blamed for getting themselves beat and raped by men we know and then chastised for not liking them afterwards. Victims often face disbelief and blame, why? Would one ask "What in your background led you to a concentration camp?"

6:04 AM  

Dear oh dear. Not in the US too?

I know I'm late on this post, but I've only just come across it.

I've had precisely the same god-awful runaround in Bristol, UK. There are all these bright-eyed bouncy wimmen who are DV workers and £hundreds of thousands are poured into these agencies - yet they do bugger all.

One time I was discharged from hospital after a beating. The nurse gave me a whole bunch of glossy leaflets about getting help and 'you mustn't put up with violence/abuse balhblah' - and these bright-eyed wimmen couldn;t get it together to fnd a refuge for me. So I had to go home, into the lions den again.

Another time, they said they were going to change the locks on my house, it seemed to be taking forever.. There was another incident of DV. I was hospitalised and the abuser ransacked the house whilst I was away.

If it's any consolation to have some sort of explanation, I've worked out that all these 'helping' agencies are solely there to a) provide jobs and b) provide clubs for newagey, politically correct, do-gooders to hang out in and polish their halos.

= co-dependent sickness to a very elevated and subtle degree.

2:53 PM  

Yeah, and if you get a gun and kill the S.O.B.'s you're probably screwed again.

11:45 PM  

Join us in helping to promote awareness of this DV Run Around epidemic help ensure no victim is left behind
DV Reform stands for domestic violence victim resource and public policy reform

6:53 PM  

"I've worked out that all these 'helping' agencies are solely there to a) provide jobs and b) provide clubs for newagey, politically correct, do-gooders to hang out in and polish their halos."

Wow I totally agree.

They don't do squat. Be a disabled woman who can't barely walk and ask, "could you help me find someone to move me? "They say "We have nothing".

I made the decision to stay at least I got him in some counseling and stood up to the abuse, which is not as bad as some woman have faced. He has NPD.
I know what I have. Being broke and disabled, my options are few. Dipping the toe in the world of total dependence on the state due to impoverishment and illness, I decided things would be easier to stay.

But many are staying in this economy because poverty and living in the streets can even be more abusive. The social workers are middle classed biased to the hilt, and ignore REAL physical needs. They get grant money and more and offer usually 4 weeks in a broken down house, with no handicapped accessibility and nothing else.

The churches are ignoring the domestically abused too. Not one Christian woman's transitional home for the disabled and abused in the entire country? That is a sham.

6:43 AM  

I feel for the frustration expressed on this topic. I have to say, for the most part, my experience in MA has been very different. While program funding is extremely lacking, I have found some very compassionate and helpful people along my journey to safety. I contacted various Catholic churches along the path and not one ever even bothered to call me back. However, the state funded agencies either counseled me, referred me to people who could help me in a very specific way (address confidentiality, legal assistance, support groups, individual counseling) whatever my needs were at the time. I was very frustrated by the nearly impossible task of getting in to short term safe housing however. I happened to get very lucky and last minute (before I would have either been homeless or had to return to my abuser) I did find a job that paid me a great salary so I could start over. The people that I worked for did not, however have any compassion for my situation and as soon as my abuser found me and started harassing me there, they let me go.
Things are still a struggle for me across the board, but I am out and I am safe. I am still in contact with several state funded agencies that I am hoping will help me even further now that I am unemployed and in more need.

8:06 AM  

I have just started my blog writing about the story of my life i would love for you to all read & follow it
I'm 18 and I experienced Physical, emotional, mental, sexual abuse and Obesity at a young age, I'm starting to write a blog sharing my story and i would really appreciate it if you could spread the link for me please, I hope to inspire other abused victims to open up and share there story to the world and let them know that there are others just like them and they're not alone.

8:23 PM  

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