Sanctuary for the Abused
Thursday, May 10, 2018
Porn Addicts
As men, we carry our pride like a badge of honor. We use it for a shield against anything that might threaten our self-esteem. We hide behind it when other people attempt to offer suggestions which, if followed, would require us to change our courses in life. We know better than anyone else what is best for ourselves. After all, we managed to bring ourselves to the place in life where we are. And we will do a fine job of going on the next step.
Therein lies one of the greatest problems that men who are addicted to pornography face. Because they believe that they know what is best for them, and because they do not want anyone violating their manhood by telling them what to do, they continue blindly down the same road of destruction that brought them to the place where they are. That place may be one where, because of his pornography addiction, his marriage has fallen apart, his financial situation has deteriorated, and worst of all, his spiritual relationship has all but disappeared.
It is crucial that men come to the understanding that they cannot fight this battle alone. Perhaps you are one who considers himself to be a "self-made man," one who has fought his way up the corporate ladder - only to find that you were the only one there when you arrived. If you are a pornography addict, you should consider that by yourself, you managed to crawl all the way to where you are. In the world of pornography use and addiction, the ladder goes down, not up. It goes straight down into a pit that has the ability to totally consume any of us.
Accountability is often discounted as nothing more than a crutch, a place to hide one's own inadequacies. Objections to accountability are usually rooted in pride - that same pride that says you don't need help.
Admitting the need for accountability is not surrendering your manliness. It is not the sign of a weak person. It is not a crutch that might allow one to think he can walk without assistance when in fact, he can't. Instead, it is the sign of a man who is big enough to admit that he cannot do everything. Accountability is one of the most powerful weapons we have in the battle against pornography addiction. The use of that weapon allows us to admit to our friend (our accountability partner) that we have come against something that, at least for a moment was more powerful than we were. It allows us to admit that we need help to fight that enemy, but in a way that brings no reproach. Ultimately, it provides support in a battle that simply cannot be fought alone.
Straight answers to tough questions and excuses.
Accountability is only one part of a successful plan for recovery. There are other factors involved, like getting over the selfishness that characterizes most pornography addicts.
An accountable person... - is not afraid to be vulnerable.
- gladly accepts the availability of such helps as a filtered ISP [or counseling]
- can recognize and admit when he has fallen.
- picks himself back up after a fall.
- can face those they hurt, genuinely apologize and make amends
The Accountability Partner
What they are...
- A friend who cares enough to ask the hard questions.
- One who is willing to be diligent in keeping contact with the addicted person.
- One who is capable of looking beyond the hurts, anger, and frustration that characterizes pornography addiction.
What he is not...
- A person upon whom the addicted one can cast his facade of normalcy.
- One who is to be taken advantage of.
- One whom you should expect to believe your excuse or lies.
- One who 'sticks their head in the sand' and believes the best of you inspite of the truth
- [One who will not o.k. your need to run from the consequence of your actions.]
Labels: accountability, addiction, consequences, excuses, lies, porn, sex addiction
1 Comments:
Good post. I haven't got an accountability partner but probably should. Would help a lot to have some support structure through this process and I'm really not at a point where I can share this with my partner.
I've found it interesting (having recently started my blog about my own battle) that there are so few active blogs by sex or porn addicts. Makes me feel very lonely out here.
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