Sanctuary for the Abused

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Compulsive Liars



Compulsive Liars often feel the need to lie about almost anything. They often lie about little things such as what they ate for lunch and they also lie about big important things. When compulsive liars lie it becomes a very bad habit. It is very difficult to break and it almost feels like that they can not stop lying due to it being almost automatic. It almost becomes so automatic within themselves that lying becomes a part of them. They often can lie and sound very convincing.

People who are compulsive liars often lie so much that it is almost like a script. Once an individual memorizes a series of scripts that are lies then they can say the scripts sounding very convincing to other individuals. At times there is flaws in the individual stories that they lie about or other lies that they tell. Compulsive liars often have big stories in order to cover up a certain area of their past which the person is afraid to let other people know. They are often afraid of being judged. Compulsive liars often have extreme self esteem issues and often lie to portray themselves as someone else that they aren't really.

Compulsive liars may stop lying and come clean about the truth when they are caught. The lies that compulsive liars do tell will eventually catch up to them. People around them will begin to notice gaps in their stories and the other lies that they tell people. Compulsive liars can only be so convincing only so long until someone notices that it is mostly lies. Compulsive liars will often tell another story full of lies if they don't want the truth to be known when they are caught in other lies.


One thing to remember about compulsive liars is you often can not tell the difference between a truth and lie. After so many stories have been told and so many lies that have been told then it is difficult to people around them to figure out exactly which is false and which is true.
People can not always tell lies about everything about themselves since it is impossible to hide everything about themselves completely. Compulsive liars can not always lie about everything little thing about themselves or other things.

Compulsive liars often lie to the family and friends. Compulsive liars will also lie to the person that they love romantically. Be careful with some compulsive liars since some of them don't have any guilt about the lies. Some of them never come clean about the truth unless they reach a point of where they want to stop lying.

How does a compulsive liar stop?
A compulsive liar has to make the decision to stop lying. A person won't stop lying unless he or she wants to do so. A compulsive liar can't begin to stop lying until he or she decides to start to tell the truth about everything in the past and present and future. Or just selective truth. Someone who is a compulsive liar will sometimes fall back into the mode of lying again. Compulsive lying is much deeper than just self esteem issues.

Michelle Knudson is a Freelance Writer. She's happily married and resides in the USA. She loves making a positive difference in the lives of people. She enjoys reading, writing, her gold fish, and computers.

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shared by Barbara at 12:58 AM


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17 Comments:

...You know, it's odd. I've always known on some level that I was a compulsive liar, but it wasn't until I read this article that I really thought about how frequently I lied - and over the silliest of subjects.

Just this morning, a coworker started flirting with me. I rejected his advances, and he took on a slightly more offensive tone whenever we conversed, frequently insulting me then trying to pass it off as a joke.

After I returned from work, I went to chat with my close friend - we give each other recaps of our lives almost DAILY - and although I told her about the coworker who'd been flirting with me, I left out most of his more offensive comments or 'softened' it to be teasing and flirtacious.

...In the end, I realized I left out the key details because in my circle of friends, I'm known as the witty, snide one who rarely takes things to offense (the one that never mopes) - and I didn't want that to change. I didn't want my friend to know I secretly got upset over a few bitchy comments - from some insolent jackass who'd just been lashing out 'cos his ego had been bruised, no less.

It's odd - I know you probably won't even notice this comment, let alone respond to it, but I just felt compelled to ramble away all of a sudden. So. Thanks, Barbara.

11:41 PM  

I read your comment while reading information to help me deal with the true heartbreak of being married to a compulsive liar. You have only mentioned this one situation, but if that is the extent of it - I wouldn't call you a compulsive liar. That seems more like a situational thing. You didn't want your friends to know what really happened, so you embellished it a bit and spun it into something more flattering and kept yourself sounding like the cool one. If this doesn't happen often and meaninglessly, you probably don't have a serious problem. My husband lies about silly things that make no sense, such as seeing a bad wreck on the way home where someone was badly hurt, and I later learn it was a fender-bender with no injuries. That makes no sense to make up a story like that, since the wreck had nothing to do with us. Many of his lies are bigger, but none of them ever make sense as to why.

12:49 PM  

I have been crying now for hours because I have just found out again that my husband has been lying to me about smoking. He previously smoked secretly for 8 years and lied about it until I accidentally found his cigarettes while on vacation. He has health problems and really should not smoke. He knows this. We went to therapy together for marriage counseling and his cigarette addiction and he agreed that if he ever felt the addiction really strongly or started smoking again that he would tell me. In short, I just caught him again, and he has been continually lying to me about smoking. We are nearly 60 now and he is about to retire, but I really want to leave this time; I am sooooo hurt and not even healed from the last time. He is sweet, and I think the main reason he lies is that he wants to avoid conflict at all costs. Are there any kinds of support groups (not on line) that he can attend? I think he might go. I just can't see myself living with someone I can't trust.

7:50 PM  

i believe i am a compulsive liar... i never really noticed it till i began to lie about a lot of things in my life. i think it all started with the lack of attention i got from my parents, then escalated to me trying to seem like an interesting person to get friends. i was always made fun of as a kid, and when i moved i wanted to be a different new person. i had even lied to my friends about liking other woman in order for attention (though later i realized i really did). Now in the middle of high school i have lied about my past, and i hate that i lie to the people i love, but i find myself saying things that aren't true. instead of me getting caught for the person a am- a liar. it made me seem like a mysterious person, and i went along with it. saying more and more things to make me seem like a cocky, confident, strong, good looking girl. now i started to lie about who i am overall to a point where i dont even know who i am. i would lie about how i really like a certain band, or how i dont like mayo, or liking/disliking an actor, silly stuff like that. i dont know who i am, but i dont want to tell anyone because i dont want people to stop believing me overall, my father tends to hold things in. i mean i stay up late one night and all of a sudden i am a rebellious child that stays up every night. thats how my father is. lately i have been getting better, i stopped telling stories, stopped lying about little things, but i still havent come clean about a lot. really all i do know about myself is that i am a liar, and i am not what people think, i am not cocky, or confident within myself, in fact i constantly worry about my looks and thinking no one loves me. this helped a lot, it made me see that i really do have to capability to help myself.

10:12 PM  

I see a lot of familiar behaviors here. I was married to a borderline woman for nearly 10 years and compulsive lying is rampant in people with this disorder. When you spend significant time with this type of person you begin to take on these behaviors also. I have now mostly recovered from this abusive relationship. The very first price of information that triggered me to change the way I represented myself was this gem...WHEN YOU LIE TO SOMEBODY IT DESTROYS THEIR RELATIONSHIP TO YOU EVEN WHEN THEY DON'T KNOW THAT YOU ARE LYING. This is because you are denying them yourself. It comes down to intimacy levels which can be non existent if you have very low self esteem. This lying behavior can also be passed down within family's and children can be shamed and punished for being emotionally honest reinforcing the poor behavior.(think the compliant good child versus the bad acting out child (who is more emotionally mature) If you are dishonest about your feelings you can bet that you are surrounded by similar people. Relationships with family friends and partners can be destroyed as you true self emerges and others false selves become obvious to you. The journey is well worth it.
Apologies but I always change from first person when I talk about this stuff, like I'm writing a self help book. It has been part of my healing process.

10:37 AM  

I sure hope if your thinking of leaving your husband he lies more than just about smoking!I have been struggling with divorcing my husband for years! He has lied to me daily. Small lies and enormous ones. He usually impulse buys "toy" like snowmobiles dirt bike jetskii and tells me they were thousands less than what he bought them for. He has purchased items and hid them from me. I recently found out he was buying property behind my back! 60000$! We have 2 children age 3 and 5 he is a good dad but enough is enough! Not to mention the emotional damage!

11:08 PM  

Please help! I have been married to a compulsive liar for almost 17 years and I am SO exhausted from trying to keep him honest. Our precious 8 year old Daughter is sick of his lies and I don't want him to ruin his relationship with our Baby too! How can he be helped to admit his compulsive lying and change? Any advice is GREATLY appreciated thank you!!

3:02 PM  

I really can relate to this topic... About 3 days ago I realized that I am a compulsive liar. I have been since I can remember. I struggle with low self esteem and anxiety. I lie about the smallest most ridiculous things to very large important things. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years and I think thats what triggered my realization. He wasnt the best person in the world but, neither war I! I never cheated on him but I lied to him a few times about extremely large events in my life that never happened. I'm not sure how many people are going to read this but I feel a little bit better knowing that I'm not the only person in the world struggling with this. I constantly have to remind myself not to lie. And it feels better knowing that I am now in control of my lying. I love my friends and my family more then anything and I am now trying to be completely honest and mend the relationships I destroyed. I don't want to be the bad guy anymore. If any body else is reading this and going through the same thing, my advice to you is to make a diary. Write down every single lie, even the smallest ones every single day. Its not fun but it helps. Set small goals for yourself and remember you are doing the best you can. Lying, to me, is a compulsion, I really don't want to. I sometimes cannot control it. If anyone has any advice for me I would sincerely love to hear it. THANK YOU!

7:57 PM  

My boyfriend is a compulsive liar, after a year i just saw i always was living a lie.Not a thing is true. He lies about everything even if i say where did you go, what did you do. And even when i present him with proofs he just denies. I also discovered that he was also lying about a previous marriage, saying it was over when in reality it is not. I do not know if i need to beleive the ILOVE YOU or just take it as another lie.Can these people really love? Can you love soemone and constantly lie to him? thanks

6:37 AM  

I recently fell in love with a handsome,most caring and sweetest man. He compliments me continuously and makes me reach the highest orgasms ever. He's an engineer and showers me with gifts and money. He works nights and insists upon driving a conversion van to work. I have caught him in sooooo many lies! I believe he is using that damn van to f@#k around on me. He lies ridiculously and I almost can not decipher between a lie and the truth! I constantly remind him that he does not have to lie to me bc I am an understanding person, but he insists. He wants to get married but I just can't deal; his lies are too much for my life!!

10:48 AM  

To the Anonymous people that have posted on here, because those are the ones who were personally compulsive liars. I am, too. E verything you said, ditto. I've told some horrible lies and I'm a good person, always wanting to help others. I just hate myself and lie to over come that. I tried to kill myself and was locked up in the looney bin for a week because i hate myself so much. I knew I lied, but back in a depression now, i realized I am a COMPULSIVE liar. I'm 40, been lying since as long as i can remember, to get people to like me, to seem confident, to get out of things, to make up for my wrong doings. I'm scared that being so old, I wont be able to combat this. But I want to try. Lie one woman said, I don't know who I am anymore so this is going to be a difficult journey at age 40. I will try what one woman said about writing all the lies down. Thanks for being open an honest. It always means a lot to know that you're not alone.

2:12 AM  

Thanks for this. I am married now to a woman who is a pathological liar - and these comments have helped me finally accept that. Started in college when we met 14 years ago. We've been married now for 10. Lies that are big ("I'm a virgin") to lies that are small ("I paid the phone bill"). And then slowly over the past 10 years I 've learned that most everything I've heard are all lies. She was not a virgin and well... I don't know how many or even if it isn't incest. I've gone mad trying to separate her fantasy world from reality. I've even doubted myself. And I've even begun to hate everything we did together including going to church. Hate feeling like a fool and that I've been so naive. Wonder who else knows and if they are secretly laughing at me. And we have children. I hate the father that I've become because I hate my wife for being this way that I talk cruelly to her and yell at my kids. And to top it all off my wife doesn't have a clue or at least leads me to believe that she doesn't. I realize I am only staying because of the kids and the cost of another living space. But folks I'm done. Like someone said - how can this person ever be trusted ... even with I love you.

8:58 PM  

I am currently destroying my life and everything in due to my inability to tell the truth. I was abused (not sexually, but physical beaten) as a child and used lying as survival tactic to avoid conflict.

Unfortunately, I have NEVER been able to be honest with myself and therefore, I contine to hurt the people I love the most (my wife) with continual dishonesty . She is now ready to leave me and I don't know how to fix myself in order to save my marrige.

9:29 AM  

Recently, my brother and his wife starting shouting at my mom because she gave them advice. Things got out of control and there was no way they were going to stop shouting over something so simple. I got enough of the trash coming out of their mouths so I told them that I will never allow them to talk to my parents like that. I told them to shout at me instead but never at my parents. After that we all kept quiet and let them go on shouting. About half an hour later, they decided to go to another state because they thought we were being terrible to them. They told everyone I know that I had kicked them out of the house and now, everyone I know things I kicked two innocent couple out of the house when in truth, all I said was I would never allow them to talk to my parents like that. It hurts to know everyone hates you because two liars decided to hide the truth of what really happened like cowards.

9:17 PM  

Does anyone know of a treatment center or rehab in the USA specifically for compulsive lying? They all seem to be so drug and alcohol related, and I don't have those issues. I just lie and need help. It's destroying my life and relationship.

12:21 PM  

Smoking, like any addiction, can make a liar out of anyone. Perhaps he could try hypnosis to quit? He has to be the one that wants to quit though. You must feel betrayed, but give him a chance and encouragement to quit. It isn't easy.

11:32 AM  

Run away now.

4:21 AM  

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