Sanctuary for the Abused

Thursday, May 08, 2014

When They "Lie on the Fly"

by the late, forever great - Kathy Krajco

One of my favorite websites on narcissism is by Joanna Ashmun. In fact, hers is what inspired me to do one.


Here's what she writes about the way a narcissist edits reality on the fly.
The most telling thing that narcissists do is contradict themselves. They will do this virtually in the same sentence, without even stopping to take a breath. It can be trivial (e.g., about what they want for lunch) or it can be serious (e.g., about whether or not they love you).

When you ask them which one they mean, they'll deny ever saying the first one, though it may literally have been only seconds since they said it -- really, how could you think they'd ever have said that? You need to have your head examined!

They will contradict FACTS. They will lie to you about things that you did together. They will misquote you to yourself. If you disagree with them, they'll say you're lying, making stuff up, or are crazy. [At this point, if you're like me, you sort of panic and want to talk to anyone who will listen about what is going on: this is a healthy reaction; it's a reality check ("who's the crazy one here?"); that you're confused by the narcissist's contrariness, that you turn to another person to help you keep your bearings, that you know something is seriously wrong and worry that it might be you are all signs that you are not a narcissist].

NOTE: Normal people can behave irrationally under emotional stress -- be confused, deny things they know, get sort of paranoid, want to be babied when they're in pain. But normal people recover pretty much within an hour or two or a day or two, and, with normal people, your expressions of love and concern for their welfare will be taken to heart. They will be stabilized by your emotional and moral support.

Not so with narcissists -- the surest way I know of to get a crushing blow to your heart is to tell a narcissist you love her or him. They will respond with a nasty power move, such as telling you to do things entirely their way or else be banished from them for ever.
Because their lying is so bizarre, and unlike normal lying (by people who actually want you to believe what they're saying), the pathological lying of a narcissist is one of the biggest complaints about them.

They don't want you believe their lies: they just want you ACT (for them) as though their lies are true. In other words, they don't want you to do anything contradictory to their fantasy, for that could trigger AWARENESS that its a fantasy. They must keep all knowledge of unwanted truth repressed, and they don't want you doing anything that triggers memory of it.

As for what you think though, they couldn't care less. You are just an object to them, a chess piece. Caring what you think makes no more sense to them than caring what a chess piece "thinks" would make to us.

What Makes Narcissists Tick: 'Lying on the Fly'

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shared by Barbara at 12:47 AM


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7 Comments:

that one blog entry, described my entire marriage. it wasnt me...i wasnt crazy.
i really wasnt, it was HIM ... and he made me feel like a ping pong ball. he loves me, he hates me, maybe i am horrible, whats wrong with me, i must be (insert anything negative here...he probably said it.
what horrible thing to put someone through.
i pray that the pain we endure eases...nothing worse than feeling worthless when you KNOW youre not.
amazing how a human being can do that to another human being.

1:18 AM  

that's because they are NOT human

6:53 PM  

Wow, what a post. That was my life. The crazy making as my counselor finally labeled it for me so so intense that even when I knew the truth deep down, I really doubted myself constantly.
Now that we're separated and I'm filing for divorce, I am struggling every single day of my life with what is true. I'm having to relearn who I am and tell myself constantly that I am not who he always said I was.

8:31 PM  

I would rather be a recovering victim of an abusive narcississtic marriage...as so painfully frustrating and betrayed I feel......
I am glad I am ME, not HIM.....

11:28 PM  

Its always HIM huh? The Husband or boyfriend...yeah right! You have no idea.

6:03 AM  

Obviously you have focused on this one post rather than what is repeated OVER & OVER on this blog:

"While this Post is written in the Male; Your Abuser may well be FEMALE"

The ones who have no idea are the ones who jump to conclusions. It is unfortunate that 75 - 80% of abusers are male. But that leaves 20-25% of abusers being female.

12:25 AM  

What about lying to cover his butt, or always enhancing stories when talking about himself or family...always giving more credit than is due? What about leaving out part of his past on resumes to cover his butt? Is this normal?

7:15 AM  

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