Sanctuary for the Abused
Thursday, June 27, 2019
How To Leave a Narcissist
I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world. - Maria
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In order to free yourself from the emotional "hook" your narcissistic spouse has embedded into your brain you must realize that you are a complete, whole person on your own. You do not need Narcissist to make you happy and worthy, you can create your own happiness. You alone choose how your life will evolve, do not let Narcissist make decisions for you. Once you realize that separation from Narcissist is actually a good thing rather than bad, you have taken a huge step towards the recovery.
In case of a mental disorder such as narcissism, a narcissist can only start to improve his or her behavior towards others after a narcissist has first realized and accepted that he or she has a problem. Also in case of depression, the recovery can truly begin only after person admits that he or she is depressed, stressed or has a burn-out. It is hard to admit that one cannot handle things anymore without help from outside. Often people fail to recognize the early signs of a burn-out and depression and just keep pushing forward until they finally fall.
The recovery after depression or burn-out takes a long time and may even require medication. Same applies to the recovery after a bad relationship. If you feel your life with your narcissistic spouse is taking you to this direction, please continue reading and find out how to stop the process before things go too far.
If you can control your emotions, it will be much easier for you to decide what to do with your relationship with a narcissist. You can start the recovery process today.
We are locked behind the invisible bars our own mind has created
One often fails to see how bad the state of the relationship really is, until the damages are already extensive. This happens because in the beginning the relationship with a narcissist is like living a dream. During this dream-like period, the emotional "hooks" are buried deep into your brain. See article Cheating and the Brain for more details about this process of becoming addicted to a narcissist in the beginning of the relationship.
This addiction is the reason why it is so difficult to let go of the relationship with a narcissistic husband or wife. We do not want to let go, because we believe we have something that we actually do not have. We think we have certain kind of a relationship with a certain kind of person, when in fact our relationship is completely different. We are still living in an illusion that our relationship is special, we believe that under all the dirt we must put up with there is that wonderful person, wonderful life and wonderful relationship.
But reality is that we never had that kind of a relationship. It never existed. The "wonderful" person we fell in love with was just a mask, hiding the true narcissistic personality. The real person is what we now see, and it is not a pretty sight. A narcissist is a hollow, empty and sad figure. When we learn to see Narcissist this way, we are able to free ourselves. When we see Narcissist as he or she really is, we realize that we do not need Narcissist to make us feel "whole". The reality is that we were whole before Narcissist stepped into our life, and we will be whole again after we get Narcissist out of our world. It is Narcissist who is preventing us from being happy. This is the most important thing you must realize. Nothing stands between you and Happiness, Harmony and most of all Freedom, except your narcissistic spouse.
Are you still fooling yourself and believing that you might find happiness with your narcissistic spouse? Do not worry. These things take time to sink in. Eventually you will realize that the path with a narcissist is a dead end. Do not blame yourself if it takes a bit of time for you to break free. You are only human, and these things are not easy. This is the reason I created this website, to help you on your long and difficult path to freedom and away from the dark realms of a narcissist. In the end there will be light, I promise you that!
It is tragic that so many people believe they will be happy if they stay in a burning house (that is, in a relationship with a narcissist) and that they will be sad if they run to a beautiful beach (leave a narcissist). This seems to go completely against all logic. This is an example of the mental traps and prisons we have created in our mind. We are literally the prisoners of our own mind. We will stay behind the invisible bars as long as we fail to see things for what they really are.
Plato and the Cave
From Allegory of the Cave:
"Plato imagines a group of people who have lived chained in a cave all of their lives, facing a blank wall. The people watch shadows projected on the wall by things passing in front of the cave entrance, and begin to ascribe forms to these shadows. According to Plato, the shadows are as close as the prisoners get to seeing reality. He then explains how the philosopher is like a prisoner who is freed from the cave and comes to understand that the shadows on the wall are not constitutive of reality at all, as he can perceive the true form of reality rather than the mere shadows seen by the prisoners."
The victims of narcissists are like people in Plato's cave: We do not believe it when somebody tells us there is light and sunshine and beautiful fields outside the cave, if we only take one step towards the right direction. We insist on staying in the darkness of the cave, because that world, regardless of its horrors, has become familiar to us. That is the world we know and even though we are not completely happy living in it, we are afraid to leave. We are afraid that we may not find anything better, that we might be left completely alone. But anything is better than to sit in a dark, cold, wet cave (grave) and just wait for the death. Outside the cave we at list have a chance of survival, we even have a chance to achieve Happiness. Whatever will happen outside the cave, it will be better than to live and die in darkness.
Having said that, let me say that I do understand how difficult it is to leave a narcissistic husband or wife. The mental hooks are buried so deep. I know this very well, because I have been in that situation with my narcissistic spouse. I know how it feels like when your brain is screaming at you "run, get out of here as fast as you can!", but your heart makes you stay. The point will come when you will be strong enough to break free and leave your narcissistic spouse.
Search your feelings and you will realize that your sadness, depression and anxiety are due to the fact that you believe your life will be somehow "empty" and "gray" without your narcissistic wife or husband. You have built yourself an identity as a spouse of your narcissistic partner and now you should rearrange your view of yourself and your life. This process is very painful. But trust me, you will get through it.
There will be light on the other side
It was extremely difficult for me to end the relationship with my narcissistic spouse. If you have, I am sorry to say this, but I must: You should let go of your relationship. It is not going to get better, it will only get worse.
A narcissist can seldom change. You will always carry the negative memories with you and as time goes by, new bad things will most likely happen. All these things will keep piling up until your mind will eventually break. It can happen within months, years or tens of years, but eventually you are no longer able to accept the sick, twisted lifestyle of your narcissistic spouse. For your sake, I wish this process will not take tens of years.
- Maria
If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, send me email to searchforbalancemail@gmail.com
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IF YOU NEED TO CHAT WITH SOMEONE ABOUT NARCISSISTS PLEASE SEARCH FACEBOOK FOR ' NARCISSIST' THERE ARE NUMEROUS GROUPS HERE TO HELP
THIS IS A BLOG NOT A CHAT SITE. THANK YOU.
Labels: chained, divorce, leave, narcissism, narcissist, pathological, psychopath, reality, sociopath, spousal abuse
25 Comments:
how can a people pleaser wife cope with an extremely narcissist husband. I'm Barbara married to a.narcissist, passive aggressive man. Its been 14 years. I also believe he's cheating with someone from his job although he lies about that too. He moved into the spare room 3 mths ago when I confronted him about one of his many lies. Now there's no physical intimacy on top of everything else. Like you said its all my fault always. Im glad I read this article now I'm convinced there's nothing more to do but leave. I did hold out hope that it would change, but again you're right its just an illusion. I helped this man go to college enabling him to get the great job he has now..and now he's cold mean hateful and dishonest. Sex became for me as if I were just an object to be used..it hurts when you love a sick individual like this. I have heart issues ulcers and he constantly threatens to give the house back to the bank and leave if I don't get a job and stop bothering him about what he does. He's got a great paying job and its just the two of us here. He claims he's broke but just bought a new 2012 Nissan truck got contacts and is hiding money and assets. He makes over 6000.00 a month...he gives me 60.00 a month for my heart and stomach pain meds and gas for my car. And complains about that..I have to provide receipts for what I spend.it on although he knows. He's a pig..and recently I let him know he has no power over me any more and he can take whatever he wants to away from me now because I no longer care. I will get a job if and when I feel like it. And that he can pay for a divorce at anytime cause I'm not leaving till I have half of the money from the sale of this house. So to a you out there read this, learn and don't wait as long as I have to take back your life. I'm much smarter than his measly 2 year tech degree I have 3 college degrees I possess a Masters....What a Stupid man....
A
Barbie
There is NO WAY to cope.
Get to a Women's Crisis Center or DV Crisis Center ASAP. Do NOT tell your husband. Do NOT tell your story to whoever answers the phone. Simply ask to make an appointment with an advocate and KEEP it.
You need to DIVORCE him. It can be done. Don't look for excuses just because you're afraid. Get out, get out, get out. It will get worse.
And ask them to help you get counseling to STOP being a people pleaser. If you know you are one and you keep doing it anyway, then YOU are doing this to yourself.
To Barbie - Your situation sounds very similar to mine. Only I have lived this hell for over 25 years. And also have no friends, ostracized from family, no job and no tangible anything save my daughter who is my supporter, my two dogs and a very old car. I filed 08/2012.
Doesn't matter anymore what he does, what you did/do - YOU NEED TO GET OUT. He is a type of mental CANCER that there is NO hope for if you continue in the sick dance of personality disorder life. Trust me. I know too well.
Mine is NPD - passive aggressive and has been extremely dishonest since the day we met in 1978. I too felt I could change him. I could be helpful to him for his own sake. Little did I know about narcissists. They have to want to change and do it for themselves. I wasted over 25 years helping him while destroying my self.
GET OUT NOW.
Take your power and control BACK for his appetite/need for adoration, loyalty, as well as nonstop support, will leave you devastated and alone. Wondering why.
He has NO heart or soul. There is nothing you can do to change that - so why bother any more?
``Barb (yes, I am a Barbara, too)
Wow. Thank you. I am in a relationship with a Borderline narcissist and I am in the process of understanding and breaking free. I fell in love with the mask he wore in the beginning. Your article is very very helpful. Thank you again.
this is my first time reaching out for fear that no one would care, listen, empathize and much less believe me....SEE me for the beautiful woman i still, somehow, remain to be....what if i told you that i used to believe in a world that was so cruel only to wake up in a nightmare - a house of mirrors - that turned out to be more real and tangible than i could have ever dreamed?? what if, at 37 years old, i told u that i have NOTHING, but used to.....once upon a time, life was my life....and then the devil entered my door....i died, my mother died, my career, my uniqueness, my family, my "friends", my money, my childhood home, my safety, my inner "bad-ass", my skills, my passion, my INNOCENCE, my dignity, my purpose, my reason, my trust, my naivity, my strength, my weakness, my quirks, my flaws, my identity, my desire, my stability, my laugh, my tears, my ability to listen to my instinct, my faith in myself and all i have believed to "be", my struggle, my pain, my hurt, my demise, my reflection and my despair...my fear and my terror...my pain...my understanding and blame, my guilt and my shame..my imprionment and my lies...my realization and my denial...my grief and my anger...my sadness and my "giving in", my hard work despite the KNOW...my death....my belief that somehow i can be "fixed", "saved", "rescued", "seen", "heard", "preserved", "whole", and destined to someday truly GET IT.......that someday, somehow, without utter complacency and manage to retain my essence, my soul that i believe to be holy, pure and innately DESERVING of what i have become to believe to be "bliss", contentment, comfort, LOVE, like and all those words i know how to speak, write and say, but can not yet truly emulate from human experience for so many reasons i have been told - yet still fail to accept as "me"....i am so young yet soo old...so tired and destroyed...so open yet so closed...so disgusted with myself yet so grounded as to who i am destined to be...SO VERY AFRAID & SO ALONE and SO disappointed in me....so smart, yet so VERY confused and terrorized...so damaged and finally, so sure that i am at the end...the crossroads...The Decision....my fate as a fatalist is failing my soul....so afriad to ask for that which i cannot explain nor bare to continuously, repetitively nor repeatively, try to convey....is there anyone out there?? or am i forced to accept that this is it? does anyone have a hand reached out for me and only me? or are my hands the only ones i will ever see only to determine and conclude - be told, berated, beat and bamboozled - to truly ever see? is there anyone out there for Me, unselfishly? innocently and kindly? will this ever end or is this the beginning that i fail to ultimately sacrifice to be?? oh my god....i am so done with researching and acceptability...i need help...but dont know where to begin...i am an angel...not a deliverer of Sin....is there anyone out there for me? time....oh back to the ever eternal time...shall ultimately, finally and clearly reveal herself to me....unless, of course, u have special goggles to find me..which is what i really hope to someday, surprise me....unreuctantly, i will follow because that is what was meant to be...help me, find me, see me, care and nurture me, believe me, walk beside me, convince me, and please, somehow, heal me...- Jill
I am struggling to leave my narcissistic boyfriend. I keep coming back evenafter hbumiliations and lies. this article describes how I feel. I feel that without him there Iis no life. I lost all dignity and self esteem. I have tried to please him, do whatever he wants. he always liked to be praised, admired and complimented and I did it just to get an approval. he totally has no ampathy towards my feelings. it is always about him and I am there to please him. I do not really know if this is narcissism or whether he simply does not love me. but he is very different in some cold callous way from anyone I have known. I do not feel myself beautiful anymore. I need help tostop it. I cannot eat and have not slept a t all last night even with medications. Iit feels awful.
I have been reading about narcissists for awhile now and didnt want to face the fact that my boyfriend of 3 years is every bit of a narcissist. I want to leave him but don't know how. He moved me from my home town to his home town where I have no one and he makes it so I am completely dependent upon him.....so I need input I need help in how to leave! I've left him time and time again just to listen to his undying love for me with crocodile tears and all so I go back for him to do it to me again. I can't live like this anymore I am gonna be 47 who looks 37 and im tired of living like this, im not getting any younger and I am not getting any prettier so its time to leave. But where do I start how do i do this with no support no money and no resources? Plz help I need to get away but im not strong enough to do it on my own. Anything will that will help me go in the right direction would be great. Thank you
I am in year 4 and on another 6 week of silent treatment. I am trying to be strong but every moment is filled with thoughts of him. I stalk through social media finding pictures of him looking o so happy whilst I am a wreck. help x
Barbie,
I was in almost the same situation, except that he refused to allow me to get a job, or finish my education (which I stopped shortly after I met him). Be careful when you leave, I was so ran down that I didn't fully believe that his money was my money. I had to give him receipts too and was only allowed a certain amount, of which I had to account for. He accused me of cheating, and filed divorce against me. Looking back, my attorney was more than likely working with my ex, because he certainly wasn't working for me. Get the best attorney you can, look around, because there some really bad ones who will work for your ex's benefit, probably because they make more money from him than doing the ethical thing and fight for their own clients. The house may go into bankruptcy, and you may lose a lot, but definetly use your share of his money. I wish I had.
I have returned to a N. for the umteen time.I met him@my mobile home park,I had my own home.He was charming so in love with me blah,blah,blah....
We met during a hurricane and he came over to be with me,of course we had sex,the hook!Oh how he adored me and wanted me.He told me he wanted to marry me in a week and 3weeks later the nightmare began.
This man is a ordained minister and has fooled everyone.My story is soooo long and I can't believe after 10years of blaming me for his failures or anything and everything.Everything I confided to him he now uses against me.He gets physically gets ill everytime I disagree with him.He tells everyone I am a passive agressive and a abuser,he even got a protection from buse order then begged me to come back as he didn't drop the order and threatened me that he would called the police.we moved nto a new mobile home together but he never put my name on the deed,he kicks me out and blames me.I am physically ill and beat down,of course he only cares about others he supposedly rescues and others believe he is all that.I am sick because I came back!I was abused as a child nd chose bad relationships,I married early and @57 realize I AM A CO DEPENDENTI never realized narc's are mentally ill.He tells me I'm sick and talks about my sick parents who have alzheimers!Abuseabuse,abuse
Oh hes wonderful when everything is his way,BUT I AM A CONTROLLER and micro manage his life and its my fault he dosen't have a church,I pointed out it could be how he treats his wife...He called me a cunt whore and a demon possessed bitch...God help me!
Praying for a miracle and thestrength to get a job.I have no friends or family and am ashamed I got myself into this hell!
9:22 am Jill - my God how you have summed up all the things that have gone through my head terrorizing my every moment. I would love to wrap my arms around you and tell you it is gonna be ok. It will get better for us both. Be strong my child. You are so young and there is so much awaiting you! You deserve all things special and good and all the love and nurturing life can give. I am so moved by your post that I am suddenly overwhelmed just to tell you there is so much more for you. DO NOT GIVE UP
! DO NOT GIVE IN! It is not YOU. I so understand all the ramblings and torments of your soul. I have been and am right where you are. We will be ok. We just have to let go and learn to find and love ourselves again. God bless you darling. - Susana
Im currently trying to get out of my 20year relationship of mental torement .. he even went as far as spiking my drink. He cries and says this time is different like he said many times before. Even if this time he is fot real i just cant im so drained. Completely forgot how to take care of me. He refuses to let me go its extremely difficult because we have 3 children and i lost my job n much more #broken #hurt #confused #unsure
Im currently trying to get out of my 20year relationship of mental torement .. he even went as far as spiking my drink. He cries and says this time is different like he said many times before. Even if this time he is fot real i just cant im so drained. Completely forgot how to take care of me. He refuses to let me go its extremely difficult because we have 3 children and i lost my job n much more #broken #hurt #confused #unsure
I was in a marriage for 23 years, and it was an emotional roller coaster the whole time. Mistrust, jealous, angry, moody, but also most charismatic, funny, kind, caring man you could ever meet. I real Jekyll and Hyde we have 3 kids together and I put up with this to keep my family together and he had an amazing ability to repair the damage he did with his charm and manipulation. Anyway, marriage was hard, separation is harder. It's been a year and he has made my life hell. Mind games, calculated, manipulative like you would not believe. Everyone around him thinks he is wonderful, no-one understands how dark his other side is, and that,it's of what he says is lies. He wouldn't know what truth means. I stayed as strong as I could, to keep him at arms length was an almost impossible task. We have 10year old daughter, so I have to have contact with him because of her. He just uses her to reach me and I have spent the year trying to keep the peace as I did in our marriage. It's exhausting, might as well be still in marriage. Anyway recently I called his bluff and asked him if he wanted to get back together, he has spent the last year trying to get me back in his life. We ended up in bed together, and I fell back into trying to trust him. I bared my soul and talked about working out our issues and trying to rebuild our life together. Then guess what, he questioned me about a relationship I had very briefly while we were separated and I trusted him and revealed stuff. (He has had a very long stream of women since our breakup) He went crazy..was really afraid for my life...he channelled all his hate and anger on me and I couldn't get him out of my house. He has made it clear that he doesn't love me anymore and I am nothing. I feel used, tricked,played and am in pieces. I let him into my heart again and he ripped it out and cut it into tiny pieces. The worse thing about all this is he enjoyed it. This was his cruellest trick to date. I got sucked in with the vision of reuniting my family and remembering our good times together. It was an act of revenge for all the times he couldn't get me back when he wanted it. What sort of human would do that to someone they shared 23 years with, raised a family, I supported him with all his issues. I had to breakup the marriage because I became so afraid of him, he was becoming more violent, the relationship was beyond toxic. I still somehow forgave a year of grief, abuse, not letting me move on with my life and gave it another chance..to have it thrown back in my face. I feel like I am back at the beginning when we first broke up. He is walking 10 foot tall right now because he has devastated me once again. How do I get this man out of my life...please
If your family is anything like mine, they love you, always will, and will always be there. Turn to them. I bet they've been waiting for you to come home to them for a long time. If that is not an option, then go to your nearest women's shelter. They help women like us all the time and can help you get the support you need and to remember that you are strong and are even stronger without him. You will survive and your life will be infinitely better without him.
I was married to an abusive spouse for 38 years before getting a divorce. It seems that most victims describe themselves as people pleasers I suspect this is because we are insecure and the narcissist looks for this weakness to take advantage of us. My now ex spouse had always promised to ruin my life if we ever divorced and has done so in the most devastating way possible. I am alone, my son hasn't spoken to me in two years, and depressed beyond description. I'm not sure where I'm heading in this post. Be strong? Consider that the abuser isn't always male and the victim isn't always a female. You have my empathy, the years of lies, deception, pain, confusion. So much loss to serve a sick person. The depression, no desire to live, life sucks.
Bless your heart, I know!
I knew there were evil people in the world, but I thought I would know it when I came in contact with one.
My first cold, emotionally distant, husband of 25 years left me, then I married a narcissist I met online from 1000 miles away. Quit my job, sold my house, left my family and friends to be with this man who promised me everything. I thought I'd finally found love and intimacy. Things drastically changed within a week of living together. I didn't know the meaning of some of the profane words he called me within the first few weeks of marriage. He triangulated with his 20 year old daughter who lived with us and her friends who came over. He was consistently tender, loving, and affectionate with her in front of me and treated me like a peice of trash. She seemed to be in on it and loved when we fought. She would come out of her room after she heard his foul verbal abuse of me during a fight and they would laugh, talk, and watch tv together while I was in our room crying. I left after 2 years. Had to leave all my stuff cause I couldn't afford to move it. He was able to rent the place they lived in with my credit. Now I'm back in my hometown with my family and he and his daughter are 1000 miles away living in a place I acquired for them enjoying my furniture, dishes, paintings, and stuff it took me 25 years to collect. He still hasn't mailed me the divorce settlement waiver he says he signed just so he can eek out every drop of emotional pain possible from me. Of course I still want him and can't imagine being attracted to any other man like I am to him, but I know that's a lie that my own scars tell me and like with a lot of things, I can't see accurately because of my pain and have to trust my family and the people who love me with nothing to gain to help steer this ship to shore. I'll get there because I know pain and the pain of getting to shore is just a different kind. I trust I'll know a level of peace and comfort once the no contact time has done it's work. Trusting the process. Trusting that God loves me in a pure way and is always with me.
You're right mine got worst. I've been married to my NPD for 10 years separated for 7mo now. We've been together for 13 years total. I saw many red flags that didn't sit right with me but married him anyway. When we returned home from our honey moon. Things went from spending every moment together to I now needed to understand that we wouldn't and he dropped me like a hot cake. The first year I caught him about to pick up a prostitute. Couple years later he got caught in a prostitution sting. And to this day he continues to say he's never cheated on me. He's an alcoholic and an ex...I think...drug addict. He has called me every name you can think of. He's also been physically abusive. He has continuously strained relationships with his family members including his mom. And I believe she is the primary culprit in his madness. Not to mention she shot his father in front of him as a child. And he still holds that over her head 47 years later. He has told everyone in his family who'd listen for years that I'm crazy and when I have an emotional outburst he gets on the phone while I'm angry and says "See I keep telling you she's crazy". To his mom, cousins, friends coworkers etc. Fast forward I've come to realize not only does he have NPD. It's possible he is bipolar, a sociopath and possible PSTD. After one domestic violence court appearance and multiple police visits and warnings to do something. The final straw I was threatened repeatedly during nightly binges that he'd kill me. I left got an order of protection and had him escorted from my home. I did not realize the extent of stress on my body until I put him out. 7 months later I'm still recovering from that cruel abusive marriage. While our divorce is in the works.
Hi.I was in a narcissist relationship also and took a year for me to build myself up enough to be able to have a no contact rule of course we don't have children.. He treated me worse than trash during our divorce.but the woman that he moved in 3 weeks after I left wasn't all that,he has tried 3 times in 6 months to get me back.no no no !I finally asked him to let me go!!!enough! His sorry started piling up and meant nothing after awhile.because when you're a narcissist they think that saying sorry makes it OK!it doesn't. It took me a year !!but I'm happy with my life.I'm 53 have 6 grandchildren and my family has been my rock!it gets better:)
Thank you for the article, as I have reflected on my relationship with my now ex wife I had characterized it as addictive and this helps me understand it much better.
It is incredible how deep those hooks have been set.. I have been divorced almost ten years, because she had become a serial cheater. After several years, a few with solid no contact, she re entered my life so that I could become her stability after she had blown through her settlement and created a financial disaster for herself. I tried not to get sucked in, but like an alcoholic that can't have a single drink, I soon became emotionally enmeshed again, while telling myself I wasn't and getting little in return. I have been supporting her financially and emotionally while she lived a life of lies and emotional manipulation ( many threats of suicide and cries for empathy) In my heart I knew it was manipulation, but I let it happen, telling myself that the teenage children (that live with me) are better off because I am there for her. Finally I confronted the feelings and her to say that I couldn't be in this half relationship anymore, as I have kept this delusion of who she is despite all the crazy behavior, and told her it was either get in the relationship or out. Of course she responded with tremendous drama and many tears. She asked that I help her go visit some friends out of town so she could get her head straight and of course I gave her the money to do it. So where does she go? A weekend trip with another man! From crying and suicide threats to that in several days. Part of being a narc is being a pathological liar and when you are not, it is so difficult to understand. So, I am going no contact again, and even with all that has happened I find that I must remind myself that this woman is not who I thought she was and the relationship is toxic. So crazy, thanks again for the insight.
I'VE BEEN MARRIED TO MY NARCISSIST HUSBAND FOR NINE YEARS.N IT'S BEEN NINE YEARS OF PURE HELL.FIRST,HE WAS ALL INLOVE.N OVERNIGHT HE CHANGE.IVE BEEN READING ABOUT NARC FOR 2 MONTHS.IT'S AMAZING HOW ALL OF THESE ANIMAL'S ARE ALIKE.THEY WILL NOT CHANGE.THEY'RE ALL ABOUT THEMSELVES.OUR FEELINGS DOESN'T MATTER.IAM INVISIBLE TO HIM.ITS LIKE IAM LIVING ALL ALONE.HE IIGNORES,ME 365 DAYS A YEAR.YES 36.WHAT MAN HAS A WIFE N FAMILY N DONT WON'T TO HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM AT ALL.GIVES ME THE SILENT TREATMENT.BUT,YET IAM THE PROBLEM SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME.AT FIRST I THOUGHT IT WAS MY FAULT.BUT HE IS THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM.IAM ABOUT TO LIVING MY LIFE.LIKE I USTER TO LIVE.START ENJOYING MYSELF WITH MY FAMILY N FRIENDS.MOST OF START GOING TO CHURCH N LIVING THE RIGHT KIND OF LIFE.A NORMAL LIFE THIS ISN'T A NORMAL LIFE OR MARRIAGE I WANNA BEABLE TO LAUGH AGAIN HAVE FUN AGAIN.IAM READY TO MOVE ON.THERE'S MORE JOY IN ACCEPTANCE THAN THERE'S IN STRUGGLE.SO I WILL MOVE ON.
I have only been married for 2 1/2 years, well I put him out in July because once again he was entertaining women. This man drains me, drains my children. He still has his clothes in my house in which I allow him to keep here until he gets storage. I try, I guess not hard enough to keep my distance, he pops up, he ignores my "I can't continue to be around him", he would do whatever he can to pull me into his life for his own selfish reasons. Even being friendly is draining, he claims things are his even b though he doesn't okay for them or have paid for them. I truly believe he wants me to go crazy which I refuse. I'm having to get a 2nd job to fit the bills for me and my daughters. The girls are not his, but the youngest one he holds on to and she does love him, but it's poetically because he buys her what she wants. Please he wasn't the greatest father to her before, now he wants to be the rewarding father. I blocked him again for the 100th time and this time I'm going to figure out how to ignore his "cry for help" and his emergencies. I'm b just not understanding how I'm allowing him to control me mentally, why can't I just say no. Today we got into it because he claimed something was his and it's not. Finally I told him it wasn't and that turned into something big. I told him to not contact me until he is ready to get all his clothes out. He is still paying dine of the bills and trust me if I could pay then on my own, I would cause I feel like it's being held over my head. This dude drains the heck out of me and the crazy thing us I have cut many people off for adding drama to my life, yet why can't I completely cut him out.
Wow, this is it, that's how I feel. I tell myself that he is a liar and that I won't get reeled in, only to find myself right back to where I said I don't want to be. I don't know if he is just good at being a Narcissist or if I'm just weak. This is insane, I'm back to trying the no contact, this is day 1.
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