Sanctuary for the Abused

Sunday, April 08, 2018

Men As Victims of Domestic Violence

Men are victims of domestic violence at the hands of both female and male partners.

I feel like the only one

You may feel as if you're the only man who has ever experienced domestic violence but you're not alone. Although research shows that it is mainly women, this doesn't mean that men don't suffer too.

Figures on the extent of male victims vary considerably so it's difficult to state with any accuracy the true extent. However, the 2001/02 British Crime Survey (BCS) found 19% of domestic violence incidents were reported to be male victims with just under half of these being committed by a female abuser.

It may be hard to admit to yourself and to others that this is happening to you but it's not your fault and you can get help.

Are there differences in how men and women experience domestic violence?
There are both similarities and differences. Some of the responses to violence from a partner are the same. Whoever you are, being hurt by someone you love and trust can be devastating. You may feel bewildered and confused. You may wonder if it's your fault. You may feel too ashamed or embarrassed to tell anyone. If you do tell, you may find that you are not believed or that your abuse is trivialised. For all victims of abuse, the message is the same...

You are not alone.
It is not your fault.
Help is available.

If you don't find the right help immediately, it's important that you keep looking until you find someone who can support you at this difficult time. It doesn't make you weak to ask for help.

There are also important differences that can often be lost when we assume that what we know about women experiencing domestic violence automatically applies to male victims too. For example, many abused men may feel that they aren't 'real men' if they admit to having experienced abuse.

What help is available?
Men have exactly the same rights as women to be safe in their own homes. All statutory services (such as the Police, Crown Prosecution Service, Housing Department and Social Services) have a duty to provide services to all - male or female.

Men are protected by exactly the same laws as women - anyone who has assaulted another person, regardless of the gender of either, can be prosecuted. If you are a man experiencing domestic violence and you need emergency help you can call the Police.

Seek legal advice to clarify your position.

What about my children?
The family courts deal with all child contact disputes on a case by case basis. Evidence of domestic violence will be taken into account and decisions about residence and contact made accordingly.


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shared by Barbara at 12:10 AM



The all too harsh story of spousal assault against men is illustrated in the cantankerous old fart blog. This man was assaulted by his wife, finally able to get out of the house during an assault, ended up homeless, and removed from his children, and loosing everything. There was no support system there for him like there is for women in the same situation and in the end he was just victimized by the system as well.

10:48 PM  

I concur "old fart" but there is a specific reason why abused men are not supported at all and that's because if we even suggest it's not all the hated mans fault then the entire multi-billion dollar (Pounds?) abuse / divorce industry would, BY NECESSITY, have to be reconsidered and ultimately come tumbling down!

With two young kids and a highly abusive ex-wife and I now struggling to somehow "just get along" the entire conflict based system remains steadfastly *allied against us* and will NEVER admit they ever made a "custody award" mistake!

8:54 AM  

There is no such thing as "help" for abused men. It is a lie. Domestic Violence hotlines and shelters are there for women-only. Some will act like it is okay to assist males, but it is trickery. Domestic Violence agencies are ran by militant females who hate men. Even if they claim to help men, it is a lie. Even if you happen to talk with a friendly advocate, get out of there. Domestic Violence places are the #1 favorite places for abusive females to "hide". They there to destroy men's lives. In many cases the advocates are there to file false rape charges against men, to file divorce against men, to deny custody of children to men. The system is contaminated.

2:09 PM  

I grew up in a household much like Gavin DeBecker's with an abusive mother. My father was a combat veteran who was decorated and a really good man. I cannot imagine anyone believing us kids or my dad about what went on in that house. We survived - sort of - although my older brother was abusive to me and now is an alcoholic. My mother was gorgeous and a charmer when she wanted to be. She did not want children and spent time daydreaming and flirting with other men. She did not want us around at all, but she would not let us go anywhere or at least go visit relatives. I grew up a caged person, trapped with dysfunction, and still struggle with recovery. I did appreciate my father's presence, but he stayed emotionally distant from everything - I think that's how he survived.

My heart goes out to all who are in abusive female relationships. I think it's more difficult because the men do not have "permission" to "tell on" the female. I've been through a lot just finding support as a survivor of female abuse. I appreciate Gavin DeBecker's experience and it helps me to have another person out there who went through some of what I did.

6:40 PM  

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