Sanctuary for the Abused

Sunday, June 19, 2016

When Others Believe Your Abuser

WHEN OTHERS BELIEVE YOUR
(Narcissistic, Sociopathic or Psychopathic) ABUSER


sadness
from this site: CLICK HERE

Since when is it good to be friendly with bad people? Since when is winking at their wrongdoing a virtue?

Perhaps someone can quote chapter and verse in the comments, because holier-than-thous really deserve to have their religion's true teachings show what frauds their twisting of religious doctrine makes them.

In the New Testament, in Revelations, I believe, in one of the letters to the churches, some holier-than-thou Christians are read the riot act for that very same pretense.


The author unloads both barrels at them with this truth: "Good people are not lukewarm toward evil" it says.

Cowards are.

Loving good is hating evil. And vice versa. Love is an attraction; hate a repulsion. But that is too simple for complex people to understand.

Now I am not saying that we must reject everyone not perfect, for then we would reject everyone, including ourselves. But decent people need no instruction.
There is a point at which behavior becomes predatory and malicious - a point at which one is morally obligated to separate themselves from that person.
You thus take away a bad actor's safety in numbers. You show disapproval. You discourage others from behaving the same way. You comfort the victim by showing him or her that the pain caused them by the bad guy matters to you.

Is any of that evil?

It's just a way of discouraging the harm the bad guy is doing others by showing that you want nothing to do with someone who hurts others like that.

Where is the sin in that, pray tell? Sounds like fine, upstanding conduct to me.

Jesus spoke of this when he said that "indecent conduct" is a special case and justification for divorce even. At the time, the terms "indecent" or "lewd" conduct simply meant "lowdown" or "despicable" conduct of any sort.

And that statement of his, qualifying his disapproval of divorce, is just common sense.

Why? Let's say you are married to a Mafia boss. Is it right for you live in his big fancy house, being waited on by his hired staff? Is it right for you to PROFIT from the crimes he commits and ther damage he does to people?

To the contrary:
it is immoral for you not to divorce him when you find out what he is.

The same people who make a virtue of "accepting" abusive narcissists, relentlessly persecute anyone for any hint of racism or sexism. THAT they won't tolerate. They wouldn't DREAM of tolerating anything politically incorrect like that.

But though they know and believe that the narcissist has brutally abused you, they see no reason to show any disapproval of that.

Hmmm. Whom do they think they're fooling?

They make nothing of that narcissist's abuse of you. They countenance it.


If instead they rejected the narcissist, they would be doing the one small thing they could to get on the right side, the victim's side.

But they abandon the victim and smile in the abuser's face.


Not so holy as they pretend.

by Kathy Krajco

SOURCE: Narcissist Sympathizers

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shared by Barbara at 12:55 AM


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13 Comments:

There was a story circulating the Christian Churches in the '90's. It goes like this:
A group of guerrilla fighters burst into an evangelical church, during Sunday service, in South America. "Everyone who proclaims to Love the Christ, must stay and be shot! the rest of you can leave."
Within minutes the church was nearly empty. The congregation exited out the windows and doors. In the end, only 3 remained; waiting to be killed.
The guerrilla fighters immediately threw down their guns and proclaimed:
"My fellow BRETHREN! now that we have rid ourselves of the hypocrites, let us worship our Lord in Truth!"
When my ex-husband heard this story, he immediately said, "YUP. That would do it."
And I said, "Dang, I hope I'd be one that stayed..." but be it far from me to admit to him-I'd have been the first one out a window! dragging my toddlers along with me!

I like to tell this story because, I believe that true "Christians", who depend on the blood of Christ (as they are SUPPOSED TO DO) and do NOT depend upon themselves,(as the Pharisee), will respond in humility...realizing that they really don't know HOW they would respond. No grandiosity! only humble hope in redemption for their shortcomings.

It takes a lot of wit to realize& refute religious perpetrators and their business.
Thank you for this site.
I'll be sharing it!

9:28 PM  

Great response to the article. I love that story!

I have run into so many times in which you read, "We don't know both sides of this story. We don't know what she did beforehand that made him react like this!"

I responded back, "Can you name ONE circumstance in which this would be an 'acceptable' response? Just one please!" I got some lame response about how the victim can be perfect either to which I say, "I don't know if I have ever met a perfect person. Can you? Are you saying the victim needs to be prefect before we can call out sinful behavior now?"

Funny how NONE of them responded again...and left the thread alone from then on. Hyprocites and cowards is a good name for them.

10:09 AM  

I am a 29 year old sexual child abuse survivor. My abuser was a removed distant family member. I am looking to make connections with other surviors and specifically other survivors who are writing. I just recently published a Christian Childrens book that aims to give hope back to children whom have had theirs stolen. I have a site with my backstory and info on what I have written. Please check it out and leave me a comment.http://auntloubooks.weebly.com/

10:16 AM  

Can I copy this and send it to my church? I found out last week that they have bowed down to my husband for a request of his instead of standing against the sin of his abusive behavior towards me and our boys. My husband left a year ago after 20 years of mentally, verbally and emotionally abusing me and our children. I am filing for divorce after a year of trying to figure out if it is okay for me to do that as a Christian woman, and after seeing how the church last week chose not to stand against him, but rather side with him, I have no doubts what I need to do. I am writing a letter to the church and may include some of this post in there, and then I'm leaving and never looking back.

11:13 AM  

Amy - of course you can copy and send it; though I doubt it would do any good.

10:53 PM  

BTW Amy - have you read this website:

www.divorcehope.com

10:54 PM  

Yes, Barbara, I have been to that website. And you are right that sending a letter and/or this post will not do any good. I suppose I will do as my sister suggested, and write it for myself, but never send it to the church.

I often wonder if things would have been different if he had given me bruises on the outside. :(

2:22 AM  

I am quoting my wife here, from her previous marriage.

Or how about when a mom witnesses her son physically beat you, intervenes and begs her son to stop. Yet, she stands up in a court of law and says that she has never seen her son lay a hand on you. How tragic!

Omar

9:10 AM  

Amy, when a church will put anyone in harm's way, I feel it is time to part. There is no justification of abuse in any form, in a relationship. I do not believe God would accept that a woman be forced to stay in the marriage to be repeatedly abused. I, too, have decided NO MORE ABUSE and am at the agreement signing phase. Of which he will not until he "has exhausted every effort, every cent to make me penniless." Good luck and hold on. I was in this sick marriage for 29 years and it is going on ONE since I filed in 2012. ♥ barb

8:43 AM  

Somewhere I read, "A narcissist will manipulate everyone around you to betray you. This is not a reflection of who you are, but more a reflection of the narcissist's powers of manipulation and the integrity of the other people."

I, too, have been asked, "What did you do to cause him to act this way?"...even though the court granted me a restraining order against him.

There's been a very high price to pay for my not wanting to welcome this sick, abusive bully into my family. I've had to let go of (or be dragged down by) my adult daughter, my mother, and two people I once considered friends — all of whom were manipulated by him. The highest price of all is being paid by my three grandchildren, who have become the collateral damage. Before the narcissist, I saw them several days a week and they had frequent sleepovers. Since his arrival, months went by before they could visit for just a couple of hours. Even that seems almost impossible at this point in the drama.

For me, the only choice was between abuse and integrity. Loss of integrity will kill your soul. And isn't taking care of your soul the real purpose of religion and/or spirituality?



1:23 PM  

How I adore the judgement of soo many who still don't know enough to be as destructive as they choose to be....The truth would scortch them but that isn't my job nor place. They must learn like everyone else, the truth cannot be slain or overpowered by those trying to kill with no reverence of the idea "They may be sadly mistaken" and in this case are just that...or knowingly rallying to hide their accountability on the back of true suffering. I shut down what was an idiots effort at making fun of a horrible reality ....one of many realities aka "blankets of wool pulled over my eyes".... It was funny then and what is it now? A reason to empower the modem to joyne in on what has no substance only "punishment" for daring to tell of what I endured at the hand of the one who needed me till I dare voice bits of truth & despite his souring the milk over honor being adheared to...it is I who see my experiences being used to support a persona as sick as the many followers of something I allowed to see what it was I was actually loosing & in private I got my answers that still remain repressed under the web of lies
created to make it appear that the one who choose to take the vict.role developed by the dogs thrown bones....because calling them off would expose how insencere he was about a scheme he was ralleyed to adhear to not without enough regreat or reservation to expose the only ones with malice & lies to be shown....

11:54 PM  

How I adore the judgement of soo many who still don't know enough to be as destructive as they choose to be....The truth would scortch them but that isn't my job nor place. They must learn like everyone else, the truth cannot be slain or overpowered by those trying to kill with no reverence of the idea "They may be sadly mistaken" and in this case are just that...or knowingly rallying to hide their accountability on the back of true suffering. I shut down what was an idiots effort at making fun of a horrible reality ....one of many realities aka "blankets of wool pulled over my eyes".... It was funny then and what is it now? A reason to empower the modem to joyne in on what has no substance only "punishment" for daring to tell of what I endured at the hand of the one who needed me till I dare voice bits of truth & despite his souring the milk over honor being adheared to...it is I who see my experiences being used to support a persona as sick as the many followers of something I allowed to see what it was I was actually loosing & in private I got my answers that still remain repressed under the web of lies
created to make it appear that the one who choose to take the vict.role developed by the dogs thrown bones....because calling them off would expose how insencere he was about a scheme he was ralleyed to adhear to not without enough regreat or reservation to expose the only ones with malice & lies to be shown....

11:54 PM  

How far will they go to support what keeps their fanny in the clear?

11:56 PM  

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