Sanctuary for the Abused

Saturday, August 16, 2014

CO-PARENTING WITH A NARCISSIST, SOCIOPATH or ABUSER


1. STAY STRONG IN YOUR FAITH! I know that this is difficult at times because I myself have been tried so much. Go to church regularly and tell the pastor(s) and counselors at your church what you are dealing with and ask them and the congregation to pray for you. Pray and read your Bible. If you are not religious you might want to try this out anyway or meditate to bring peace to your soul. It is absolutely necessary that you find some peace in a situation that is utter chaos and dysfunction.

2. DO NOT TAKE THEIR BAIT! I have read on several websites (including this one), and books like The Sociopath Next Door, by Dr. Martha Stout, and also Without Conscience, by Dr. Robert Hare, that stress this very point. I found this out the hard way and have learned from experience that this only adds to the problem because the sociopath is often trying to get a reaction out of you. Reacting or retaliating against the sociopath only fuels the fire. Although it might sound cliché, one can only truly and successfully fight evil with goodness, especially in this case.

3. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Sociopaths (as my ex is) are pathological liars and are bound to contradict themselves in their stories. Thorough logs of all events with the sociopath and also supporting documents such as emails, police documents, medical records, court documents, etc., can all be of help when dealing with a sociopath in a situation such as this. When the time is right (sometimes its smart to let time go by so that the sociopath can implicate, perjure, and hang him/herself some more) you might decide to file the appropriate paperwork in court (i.e. Order to Show Cause for custody and visitation, declarations, motions for contempt of court, etc.) and attach the documents that you have been logging and saving as exhibits/evidence to your court papers (you can ask an attorney, paralegal, or family law self help center or other similar groups how to do this). If you have the financial resources, you might want to consider a deposition as another opportunity to let the animal perjure him/herself some more.

4. REQUEST EXPLICIT COURT ORDERS! I have found through personal experience that sociopaths will exploit and take advantage of any ambiguity or vagueness in court orders to create complete and utter chaos. You must push for detailed court orders when you go to court to prevent this from happening.

5. IF POSSIBLE, ASK THE COURT TO ARRANGE CHILD EXCHANGES AT LOCAL POLICE DEPARTMENTS! Doing this eliminates the opportunity of having to interact with the sociopath at your home or his/her home as well as other places that are easy for chaos to occur. Arrive at the exchange early and let the officers know that you are there for a child exchange (make sure you always have the court orders with you so that the police can see it if need be) and you can ask the desk officers if they can monitor the exchange.

6. HAVE PEOPLE OTHER THAN YOU THAT YOU TRUST AND ARE GOOD PEOPLE DO THE EXCHANGE OF YOUR CHILD(REN) IF POSSIBLE! Making yourself as invisible as possible might increase the chances of cutting the sociopath out of your life since he or she will no longer be able to see you sweat. Remember to always stay calm and collected when the sociopath tries to anger you (you can cry and vent in private) even and especially in court.

7. BE CAUTIOUS IN STATING THAT YOUR EX IS A SOCIOPATH (OR NARCISSIST)! Many people, including the courts, child welfare organizations, lawyers, etc., are not familiar with this devastating disorder and as a result do not know how to respond properly to the warning signs (as many of us did not know how to until we were caught in a complex web of deception). Therefore, focus on proving the behavior of the sociopath in court using the strategies I suggested earlier and do not accuse your ex as being a sociopath in court. They will not take this seriously since you are probably not a professional licensed to make such a diagnosis.

8. PUSH FOR COMMUNICATION BETWEEN YOU AND THE EX TO BE THROUGH EMAIL ONLY WHEN YOU GO TO COURT! Communication using this vehicle of communication helps to eliminate the possibility of he said/she said. Websites such as www.ourfamilywizard.com are excellent because they provide an opportunity for you to communicate with your ex via email and all the communication is safe and secure and can easily be printed out (all emails also include the date and exact time the emails were sent and viewed by the other party and also include the time any printed emails are generated). Also, the website allows you to input your parenting schedules, input medical information for the child, and offers a journal, free children’s accounts to the child(ren) involved and can also offer professional accounts for minor’s counsel and possible others to oversee the account and monitor what is going on.

9. PUSH THE COURT FOR PERMISSION TO VIDEO OR TAPE RECORD EXCHANGES AND MAKE SURE THIS IS WRITTEN IN THE COURT ORDER! Doing this helps to eliminate any possibility for potential chaos.

10. GET ALL INFORMATION STRAIGHT FROM THE SOURCE! Do not rely on any information the sociopath provides you. Always verify all information concerning the child or children with their doctors, teachers, counselors, etc. If possible have the child(ren’s) doctors, teachers, counselors, etc. document all information they give you.

11. DO NOT CUT THE SOCIOPATH ANY SLACK! Record and document any and all violations of court orders. Recording these violations may be helpful when you go to court.

12. HIRE AN EXPERIENCED COMPETENT ATTORNEY, AND IF POSSIBLE ONE THAT HAS EXPERIENCE IN DEALING WITH SOCIOPATHS OR OTHER SIMILAR PERSONALITY DISORDERS! Child custody cases involving sociopaths are complicated and need the skill, experience, and know-how of a professional.

13. TRUST YOUR GUT! Oftentimes, we doubt our intuitions when we shouldn’t. In my personal experience I found that there were warning signs but did not respond to them as I should have because I took the signs lightly. Likewise, when I was drawn into my ex’s net of deception and chaos, I knew something was wrong, and attempted to explain what I believed was wrong with my ex to my previous attorney, but the attorney did not understand and discouraged me from engrossing myself in research. She stated that doing so could help me to become emotionally and mentally unstable (the attorney did not have experience in dealing with such complex personalities and so did not know how to properly respond to my ex’s actions). I later decided to trust my gut and continued with my research. Through research, trial and error, I have learned how to better deal with my ex and I do not respond to his baits (my ex has accused me of being a sociopath and has falsely accused me of harassing him).

14. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! Living well is truly the best revenge. As difficult as it may be, try not to let the sociopath make you a bitter, angry, mean person. Remember the ultimate goal of the sociopath is to frustrate you. Enjoy your child(ren) while they are with you and let them know that you love them. Listen to them and model what real love looks like while they are in your care. Let them see you in loving relationships with other people. Criticize their actions and not them in private and DO NOT talk badly about the other parent in their presence (this can give the other parent an opportunity to bring parental alienation charges against you); instead you can let them know that actions like the ones their parents are exhibiting are wrong and hurtful to others and that this behavior is undesirable. Also, don’t forget to eat (like I have in the past), exercise, sleep, and laugh! Do not under any circumstances allow the sociopath to rob you of your ability to laugh.


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shared by Barbara at 12:14 AM


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50 Comments:

I have had these issues with my ex husband. When I left him I had to get a court order so that he couldn't remove the children from me (he had threatened this if I ever walked out) , he played mind games with myself and my eldest child , he turned up late... He also kept coming to the 'safe place' I was waiting at during handover times. He even swung a punch at me once and shouted some very nasty swear words at me. He prank called me , he reported my mobile stolen ( the handset was in his name of course).
All of this was reported to the police. They couldn't do much but it was all on file incase it escalated.

Then all of this stopped. He'd met a new lady! Hallelujah! I was in the clear.

I still don't trust him. He's a compulsive liar and he is always expecting my eldest son to compete for his approval. The youngest ( too young to have opinions) is the golden child to him.

The point is though that I got my kids out of there. They still see their dad - I can't stop this. But they live with me , they are safe with me.

8:50 AM  

Omg...
Im going through all this now and im wanting to prove to the courts without saying his sick. This is all to familiar. Your stories. Its stressful. And I let him get to me and I get extremly angry. I feel all this has been a lie. He almost convinced me I was crazy.
Im documenting everything taking pictures.
I figured out where he learned this behavior. He got it from his Mother's and now shes telling lies. Its sick.
I know I have to stay calm bc they will try to make me look like im crazy....
Good luck...
And thank u

12:41 PM  

Oh the stories I could share about my ex. I've been dealing with his sickness for 15 years. My ex DID convince me that "I" was the one who was mentally ill (and crazy) - to the point where I had myself put on medication. 8 1/2 years ago, I got away from him - though it cost me my primary custody of my daughter. I never dreamed that my ex would hurt my daughter to hurt me; I was wrong. From 2004 to 2011 I fought to regain custody of her and attempt to protect her. It was a long, gruesome, exhausting battle; that I fought without an attorney because I couldn't ever afford one.

In 2009 I had had the final straw with my ex. I had my visitation time with my daughter and he felt that it was his right to have contact with her at his whim - any time of day or night. When I did not answer my phone he sent the police to my home at 10 p.m. at night, claiming that he was worried and concerned about our welfare; that he had not spoken with his daughter for three days and that it was unusual for her to not talk to him (which was a lie - she avoided him at all costs when she was with me; in attempts to re-cooperate from what he put her through while with him) and asked them to come check on us. I checked the police report later and it showed that his call to them and his email to me accusing me of alienating him from our daughter and demanding money he believed I owed to him were within minutes of one another - showing that his so called concern for our daughter he expressed to the police was just a ploy to get them there - harassing me through the cops to let me know who was in control I guess. From that point forward I religiously documented every single detail that involved him. Every word, every phone call, every email, every lie, every accusation, every stunt he tried to pull - everything.

The break through with the court began in April 2010 where his motion for contempt against me was denied and the court began to take more note of what my daughter had to say about what she wanted and needed and what she was going through with her father while not in my care. At the time she was 11 years old. The court had been dealing with our case since 2005 and finally started to listen to what she had to say - even though they usually don't until they are between 12 - 14 years old.

It took another 2 1/2 years of persistent documentation and standing my ground (also 2 more years of many days on my knees in prayer; tears of frustration; exhaustion and anguish watching what my daughter was suffering through) and I finally regained primary residential custody of my daughter; and in October 2011, the court reaffirmed my custody status and required, by my documentation, my daughter's own testimony, and the testimony of her therapist at the time, that his visitation only take place if all three of us (me, him, and my daughter) agree to it. I really wish I'd have had the finances to afford a competent attorney; because with a competent attorney I believe I'd have gotten a lot better custody arrangements and greater restrictions against him to protect my daughter.

The battle is far from over; but my daughter and I have come such a long way. Since his recent violation of the court ordered visitation schedule, I am, once again, back in the serious documentation mode; and as this article states - watching him hang himself with his actions, behaviors, and words to both me and my daughter.

It is very tempting to go back and forth with him with facts of his own behavior and defend my position against the vile statements and accusations he makes against me; including the vile things he says to our daughter - but I have learned that this DOES only fuel his fire; and that is what he truly does want.

I am glad that I found this blog for support, encouragement, and hope to continue to find healing and strength to protect my daughter. It is inevitable that we will be going back to court again - possibly even in the near future; and I will be ready.

1:02 PM  

I am so grateful to hear similar stories to mine. In my situation, My ex has four children by three mothers. His first child, now 16, was of use to him when she was 4, then abandoned for 3 years while he was in a relationship with me. My daughter, now 8, was born and we legally separated when she was 8 weeks old. He had no contact with us until I filed for divorce, then the fight has never ceased. After me, he went back to the first daughter for a year and dropped her again when he was caught drunk and about to drive her home and the mother refused to leave her alone with him. After her, he was with the third mother and had twin boys with her. To this day, he has been obsessed with me and using my daughter only. He has supervised visitation with the twin boys but hasn't seen them in 6 months. Since he's not paying child support, his drivers license was suspended but promptly reinstated when he filed against it. Within a week of that, his father had to file eviction papers to have him removed from his house. Now he is supposed to get my daughter for the weekend after cancelling two Wednesday's and not showing for Father's Day completely (which is unusual, because that's a day that's all about him), and now he hasn't responded with where he will be staying with her. I don't know what to do or what I can legally do. I am afraid for my life and my daughter's life due to his instability and I'm afraid a restraining order is simply a piece of paper that he is above (in his mind). Does anyone have any advice for us? I'm so tired of living in fear and my daughter is old enough to understand more and she sees him very clearly, which surprises me for her age, but she is afraid of him too. Why do these poor children have to be subjected to people like this? My daughter has been in counseling for two years which helps her greatly, but I'm so afraid for her and the damage he has already caused her. Please help!

12:02 AM  

I too am in this sort of situation with my ex-husband. He is, and I have documented evidence that he is a pathological liar and he ticks all the boxes for 'psychopath.' He lived a double life for at least four years of our marriage, renting another home, going on holidays secretly and even forging solicitor's letters to show the other woman (pretending he was already divorcing) to maintain the lie. He admitted all of this to me quite happily. My son saw hime regularly for contact although I am the primary resident parent. When he was with my son he indulged in very dangerous activities using fire and firearms. If I tried to discuss this with him, as I was advised to by my son's counsellor (who was concerned for his welfare) he abused me by text and email, to the point of 50 messages a day. I agreed a contact calendar but this was not enough for him. He constantly threatened court.
My son came back from a holiday very traumatised and he had already had to have help from a children's mental health doctor because he had exhibited ocd symptoms after contact. My son, then aged 11 and a half asked to cease any overnight stays. Unfortunately his father booked a 'surprise' holiday and when my son refused to go, he ranted on the doorstep and then filed a court case for 'residence.' The whole case has gone on for over a yer now and my son now 12 and a half still adamantly refuses any contact at all stating his father shouted at and bullied him, forcing him to do things he didn't want to do. My ex has tried everything to discredit me as a parent - saying I have casued parental alienation (I never have) demanding that I am psychologically assessed, when I suspect HE is the one with a mental disorder for many well-documented reasons. The social services have been very poor and do not listen to my son who is well parented and happy. It is fear of contact due to his own alleged abuse which makes him unhappy. Yet the social workers seems to support my ex husband and not my son. Thankfully he might now be allowed to talk to the judge himself, who seems ver sensible. But it has cost me a fortune and impacted on my health and my work to support my son and fight for justice for him (and defend myself against false allegations.)

4:04 AM  

I am glad to find this site. I am in the same situation and he is prevailing in court.

4:24 PM  

Omg I am going through the same thing. No one understands. Its almost like I wrote this myself..

11:10 PM  

i dont know what to do. my kids and i depend on him financially and he is a horrible person. he is a narcissist, was sexually and physically abused by his mother as a kid, and also by other perpetrators sexually. he has abused my daughter and got two years probation. he masturbates at the office toilet and he has his secrets. but all that i cant handle anymore. i myself am a wrack. i just sit and play computer games, am fat, cant really be a good mother anymore and not sure i want to be. i would really like to die. i have depressions from the trauma he has caused. i really am at the end and i fuckin dont know how to even think of getting out of this!!,

11:33 AM  

Your feet will move you if you allow. My mind no longer computed the possibility when I fled. No intimate relationship but a trap to cover financial and other crimes, so horrifying-I will not touch on because I want to break his criminal loser face and I cannot even produce a proper answer to a simple question. My symptoms have not yet been professionally addressed-still why would not one policeman, detective or other even take a mere look into, 1 follow up qeuestion or phone call??? Why did no doctor or other express only concern for me if I was not believed???A Sneer of blame, really??? My life, disgarded without hesitation dismissed by misinterpretation of all that would otherwise induce awe, recognized as strength unbelievable if you pulled me out of his lair yourself. He the implyer, fantasize of my greatness-the thought alone proves I am better than all-deviant loser viewed as such a winner with a wink and a shrug--"..unaccomplished loser garbage.. misunderstood as "professional",unbelievably kind and devoted (to the ingrate mental case, the other lucky lady- only with her eyes could once relay-only a problem in that she may not die before it would benefit taxwise (2months2go)charming and (I still cannot comprehend how, a master manipulator, so transparent to my eyes always) nd relentless in his efforts. That I APPEAR as that which was relentlessly forced upon me allows, even those with knowledge, to relieve themselves of professional obligation. I understand exactly and fear, but only in that this turd woyld not be realized and known for the depth of his depravity, that escape from the prison of HIS home has only allowed for him to further marvel at "his" superiority as he now enjoys a broarder range in playing field understanding most do not hear past even one insane act, smug knowing as I have been told what are you worried about? your paranoid,etc in response to a passing comment of a recent, evidenced (what they would be justified feeling terror) did. Furious that I and a couple of innocents more, might actually wind up one of those crime show "OMG she was telling the truth" shows. This should be a blockbuster NOW even if no political office would need never to kiss a baby or even smile again for putting this guy on a long fun journey of a trial prior to storing him in his own hell til the next election year. Thanks for allowing this vent. I am without any manner of support to even find past this horrifying ridiculous inability to move a baby step and jeez, imagine he gets away with it & truly sick he got cant even say this far---maybe I am nuts...I just cannot fathom it.

4:31 AM  

I'm reading all your comments as woman and I feel for ever single one of you my ex girlfriend is Indeed lost. I left our house and went to the police station with my son I endedup being arrested for domestic ab and Im soon to go to trail for that cause I will NOT plea out to something I did not do I hated my life I was abused mentallyand phisicaly (not beat, but attacked) its been 6-7month and I take my son as much as I can and I oay child suport 2-3days a week and every other weekend. The d.a. had her out a restraining order on me that was dropped to a no abuse order "for our son" She has temerary full custody and uses my son as a weapon...there is no rhyme or reason to see him besides every other weekend I do every thing for my kid but the one time I have plans or somthisomthing and I can't watch.him when she asks me last min I'm a shitty dad going loser amd I'm never going to see my son again...I try to stand my ground but its my son and I give In and she's nice...then the second she's not getting her way its back to the mean....I'm sooo sad and fed up one day she wants to be with me and that would be great but I just can't do it cause I know the next day.the next moment I'm going to be the worst person in the world and I should die and be In jail...sorry for all the typos I'm on my phone.I'm so hurt and sad and scard for where my life will end up when I just want to be the best dad ever

7:39 PM  

This all rings so very true and people in general do not understand how emotionally horrific it is to face this battle. When I went through the thick of it, I truly did think I was insane. My ex would fly "just under the radar", acting in a manner that seemed completely normal and justified to everyone else... often benevolent. What he was really doing was peppering his statements with things he knew would anger me, and of course I would bite and look like the completely crazy one. And then there was the spin... OH THE SPIN! To anyone else it would seem I was beyond unfit to raise my children. Then after custody was finalized and thought it was over... nope. My child could get a grass stain and the email I would get would read something to the affect of "I would appreciate it if you would take care to make certain XX's clothes are laundered and that he practices proper hygiene." I would freak out... picturing the email sitting in front of some judge that knows no better and imagines my home to be infested with bugs and lacking a source of water for showers. I'd practice what I would say to social workers. I kept my house impeccably spotless at all times, sure that they would arrive at any moment to take my child away. I would FLIP out if my child got a knick or bruise... and then there was the time he got hives. OMG... that terrified me even though I rationally know it is common, normal and not a big deal at all. There were so many times that I literally drove myself into fits of over the top anxiety thinking of all the angles he could play to make me look terrible. And I knew that he would win. Narcissists ALWAYS win because they never grow weak from the battle... they LOVE it! Best advice EVER is right here on this website... make yourself as invisible as possible and DO NOT communicate unless ABSOLUTELY necessary. Keep any communications you have to have VERY brief, nice, and professional (pretend you are emailing a potential employer in connection with a job interview - set a very cautious, deliberate, and conscience tone). Life does get easier when you set your boundaries firm. While I still cringe and want to curl up in a ball when I see his name pop up in my inbox, I breathe... then read... then walk away... then ask myself if there is any relevant purpose in a response. 99% of the time the answer is no. Hang in there! There truly are a lot of us out there that KNOW for a fact you are NOT insane!

5:38 PM  

Wow! I am so glad to read the stories here. I have been struggling with a psychopathic ex for the last 10 years and trying everything possible to stay 2 steps ahead of the man. I have been charged 3 times for child abuse & assault against my children, lost one son to death in his home (with no investigation or autopsy), lost a daughter to parental alienation and am watching my youngest go through hell every time he has to visit him. I have spent thousands upon thousands of dollars trying to keep my children safe & "do the right thing" for them....and I feel that I have failed. I received a letter tonight that I now have to pay him more money in Maintenance Arrears for a time period when he gained the children through my false arrest. I have no more money, I can barely make ends meet now and I feel like I'm the crazy one!! Everything I say is twisted around to make it seem like he is doing all these great & wonderful things and I am nothing but a vindictive ex. I have to really stop & focus some days to remind myself that it is NOT me, that I am living this nightmare and I need to stay strong for my youngest boy. But all I can think of is...will it ever end?

11:29 PM  

I am so glad I read this it feels so good to know there someone else out there that knows what I'm going through and how it feels. My ex makes me feel like I'm the crazy one and nobody else seem to see the truth in who he is cause they hide it so well. I'm tired of dealing with it and just wish the truth would come out. I try my hardest not to respond to him and let his action and words get to me cause I already KNOW what he doing but I've dealt with it so long I'm tired and so frustrated with it. I honestly don't know what to do anymore...... I now have a 7 month old daughter with him and I'm scared for her to be around him alone or just period cause I know the REAL him. I want to get a lawyer but just like many of you posted I feel like ill just look like the crazy one. I HATE IT AND IM SO TIRED OF DEALING WITH IT!

4:58 AM  

I empathize with you all. Its like were all telling the same story, unfortunatley I cant write much do to the utter deterion of my mind and soul from the horrible abuse my wife has done to me. I am about to be homeless and this past year I have stripped of everything I worked my entire life for. The poor poor children n myne and all of yours, when will society and the courts recognize these horrible soul suckers. They choose only good compasionate people to destroy, so all of you who look down upon yourselves with love because your not crazy and thats just thier tool to sustain thier pathetic exsistense. We all have something to offer this beutiful world and I say this as I pray to the lord that I just make it through one more day alone and scared. We are the beuty of this world and thus why we are targeted by them to snuff out our light. Please dont give up,,any of you because if at least we have each other we have something. I will be victorious in uniting us all one day and making this world a better place even despite thier evil exsistance but with out you all I have nothing, so stand up and shine I will be with you soon

1:35 PM  

This terrifies me..... I just discovered the double life my ex boyfriend was living and just how cruel he can be. We were together 7 years, we have a four year old son and an 8 month old daughter. I asked him to get help but he just kept blaming me.... The nightmare some of you have been living, has just started for me... Is there any light? How do I protect my children, they're so young. I deleted what physical email evidence I had... I have nothing as proof.

11:40 PM  

I'm glad I'm not alone but it's unfortunate this happens to a lot of women. My ex and I have shared custody and because I moved on and decided to have a second child, he is trying to punish me. He tries to dictate my living situation and demands to know where his child is sleeping and threatens to take me back to court. He makes slick comments to make me think he will one day get full custody. He mix truth with lies. He communicates when he wants and finds loopholes in our court order. I know it is just satan working in him so I try to keep my head up and know the main objective is to upset me and to get met to a point where I give up. I will never give up and will not worry about what louse he may come up with to gain full custody. It's horrible and I hope everyone going thru what I go thru never gives up either. These crazy men aren't worth it.

5:39 AM  

Reading these articles lets me know I am not alone. I can relate to most of these women. It is scary to know there are so many abusers

11:02 PM  

Wow, so happy I stumbled across this site. Finally, I know I am not crazy. My ex is so mad and angry that I do not love him that he uses our child and my family members against me. I come from an abusive family and do not talk to half of them to keep my sanity. Once we split, what does my ex do? Brings them around these family members. I get so worried about my child. I do not want him to go through the same abuse I went through. It is so frustrating. My ex says I am the crazy one because kids deserve to see their family. These are people my ex never met while we were married. It's so frustrating and the courts do nothing. Reading this makes me realize my ex is still wanting that control over me. Using my child to keep it. To see others are in the same boat is really calming to me because I really started to believe I was the crazy one. I don't know any of you, but I am saying a prayer for all of you. Unless you are in the situation, it's hard to understand and I am so glad I can read your comments and not feel so alone.

1:10 AM  

I left my ex when my daughter was 3 weeks old because of him controlling me and isolating me from family. When my daughter was 3 weeks old he wouldn't let me take her to see my mother. I then found my voice and left him. I was living on my sisters sofa unemployed and with a new born. When I left my ex I had nothing he wouldn't even let me have her pram. He told socail services I have mental health problems and went on to tell them about my teanage years. At this time I was 23 years old and he was 40. It's been 3 years and now I am in the middle of our second custerdy battle. He keeps taking my daughter away from me and stating he's worried I am a drug abuser. Then when I pass a drugs test he then says he worried about my mental heath. He's a compulsive lier and is always contradicting himself even in court it's documented on paper. I could go on for ever about his nastiness and the way he constantly under minds me and my parenting skills and has to always be in control. I am serverly dyslexic and I always try to see the best in people. He noes this and uses this against me. I have no money and can't afford a serlisiter. I am currently representing myself. The Caffcass worker has seen right through him. The judge has asked for a section 7 report. But I feel that thennew socail worker Iis under qualified and really dosent have a clue what she's doing. My ex is a well respected man even though he has a bad criminal record for violence and drug abuse. He's the boss of a double glazing company. He's made alot of people in the small town I live in think that I'm a drug abuser and I have mental health problems and I'm a bad mother. To the open eye of the public my ex is the life and soul of a party and would do anything for anyone. I don't no what to do even if I win this court case it won't be long untill he does this again. I love my daughter and would fight untill my last breath for her but mentally I don't think I am strong enough to do this every year or couple of year's untill she's an adult. Any advice will be most grateful

3:54 PM  

Any fellas on this forum? I'm starting to suspect my partner is aspd. We've 3 kids under 5 and want to leave but get custody. In UK there is little chance of the father gaining custody. any tips on swaying the outcome? Sounds like documenting behavioural evidence may be key.

8:44 PM  

I have two children with my ex he is a liar munipulater and uses women to support him. We split up in 2005 after years of lies, cheating taking money from me, emotional abuse, and so on. In the 1st year and a half i had full custody he didnt show up to court for court or my emergency order about leaving my kids dirty in diapers almost naked living with several men in the house and drinking. The day i left he filed for welfare and lived off that for awhile. he constantly harrassed me i filed another emergency order at that point they gave him 50% custody because he happened to have a job at thispoint. He left me alone for awhile when he got in a new relationship. always lied when he moved coming up with excuses when he had actually been evicted several times for not having rent money. he got on welfare again but this time they stuck me with child support 560 dollars that was huge money to pay i had to work out arrangements since i then had changed jobs to work closer to my house and couldnt afford taking the kids to and from school everday on my weeks. Big mistake although i still got equal time by having them all break summer and vacations. Earlier this year he filed police reports saying my current husband was abusive after 9 years of our marraige although cps, and court didnt believe it to be true they gave him more time since the kids were used to being with me on weekends. he now uses the court order to have them for half of vacations and such my custody went from 50 to roughly 28% right after court he filed a child support modification and since hes still not working he got 620. if thats not bad enough the kids are starting to lie, grades are down to d's and f's he makes excuses for everything like the school doesnt like them. on wednesday he plays pool gets drunk and thursdays are natorious sick days or late days at school. when i ask the kids why they didnt go they say dad either said they could stay home or dad was too drunk the night before and didnt wake up. how do i prove all of his lies. the problem is i live two towns over the kids grew up where he lives in his big house where his new sugar momma lives so kids have plenty of room and comforts. i live in a decent size house but we are crowded because im helping my mother in law raise my 3 nephews and i have an older son and younger daughter so all the boys share a really big room. my mother in law is a bit crazy and things can get tense. although i like that they are drama free and have plenty of space with thier dad im fearful his lies and lifestyle is only hurting my children. they see its ok to lie, be lazy, not work, and not attend school. along with making excuses like schoolwork is to hard or the teachers dont like them i really need advise on this anyone with your thoughts please help!

4:03 PM  

My sister found this site for me after she blew up on my ex this evening. She is concerned for me and was sad and angry on my behalf. My ex has served me with court papers trying to take my children from me. he has lied and said that he didn't know that I was moving to AZ with our 2 sets of twins ages 3 and 5. I am up on charges of, kidnapping and extortion. And I don't know what else. He has helped me since moving down here 4 of the 6 months of us being here. He has not really helped more then that during the course of our relationship. He used drugs heavily and drank over the course of us being together. He hit me, damaged property , chased me around a table me and my daughter, (not by him) by knife point and I didn't have him arrested. All in front of 3 of the 4 babies that we have together. (Can someone answer this question, why when you call on domestic violence, the cops treat you as the guilty party? Had they arrested him as I was asking them to do, he would not have been able to get into his car and drive away as he did. And I'd not lost my nerve to have him arrested. ) I am so foolish that I never reported anything. He called me last night and told me that if we didn't get back together one of us would die of a broken heart. He then said it was me in his dream and that it was so horrific that he couldn't tell me all the details. He called and talked and text me that we had to get all the negative jealous people out our lives and basically be together. A couple hours into the night he was back to taunting me about court as I cant afford a decent lawyer, or a lawyer period. And how he will see me then. That he serious about preserving his relationship with his children. I feel so helpless and lost. And he turns everything around and makes me the guilty party. His case alleges neglect on my part, names my Mom as an abuser. While he was down here for the holidays, staying in my house and driving my car he called child protective services on me. They came and found his statements unwarranted. But all of this was for he could present it in court. I am so lost and I have feelings of unworthiness and I text and called him giving in to all the demands he listed on the court papers and he told me no, we would see this thru. Then if or when we get back together in the future we would have said and done everything to one another. I honestly feel as I am going to loose my babies. I have given him all the ammunition he needs against me and I've no time to help my case. I respond to his taunts he knows how to push my buttons and knowing this, I still let him!! He has put me thru so much that I do not recognize myself any more. I want to give in and give up and he wont even allow me that out. He wants to take me away from home back to Chicago for a case, and take off work and pay for a plane fare I can not afford. I am lost, please help me. My court case is in a couple of weeks. There is so much I can say, but reading thru your blogs, you have said everything that I have been thru and the things that I still face and I'm terrified.

1:35 AM  

OMG...so glad iam not the only one goig through this with my ex of 10 years we were together..I made a major decision to leave the abusive relationship, iam a Nurse and my ex had a major problem with me making more money and i totally refused to pay anymore of his tickets and so forth, its been 2 years since the break up it has been hell...for me and my to children son 13 and daughter 11..we have been in court the whole 2 years, he has done so much evil shit to me i cant believe this was the man i laid with in bed for 10 years. He has since then broken in my house, kidnapped my kids, tampered with my mail, chase me from the kids school,made a police accusation of me breaking out his windows. we went back to court for contempt of previous orders. He didnt want to go to jail so he settled with me to give me primary of the children and a mutual pick and exchange place, pay all the court fee and my lawyer fees and still have to pay me medical support...within a month from the orders he has violated 3 times already I just dont know what to do....He has went so far a to accuse me of breaking out his apt windows filed this with the police and they actual put a warrant for my arrest, now he has went even further to fax my JOB the actual charges against me and I had to meet with HR. My manager and HR were very understanding but even went further to send this false charges to the board of nursing, this had to be some sort of harassment i just dont know what to do anymore. I pray everday and night for me and my children including my ex bc i dont understand why he has gone to such extreme to even try to get me fired from my job and under investigation with BON, Can someone please help me understand what needs to be done from this point. I cant let him destroy.

2:36 AM  

After marrying a great guy, I was involved in a very bad car accident, & shortly thereafter had a child with him. It was only then that his entire demeanor changed, he went into full-blown sociopath more. I was in it. shock, totally stunned, ('dI 1st thought he had a brain tumor, until he beatme, in front of our 2 1/2 year old childit. . I eventually had a full-blown mental breakdown. I was just where he wanted me. Unable to work, disabled, & stuck staying with him, since I had nowhere & no money to leave him.

4:59 AM  

Wow, this is like reading my own situation. Only I am the father and my sociopath ex our sons mother. She is still trying to maintain control over me at all expenses. Including at the expense of our son. Worst is that due to the social preference for mothers in break-ups it is extremely hard to convince court / child protection services that the mother cannot feel empathy, guilt or remorse. Society normally assumes a mother has maternal instincts and my ex is extremely cunning in playing the victim, playing the poor single mother whilst she was always abusing me and our son. Never with his best interest in mind, always trying to pit me down at my sons expense and capitalize at out sons expense. Any suggestions how best to deal with this monster when we go to court next month? Any help greatly appreciated. A loving father

6:00 PM  

Yeah, got 1 son. 1.5 year old with an Irish woman in Ireland. Courts are extremely biased towards mothers in Ireland. Still not giving up though. I'm documenting everything. Here days of abusing and controlling me at our sons expense are over. Her days of abusing our son as a moneymaker are over. Keep religiously documenting everything of your sociopath ex. They sure dig their own grave. Show no mercy, you sure never got mercy from them and words like empathy or guilt are alien to these monstrous woman

6:29 PM  

Okay so I am in the same boat with so many of you! My ex is a controlling manipulator who uses bribery and accusations to sway anyone he comes in contact with. My son reported to his therapist that there were some very inappropriate sexual behaviors by his dad, forcing him to watch porn with him when my son was only 8 and more. My sone has had two different therapists and one psychiatrist write declarations on his behalf stating that contact and/or visitation would be irreparably damaging and traumatizing and put my, now 10 year old, son at risk.

The therapist contacted CpS and my son went through a forensic interview at the children's hospital, but they did not charge my ex, ( although the case has been sitting in the D.A.'s office for almost a year as part of their backlog.)

There are declarations from all of his children's and step children, his ex wife, family friends etc. but he has had us un court now for 2 years prolonging it every chance possible.

So here is my worry: now he is saying that he will honor my sons desire for no contact if I send him monthly updated about my son and his health, school, and activities and send along with a picture. He also wants our address, the ability to speak with the school and all other doctors and therapists.

I am not afraid of disclosure, but am very concerned about the need he has to speak with the health officials since in the past it has caused conflict, I had to find a new pediatrician befor i Myers son was 6 months old. I

It feels like another ploy to control and manipulate the professionals. I do not share court activities or bad mouth my ex to my son, I want my son healthy and we are trying to rebuild but it seems that this request to speak with all health officials is a plot to infuse him back into our lives.

Any thoauagahts I could use some guidance because my son and his welfRe is getting buried in the courts with all of his manipulation and lying.

12:43 PM  

I have a situation that I'd like to know if anyone out there has dealt with. My ex has a software program on his computer that sends him all of our children's text messages and emails for him to read. The children are 12 and 14 and I know that many parents do this for their teens as a protection. I get that. What happens in our case though is that my ex also reads any text message that I send to our children or email. He then uses the information against me. It's gotten so bad that I feel like I cannot text my children for fear that he is reading every word. Legally he has the right to monitor their text messages but I get the fall out of that. Any ideas??

4:53 PM  

Anyone, good tips to proove the craziness of the sociopath? My abuser is clever liar and good at making him look like he's the victim.

2:39 PM  

THIS SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE THE SITUATION I AM IN. MY EX TOOK ME TO COURT AND STATED HE NEVER SEEN OUR BABY. HE WAS BITTER AND HEARTBROKEN BECAUSE I BROKE UP WITH HIM AND WAS THEN INTIMATE WITH ANOTHER MAN. I LEFT HIM BECAUSE HE WOULD CONSTANTLY LIE ABOUT EVERYTHING AND THEN HAVE OUTBURSTS OF ANGER WHEN THINGS WOULDNT GO HIS WAY. LIKE WHEN I WOULD SAY NO TO SEX HE WOULD GET MAD!! THIS MADE ME UNCOMFORTABLE. HE HARASSED ME IN THE HOSPITAL AND NOW HIS FAMILY STARTED. HIS MOTHER HAS BIPOLAR OR SOMETHING AND HAS INFLUENCE HIM TO KEEP ATTACKING ME SO THAT I CAN BREAK DOWN AND GIVE IN TO THEIR DEMANDS. THEY USE OUR BABY AS A TOY. THEY DO NOTHING FOR HER BUT TOOK ME TO COURT FOR MY TIME. HE GOT PARENTING TIME AND NOW WERE GOING BACK TO COURTBECAUSE HE DOESNT LIKE THE ORDER OR FOLLOWS IT. SO NOW HE WANTS TO CHANGE THE ORDER AND IS ASKING FOR MORE TIME AND HE ALREADY DOESNT SEE OUR CHILD AS IS. I WANT THE JUDGE TO SEE WHAT HE IS DOING AND WHY HE IS DOING THIS. HE IS BITTER AND CRAZY. HE HARASSES ME IN MY HOMW SO I WANT IT TO BE SUPERVISED. HE FOLLOWS ME AROUND THE HOUSE AND CONSTANTLY CALLS OR TEXTS LATE AT NIGHT...I NEED HELP. WHEN I DONT RESPOND OR GIVE IN HE SAYS I HAVE PENALTIES AGAINST ME.

11:02 PM  

Omg what do I do reading all of these I cannot understand myself. how did I get caught up In This evil person
I have just started to come out from behind my rosé coloured glasses. I know what needs to be done though I am struggling a bit with myself. all of this that he is doing is just CRAZY
He is not home tonight though can someone let me know if this could be right
Tonight round 720pm I received a phone call. the house phone rang I answered it and someone was on the other end making a horrible shouting noise at me then they hung up . This co-insides with me telling him not to come home this w/e as we have discussed separating and I am like this is my w/e with the kids. he did not like it one bit. Could that of been a behaviour of a narcissist loosing control?
I M not sleeping it is 1am aust time
Could this of been him?.

10:08 AM  

So glad to know I am not alone. My ex prevailed in court with an amazing attorney who knew EXACTLY how to keep him from being seen for who he really is. We had a grueling several year custody battle for our child and he got 50/50. I had more evidence than one would believe, multiple testimonies and even videos and it got me nothing. I honestly don't know if a sociopath can truly be caught in court, especially one with a high intelligence level. I pray for all the children (including mine) that have to grow up being used and mentally abused by a sociopath for their own selfish games. One day maybe the courts and world will realize how serious some of these sociopaths can be. The one thing I have always struggled with and I'm sure others here have also is the question of whether I traded in being able to protect my child from this psycho for my own happiness? I am now not there every day to keep her shielded from his disgusting behavior and abuse and feel like i threw her into the "lions den." I just don't know what else I would have done though...

12:46 AM  

I understand some of you have dealt with crazy individuals but this is your childs parent. My ex wife would describe me as a socio path yet she is the one who has called me a poor parent, and used every angle possible to strip the kids from me. Maybe shes really the sociopath who knows...

2:42 AM  

linda, use an instant messanger called kik...my kids have it. n the send me messages vs. texts..it really has helped so much.

7:14 PM  

God is most present in people who are struggling suffering and are with less. So the comfort in the struggles is god present. Being mindful breathing deep and staying aware of who and what your dealing with helps me alot. Although knowing it is no shocker the system is broken the ex is deranged and the stress levels rise to make it so hard to stay in the moment when dealing with so much on your plate. I love this the feeling the advice everything makes me feel calmer about the imminent turmoil that awaits the kids myself. I have two kids girls 9 and 4 the oldest one is a copy of the dad highly medicated and kinda scary. The little one is sick with a rare IPH lung disease. He's a heavy smoker and wants summer custody of both. He was never in their lives but we're married only on paper and he never lived with us. He is too much trouble. I agree with the advice and I keep voice mails of him acting nuts I look him up online and he's got a mugshot in Florida for assault striking being a wife I don't know if it gets you any records of arrests. I think it's about power and control for the person who lies all the time. The only thing I can count on is the romper room anger and lies. I can see how this is overwhelming to everyone. I took tons of classes on parenting and keep the notebooks and receipts also I go to the doctors regular with the kids and have them document in the reports supportive mom and mentally ill dad. Also I Ho to church and have them see us weekly in class for Sunday school also something to document care and character of parent. Lastly I'm exhausted and have been depressed so I take Sam - and HTP-5 Calm I rest if I'm doing too much. I was given a book called Jesus is calling and it goes daily with messages paragraph that can be uplifting to read the interpretation of the verse I think it's for people who are struggling with life. That's were I learned god is giving you this to keep him the most present in you helping you to lean on him. The crazy excessive abusers need constant stimulation and feel most alive when the get your goat don't let them change who you are breath and stay focused on that instead of them call blocking helps. this is helping to keep me

10:43 PM  

How about if you are the man? My wife decided one day she just didn't even want to be married anymore. She took the entire summer off from taking care of our kids. She let our son run wild while I was working. My daughter started cutting and what was her answer to her? Oh yeah "get over it". So whe I see these post I will tell you that there are always two sides to every story. As men we are automatically accused of being the bad person. We are the ones because a court system is set up against us to be kicked out of our own house. Everyone wants to blame the other side. Sad thing is that there is always a helping hand for women, but never for the man. We end up losing everything because everything is stacked against us.I was married for 20 years. Did we struggle yes like many in America. The problem is I had a wife who loved her friends more than me. She worked for an Airline. So she was always wanting to go on trips with her girl friends. I would say just remember you represent me when you go. But it was never enough. Now she is sending this website to people to try and some how justify her situation. Just remember when you post this stuff. That one should never throw stones if they live in a glass house. I am all for support groups but when I see this stuff I just wonder where the support is for the male.

7:08 PM  

I started crying when I read this, I've been feeling so alone in this battle with my ex. And it's not just him being a sociopath his wife has joined the party of abuse and attacking me. And thank u for step # 1 - I needed to hear this. I get so afraid of what my ex is going to do, because of what he put me through in the past and the abuse has now extended to my kids. I have come to the conclusion that we need to be careful who we breed with - because their abuse can ruin your life

10:51 AM  

Hello. My soon to be ex accused me falsely of domestic violence, for which I was not arrested. Then later she photoshoped the pictures that she submitted to the court. She is under courted order to get pshyco eval. If that concludes mental health issues can I safely assume I will get Primary custody? I want her to be in the kids lives, but have been primary care giver up until the separation, but her lies caused her to get primary in temporary orders.

10:33 PM  

Thank you all for sharing. I cry as I read this b/c for so long I was so scared and alone. I have panic attacks when I have to go meet him to get my son. I have no doubt ofwhat he's capable of. I have filed for pfas, reported harrassment, and have finally called cps for my son. I pray this is all resolved soon and that he will just leave me alone.

2:31 PM  

Here's a question for you what about when your son is the sociopath and had to live with his biological father who sees no wrong because he has aspergers syndrome. He manipulates his law guardian and his father and gets away with traumatizing his sister who just expects it at this point as "normal". She also has aspergers

6:50 PM  

I have been going through this since I separated from my ex in 2004 - 10 years. He had me arrested and brought in for psychiatric assessment as a danger to myself or others (I was released with something to help me sleep after a 15 minute conversation with the psychiatrist), he reported me to the children's aid society, went to our family doctor who supported the ex parte order to prohibit me from seeing my kids (without ever talking to me - once the CAS worker met with me, all orders were dropped and I was completely cleared), emptied the joint bank account - with only my money in it as he hadn't worked for a year - leaving me penniless. All that was only in the first 3 months after separation. Since then it has been a living nightmare trying to co-parent with him. More recently, my daughter developed an eating disorder and my son is alienated from me and clinically depressed. I was diagnosed with cancer along about the time my 13 year old son left and was served with two lawyers' letters for child support while not working and undergoing chemo. I ended up paying all of my daughter's first year university because he knew I was too sick to take him to court. I also paid him child support for my alienated son at the same time, just to get him off my back so I could recover.

I'm a lawyer and you'd think I'd be able to manage all this. But a psychopath gains energy from deception, lies and emotional reactions from others while we, the normal, are exhausted by it. I'm trying to dance the line between not letting him fleece me or lie about me and protecting my poor kids. They simply don't see the manipulator that he'll choose money and winning over them every time. I feel sick to my stomach just typing this because there's nothing I wouldn't do for my kids I love them so much.

The best advice I have seen here is to not take the bait and to document everything because they do hang themselves. Exchange with them as little as possible and only in writing or video. Imagine that he's a business colleague and behave and speak accordingly. Never, EVER doubt yourself or believe that you are crazy. I must say that even when he had me to my knees, I didn't think it was me - I knew it was him. It was what he was doing to my kids that was killing me.

My biggest problem - how do I help my kids see him for what he is without shattering their pretend world of having a perfect Dad? Most say you shouldn't try to do that. But my view is, my kids' emotional and psychological radar is so far off course now that they don't know up from down or right from wrong. They have me, who tries always to live with integrity, tell the truth and do the right thing and their Dad who "talks" to them about the importance of family and his engagement in their lives but whose talk about me is poisonous and whose behaviour is completely at odds with what he says. How will my kids ever be able to navigate the world when they have no true north for what's right or wrong. Isn't it my job to teach them that so they can at least start to steer their ships toward right? My poor son is so messed up - he was the most sensitive and sweet child. Now he's so depressed and doesn't even know why - he can't explain it - and I'm unable to help because I'm being kept at arm's length because of the alienation. It's an impossible situation that eats away at me every day.

I'm trying to learn to take it one day, one decision at a time. God please give me strength.

5:19 PM  

I'm in the same situation with a Sociapathic Addict. Its a nightmare. I have full legal custody of our 4 year old son but his father has supervised visitation every week for 2 to 3 days. Every point that this person wrote on how to protect yourself is 100% correct. Never ever give that person the benefit of the doubt. EVER. C.Y.A at all times.

7:18 PM  

My husband is going through the same with his ex.
His ex causes so many problems and changes our times to see his children at a whim. She tells the children he is an 'unfortunate circumstance' and that her new partner is their Dad.
At every opportunity she try's to involves me in her ridiculous accusations as well as dragging my husbands name through the mud!
We are currently in the process of trying to get a varriation on the existing contact and also we are having to put in so many details to avoid her from being able to constantly invade our lives...for example, threatening to come to our house when we have the children!
I can't see an end to it all, the children are being dragged out of cars by her and don't want to leave our house, when they have to return to her and her partner.

6:57 AM  

This is excellent advice. Many of these suggestions have been given to me over the years and I have been unwilling to accept that I am dealing with a sociopath and I could actually deal with him on my own. Unfortunately his behavior escalated. which I am learning occurs with most narcissistic sociopaths. I am in the fight of my life to strip him of visitation because he tried to have me killed and our shared children are frightened. So if you do not address this illness in court - how can you help the authorities fully understand the danger that faces the children? Where can you get help to prevent the risk of being killed?

12:11 PM  

I am having difficulty dealing with my ex in regards to my child. A year ago I chose to leave him. He was emotionally abusive to me. I am in a state far from all of my family. I left my daughter behind because I had no place to stay. When I requested visitation I was denied by her father. I filed court papers for an expidited court date. My ex told me I was only allowed to see her on his house. I won joint physical and legal custody. My issue now is the emotional abuse I still continue to ensure. Everything is my fault, I abandoned my child. I have caused untold emotional damage to her etc...He is condescending, intimidating, and threatening. I am going to school and he watches her on the nights I am in class. He tells me I am a bad mother for not having her more. He text messages me at least twice a day regarding our daughter. Truthfully they are uneccessary questions. I am in therapy trying to deal with it. When he berates me I am almost paralyzed and can't defend myself. I find myself falling back into that pattern of guilt. Everybody including my attorney has told me I just have to deal with it. It is starting to take a tremendous toll on me. Any advice would be appreciated.

4:45 PM  

Geez. Another guy. I was starting to wonder.

8:18 PM  

Well the fact that there are so many of us that are being driven to he point of sheer insanity by clever, manipulative, charming (seemingly knight in shining armor to the untrained eye and any stranger willing to congratulate them) is unnerving. My SPath is South African. He slept with an engaged woman in his country to get the papers done asap to come to the US. He then found a drug addict/molested woman to prey upon and marry to get his green card. I didn't know that he was even *married* when I met him. We had to children and one day he just up and left - in fact he left with a text threat to the effect that our youngest was 'not safe' with him around. He's seen the children for the last three and a half years supervised by me. He now gets caught in a sick double life... he's married again. New wife. She (poor thing has such insecurities) believes everyone is out to get her poor husband. She's in for a big surprise, she's been warned what kind of person he is, but to no avail. From what my lawyer has told me the previous statements are correct - K.I.S.S.. Trying to explain that your ex is a SPath is like trying to explain astrophysics to a three year old. It's useless. The best thing is to buy yourself time, keep as far away from them while you are dealing with court issues, report all things to your lawyer in emails, and know that an SPath will eventually hang themselves because they start to lose track of all the lies they have told everyone. I had the ex's sister talk to the new wife and, hey, ask the wife if she has ever met any of his *friends*. So, lo and behold, the new wife had the same answer as I did - hum... I don't think I've ever met any of his 'friends'. There's your sign. Too many 'friends' means too many lies to keep track of... fewer is easier for them. They leach YOUR friends and claim them as their own and pretend that they care. They're able to chameleon themselves in an instant. You have GOT to keep eyes in the back of your head and remain calm. They will slip up. And as mentioned earlier, go to church. SPaths hate church - they hate the feeling that something else is more *superior* than they are. It's also a place to get the moral guidance kids need and your sanity back from people who genuinely care for you (unlike the stoic faces you'll get in court). Best of luck. I'm 7 years into this hideous mess, but only three months into the thick of the court crap. The kids are young - I have another 15 years of this SPath to deal with (not including the eventual other items like marriages etc for the kids - if, after they have heard enough, even decide that getting married is a good idea in this age of litigation). Best of luck to us all...

11:21 PM  

My daughter is going through this very same situation right now! She moved in with us 7 months ago and it has been a battle every second of the day since. Last week we got a permanent protection order proving him to be violent and dangerous to my daughter. We also got a PRE involved in the child custody case. This doctor is currently doing mental health evaluations on both parents. We call the police and document EVERY little thing he does to harass and abuse my daughter and grandchildren. He had broken into my house, vandalized vehicles and returned the kids with bruses. It is a process to get the right people to listen but we are starting to expose him to the courts. Finally, the doctors, schools, and therapists are seeing what he's doing. Yes, it is very expensive but worth it.

1:18 PM  

Yes, the restraining order is "just a piece of paper" but, it documents his behavior in a court of law. Yhis step is needed to prove your position. My ex son-in-law made a joke of the restraining order until the Judge ordered him to turn his gun over to the police department. Then he cried! In the grand scheme of things, that was a small piece but, a big piece too since he used it to threaten my daughter.

1:41 PM  

I am 10 weeks pregnant by a man who is all these things. He recently gave me a concussion amd I fear he will harm the baby. I really want this baby but I worry I'll be putting myself and this baby thru hell. What's worse, having an abortion or keeping the baby and fighting, worrying.etc for a lifetime?

8:38 AM  

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