Sanctuary for the Abused

Tuesday, December 08, 2015


Protecting Yourself While Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist

Publisher: Eggshells Press;
by William A. Eddy, forward by Mike Roe

SPLITTING is designed for anyone facing a high conflict divorce, whether or not your spouse meets the criteria for a Borderline or Narcissistic Personality. Its explanations of WHAT TO EXPECT in Family Court and WHAT TO DO to protect yourself and your children, can be used by anyone, including your attorney, your therapist, your family and others involved in your case.

I wrote SPLITTING after ten years as a divorce attorney representing many fathers (and mothers) whose spouses appeared to have Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders or traits. Since I had been a therapist for the previous decade, I recognized these personality problems -- but I did not realize at first how successful they can be at manipulating and confusing legal professionals.

Rather than being rational and protective, the Family Court process can be very unpredictable and inadvertently encourages false allegations, aggressive and sometimes violent behavior, and intense blaming of the Non-BP or Non-NP spouse. Many Nons have been unable to protect themselves and their children from abuse by the BP or NP, and instead have found themselves experiencing restraining orders, supervised visitation, financial sanctions and even incarceration, because the courts are often more persuaded by the intense emotions and blaming behavior of a Borderline or Narcissist, than by your honest presentation of the facts. I call them "Persuasive Blamers."

This book explains how the Family Court process interacts with these Persuasive Blamers, and summarizes the lessons I have learned, including: the importance of careful preparations before announcing the divorce, using therapists and experts, avoiding short hearings on important issues, fighting hard at the beginning rather than trying to fix bad decisions later, and how to work most effectively with your attorney.

--William A. Eddy, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Family Law Specialist

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shared by Barbara at 12:07 AM



Why not blame the BPD and NPD people when they cause so much pain, abuse, suffering. They lie and manipulate to get their way.

6:03 PM  

HORROR! Is no one else HORRIFIED by this article? MRI'S CHECKING FOR PSYCHOPATHY and then protection for the non-psychopaths. PRE-RELATIONSHIP MRI TESTING so as to prevent and protect us from this!

I'm so glad the person wrote this book as there is CLEARLY a need for it. Why? Because pretending the courts are FOR the best interests of all is simply not true. The court system is a victim in many ways like the rest of us. Burdened down with all the lies and running around trying to fight the insanity of psychopaths. (Not to mention that many lawyers and judges are psychopaths themselves. This is a prefered job for psychopaths.) MRI'S CHECKING FOR PSYCHOPATHY BEFORE HIRING THEM.

11:15 AM  

PLEASE SIGN MY PETITION! MY PETITION IS TO EDUCATE OUR COURTS AND LEGAL SYSTEM ON FEMALE SOCIOPATHS! The courts are sympathetic to sociopaths. WE ALL KNOW HOW SOCIOPATHS ARE SKILLED LIARS, THEY PLAY THE VICTIM SO WELL, and it's easy to feel sorry for them. Especially women. BUT THE CHILDREN SUFFER. AND THE FATHER WHO CARES FOR HIS CHILDREN SUFFERS ALSO. Once the female sociopath has manipulated the legal system she will use the children to manipulate the father. By denying him access to the children. Who suffers most? The children. PLEASE SIGN THIS PETITION SO WE CAN EDUCATE JUDGES AND ATTORNEYS AND THE COURTS ABOUT FEMALE SOCIOPATHS

3:08 PM  

I have to laugh, as the female sociopath in my case is the judge. Judge Laura Drager of NYS supreme court is famous for her crimes against women and children. Correction, crimes against fhe non monied spouse who can be male too. Laura Drager YELLS in her own court room, she is famous. Usually you are presenting incontravertible evidence and she screams. My friend was handcuffed in her court for asking Laura Drager nicely not to bellow. Drager ignoes rules, Stipulations, best interests of the child, precedents, she is a corrupt sociopath. Drager is famous for making women andchildren homeless dueto her sadist tendecies. Drager permits domestic violence against you and your kids. This is wrong! Consider signing a petition to remove Judge Drager at! The court system is broken in the US, there is no transparency, the fox is in charge of the hen house! Drager's cronies run the discipline and ethics committees, what business has self regulation??????? There are a lot of sociopaths male and female charged with being officers of the court. Try officers of crime and corruption!

4:41 PM  

I am currently in divorce proceedings after a sixteen year nightmare of a marriage. I married my "dreamboat" husband and soon afterwards the abuse started. The abuse physical, verbal, emotional and sometimes financial (like when he gave his family our entire savings account). I attempted to leave him several times. I stayed because I wasn't willing to give up on him and our family and our life. Last year he modified his daily tactics to exclude the physical abuse and really honed in on the emotional. The emotional abuse was harder for me to take then the slap I guess. I soon began to discover that he was painting a lie that we were separated, that he wasn't married (a fact I discovered when I needed to file insurance forms with "his dentist" of ten years and discovered that I was no where to be found on his "next of kin" forms. That was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I put up with his abuse for years and then to find out I'm not the wife was it for me. So I filed for divorce. We have been in divorce proceedings for more than a year with me no closer to obtaining a divorce than I was when I filed. He has disobeyed court orders, been found in contempt, he has gone back to his contemptuous behavior which has spun off into three hearings set and more to come. I have tried to stave him off. When he demanded custody of the kids I sent the kids who wanted to live with him to him immediately. He is a professional with licenses and his behavior could very well land him in jail. He knows this. I don't get the endgame. Why would a sociopath destroy himself in an attempt to get me? My friend said he is the kind of person who would sever his artery to spurt the blood in your face. He was so upset in court when the judge found him in contempt that he was "almost" crying. After the hearing He immediately deposited all the money he owed me. But two weeks out he is back to disobeying the orders. Is he really willing to go to jail and flush is career down the toilet to get me? Is this 'normal' sociopathic behavior? Please note that money means nothing to him. Please help me understand what I'm facing.

1:33 PM  

Yeah, wish that was a law! Like about having MRI s(&mental checks) before having children...or adopting, fostering children...(they think it's their right to; beat-abuse you, steal your; life, identity, money, anything they feel like...& if they don't want it they give it away or trash it...& they are good at twisting things so they're the victims/heroes in every story they tell & even though you still have the cuts - knife slices, bruises, black eyes,bruised hand marks on your neck where they choked you till your soul left your body, (&the time when you were about2-3 & they shoved their fist in your mouth & it knocked out some your teeth & they said "well they were loose anyways"(though they were not)& they told everyone that you'd lost loose teeth&interupted you if you ever said anything & used code/threat words that sounded innocent to everyone else but you knew they meant if you didn't "Shut the - up, or you'll pay(/die or someone/thing you loved would)" if you call 911 cause your being beat to death & can't take it anymore, they just tell them/operator it's their child playing pranks/pushing buttons), etc.. ... they still get away w/it & it's awful terrible child why don't you behave then you wouldn't get punished(&you'd only made the mistake "quit breathing - quit moving"), & alot of times they get people to join in on the beatings &/or helping them steal/empty your bank accounts anytime they want your money cause the poor them sob stories/lies they tell) out for their golden children who can do no wrong (punching other children in face then telling you "you musta missunderstood", "you didn't see that right that's not what happened", "dont tell MY child they can't (punch those children in face)do something, MY child can do anything they FEEL like"... poor guys/girls(/NEW victims) that get involved(trapped by) w/these (manipulative abusive) people/VAMPIRES (that lay in wait for their blood/life/to steal their souls)...

2:01 PM  

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