Sanctuary for the Abused

Saturday, February 08, 2014

Abuser Tactics with Children

Tactics Pictures, Images and Photos

Tactics During the Relationship

Battering/abusing her in front of the children

Threatening to hurt or kill her in front of the children

Telling the children that the victim is to blame for the violence/abuse

Justifying the violence/abuse to the children

Telling the children that the victim is a bad parent

Using other relatives to speak badly about the victim to the children

Yelling at the victim when the children "misbehave"

Getting the children to take the batterer’s side

Telling them that the victim is crazy, stupid, and incompetent

Abusing or killing the family pets

Using children as confidants (see: covert incest)

Threatening to commit suicide

Withholding money for children’s needs

Physically abusing the children

Threatening to take children if she leaves

Driving recklessly with the children and/or the victim in the car

Abusing drugs/ alcohol in front of the children

Watching pornography in front of the children

Coming home intoxicated


Tactics After Separation

Asking children what she is doing

Asking who she is seeing

Blaming her for the separation

Blaming the victim for the relationship ending

Telling the children that they cannot be a family because of the victim

Talking about what she did "wrong"

Calling constantly to talk to the children

Showing up unexpectedly to see the children

Criticizing her new partner

Assaulting her new partner

Forcing the children to interact with his new partner, without the mother's knowledge or consent

Withholding child support/ monies for living expenses

Blaming her that HE is not paying child support

Showering children with gifts during visitation

Undermining her rules for the children

Picking up the children at school without telling her

Keeping them longer than agreed on

Abducting the children

Threatening to take custody away from the victim if she does not reconcile with the abuser

Blaming her for their health/ emotional problems

Telling them she is an alcoholic, addict, or mentally ill

Making frequent court dates to change the parenting plan

Saying she didn’t want them

Physically abusing them and telling them not to tell their mother

Abusing his new partner in front of them

Changing visitation plans suddenly and/ or frequently


(feel free to print this out and show it to your lawyer and family)

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shared by Barbara at 12:24 AM



Wow, how do you step into my life??!! My husband was abusive for 20 years and what he did and does now that I have filed for divorce is exactly what you wrote about here.

I'm so grateful for what you do, I know how it helped me to define what my life was and helped me to take a stand against the abuse.

It has been two years since he left and I'm now holding my head up higher and learning to love and care for myself.
Here's to 2011! A new year and new season.

12:00 PM  

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