Sanctuary for the Abused

Monday, July 31, 2006


When Tom and Stacey Branchini drove their daughter, Alexa, to Boston University in September 1999 to begin her freshman year, the last thing they expected was a call ten days later telling them their daughter had been raped in her dormitory and was in a Boston hospital.

Alexa reported the attack immediately to the police, and the rapist was apprehended before he even had a chance to leave campus. Alexa was alive, she was safe, but her life was changed forever.

Alexa was one of the few rape victims whose ordeal actually resulted in a trial and the conviction of her assailant. Her family was with her, both psychologically and physically, flying from Buffalo to Massachusetts to support her during a grueling trial.

She withstood attempts by the defense to delay the trial, as a tactic to break her will. The family spent 27 days in Boston for the trial, and Alexa persevered. The man who raped her was sentenced to 40-45 years in prison without parole.

The Branchinis could not imagine their daughter having to go through the ordeal of a trial alone. Going back to the crime scene, reliving the ordeal in order to prepare for trial, then actually being in the courtroom with the rapist who assaulted her are all too much for anyone to face alone.

The Branchini’s support throughout the process was possible only because they could afford the airfare, hotel fees and other expenses incurred when he and his wife traveled to be by Alexa's side.

The It Happened to Alexa Foundation was born out of this conviction. Tom and Stacey Branchini--the founders--and their fellow board members intend to assist rape victims and their families by easing the financial burden they face while traveling to attend the criminal trial.

shared by Barbara at 1:01 AM 0 comments


Sunday, July 23, 2006

Prostitution and the Cycle of Abuse

The Australian Family, March 2004
From a paper by John H Court, Ph D,
Senior Lecturer, School of Psychology
University of South Australia
Reprinted by permission from Festival of Light Australia,
4th Floor, 68 Grenfell Street, Adelaide SA 5000; phone 1300 365 965

Some time ago I attended a lecture given by Dr C. Everett Koop, former Surgeon General of the US. He emphasized the major theme he encountered in his time in public office: that today’s major health issues are those which flow from human behavior. Heart attacks, cancer, sexually transmitted diseases, drug-related problems, AIDS, deaths on the road, are among the major health problems of the western world. All are profoundly related to behavioral choices.

I look at prostitution as one form of behavior which has serious consequences at various levels, health being merely one. Although it should be obvious that efforts to minimize and discourage prostitution would have preventive benefits in health terms as well as many others, the political response is invariably to find ways to accommodate, to placate and to permit - provided the government can make a profit in the process. One more layer of exploitation is thereby added to an already corrupt system.

I refer to the “Cycle of Abuse” to embed the topic within the range of exploitative behaviors which also includes child sexual abuse, some kinds of sexual disorders, rape, and marital problems.

Kinsey sex research
That leads me to make some comments derived from Kinsey Sex and Fraud which I edited.1 This book deals with events in the area of sexual attitudes and behavior over the last 50 years. It may enable us to see the question of prostitution in context, historically, and in relation to these other kinds of sexual behavior.

Earlier last century you may recall the great battle that occurred when science claimed to make religion outmoded, and declared that if something was discovered by science, it must be true. Where the findings of science disagreed with traditional Christian beliefs, it became respectable to discard traditional views and embrace science.

At that time it also appeared that scientific findings could be value-free, and quite independent of the presuppositions of the investigators.

It is now clear that the Kinsey research on human sexuality proves all those assumptions were false. His biographers tell us that he came from a rigid intolerant home, with a strict Methodist father, and a style of Christianity which young Kinsey vigorously rejected. Alfred Kinsey embraced instead, from his studies in biology a classic Darwinian evolutionism, and from his entomological research into gall wasps, came to value difference and variation as the ultimate principle for survival of species.

As a young man, Kinsey went his own way as a very shy person, collecting botanical specimens with no reported interest in girls, but joining a Boy Scout group as early as 1910. From gall wasps he moved on to an equally detailed pre-occupation with humans and declared that “continuous variation is the rule among men as well as among insects”.

In consequence Kinsey went on to challenge the concepts of right and wrong, and dismissed the term “normal” in relation to sexual behavior. Philosophically he was one who refused to distinguish between “is” and “ought”. In that respect he is in the tradition of secular humanism which denies values or standards derived from outside human understanding.

While collecting the information he wanted, to suggest that our standards of normal sexual behavior must be discarded in favor of variability and difference, Kinsey was among the earliest campaigners politically for the concept of “victimless crimes”. He has proved to be the source of inspiration to those seeking to allow adult-child sex relationships, advocated with increasing enthusiasm and publicity by pedophiles as well as many professionals in the sex research field.

Child sexual abuse

Surely it is no longer necessary to labour the point that many and perhaps most prostitutes have first suffered some degree of sexual abuse. Nor should we need to emphasis that the sexual abuse of children is a serious matter. This reportable offence is the more serious where a family member is involved.

Yet here is what a modern Kinsey advocate says:
“Kinsey was the first researcher to uncover evidence that violation of the incest taboo does not necessarily shake heaven and earth.”2
He goes on to quote the Kinsey co-author Dr Paul Gebhard (who helped write Kinsey’s 1953 book, Sexual Behavior of the Human Female) saying of incest:
“I’m having a hard time recalling any traumatic effects at all. I can’t recall any from the brother-sister participants, and I can’t put my finger on any among the parent-child participants.”
I wish I could introduce him to the dozens of clients in the counseling clinics which I have directed, who could refute those claims with fearsome intensity.

And then there is Wardell Pomeroy, co-author of Kinsey’s 1948 book, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, who told the world in 1977: “Incest between adults and younger children can also prove to be a satisfying and enriching experience”.3

I ask myself, For whom? He doesn't’t actually say incest is enriching for the children, although that is implied. But the opinion sounds exactly like the rationalizations given by child molesters when they are caught.

These are not the opinions of the lunatic fringe, but of the authors who are treated as the experts, quoted in textbooks, invoked in the courts, and revered in parliamentary debates.

Let me bring you up to date with those who are guiding the current generation of sex educators, engaging in what is unashamed social engineering. Dr Joan Nelson is one of those who wants to change the language for us. Remember “incest”, “abuse”, “exploitation”, “rape”? You are behind the times. Dr Nelson knows the Kinseyan strategy of changing words to influence how people think. She recommends that adults and children engaging in sexual activity together should be called “participants” (Kinsey actually used the word “partners”), rather than “molester” and “victim”. Acts with children should be “sexual experience”, an inclusive non-condemnatory term, to be preferred to “abuse, victimisation, molestation, assault and exploitation”. She favors the generic terms inter-generational or cross-generational sex as do many others in the sex education field. And she would like to replace the term pedophile with the word “visionary”! Visionaries, she says, “believe the troubles that characterize our times are rooted in childhood sexual repression that prohibits age-free expression of sexual affection.”4

Thanks to such advocates, we have moved away from a victim-oriented view of crime, which sought to protect the victims of offenders, to one where those previously seen as offenders are now defended as being themselves victims and entitled to the most gentle treatment and sympathy. Without denying that there is some truth in the idea that many offenders are indeed victims of previous traumas, that should not lead us to the conclusion that we can embrace prostitution as a victimless crime. Surely the logic is rather the reverse - that not only is the prostitute a victim, but so is the customer. Beyond that, we can scarcely deny that the subculture that arises around prostitution of drugs and crime, which will not be eased by permitting it, ensures that the wider society is also victimized.

Having noted the language changes, I should say that one politically-correct term for prostitution is now “survival sex” - an interesting term which surely acknowledges the desperation of those earning a living this way.5 The other I see favored in Australia is “sex workers”.

Kinsey’s Personal Agenda
In Kinsey, Sex and Fraud we come to the conclusion that Kinsey’s own personal agenda in relation to religious beliefs and to sexuality caused him to go and collect data in such a way that he could validate bisexuality as the optimum state, to endorse homosexual activity as very frequent and therefore by his scientific criteria acceptable, and, most controversially, to collect evidence to show that young children are capable of sexual response.

“The Kinsey team’s ‘unassailable facts’ appear to have provided statistical grounds for child sex offenders to argue that adult sexual activity with children could fulfil children’s innate sexual ‘needs.’”6 Kinsey’s advocacy of “outlet sex”, meaning that any form of sexual outlet is equally valid, provides a justification for prostitution being no different from any other form of sexual outlet activity.

All this might just be old history if Kinsey’s work were not so powerfully received today, by scientists, clinicians, judges, lawyers, educators, and those who write the text books about sexuality. Kinsey was described in Life magazine 1990 as among the 100 most influential Americans of that century. I believe that to be a fair assessment. He was the inspiration for Hugh Hefner and the burgeoning of the pornography industry. He has been hailed by the gay activists as one without whom their cause could not have advanced. The pedophiles praise his work as giving their cause the scientific base they need to legitimize their call for adult-child sex with their catch cry “Sex before eight, or else it’s too late”.

My title The Cycle of Abuse is intended to set the prostitution issue in context. There would not be the current pressure to overthrow well-established moral codes and societal protection without that background approach to sexuality which said that nothing is ultimately wrong, there are no victims, and biological satisfaction is fine regardless of how it is achieved.

As the media have championed this view through magazines, books, advertising, films videos, we have increasingly moved to a society which is now sex-obsessed, and homes where the traditional taboos are breaking down. The sexualisation of the home is one of the reasons we see such an upsurge in child sexual abuse, the expansion of what we used to call promiscuity, and the pressure to normalise every form of sexual behavior which was once called sexual perversion or deviation. Today those words are replaced by “sexual preference”, “choice” and now most commonly, “sexual orientation”. Sexual addiction is taking its place alongside drugs and alcohol as a major social problem.

Of course, advocates of changes in the laws on prostitution come at the issues quite differently. How are we to manage something that is going to happen anyway? Surely it is better to have things out in the open and legal, than driven underground and criminal. Prostitution has always been around and laws against it solve nothing. What right have we to interfere in adults’ personal choices? By legalizing, we can control problems of sexually transmitted diseases. And then as a backdrop, the Kinseyan response is that prostitution is a victimless crime. All of this is singularly unconvincing to anyone who believes that society can only cohere on the basis of some behavioral standards which are not only morally based but also relate to the scientific considerations of harm.

The parallel with arguments in favor of legalizing drugs are very close. We had a decade of arguing that if people want to use drugs they should be free to do so: this was better than driving illegal behavior underground. I lived for some time in a country that espoused that idea very fully. Drug-infested cities like Los Angeles were fast becoming unlivable because of the social problems that had arisen - economic and political, plus disastrous health and crime consequences.

The drug connection
I call the drug issue a parallel to prostitution only in the sense that the justifications are similar. In reality the issues are converging and overlapping, as any prostitute can tell you. The enmeshed connection between the abuse of sex and the abuse of drugs, together representing the abuse of people, is widely documented. Or, to put it simply, the hookers are hooked. Many cannot pursue their activities without the use of drugs; many are deliberately introduced to drugs, and many are unable to leave prostitution because of the drug habit they have developed. If that whole context is not exploitation and victimization, I don’t know what is. I recall the high optimism of the sixties which taught us that if we went easy on drugs they could be controlled, and this was so much better than illegal trafficking.

I recall the promise of the seventies that, if only we relaxed the laws relating to pornography, people would lose interest, organized crime would vacate the scene, and we would all develop a healthier attitude to sexuality, and sex crimes would go down. The liberalization occurred - but the price we are now paying for political accommodations and naive obeisance to “science” is tragically high.

Then we were told in the seventies and eighties that if only we adopted a more liberal attitude to homosexuality, and changed the laws to indicate that there is nothing abnormal about homosexual activity, we would be humane and enlightened, and in a civilized way acknowledge the civil rights of ten percent of the population.

We went that way too, even though the whole concept was built on scientific dishonesty. Kinsey, Sex and Fraud has shown how disgracefully and deliberately inaccurate that “ten percent” figure was; how many since then have recognized the errors in that work, and yet the gay movement has unashamedly perpetuated those figures to gain political influence and public acceptance.

The folly of that strategy is now starkly before us with the AIDS crisis, the worst of which is yet to come. With the most common age of onset in the 25-29 age range, and an incubation period of eight years, it is not difficult to work out that teenagers are being infected, and with the widespread endorsement by professionals of homosexual activity and anal sex generally, this will inevitably escalate.

And, please, let no one echo the hollow old cliche about “safe-sex”, which condom use certainly is not. Even the Kinsey Institute is now preferring the more cautious term “safer sex”, to recognize that disease prevention is only partial.

Research on prostitution.
Giving public recognition to prostitution is not merly providing outlet sex for randy heterosexuals, or even some kind of welfare facility to the handicapped - justifications often advanced to make it sound so kind and respectable. I surveyed the journal literature via Psychological Abstracts from 1991 back to 1989, to find 45 sources. what was very striking was that the research on prostitution was almost without exception presented in the context of these terms - childhood abuse, HIV infections, drug abuse, victimization. In embracing prostitution, we are inevitably embracing those other issues in such a way that the cycle of abuse is perpetuated, not restrained.

I know much has been made of the absence of known HIV positive prostitutes at this stage. It is clear to researchers that studies of the clients of prostitutes are practically impossible, and where an HIV positive person is detected, they will look for other explanations wherever possible, rather than infection by a prostitute. Add this to the very long incubation period, and you can expect the evidence to be delayed but accumulating silently. A reading of the current research makes very clear that the combination of prostitution, especially male prostitution, anal sex, and IV drug use is a dangerous combination such that a multiplication factor will quickly operate.

One projection predicts one HIV prostitute can be expected to infect 20 men and indirectly 0.8 unborn children, even using "safe-sex". In the same journal in 1990 Pheterson, referring to that work, comments on prostitutes as "a devastating health menace to men, women and babies".

I have spoken about the prostitution problem with the vice squad officers at New Scotland Yard in London and similar officers in the US. I have read books and journals, including Tom Noble's Untold Violence: Crime in Melbourne Today, and Bob Bottom's Inside Victoria. The picture is a dark one, whatever the state of the law. Enabling the criminal element to exploit prostitution with less interference from the law will not change the essential elements of trade. "The legislation that aimed to bring prostitution into the open has had the reverse effect. It is out of sight, out of mind; it is also out of control".

Before you become decieved that prostitution is a low risk activity, I urge a reading of the cautious sociologlocial analysis of the links between prostitution, AIDS and drugs by Berk. In spite of all the IV drug use in that city, he notes that Department of Public Health reported 612 new cases by June 1990, of which only 10% were linked to IV drug use, and 60% with homosexual practices and multiple partner activity, with prostitutes a major group at risk themselves and a risk to others.

I have deliberately linked the existence of prostitution to the world of drugs and crime, because that is the reality. I link it to the physical and sexual abuse of women and children because that is the background.

I link it to changes in the laws on pornography, because so much of what is done, and demanded by customers, is influenced by pornography - as it becomes more exploitive and degrading, so the prostitutes experience more abuse and violence.

The AIDS epidemic
The link between prostitution and the escalation of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases should be obvious. While there is little to indicate that anal sex is a common feature of normal marriages ( and again I take issue with the Kinsey propaganda that seeks to endorse this), it is certainly a common component of prostitution. We know anal sex to be a major means of transmission of AIDS, and that condoms yield only partial protection. responsible groups are no longer speaking of "safe-sex" now that the failure rate for condoms appears to be between 10 and 33 per cent.

Health checks for prostitutes are often advocated as a desirable outcome of changing prostitution laws, but the indications are that this is a desperately deceptive and dangerous promise. Writing in The Archives of Sexual Behavior, Bruce Voeller warned of the dangers of anal sex. he surveyed studies of prostitution and commented : "Heterosexual anal intercourse could constitute an important hot-spot for those predicting the course of AIDS".

Dr Basil Donovan, writing in the Medical Journal of Australia, refers to the "hyperendemicity of STD among the employees of brothels and their regular consorts (husbands, boyfriends)", while Patterson rejects the value of health checks quite explicitly: "Ten percent of those screened developer a fresh essential (gonorrhea) infection each week. The potential for spread is dependent upon the number of contacts each week, and this number can be quite high.

"It has been claimed by those who favor the licensing of brothels that, by so doing, screening can only be effectively achieved and infection contained. This has never been a data-based claim...the concept of a "Manila Health card" (implying a medical certificate of freedom from infection) could only be accepted by the ignorant and naive, while it could only be preferred by the calculating and corrupt."

I wish I had been surprised to read that the Scarlet Alliance , speaking for sex workers, insists that HIV-positive prostitutes should be allowed to continue practicing as long as they engage in safe sex practices. the fact is they cannot (unless they wish to embrace celibacy, which is not good for business).

Child Prostitution

Historians of prostitution repeatedly emphasis the extensive use of children in the prostitution trade. The kind of exploitation has been a sad feature of Asian countries where poverty has been a sad feature of Asian countries where poverty has been a driving force. But how can this country give support to the racial exploitation already occurring with Asian women, as Bob Bottom clearly documented in Inside Victoria and allow the move towards children in a way that we have traditionally abhorred as uncivilized?

Those who support legalized brothels will reassure us that children will be protected, but media articles over the years suggest this has certainly not been the case in Victoria. The current pressure to accept the idea of sexually active children is growing, not receding.

The Kinsey influence has been powerful in propagating the idea that young children can be actively sexual, and even enjoy being grossly abused. Not only has the pedophile movement seized on such statements to legitimize their pursuit of children, the pornographers have exploited the use of children as sexually available as far as the laws will allow. There have always been those with a perverse interest in stealing childhood innocence, and using childish naivety as a sexual opportunity. The public pressure to make this as normal as anything else is with us. I remind you of what I said about relabelling child molesters as "visionaries". Following that logic, brothels using young boys and girls could begin claiming recognition as educational institutions. I wish that were as ridiculous as it sounds.

A US article by Leslie Morgan reported:
"Of the many as one million children involved in prostitution and pornography in America, a high percentage were victims of incest and abuse. The divorce rate among abuse victims is almost twice that of general population."
Certainly, it is easier politically to go with what looks like social trends. When the present level of crime and corruption is intolerable, it is tempting to think that a legal alternative will make things better. But we do not extinguish vice by embracing it - rather it gains strength and encouragement to behave like a boa constrictor, squeezing out life. By that endorsement logic we had better move right along to decriminalize robbery, assault, rape and murder, since we see no signs of them receding either.

Alternatively, we see these activities and prostitution in all its forms as examples of corruption feeding off human weakness which needs to be contained for the sake of individuals as well as the whole of society.

I agree with those who argue that when prostitution's exploitative combination of sex and money is allowed to flourish,

. it demeans those involved - with women and children the most degraded

. it undermines the institution of marriage, recycling the abuse pattern through the generations

. it impacts the physical health of society

Prostitution is a classically exploitive activity at many levels, so much so that it is the ultimate irony that Kinsey should set us in the direction of seeing prostitution as a "victimless crime". Little could be further from the truth, except perhaps believing that legislation will solve the problem. It is time to stop kidding ourselves that going soft on vice makes it controllable. Infection spreads wherever it gets a chance, be it physical or social. surley we have enough indications to warn us that the so-called "permissive approach" has been tried and found to be a destructive approach.

What is to be said now, faced with current trends in legislation? That is not a question of legislating morality but a matter of constructing a safe and protected environment for our most vulnerable citizens. the only basis for giving the green light to prostitution is that it will cause no harm to society or to individuals. I hope you can see that there are moral dangers as there always were: in addition there are psychological dangers which are made worse by endorsing prostitution; there are physical dangers as the health risks from promiscuity escalate; that the idea of "safe-sex" is a politically motivated half-truth.

We deserve professionals and passionate people who will say that prostitution is wrong in all these ways, it always was wrong and always will be. We need politicians who will see that only by strong laws can such wrongs be contained. And we need police committed to enforcement in an area which is not peripheral to crime in general, but a key component of it.

Copyright© 2000-2004 Australian Family Association - email:
shared by Barbara at 6:06 AM 0 comments


Saturday, July 15, 2006


A drug is a drug (even sex)

An addict is a sick human being trying to get well, not a bad one trying to be good

Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation - some fact of my life unacceptable to me & I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is suppose to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake.

Addictive Sex is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, & careers

Addictions are the only diseases that try to convince you that you don't have them

An addict is someone whose feet are firmly planted in thin air

An ingrate is someone who bites the hand that feeds him then complains of indigestion

Call your sponsor before you act out

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to overcome it

Cunning, Baffling, Powerful, & Persistent

Death, Insanity or Recovery

Denial is Not a River in Egypt

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you

Do what you did & get what you got

Don't use even if your ass falls off

Don't act out, don't think & go to meetings

Don't give up before the miracle happens

Embrace the journey

Everything happens for a reason

Faith chases away fear

Faith without works is dead

Fake it 'til you make it

Get to the meeting early & go to the meeting after the meeting

God speaks through other people

God will not close one door without opening another

Gratitude, that's the attitude

Do the next right thing

Half measures availed us nothing

Happy, Joyous & Free

He who laughs... lasts

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less

I came, I came to, I came to believe

I like to get a good jump on worrying about something

I need just enough sex to tide me over & then I need MORE

If I woke up today feeling like I did every day when I was acting out, I'd take myself to the emergency room

If you don't want to slip, stay away from slippery places

If you wonder if you're an addict, you probably are

If you don't have a higher power, borrow mine

I'm really a very persuasive person; I can convince myself of anything

Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over & over again, expecting different results

It gets better

It's not easy to find happiness in ourselves & it's impossible to find it elsewhere

It's okay to look back at the past - just don't stare at it

Just for today

Keep coming back, it works if you work it

Keep it simple

Keep your hands in your pants & give the newcomer a chance

Let go & let God

Live for today. Yesterday's history. Tomorrow's a mystery

Live life on life's terms

None of us came here on a winning streak

Ninety meetings in ninety days

Not everything that is faced can be changed but nothing can be changed until it is faced

Once an addict, always an addict

One Day at a Time

Pray daily, God is easier to talk to than most people

Progress, not perfection

Put one foot in front of the other

Recovery is a journey, Not a destination

Resentment is like letting someone live rent-free in your head

Serenity is not freedom from the storm but peace amid the storm

Short version of the Serenity Prayer - "Screw it"

Sobriety is not for people who need it, it's for people who want it

Steps 1, 2 & 3: I can't, God can. I think I'll let Him

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem

The easier, softer way is one through twelve

The elevator's broken, take the steps

The fear of feeling the pain is worse than the pain itself

The mind is like a parachute, it works better when it's open

The pain is the arrow coming out, not the arrow going in

This too shall pass

The definition of an addict: an egomaniac with an inferiority complex

Time takes time

Trust God

Try to be grateful & resentful at the same time, you can't serve two masters

Today, "we" have a choice

Turn it over

Two things you have to do to become an old-timer: don't use & don't die

Unity, Service & Recovery

Unless I accept my virtues, I will be overwhelmed with my faults

We have to give it away to keep it

We'll love you until you learn to love yourself

We're only as sick as our secrets

We're not human beings sharing a spiritual experience...but spiritual beings sharing a human experience.

What if there is no God? Believe anyway

When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut

When we were using, we didn't have relationships, we took prisoners & held hostages

Where do I find recovery? Twelve steps past any lengths

Worry doesn't prevent disaster; it prevents joy

Write a gratitude list & count your blessings

You are right where you are supposed to be

You can always tell an addict, but you can't tell him much

You can't think your way into a new way of living...You have to live your way into a new way of thinking

You reap what you sow

shared by Barbara at 7:56 AM 0 comments


Wednesday, July 12, 2006

The Men of Mean

In the epidemic of family violence gripping America, it's become painfully clear that men who batter their intimate partners come from all classes and all walks of life.

According to Michigan psychologist Donald B. Saunders, Ph.D., there are three distinct types of men who abuse their partners. They are distinguished most sharply by how they handle their emotions, how they use alcohol, what their attitudes are toward women, and and whether they have a childhood history of victimization.

Type 1 men are "family-only" aggressors--not likely to be violent outside the home. The least sexist, they are concerned about their image and try to consider right and wrong. These men, says Saunders, tend to be "doormats until they erupt with alcohol." They overcontrol hostility, and consciously use alcohol to loosen up and express feelings; their violence is linked with alcohol half the time. They are least likely to have been abused as children, and are the least psychologically abusive. Of all the types, they derive the most satisfaction in the relationship.

Type 2 men --the generally violent--use violence outside the home as well as in it. Their violence is severe and tied to alcohol; they have high rates of arrest for drunk driving and violence. Most have been abused as children and have rigid attitudes about sex roles. These men, Saunders explains, "are calculating; they have a history with the criminal justice system and know what they can get away with."

Type 3 men are emotionally volatile, with high levels of anger, depression, and jealousy. They have rigid attitudes about sex roles and fear losing their partners. They are not severely violent as often as Type 2s, but are more psychologically abusive, and the least satisfied in their relationship. They tend to be young, educated, and open about their problems.

Treatment programs apply the same methods with all batterers, but Saunders believes different treatment strategies might work better. "But all need men's groups to learn how to relate equally to their partners and to other men."

(site owner's note: Battering - for the purposes of this site - can also be verbal, emotional, psychological or online abusive behaviors)
shared by Barbara at 6:31 AM 0 comments


Friday, July 07, 2006

FBI Profile of the "Mental Rapist"

The following is transcribed from the written logs of a conversation that an individual from TalkCity had with an agent at the FBI.

The Mental Rapist Enjoys Abusing Women:
He abuses then backs off. After he has abused to a certain point he will back off and take note of his accomplishments.If he is not satisfied that he has reached his desired level of control, he will step up the degree of abuse, coming back and swinging harder. He has to win, and it is very important to him that he is always right.

He is Shy and Timid:
In real life he is shy, especially where three or more people are gathered. He prefers one-on-one encounters that he can control.

He Hates and Loves Women at the Same Time:
Endless Cycle of Love/Hate with his Mother This person was probably abused by his mother and then coddled. (For example: She would slap him in a violent rage and then love, cry and apologize.) He probably hated his mother and loved her at the same time. The relationship with his mother was a never-ending cycle of love and hate that he could not control or stop. He transposes these feelings to other women. He tries to create the same type of environment with other women. This time he IS in CONTROL. Therefore, in his mind, he is controlling his mother through other women, surrogates of his mother. He may have a wife. If so, he is a model husband. He needs one relationship with a female that is solid and wholesome; that is why he looks elsewhere for women to abuse. He was disillusioned by an early love, so, in his mind, all women are liars and whores. He was very much in love with someone once who he thought to be pure. The other person did not feel the same for him, and turned out not to be quite the virgin he thought her to be. In his mind, if this ideal woman whom he thought was pure above all else, turned out not to be, then surely all other women must be liars and whores too. His mind is fixed on that as pure 100% fact and can not be changed. His mother might have been the woman he loved and thought to be pure, and he may have found out that she had several affairs. His biggest problem is simply that all women just won't admit that they are liars and whores. When a woman does not submit to him and admit what he knows to be true (that she is a liar and a whore), he feels he is back in the unbreakable cycle of his mother again. This upsets him to the point of bursting forth with so much profanity.

Delusions of Superior Intellect
He considers himself to be mentally superior to all women. He is sure he is smarter, because he knows all women are liars and whores, but he has to prove it by making them admit it. This type of individual probably possesses an above-average I.Q. He has engaged in this behavior many times and knows what avenues and shortcuts to take to reach his objective as soon as possible.

He is a Mental Combatant, not Physical
This type of person is not likely to use physical violence because he may not win. He is a mental combatant because he has learned to fight very well at that level and can always win to some degree in his own mind. There are a few conditions in which he could be violent. Under the right circumstances this person could rape or beat a woman physically because of his dominant personality and if he felt he had to in order to prove his point. He would probably not actually stalk a woman physically, but for sure might mentally via the internet. The Internet is his preferred hunting ground. Remember, he is most likely very shy and timid in the real world and has low self esteem until he gets on the Internet. Then he is the MASTER of his domain. If his victim lives in a different state, or very far away, she is probably safe from physical harm by him. The mental rapist does not need to go to that extreme to prove his point. It's much easier to go on the Internet with lots of prey to pursue.

Some FBI Advice for Online Chatters
DO NOT be so open and honest with every person that comes into a room.

NEVER under any circumstances give detailed information about your home address or city.

Never give out your phone number.

KEEP all conversations about personal info as general as you can; a person that is just curious doesn't expect more and will soon forget.

GO with your instincts. Use "backing-off" behavior: If a person makes you feel uncomfortable, go to a friend and make conversation and slowly back away from the person that is bothering you; eventually ignoring him completely. If that fails to discourage the person, simply say goodbye and leave.

Legal Disclaimer: Please note that the above information is provided to help victims understand the psychological make-up of the Mental Rapist or Cyberstalker. It is only a profile, and as such, there can be no guarantees to its accuracy. Nor can one say with certainty that any cyberstalker would fit this profile 100%. Neither the FBI nor Stop Net Abusers will be held accountable for violent or distressful actions accruing from such an individual. The FBI is the Federal Bureau of Investigation , a Department of the Government of the United States of America, and has full ownership of the profiles it develops of the psychology of criminal natures. This site created and maintained by Stop Net Abusers Copyright © 1999, Stop Net Abusers, Inc. Created: 30 June 1999 Updated: 11 September 1999 ftn

shared by Barbara at 2:12 AM 0 comments


Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Trust and Repentance

By Carrie Devorah © 2005

Jewish Women International Magazine published an excerpt from David Berger’s last letter written, 1941, before he was murdered by the Nazis. It stands to consider that David, like many other victims of Nazi degradation, was stripped of his sexual identity, head shaved, dressed in shapeless clothing, then dehumanized with verbal, physical and sexual abuse. When dead, Nazis left their victims, forgotten. David was committed to living eternally. He wrote, “I should like someone to remember that there once lived a person named David Berger.”

Victims of other abuses wish to be seen and heard, while still living. Some speak up. Social pressure and religious beliefs step in the way of their allegations being paid credence, so the abuse continues, a tradition, so to speak, passed down within families, even Jewish families, along with recipes for Passover’s French toast, gefilte fish or chicken soup. Victims are reproached with, “he’s a Rabbi,” “you must be lying,” “God forbid people should find out,” “what would they think,” and “it is your fault, he/she wouldn’t have done it without you starting it.” Plausible, except sometimes victims are toddlers, or younger.

Abuse is no longer a Jewish myth. Trusted people- grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, teachers, rabbis, baby sitters, friends, and youth coordinators- are being reported as encouraging sexually inappropriate behaviours. The abused struggle to shed their shame. The abuser moves forward public in their life, their secret kept too often, allowing them to abuse again. Sometimes, the victim becomes an abuser themselves, even toddlers. On a recent airing of the TV show, “yes, dear,” a pre-schooler mooned his kindergarten classmates. He told the teacher, he watched his Dad mooned a picnic. So, he thought it was ok to moon his classmates. Mooning may be a mild example. What does one say when a toddler performs fellatio on classmates, that children live what they learn?

Cycling non-sectarian behaviours of violence, neglect, emotional and sexual abuse within the community, is a recipe for Jewish disaster. Crossing economic, ethnic and religious boundaries including Judaism-Orthodoxy, Reform, Conservative, Ashkenazi, Sephardic, Mizrachi, interfaith balabustahs and homemakers, “abuse” is now part of the contemporary Jewish vocabulary, with victimizations being reported from Jewish spouses, elderly parents and children.

There is a finger to be pointed but not at the victims often shunned after making public allegations.

Two such people holding molesters and communities that harbor them accountable are The Awareness Center’s Rabbi Yosef Blau and his colleague, Vicki Polin. Rabbi Blau is a member of the RCA, a graduate of Yeshiva University’s Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary. Polin, establishing a network of Jewish practitioners experienced with sexual victimization issues and Judaism, is familiar with special needs of Jewish sexual abuse survivors. She advocated empathetic support for victims prior to starting her own Center.

Rabbi Blau stood at the lectern, front of the Capitol Hilton meeting room, up the street from the White House in Washington, DC. Co-hosting a session with Polin, at the Jewish Women’s International Conference on Domestic Abuse, "Lost In The Shuffle: Jewish Survivors of Sexual Victimization,” Rabbi Blau focused his audience on the challenge the Center faces educating Jewish community leaders and others, lacking training, to recognize signs of abusive relationships and to understand victims’ needs of religious and physical healing.

Blau and Polin addressed victims’ spiritual struggle to maintain faith in traditional teachings, such as Sanhedrin’s “one who teaches another’s child torah, is regarded by the tradition as one who gave birth to the child,” in light of their abuser being an outwardly religious individual.

Rabbi Blau’s and Polin’s eclectic audience was filled with people wanting to make a difference. Men, women, old, young, North American, Middle Eastern, were “called to action” at Jewish Women International’s conference to pursue, within the framework of the Jewish Community, justice and righteousness from abuse. A representative from “Shalom Bayit,” a Northern California domestic abuse shelter for women and children was present.

“Shalom Bayit” advocates to victims they do not have to suffer alone, they are not to blame as often they are accused by congregants, family and community members. “Shalom Bayit,” “Peace In The House,” advocacy that no one deserves to be abused, recalls a hand drawn poster, probably long forgotten, victims need to reminded. A young boy is pictured. Under him the words, “God don’t make no junk...”

The US Conference of Catholic Bishops and the National Review Board requested New York’s John Jay College of Criminal Justice examine Catholic clergical abuse against under 18 year olds. The report investigated 10,667 abuse claims lodged against 4, 392 priests in 52 years. Some clergy reported they were abused as children. 50% plus of their victims were children aged 11 to 14 years old. 81% of their victims were male.

The surveyors were asked to profile alleged abusers characteristics. They studied diocese and church records of the accuser, the accused, and the lay leader. The surveyors concluded sexual abuse is under reported. And the surveyors requested corresponding data from Muslim, Buddhist, Protestant, Jewish and other denominations and movements.

Non-denominational statistics that bear heeding are; 95% of the abusers are men; one of every three to five women, one of every five to seven men have been sexually abused by their 18th birthday; 2.78 million men have been victim to attempted or completed rape; one out of every eight reported rape victims was male. By the time they are high schoolers, 28% of students, have experienced abuse. 48% of the abused are in grades 5 through 12.

Women teachers sexually molest children too; Seattle teacher Mary Kay Letourneau, married mother of four, Florida teacher Debra LaFave, 23; Oklahoma basketball coach Elisa Nielson, 29; Tennessee physical-education teacher Pamela Turner, 27; and California teacher trainee Margaret De Barraicua, 30. Each of the four was charged with sexual assault of a male student aged between 12 and 16. A Jewish statistic- 20 to 30% of Jewish families in Israel and the United States suffer domestic violence

Victimization practitioners are encouraging women to come forward and get help. Often, victims are unaware they are being abused. They think the behaviour is ‘normal’ or ‘acceptable,’ a sign the abuser ‘likes them,’ rather than danger signals. Industry practitioners release information outlining abusive behaviours.

Signs of abusive behaviour include “approval withheld as punishment, locked into or out of the house, held against ones will or pushed around, punched, shoved, slapped bit, kicked, burned, choked or hit, personal items destroyed, abandoned in strange places, ridiculed or insulted, abandoned in strange locations, harassed about fictitious affairs, publicly or privately humiliated, criticized, or shamed with names called, isolating victim from family and friends, makes them feel bad, demands to know whereabouts, does not want victim to share time with others, threatens to hurt or kill sell if victim leaves,”

Rabbi Blau said, the Jewish commandment against “lashon harah,” gossiping, in the matter of suspected abuse, is waived, overridden by the teaching of Lev. 19:16, “Thou shalt not stand idly by the blood of your neighbor.” Abusers must be reported. It is a “hilul hashem,” a moral desecration, of God’s name and of the Ten Commandments, for a Jewish individual not to report suspicions of abuse.

Abuse is a matter the “law of the land,” “dina demalkhuta dina,” can adjudicate in secular courts and must pursue. Enforcement has raised its own concerns for responding to claims of abuse within Jewish communities. Officers have reported being charged with anti-semitism in the course of their doing their job, responding to a citizen’s call for help.

As Rabbi Blau waited for his ride to the airport, I told him, a few blocks away in Lafayette Park, there stands a monument titled “Military Instruction.” A sculpted older man is seated, a naked young man at his side. Then I pointed kitty corner to the hotel, a Planned Parenthood abortion clinic. September 4, 2004, I told him, a pregnant twelve year old was escorted by her mother past right-to-life advocates. Blocks away from the hotel, on Constitution Avenue, I described a display at the National Gallery of Art.

Mythological statues. Mercury, in all his glory, stood above a crowd of NE DC junior high schoolers. Down the corridor, on a marble pedestal, stood Bauccus, with a pan, half-boy, half goat. The pan’s eye is level with Bauccus’ erection. I noticed that in the photo I took of the junior high schooler’s walking by, giggling. In a media week, when ober-icon Michael Jackson was accused of feeding Jesus-Juice in a can to a kid alleging sexual abuse, it was no wonder, some kids grabbed their crotches emulating the one-glove wonder’s Moon Walk as they passed by. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.

Rabbi Blau shook his head. In a world of mixed signals children are expected to sort better than adults can, distinctions between good touch bad touch, appropriate behaviour versus inappropriate, being told not to talk to strangers but answer the “nice man” talking to grandma since “convicted sex offender” isn’t stamped on his forehead, get lost.

The night before, details of the confirmed murder of 9 year old Jessica Lunsford, by a man who lived across their street, were being released. I told the Rabbi, one interview from the Couey killing stands out as textbook to facilitating citizen’s understanding why abusers remain at large until a murder trips them up. A restaurant owner in Jessica’s town told reporters he employed Couey, until he fired him.

The restaurant owner aware of Couey’s colorful background, felt badly for “the loser.” So, he hired him, firing the 30’ old only after Couey wrote a love letter to a 14 year old co-worker. No one complained to authorities about the incident. Until, Jessica was kidnapped, raped and sexually abused over days, before being murdered. Her community failed her. Not just the community in which she died but the global community in which other children still live.

Heading towards the Metro, I leafed through the Jewish newspaper in my hands, filled with holiday activities for children, puppet making, noisemaker activities followed by megillah readings for kids. Growing up I heard about a rabbi, sent packing, for abusing bochers at a Yeshiva, north of our house. Eventually, news filtered north the rabbi had been accused of molesting bochers at the American yeshiva that sent him north. His resume listed many attributes Sexual offender and deviant were not amongst them. Nor did it contain those warning when he was sent packing, again.

I looked inside the information packet for conference attendees. Amongst letters from various Democratic Congressmen was Gary Ackerman’s. He wrote “If we are serious about tikkun olam, repairing the world, we need to begin in the home, the place where our values are most strongly rooted,” “one home at a time.”

As I walked, I wondered if parents would ever take as much time to vett their children’s caretakers- teachers, babysitters, friends parents, the kids friends themselves, families they marry into- as they take in selecting holiday outfits they wear. An ad caught my attention. A Rabbi offering Jews “may the Lord bless and protect you,” if they prayed in the language of their forefathers.

I thought about the young girl attacked by three classmates in the basement bathroom of her yeshiva. An older boy came to her rescue. Her parents refused to take action, after all, it had to be her fault. I stepped off the curb, asking myself who protects victims from those who prey in the language of their forefathers. Trust must be earned; granting of tikkun, repentance, sought by some abusers, remains in control of the abused….

BIO: Carrie Devorah is a DC based investigative photojournalist. Trained as a PI, mediator, crime analyst and profiler, she writes on themes related to faith, homeland security and terrorism.
shared by Barbara at 11:37 AM 0 comments


Saturday, July 01, 2006

by Robert Greene
(Chapter Overviews)


A man is often secretly oppressed by the role he has to play-by always having to be responsible, in control, and rational. The Siren is the ultimate male fantasy figure because she offers a total release from the limitations of his life. In her presence, which is always heightened and sexually charged, the male feels transported to a world of pure pleasure. She is dangerous, and in pursuing her energetically the man can lose control over himself, something he yearns to do. The Siren is a mirage; she lures men by cultivating a particular appearance and manner. In a world where women are often too timid to project such an image, learn to take control of the male libido by embodying his fantasy.

A woman never quite feels desired and appreciated enough. She wants attention, but a man is too often distracted and unresponsive. The Rake is a great female fantasy-figure-when he desires a woman, brief though that moment may be, he will go to the ends of the earth for her. He may be disloyal, dishonest, and amoral, but that only adds to his appeal. Unlike the normal, cautious male, the Rake is delightfully unrestrained, a slave to his love of women. There is the added lure of his reputation: so many women have succumbed to him, there has to be a reason. Words are a woman's weakness, and the Rake is a master of seductive language. Stir a woman's repressed longings by adapting the Rake's mix of danger and pleasure.

Most people have dreams in their youth that get shattered or worn down with age. They find themselves disappointed by people, events, reality, which cannot match their youthful ideals. Ideal Lovers thrive on people's broken dreams, which become lifelong fantasies. You long for romance? Adventure? Lofty spiritual communion? The Ideal Lover reflects your fantasy. He or she is an artist in creating the illusion you require, idealizing your portrait. In a world of disenchantment and baseness, there is limitless seductive power in following the path of the Ideal Lover.

Most of us feel trapped within the limited roles that the world expects us to play. We are instantly attracted to those who are more fluid, more ambiguous, than we are-those who create their own persona. Dandies excite us because they cannot be categorized, and hint at a freedom we want for ourselves. They play with masculinity and femininity; they create their own physical image, which is always startling; they are mysterious and elusive. They also appeal to the narcissism of each sex: to a woman they are psychologically female, to a man they are male. Dandies fascinate and seduce in large numbers. Use the power of the Dandy to create an ambiguous, alluring presence that stirs repressed desires.

Childhood is the golden paradise we are always consciously or unconsciously trying to re-create. The Natural embodies the longed-for qualities of childhood-spontaneity, sincerity, unpretentiousness. In the presence of Naturals, we feel at ease, caught up in their playful spirit, transported back to that golden age. Naturals also make a virtue out of weakness, eliciting our sympathy for their trials, making us want to protect them and help them. As with a child, much of this is natural, but some of it is exaggerated, a conscious seductive maneuver. Adopt the pose of the Natural to neutralize people's natural defensiveness and infect them with helpless delight.

The ability to delay satisfaction is the ultimate art of seduction-while waiting, the victim is held in thrall. Coquettes are the grand masters of this game, orchestrating a back-and-forth movement between hope and frustration. They bait with the promise of reward-the hope of physical pleasure, happiness, fame by association, power-which, however, proves elusive; yet this only makes their targets pursue them the more. Coquettes seem totally self-sufficient: they do not need you, they seem to say, and their narcissism proves devilishly attractive. You want to conquer them but they hold the cards. The strategy of the Coquette is never to offer total satisfaction. Imitate the alternating heat and coolness of the Coquette and you will keep the seduced at your heels.

Charm is seduction without sex. Charmers are consummate manipulators, masking their cleverness by creating a mood of pleasure and comfort. Their method is simple: they deflect attention from themselves and focus it on their target. They understand your spirit, feel your pain, adapt to your moods. In the presence of a Charmer you feel better about yourself. Charmers do not argue or fight, complain or pester-what could be more seductive? By drawing you in with their indulgence they make you dependent on them, and their power grows. Learn to cast the Charmer's spell by aiming at people's primary weaknesses: vanity and self-esteem.

Charisma is a presence that excites us. It comes from an inner quality-self-confidence, sexual energy, sense of purpose, contentment-that most people lack and want. This quality radiates outward, permeating the gestures of Charismatics, making them seem extraordinary and superior, and making us imagine there is more to them than meets the eye: they are gods, saints, stars. Charismatics can learn to heighten their charisma with a piercing gaze, fiery oratory, an air of mystery. They can seduce on a grand scale. Learn to create the charismatic illusion by radiating intensity while remaining detached.

Daily life is harsh, and most of us constantly seek escape from it in fantasies and dreams. Stars feed on this weakness; standing out from others through a distinctive and appealing style, they make us want to watch them. At the same time, they are vague and ethereal, keeping their distance, and letting us imagine more than is there. Their dreamlike quality works on our unconscious; we are not even aware how much we imitate them. Learn to become an object of fascination by projecting the glittering but elusive presence of the Star.

Seducers draw you in by the focused, individualized attention they pay to you. Anti-Seducers are the opposite: insecure, self-absorbed, and unable to grasp the psychology of another person, they literally repel. Anti-Seducers have no self-awareness, and never realize when they are pestering, imposing, talking too much. They lack the subtlety to create the promise of pleasure that seduction requires. Root out anti-seductive qualities in yourself, and recognize them in others-there is no pleasure or profit in dealing with the Anti-Seducer.

The people around you are all potential victims of a seduction, but first you must know what type of victim you are dealing with. Victims are categorized by what they feel they are missing in life-adventure, attention, romance, a naughty experience, mental or physical stimulation, etc. Once you identify their type, you have the necessary ingredients for a seduction: you will be the one to give them what they lack, and cannot get on their own. In studying potential victims, learn to see the reality behind the appearance. A timid person may yearn to play the star; a prude may long for a transgressive thrill. Never try to seduce your own type.

For More on "HOW THEY DO IT!!!" ---->

Has it ever been done to you?
shared by Barbara at 11:21 AM 0 comments