Sanctuary for the Abused
Saturday, September 01, 2018
Characteristics of the Targets of Harassers & Adult Bullies
Adult bullies target their victims in many of the same ways children who bully do. While many people think that bullying only occurs amongst children, it can also happen in the workplace among adults. No matter what the age of a bully, they are opportunistic and tend to prey on people they perceive as a threat or that they dislike because of differences. Adult bullies almost always bully others continuously and when one target leaves, quickly pick another.
The following traits are common in adult bullying victims and usually make the bully feel insecure or threatened. Adult bullying can be more of a challenge to handle because it is harder to recognize and not as widely accepted as the bullying that occurs with children.
Adult bullies target people who are good at their job and excel beyond them. Bullies want to eliminate their competition and make their work seem better than it is. While bullying is not acceptable no matter the age of the person doing it, adults will still bully others if they see it as the only way to solve their problems. Adult bullies target people who put them in danger of looking bad in an attempt to sabotage their work.
Adult bullies target people who are popular and well liked as well, especially if they are not too popular them selves. The more well liked and competent a person is, the bigger the threat they are to an adult bully. If an adult bully is seeking attention, they will target people who receive the most attention and try to make them seem less valuable.
Adult bullies target people with differences from themselves, especially those who have high morals and integrity. Adult bullies usually have problems coping with their own problems and are desperately trying to find ways to make themselves look better by targeting other adults who they perceive will not fight back. Adult bullies seek out these people because they are less likely to retaliate against them. Adult bullies target people with vulnerabilities as well, such as inexperienced employees or older employees. If a new employee refuses to join an established clique or act a certain way, adult bullies target them. If new employees do not conform or have new and independent ideas, they also may be targeted.
Adult bullies target employees who have talents, strong friendships, or who are excelling because of jealousy and inadequacy issues. Adult bullies feel as though they have to victimize others because they are envious of their talents. Even though it would be easier to just work harder at developing their own talents, adult bullies seek to damage other people instead of working harder themselves.
Many adult bullies have had problems forming their own friendships their entire lives. Adult bullying is often overlooked and misunderstood in the workplace. While bullying among children is more common, adult bullying does take place.
Labels: abuse, bullying, harassment, intimidate, minimize, smear campaign, threaten
9 Comments:
Interesting article here.Keep up the good work..Thanks
From the website Luke 17:3 Ministries Inc. There's lots of wisdom here. Article is titled, "I'm Only Human,Nobody's Perfect, We're All Selfish & All Make Mistakes"
"I’M ONLY HUMAN….
This lame excuse for abuse is the condensed version of “Hey, what do you expect from me? After all, I’m only human.” It will often be accompanied by some type of theatrics for emphasis- feigned frustration, phony impatience, crocodile tears or a casual shrug. All intended to convey how silly and unreasonable you are being for expecting accountability and proper behavior from a mere human.
Right off the bat, I take issue with the “I’m Only Human” claim. Psychopaths are not human- at least not like we think of humans. They lack the basics of what makes someone a human being- a conscience. Not to mention any feelings or emotions that aren’t negative and destructive. They manage to feel anger, selfishness, resentment, envy, and jealousy (although a lot of that is just an act, too)- but they do not feel empathy, kindness, sympathy, mercy, compassion, pity, remorse, or love. They view those who are “stupid” and “weak” enough to have such emotions with contempt and scorn- including the people who love them. In their minds, your stupidity and weakness is what makes you deserve what they do to you.
Humans have morals and abide by a code of ethics acceptable in human society. Sociopaths are completely amoral. They do not consider themselves to be a part of human society, and see no reason to abide by its rules. A sociopath will use, abuse, and even destroy anyone they perceive as vulnerable, without batting an eye, as long as it suits them. Their relentless cruelty to innocent human beings, both children and adults, as well as helpless animals, is how they get their kicks. They do it just for amusement. Your life is merely a game to them, and if something is important to you, that’s reason enough to spoil it or destroy it, just to show you who’s more powerful. That’s what they consider “winning” the game. They enjoy watching the suffering of others. In fact, they love it. They are soul-less predators disguised as humans, the better to walk amongst us undetected. Ruthless, remorseless, malevolent, primitive, reptilian evil, encased in a human shell. Just because it looks like a human being, doesn’t make it one, any more than a wax museum figure is a real human."
Isn't it nice when SOMEONE ELSE KNOWS ABOUT PSYCHOPATHY AND CAN PUT IT IN WORDS?
From "From: The Mask of Sanity, by Hervey Cleckley, 5th edition."
"Only very slowly and by a complex estimation or judgment based on multitudinous small impressions does the conviction come upon us that, despite these intact rational processes, these normal emotional affirmations, and their consistent application in all directions, we are dealing here not with a complete man at all but with something that suggests a subtly constructed reflex machine which can MIMIC the human personality perfectly."
I had never realized I was my husbands compitition, me ,his wife, until recently, I work in corrections , have handgun and shot gun training, went for 1st time w/him in 26 yrs to shot, he started an argument , put me down in my line of work, I actually shot better then him, but he humiliated me, another time, was in back yard ,his friend was there helping with a garden I was talking to both, because he limits his knowledge, he was greatly offended , because he was not the center of attention, made a huge scene, accused me of hitting on ALL his friends, again humiliated me, I was crushed...he will squash any interest I have, till there is no joy in anything I like or do....I hate this man, and he pretends he didnt do anything wrong and I should get over it.
26yrs of this, you know what it does to a person, it kills them inside, till you feel nothing......He says im mean and unsocialable, who wouldnt be, I am a privet person, and he puts our business out there for everyone to see and hear..I have no love for him and havent for many yrs..he has to know this , cause I dont hide it from him...he disquest me.
Also...I know I drive him nuts, over last few yrs, journals have helped keep me strong.
Honestly , putting all that mental crap on paper, is such a relief...and he doesnt read them, cause there all LIES,and I only feel sorry for myself..and neither is true....but I dont care , so I am very verbal today, I dont feed his ego any longer.
I am an older worker who was harassed at work. I was recovering from a broken ankle and broken leg and was sent harassing e-mails saying that I was useless and should just leave. Even though my job is not physically demanding and my work was fine, a younger person who does not work directly with me was behind the e-mails. My supervisor who is also younger than I am did nothing and said I was too sensitive. The e-mails were quite nasty with name-calling and it was truly an unexpected and weird experience. I continue to do good work and have overcome the feeling that I am somehow inferior due to being 60 years old. My experience in my job is useful but there is a group of younger workers who really want the "oldsters" gone. They are not ready for the level of responsibility and rather than learning to do the work at a higher level, they just bully, exactly like you say in this article. Thank you for the validation.
I am so trapped, no one sees it, not even me, I'm not in a cage nor a cell built of iron, I don't know what it's made of, I don't even know where it came from. But I feel it...it's all around me, full of strength, forbidding me to move freely. Being here separates me from my wisdom and is strangles my thoughts. Please help, tell me what to do. Grab my hand, don't let go, don't lose grip, pull me out. Can't you hear me? Am I screaming in silence? I feel robbed but I don't know what was taken. This trap is isolated and unlocked. I'm free to go but I don't know where I'm heading..what road to take. If I go, would it be a freedom or will it be a loss? I don't even know how I was brought here. I've been through a lot I'm tired and overwhelmed. Though I'm strong and able to endure, my mind is unclear and distorted, it is seizing me. Whats making me stay? My mind is saying go, run, and don't look back. But neither was I punished nor forced to be here. But why am I trapped and no one sees it..not even me..
You have every right as a human being to be happy and free. You fought to get here, and someone fought to deliver you into the World, make the most of the space you were given. Being bitter and hateful is destructive and comes from a dark place. Bullies are in a black pitt and see no light. Remain clear thinking.
"Adult bullies target employees who have talents, strong friendships, or who are excelling because of jealousy and inadequacy issues. Adult bullies feel as though they have to victimize others because they are envious of their talents. Even though it would be easier to just work harder at developing their own talents, adult bullies seek to damage other people instead of working harder themselves."
This phrase alone struck a chord with me. In fact, in three sentances you have made clear what I suspect I knew all along. In every case of adult bulling I have endured in approx. The last 10 years, I was demeaned over my talents, education, abilities, easy going nature, ability to learn new things quickly, and even my ability to create costumes/projects/photographs/newsletters with ease.
I also can see now why others were so rude about our homes, vehicles and even our mode of dress. In every instance I recall, those individuals doing the bullying commented snidely at times even saying,, "it must be nice to be a stay-at-home-Mom", "why aren't you working if you have such a high education?" "It must be nice to live in a nice neighborhood, nice home, nice lot".... And behind my back, "how can THEY afford such a nice house?" And so on and so on.
I brushed these snide remarks aside although they hurt at the time, and still do to a certain degree. I have never been one to make snappy comebacks, retorts or even call someone out on their nastiness. I tend to walk the other way. I hate confrontation as Aimdont feel I measure up.
My point is, I am a person who has been bullied for as long as I can remember and who has questioned her self worth every step of the way through the years. Questioning myself to the point that I don't even know where who I really am collides with the judgements of others. As I have grown older, I have begun a downward slide, avoiding people to the point that I limit my trips to town to 3x a month. I never go anywhere alone and when I do venture out, I feel judge mental eyes on me every moment.
People say, "Get over it", "ignore the haters", "they aren't worth your tears" but when I spend day in and day out alone in this house with only books to keep me company, I see far too clearly how bullies actions have shaped my life and who I am....and not in a good way either.
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