Sanctuary for the Abused

Friday, October 25, 2013

Narcissists & Psychopaths Cause PTSD for their Victims


by Tim Field

How do the PTSD symptoms resulting from a Narcissist or Psychopath's abuse and bullying meet the criteria in DSM-IV?

A. The prolonged (chronic) negative stress resulting from dealing with a narcissist or psychopath has lead to threat of loss of job, career, health, livelihood, often also resulting in threat to marriage and family life. The family are the unseen victims.

A.1.One of the key symptoms of prolonged negative stress is reactive depression; this causes the balance of the mind to be disturbed, leading first to thoughts of, then attempts at, and ultimately, suicide.

A.2.The target of the narcissist or psychopath may be unaware that they are being exploited, and even when they do realize (there's usually a moment of enlightenment as the person realizes that the criticisms and tactics of control, etc are invalid) - victims often cannot bring themselves to believe they are dealing with a disordered personality who lacks a conscience and does not share the same moral values as themselves.

Naivety is the great enemy. The target is bewildered, confused, frightened, angry - and after enlightenment, very angry.


B.1. The target experiences regular intrusive violent visualizations and replays of events and conversations; often, the endings of these replays are altered in favour of the target.

B.2. Sleeplessness, nightmares and replays are a common feature.

B.3. The events are constantly relived; night-time and sleep do not bring relief as it becomes impossible to switch the brain off. Such sleep as is achieved is non-restorative and people wake up as tired, and often more tired, than when they went to bed.

B.4. Fear, horror, chronic anxiety, and panic attacks are triggered by any reminder of the experience, e.g.receiving threatening letters or email from the narcissist or psychopath or their friends, their family or attorneys. Additionally postings on online boards or sites about the victim by the abuser (often to try to make the victim look like the abusive one!) can add to these triggers and health related issues tremendously.]

B.5. Panic attacks, palpitations, sweating, trembling, vomitting, binge eating or forgetting to eat, ditto.

Criteria B4 and B5 manifest themselves as immediate physical and mental paralysis in response to any reminder of the narcissist or prospect being forced to take action against the narcissist.


C. Physical numbness (toes, fingertips, lips) is common, as is emotional numbness (especially inability to feel joy). Sufferers report that their spark has gone out and, even years later, find they just cannot get motivated about anything.

C.1. The target tries harder and harder to avoid saying or doing anything which reminds them of the horror of the exploitation.

C.2. Almost all Victims report impaired memory; this may be partly due to suppressing horrific memories, and partly due to damage to the hippocampus, an area of the brain linked to learning and memory.

C.3. the person becomes obsessed with resolving the experience which takes over their life, eclipsing and excluding almost every other interest.

C.4. Feelings of withdrawal and isolation are common; the person just wants to be on their own and solitude is sought.

C.5. Emotional numbness, including inability to feel joy (anhedonia) and deadening of loving feelings towards others are commonly reported. One fears never being able to feel love again.

C.6. The target becomes very gloomy and senses a foreshortened career - usually with justification. Many targets ultimately have severe psychiatric injury, severely impaired health.

D.1. Sleep becomes almost impossible, despite the constant fatigue; such sleep as is obtained tends to be unsatisfying, unrefreshing and non-restorative. On waking, the person often feels more tired than when they went to bed. Depressive feelings are worst early in the morning. Feelings of vulnerability may be heightened overnight.

D.2. The person has an extremely short fuse and is often permanently irritated, especially by small insignificant events. The person frequently visualises a violent solution, e.g. arranging an accident for, or murdering the narcissist; the resultant feelings of guilt tend to hinder progress in recovery.

D.3. Concentration is impaired to the point of precluding preparation for legal action, study, work, or search for work.

D.4. The person is on constant alert because their fight or flight mechanism has become permanently activated.

D.5. The person has become hypersensitized and now unwittingly and inappropriately perceives almost any remark as critical.


E. Recovery from a narcissist experience is measured in years. Some people never fully recover.  Long term and repeated damage by disordered persons become C-PTSD.
F. For many, social life ceases and work becomes impossible.  Many develop autoimmune diseases such as lupus, fibromyalgia, chronic pain or adrenal fatigue and even become totally disabled.

THERAPY can and does help. But it takes a lot of time and work.  The longer you wait to get help & treatment, the deeper the damage and the more difficult to heal or manage.  Hang in there!


http://bullyonline.org

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shared by Barbara at 12:45 AM


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108 Comments:

This article should be taught to all. That people who are ABLE to feel love, joy, hope and have the potential to help others are instead raped and destroyed for life. FOR LIFE!

10:53 AM  

"Naivety is the great enemy". So true and heartbreaking. But naivety is not evil and it is not the fault of the person who is naive. It is simply that people with the brain functioning of a psychopath ARE evil and unless we are all taught the truth about psychopathy, which is that they are predators and always seeking prey, we can never hope to help anyone.

Psychopathy is NOT rare. Not at all. Martha Stout mentions this in her book "The Sociopath Next Door" and recounts how the first time she met a psychopath (diagnosed) and talked to him she asked him what he desired most. She was surprised at his response. He said more than anything he wanted PITY from people. That's right. More than anything they want pity. She goes on to point out that when we are feeling sorry for someone, we are then VULNERABLE. So do you see? They want to use the very things that are meant for helping those that need help, for their own evil. They want access to our hearts in order to manipulate us and as an added bonus, destroy us in the process.

This article describes the results that take place when we are raped by evil. And look closely, they destroy EVERY PART OF OUR LIVES! Our minds, hearts, bodies, our soul. There is NOTHING good about psychopaths, nothing! And if you read the last part of this article, it seems to show that there is really no hope or help for those destroyed by them. Implying it may be better just to do nothing.

But what if there were an awesome psychopathy awareness campaign that helped PREVENT people from engaging with, hiring, mistaking them for humans, and then places for us to go and heal and also be armed with info on how to spot them and avoid them in the future.

This is nothing more than false hope I now know. Even though mri's show without a doubt that these people don't process emotions like love, empathy, gratefulness, it is so much easier to just let things go on as they are and let those of us with a heart be destroyed. So much easier.

11:18 AM  

THANK YOU for publishing this. I have been so worried that I wouldn't be able to find the words myself if I ever had to.

7:59 PM  

I've been emotionally shattered by a psychopathic narcissist. After several months of no contact I still feel sad, stuck and lost. Before I met him I couldn't have told you what a narcissist was and my idea of a psychopath was a serial killer. My narcissist has emotionally killed lots of women. I've seen it happen right before my eyes and I don't just mean me. I wouldn't wish him on my worst enemy.

8:17 PM  

I can relate.Developed PTSD symtpoms after being bullied. I wanted to help myself and prevent others from being bullied so after a agonizing year of being tortured by this individual who was in a position of power, I complained to someone in authority over her. HA! I might as well have kept my mouth shut, because all that accomplished was me being encouraged to alter my perception of what occured. How's that for a solution to being bullied, change your perception and the problem goes away. I have recieved councelling.3 years later and a hugh personal and professional sacrific, I am still recovering from the my tortursome experience and not being believed by the person who was in a place to provide the bully with consequneces for her actions. Oh well, all in a day's work, I guess.Helpless to do anything but change my thinking!

11:29 AM  

Spent 12.5 years married to a man of this type. I have been divorced since 2010 but we have children together.... I am emotionally ill most of the time and can not find much on recovery thanks for this article. I have emailed it to my adult daughter who is puzzled as to why her mother just can't surface again. Both I and my family miss me but I just do not know how to heal. Blessings to anyone that deals with a person like this!

12:53 PM  

I honestly thought it was me, my fault...... but where and who to trust for help?
who ever put this site together, thank you you have realy helped me
thank you.

2:26 PM  

My mother is evil that is the one word which stands out she did the devil's part attacking me and making me out to be the scapegoat. I have severe PTSD nightmares triggers and it set me up for a life of misery trying and failing over and over again to heal my broken heart yet finding her in denial lack of empathy and still much more punishment. Hated my childhood and my life trying to get over my haunted memories of the horrific abuse. Has anyone recovered is there hope?

5:05 PM  

I spent 37 years married to a physical, verbal and emotional abuser. I divorced him and lived with a man for 13 years who I had thought was my dream come true. He would go into rages when I ignored him. Another woman came into his life and he kicked me out in January this year.
Right now I am in a PTSD therapy group and am working on the issue of anger which has led me to recognizing the narcissist. It is so obvious that both men in my life were narcissist and damaged me deeply. It is wonderful to find a site on the net where I can find understanding and healing.

11:11 PM  

I cant even get to the ptsd part im still on the stocholm brainwashing thing.
love that is says at the bottom please prove you are not a robot, no , a puppet , yes , and all my strings were cut at the same time and then kicked.

2:48 PM  

I have been married to a narcissist, passive agressive, sociopath for 32 years. He is always cool as a cucumber and comes off as such a nice guy but behind closed doors is another story. He is verbally abusive andd over controlling. He holds the purse strings and uses money to buy off our adult daughters. He is a pathological liar and has been with numerous women. He has fooled most everyone except a psychiatrist and our marriage/family pastor. Divorcing him is out of the question right now. I suffer from chronic depression and am always exhausted. Just doing the dishes can seem overwhelming. My doctor said I suffered from PTSD. Thank you for your informative article.

11:51 PM  

my Partner has been the victim of a Psychotic, Narcissitic Son who has destroyed almost every part of his life. He has endured years of Vicious phsical beatings to the point of causing him to have a Stroke, broken bones, damaged kidneys and he has now been diagnosed with C-PTSD. His home and workplace have been destroyed by fire and he has lost everything he has ever owned. The fire killed all of his beloved animals that were rescued. This fire was started deliberately by his Psychopathic Son. His Son walks free with no repercussions or Punishments. Meanwhile my Partner remains on an NHS waiting list for therapy, 12 months on he is still waiting. Thats how seriously the Health Service in Britain takes PTSD. Oh, just one more thing, my Partners Psychopathic Son has repeatedly Poisoned his Food and Drink for 18 years. He is still at large, wheres the justice? Why have I written this here? Because his Son still fools the Drs in to believing he is the Victim. To all others who are Victims and Survivors of Psychopathaths I wish you the strength to fight on, THEY CAN BE DEFEATED...EVENTUALLY. Thaankyou for your article which has given us hope.

3:46 PM  

A therapist I consulted suspects my mother has Narcissistic personality traits. My mother forced me to assume her role as the caretaker for my handicapped brother, and infant sister as she kept taps on my father's daily activities, and cut articles out of magazines.Everyday when I came home from school my playtime became caretaker time. Each day when my father came home from work his dinner was not ready or even thawed out. He raised hell with her about it and she ignored him, eventually he became angry with me for not taking food out for his dinner.Again I was expected to assume her role.
When she began doing everything she could prevent me from having a normal social life with female friends,and a boyfriend. I realized that she had planned for me to go to college, get a job to help her purchase and live in a mansion.
Although I left home married and had two children those relationships are severely damaged, by her interference, lies, convincing others that I abuse them by living on my own in poverty rather than live in her house under her control.
I will not sell my soul,just to be able to live in a house. As two of my children are focused on trying to get revenge on me they can not see the trap she has put them in.
I was forced to assume her role as a child and be the caretaker for my handicapped brother, and younger sister. After all she has done I refused to give up the last of my working years to be her caretaker now that she is old. As expected my children tried to use the threat of the loss of my relationship with them as leverage to force me to give up my freedom and do what my mother wants. I said No.
I know that my mother will work to destroy the rest of their relationships and strip them of as much of their money as possible. They will finally see her as she is and why I was willing to endure years of poverty instead of living with her. I used all of this time on my own to raise my third child, acquire a bachelor degree, and I am currently a graduate student. When they wake up from Granny's nightmare. I will be on my feet.
DMG

11:17 AM  

I can relate to all the comments. I recently was divorced from a psychopath. I should have seen all the problems coming but I did not. It seems that love makes us blind to the abuse. Like others, recovering is an ongoing struggle, but something which has helped me to move on are the last to stanza from the poem Invictus by Willaim Henley, I read it at the start of each and every day;

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

2:07 PM  

My partner, the supposed narcissist, has been accused, maligned and almost killed by the supposed victim. She accused him of cheating, physically hurting her and causing her to be unable to work.He started a business for her to run and she ran it....right into the ground. She posts "domestic abuse " prevention comments all the time when she was and is the abusive one. She is the narcissist.... she tells everyone how horrible he is yet she has come on to him both in person and in in writing. He supported her for 10 years and will continue to pay her support until he has fulfilled his legal duty. In the meantime, he is supportive of me, we take care of each other, we share expenses, chores and life. He is a man..... maybe self centered sometimes, but so am I. He is an incredibly positive man but after dealing with his crazy narcissistic ex wife for years he has some PTSD symptoms from dealing with her. We are working through those things together and we hope someday she finds a new victim to destroy because only then will my partner be free of her negative and crazy rantings.

2:16 PM  

I am 32 and my life has been over for a long time due to one emotional abusive relationship after another and helpless circumstances. The straw that broke the camels back was getting stalked and harrassed by a married old man coworker and it drove me to eventually getting fierd and ending up having a halluciating mental breakdown. This man threatened to kill himself and my family. He would stare and drool at me and get all sweaty. He would cry because I did not want to hang out with him outside of work. He would come to my town and go to bars gas stations and resterants and talk about me to people. He broke windows in my house and left presents on my car and at work. He even printed out pictures of his kids that were my age and gave them too me. He would get angry when I wanted nothing to do with me and.call me crazy a slut stupid and other things. The job did nothing about it and eventually they just put me on second shift untill they just fierd us both. After that he called my mothers phone thirty times a day and even tracked my whereabouts across three towns and called my mothers voicemail and droned on about how I had only ten minutes tl get outside yada yada. I thought this guy was going to kill me or someone else plus I was angry especially when he told everyone I was on love with him and had sex with him. The police laughed in my face and told me I was a liar and I must have made him like that. I could not even get a restraining order. That was years ago but now my problem is I do not care about anything and feel like I am half alive and just waiting to die. Nothing makes me happy and I am not responsible enough to be on my own or have a relationship. I cannot stand the thought of someone touching me even though I try I cannot enjoy intimacy. I don't even feel connected to my child my parents or my friends anymore. I have to try and hide it but I don't care about anythong thay is going on and am not interseted in anything. I used to laugh and have some sense of feelings even when I was getting abused by so's but not anymore. Whats funny is I never mattered to anyone and I used to have hope that someday I could be in a happy normal relationship... Then I get stalked by a person who was obsessed with me and now I could care less and ignore the world around me like I used to be ignored. I feel sorry for my child that I am so distant its not fair to her but I don't really care about myself because there is no hope for me even with all the consuling and drugs. I only have bad memories and the only emotions I get is anger irritated but most of the time not even that. Once in a blue moon I cry to myself so noone will see and I try to pray to God to make me real again but that does not work either. The ony reason I don't think about killing myself is because of my daughter. Other than that Im a waste of space and a waste of a life.

11:11 PM  

thank you for this place I have been dealing with the results of a sociopath for years he stole my kids and i still can not visit my grandchildren often for my saftey. I am diagnosed with ptsd cause after 30 years he does not know where i am but how do you explain what it is like to have a crazy person control your life i alway say there should be a during traumatic disorder. anways for years i have been getting the best help i can but this sight has changed my thoughts there are others who have survived
SURVIVED

5:37 PM  

I wish i knew about sociopath. I have been so much pain . I am going througth PTSD is not easy.

4:56 AM  

Your story sounds similar to mine. I'm still in shock many months later. I can't believe I was so blind to another narcissist. They are pure evil and destroy other people's lives. As the article said I find it hard to comprehend that a person can be so lacking in basic morals. Good luck to you with your healing.

6:13 AM  

For so many years I've wondered why I cannot let go of the past. I cannot see straight at work, the grocery store, school or where ever. The symptoms of c-ptsd are so strikingly familiar to what I'm experiencing (reliving over and over, dreams, body aches, numbness, difficulty speaking etc.) and I feel that telling anyone about this will only lead people to the conclusion that I just want a pity party. My father was hugely narcissistic, and the mother of my child also has strong narcissistic traits. I've struggled through life from the beginning and lost everything and the people around me won't hear any explanation other than one that puts me at fault. My father denies past abuse and the mother of my child will do the same leading everyone around me to say that I'm just making up excuses. I'm clueless as to what to do about the situation all I know is that there seems to be no way out and no one believes me. Is this something other people experience as well? Where do you go to get help? How do you explain your situation without sounding overly dramatic?

3:51 PM  

Rick James

Make an appointment with a licensed trauma counselor or PTSD conversant therapist.

Don't worry about others - right now worry about you. C-PTSD has life long effects including serious health issues.

10:57 PM  

I have anixiety a lot and take medication for it. Narcissism and psychopathic people popped up when I typed in behaviors and anixiety. I read the characteristics of a person like this and my husband fits most of the signs. He's been abusive physically emotionally to me mostly and my oldest boy. He constantly calls me wanting to know what where with whom. Tells me I spend to much time with my kids and to consumed with them and my grand kids. I'm lucky to see them once a week. I'm scared to come home because he waits on me. When he leaves he's calling me before he gets out of the driveway and calls me several times a day. He tells me I'm not fit and ripped, but he constantly works out. Wants to hang out with people with power...omg I could go on and on. I'm scared, can't sleep, dread sex because its all his way. One day I hope I get the courage to leave but he can be violent. He has pointed guns at me to get what he wants in the past but has been years since he's done that. Everybody on the outside tells me I'm the luckiest women in the world to have a man like him, so know body will believe me.

12:19 PM  

When I left my scociopath my mind became more twisted. I have constant thoughts of him, the good and the bad. I feel like I don't know who I am or which direction to turn. I want to be left alone. I'm on anti depressants which help the non stop crying and the sleep. But I still have so many problems that I just can't deal with and when I read all of these stories I know it wasn't ME like he always said. I've been gone for 6 months now and I'm getting worse each day. He however has moved on to suck the life out of a new victim. And, we aren't even divorced yet. She is getting the sweet, charming, nice him right now. I've lived through 8 years and a whole cycle of his destructiveness That's hard to deal with too.

1:28 PM  

I have been finding it very difficult to put into words exactly how I'm feeling to my family after being the victim of a Narcissistic pervert, this really is a spot on description of every emotion I have felt/feel, thank you for helping to explain it to my loved ones

1:35 PM  

So I am married to a man that is in recovery for PTSD. I am constantly being bullied, called names, getting knocked around, etc... He tells me that I do not care and that I don't understand. He tells me that if I understood him, then I wouldn't be upset by his actions. The same abusive behavior he received from his ex-wife, he is asking me to endure from him. I can not do that, but I am at a loss as to what to do about it.

11:43 AM  

I have a very narcissistic father, and I believe a mother as well. They divorced rather quickly, and I was caught in the worst roller coaster of emotions growing up. I hated visiting my dad because he would always yell at me for not being the person he wanted me to be. He made me feel as though something was wrong with me not being a soccer player or going on sports teams. Up until now he uses the fact that I played video games as an excuse against me for any little thing I did wrong: if he gave me 25 chores to do and I forgot 1, he would go into a rage and try to make me feel guilty for not being good enough.

I am now forced to live with him to attend college. I thought he would get better, but he's not. I never felt love from him, and reading some information about narcissists online, I now know I never will. I can't wait until I graduate college and leave the state. Then, I'll be able to live my life without seeing him again. That's my dream. That's the only thing I can do. Right now I need to continue pleasing him (which is impossible) for the next two years for that to happen.

10:51 AM  

If you even think he is a Narcissist Run-and dont look back.

The damage is done before you have a clue.

You are nothing more than a source acquired for his little show-your value, talent, warm heart are first on his list to forget.

If you want to test him: disagree with his choice of restaurant, and that you have already seen that movie-exclude him from the focus of your (anyones) full attention. Advise you are.not.free on the day/time proposed.

Any act/word/opposing position will knock him off balance and he will resort to camouflaged flirting up until which time he regains control or determines you will be a challenge, not a wide eyed puppet....and you will be free. DONT LOOK BACK!!!!

2:54 PM  

What do I do to help my brother who is stuck in our narcissict home. He's 17 and I live with my aunt at 14. How do I help him see he is a victim so he will fight and leave their clutches?

8:04 PM  

You are not a waste of space and life. You took those words right our of my mouth but that was a few months ago. Like you, my rltnshp was bad,very bad. I was with a narcissist for 9 painful years. When I left I was in pain that I could feel physically when I cried. My bones would ache from emotional pain. I had no connection to anyone and I could function socially. O quit my job too coz it only added to the stress. I want to tell you that I stopped complaining, I realised that I had nothing more to lose, I had hit rock bottom and the only way out was to get up and out. I started reading up on how I was feeling (thank God for google), soaking up all advice I could find on emotional healing and I started to pray and meditate. Eventually, things started changing deep inside me especially after I realised that my low self esteem is what led to me getting attracted to the narcissist and attracted a lot of Narcissistic friends too. I started cutting off all the rotten people from my life starting with my ex husband. I did not give him any attention at all, I stopped taking my mothers adive on love (another story for another day) coz I knew she was sort of living her life through me and it was all about her image and not mine, I kept my own space, a quiet space without drama, I started focusing on my business and my general well being. What I have realised is that when you don't move on, you give the narcissist power and they thrive I tell you, when you do well and move on they are miserable and they start to fuck up. The narcissist wants you to fail. Get up and live, you only have one life. I hope you can hear my heart speaking to yours. Love and light.

11:28 AM  

My Narcissistic Ex made my life hell for 20 years and then tried to alienate me from my children and immediate family after I found the courage to leave him. Like with so many Narcissists, it was easy to achieve because he iwas so convincing and outwardly charming. using his money to buy people whilst claiming i was the agressor all along. I've been trying to rebuild my my life in the face of his open hostility (to me) and covert/passive aggressive hostility (in front of others). I will never forgive him for the lies he has fed about me to my children in order to control them, for the campaign of bullying and intimidation via a 3 year court case that he had no chance of winning but just did to cause me pain and financial ruin. (Luckily the Judge saw right through him and shamed him publicly ouch! the worst thing for him). For the lost time and precious memories every mother dreams of having with her children by wiping their memories of me and replacing them with 'false' ones. Now after discovering I have C-PTSD, I can finally make sense of why 13 years after divorce I have these symptoms.

I believe "what goes around comes around". He fell into a relationship with a woman who is a worse Narcissist than even he is and has made his life a misery. Trapped by his own device, she quickly worked out his weaknesses and then began sysyematically controlling and eventually manipulated him into getting engaged. (A £60k diamong ring says he loves her)!

Now he will spend the rest of his miserable life waking up next to an ageing closet alcoholic watching her drinking getting ever increasingly out of control, über-control freak who he can NEVER make happy and who will keep that 'choke chain' on him till he draws his last miserable breath. The marriage made in hell takes place on 29th June 2013 in Southend. I am planning a celebration of my own! May he rot in the hell of his own making.

4:13 AM  

It has been 5 months since I escaped my narcissistic abuser. I really had not idea thA I was in an un normal relationship. I started telling my family and close friends about something's thA had happened and they were mortified. My counselor keep say "remember he is a scary and dangerous man."

To me it feels like a movie that I watched happend. I don't feel any emotions about any of the events. I am starting to see how it changed my personality because I am starting to feel myself again.

I remember about a week after I left I went out with some friends. My parents watched my daughter. It had been the first time I had been out of the house in a long time for some fun. I had never laughed that much in such a long time. I felt like I was on a high.

There are things that have been happening lately that I have been having response to.. Random things people say, or do will set me off into a response. Most of the time I lash out at that person with something mean. It's only after I take the time to reflect that I understand why that set me off. Of course I apologize to the person and try to explain t them what conclusions I came up with...

I don't know if I will ever fully feel the pain of the emotional events I went through. Maybe it is better that way I don't know. I feel ashamed talking about it sometimes. People just don't understand. I don't even understand that I have been abused

His criminal case is coming up for his domestic violence. He is trying to fight it of course he thinks he did nothing wrong. I am having anxiety about seeing him. Also about what they might ask me on the stand. I feel like they are going to attack my character. Ugh!

I just hope for a future with less drama... Less stress... I know he will never change.

12:54 PM  

I'm reading this and sobbing, because it fits just about everything I'm experiencing to a T. I had a baby with a sociopath. My daughter is nearly 3 and I feel like everything is getting worse, even when I happened seen him for nearly a year. My brother suggested he was a sociopath and I thought that just meant a compulsive liar. When I did some reading, my blood ran cold. I'd happened upon an article shortly after she was born that talked about ptsd sufferers being very disturbed by background noise...and thought...hmmmm...I can't stand have the radio on in the car lately...a few other things in the article were familiar, but much of it was not. Even 3 years after the fact...I find myself EXTREMELY short-tempered with my daughter, I basically have temper tantrums over the slightest thing, I've start crying A LOT again lately, which I did for the first year and a half of her life, before I turned extremely angry and bitter. I constantly have "hate my life; (often said out loud in front of my daughter) wish I had the guts to blow my head off" or "wish a semi would t-bone me" thoughts. I can't stand being around people, even my daughter, but the thing that brought me here was my forgetfulness as of late. I forget the most routine of things. I'm starting to get in trouble at work because I'm forgetting tasks I do EVERY SINGLE day that are dire, I have had a package on my table for WEEKS I've meant to mail. I forget to bring my daughter's shoes to daycare just about every day....it goes on and on and on. I think I need some help, but I'm so broke and so short on time I don't know how. My dad and I just got into it last night and usually he tries really hard to be my champion and help me with finances without a question. Thanks for the article. I'm damn close to a panic attack right now, but now I know I'm not nuts for being such a mess...it sounds pretty normal for victims of these soul suckers.

8:29 PM  

My narcissist sociopath left a year of memories that I am still trying to dig out from. It will take a while and I would caution readers to know that these people have a long history of practice and are cunning. I would have never believed all that happened. Mental illness is real and must be taken seriously. If you are in a relationship with someone who exhibits signs that they can not cope with normal relational conversations. RUN. They will argue with you then turn on you for it. They will twist truth into a lie and blame everyone leaving a path of destruction. They will preach in a pulpit while separated and have relations with another separated woman. They will have affairs on their spouse with a 21 year old. They will view porn and create blame for it by saying it was their escape. They will charge you with every fault they have. They are dishonest and will lie before a Bible study saying they haven't drank since they were 15 but have Mike's Hard Lemonaide in their refrigerator. They will put you under a microscope and invade and take over your life only to throw you away when your role in their movie script is over. They will say they have no clue why their children won't talk them when in fact they do have a clue why. They were molested by their mom and you will be the whipping girl for their pain every moment you are around them. They will lie about you and come off as healed and self righteous using Bible verses to claim their wellness. They will post a blog about you saying you are the person who taught them compassion by being so horrible. Even when they get kicked out of your church they will still try to cause you pain through others. IT will NEVER END. DP

10:23 AM  

I woke up this morning with a pain in my heart, realising that I had just had a bad deam about my ex....a narcissist or BPD.... it was never diagnosed, but she was the most manipulative, cunning and most shattering person ive ever met.

I was so humiliated, used, betrayed and hurt that it nearly took my life. The cuel games and all the effort I put in to be carelessly discarded as rubbish is thrown away.

I never realised about these conditions until I was some downbeaten I decided to research. Now I realize that it wasn't MY FAULT.... I am rebuilding my life with a new partner and baby on the way ;) I escaped.... but the scars remain...time will heal all, but I will never forget the way I was taken to hell and back.

To all of you; seek the light and you will find it. Perservere no matter what happens. Live well....like us normal people. God bless you all.

7:05 AM  

After years of abuse my husband has come to his final threat : to have me committed. He has brainwashed 5 of my six children and I am so exhausted that divorce feels like the final nail in my coffin. I had wanted to help him. He was, and is, mad, angry, irritated, abusive both verbally and physically. Psychologically he is a murderer. I know now I should have left the year my first daughter was born. The experience with him has been a living hell.

10:54 AM  

Hi all! I'm also trying to recover - and making great progress sometimes and going back to the C PTSD at others. My main difficulty is that my ex husband is a prominent religious leader, and the church has gone against its own processes to cover up. I have 3 young children and wear the scarlet letter in the community.
This has afftected every aspect of my life.

For me, one one hand I accept that I am a victim. But to recover my life, I need to rise from the victim position. Its hard, but I recognize that there are triggors that set mE back.

I know I need to increase my support system, and slowly rebuild my life so that the kids and I depend on him less. Its hard, because trust is my problem and I carry too much unneccessary shame. But every day I try to commit to keeping afloat or moving on.

12:09 PM  

I really needed this article. Thank you! I was married for almost 20 years to a NPD man. There are still people in my life that think he was just an all around great guy. There are many people who have never seen his true face. We've been divorced several years now (although with kids, so I can only have "no contact" to a point). Most days I remember or choose to recall very little of what it was like with him. I'm still in recovery mode, I guess. This angers me, however, because I am a loving, empathetic and intelligent person. I don't wish to own all the anxiety, doubt and stress that I am left with... I don't wish to "give" that power to an abuser. However, I find that it is more a subconscious thing than a choice. How I long for a real victory and meaningful and helpful existence. It does get better, and I love life most of the time. There are days in which staying above water, so to speak, is a bit more difficult. In reading this, I understand more of the why and hope that helps - rather like a little kickboard tossed to me on the days that treading is a bit wearisome. :) ty.

8:18 PM  

I am so sorry to hear your story. How are you now? I am in the same mess. I need friends. My husband is isolating me totally. I need to talk with others who have been in this mess so I can survive. The forum is great but it is not enough. Anyone out there in the Midwest right now also would help. Living in Cleveland, ohio or Raleigh north Carolina.
Sskwerer@Yahoo.com

6:35 AM  

There are loads of links on the left. This forum too:
thepsychopath.freeforums.org/‎

9:19 PM  

Sounds jus like my life, my husband same thing court battle alienating me from my children, stealing my house, car, just cuz I finally saw truth of who he was. this has beeN a nightmare last 11 yrs. it's crazy cuz I realized I married a man exactly like my evil mother!!! Going through this ( leaving him) is so devastating to my kids, I'm so lost now. he turned my teenage daughter against me now my narcissistic mother has her, I can't let my daughter b with my x husband her stepfather, so I have to send her to other narcissist grandma. it's killing me, pain of loosing my daughter to mu mom who stole her by brainwashing her since birth is something I will never get over!!!! My daughter is aware her gr is crazy, but she wants revenge, my daughter is angry predictive, young 16 yr old lost too in this web of cauas......
I'm hurting everyday, so isolated now, can't even feel feelings from last few yrs. how do you survive this abuse from all childhood and to find out marriage too, 36 yrs off severe abuse out of box at same tome then loosing my daughter??????
I'm a lost soul now, I don't know how to come back!!

4:44 PM  

Again, this is very difficult to write down, like I said with previous I'm a lost soul, I feel there is no way out!!!!
My life has always. been this way, why!????

4:47 PM  

Hi I am a fourteen year old, and my mum is narcissistic, and now I'm living with my dad. Its really strange, because the only people I know who identify their mothers as one are adults themselves. Even books are written for adults, when I'm sure there's children out there who are in just as much pain and probably feel quite lonely, because everyone else is an adult and rarely does a child get to understand who their mother really is, because they still love their mum really much.
This is all what I feel, and its been really painful trying to understand the condition, especially because my sister is still living with her and is the 'golden child' at the moment. However I am going to get on the road to recovery as soon as I get myself the right degrees and will finally be strong enough and have enough power to deal with my mum - or at least do what books say I should do.
I want to say that you should never give up, be strong and remember: It's never too late! Find something to motivate yourself such as music, reading, sports or anything that you find an interest in. There IS a way out. Go to counselling by yourself. It may not seem like there is light at the end of the tunnel, but there is

4:34 AM  

I broke out in a total body horrific rash that stung and hurt. I was diagnosed with severe psoriasis. I learned that stress was the number one cause so in all my sleepless, painful nights I stayed up seeking to find the stresses in my life that led to this reaction. It's been three months now and I've learned that my father is a narcissist and my mother a codependent. My only hope for healing seems to be no contact. My heart is breaking. My 3 children are used to seeing them weekly. I suffered through years of catering to them, rescuing them and jumping through all their hoops to please them but only for a short while. Every time I think about seeing them or running into them somewhere I get sick. Currently my husband is the mediator and lets very little get back to me about any contact he has with them. Everything I ever believed seems to be a lie. I was merely an extension of them or an inconvenience. I feel empty. I feel like I barely exist. I feel confused and hurt very deeply. I'm in total shock. I feel angry then guilty for feeling angry. I want to be the mother I never had but my energy is zapped and I'm fully covered in spots. I'm up and down like a roller coaster. I just started therapy. I want to feel like a human being rather than an extension of other human beings. This is so much more difficult than words could describe. How do I help my husband understand why I'm so debilitated emotionally

12:54 AM  

My Mother is a Narcissist and my daughter is a Sociopath. If I wasn't being attacked by one I was being attacked by the other. When the final straw came I was being attacked verbally for about two month by my Mother...violently attacked...even though it was verbal it was violent and a physical attack from my daughter...a violent physical attack. I cut both of them out of my life for 2 years now. I'm sure I had/have PTSD. I didn't get any therapy but I've now done a lot of research on all of it. I thought I was doing really well. I'm actually happy and I don't feel as though its an act...its sincere...I'm sincerely happy. I started having a problem 2 weeks ago which tells me I must not be as okay as I thought I was. I have started having violent nightmares. My husband wakes me and I'm either screaming or yelling at someone or I'm actually punching him. I dont know exactly what to do. I have tried to research nightmares due to PTSD and how to overcome them but I havent really been able to find anything that helps. I guess I'm asking for help from you all...any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm barely sleeping and now I'm getting headaches so bad I had to go to the doctors and get migraine medication. I feel like I was doing so well and in the past two weeks I've really gone down hill. Two weeks ago my daughter contacted me...told me off out of the blue. As I said I haven't spoken to her or my mother in two years...over two years. So I'm thinking the letter did exactly what it was supposed to do but now I need some help figuring out how to handle it. I have to expect this kind of thing and I have to know how to handle it without giving them what they want which is exactly whats happening to me. So...any advice I would truly appreciate!!

11:49 PM  

Get to a Trauma Counselor or PTSD specific therapist ASAP.

12:05 AM  

Hello. This site was given to me by a friend who has gotten out of a marriage to a narcissist and putting the pieces of her life back together. I knew this woman before the marriage and know that the person she is now is not even close to the person she was. This frustrates and angers me that she had to deal with this.

I want to help her. Can anyone please give me some insight as to what I should/could do to help her through this?

Thank you.

10:53 AM  

I am a 40 yr old man who has been trapped with a sociopath for 5 years now. I cannot believe the horror i have been through and bieng a man seems very difficult because everytime i have tryed to get help or away she just traps me with legal problems and everyone believes her even though shes been arrested and caught for violence all she is to do is say im the violent one and everytime it works. She has planned out horrible life situations for me and then laughed as i am tormented and in pain.She has turned my family my friends any one who i seek for help against me and enjoys my pain ,she makes me angry then records me and shows everyone saying im violent . I was finally free after she was arrested and i got a protective order but she then came back and turned all around on me , they took my children and think im a violent abuser and she feels proud.She has devistated my life and drained me financilly spiritually and emotionally. She recently set me up to be arrested because she found out i was seeing a lawyer for divorce. I just want to get me and my children free so that they have a happy life but she now has them and i lost everything. I am crushed and think of suicide but i will not ever ever give up on my kids, i will fight and prove her psychotic behavior to everyone ,she has noconscience and feels joy to hurt me but i will prevail. I believe too much in saving my kids ftom this life, i know we can make it and become healthy . I love myself and my kids we all can make it we just need to believe we can , we CAN just believe, i am completely alone noone believes me not even my parents but i will not give up, even though she has everyone in her spell i will prevail , my kids need me too I will , i love u all we will make it,dont give up!!!!!

3:39 AM  

Thank you for your concise list of "what went wrong"! Every victim's recounting of the abusive horror of being targeted by these kooks is worse than the last!
Why do good, loving people have to endure this scourge upon our communities?
I was targeted by a group who conspiratorially attacked me, gaslighting and calling me the psychotic! I called the police and reported them! Yah, I got their last names, too!!
They systematically fooled me, layering on the lies to rob me and I suspect eventually murder me.
I've spent the better part of my life trying to be the better person. The loving person. The more evolved person. The person who only recognized love and never ever mentioned hate!
It's as though these kooks were direct from hell, sent as Satan spawn to bring me around to *hating*!!

THAT's CRAZY!!

Who does that? Gotta be Satan spawn. That's about the only devolved answer for that horrible question!

But I don't hate them!! I know they are full-on kooks and they know that I know that they can't hide anymore. My life might still be in danger but with the authorities fully aware of their antics, they are pretty much shut down.

Yes. Recovery from these kooks is never ending. Trying to resolve the crisis seems it will be a life long obsession. They leave a trail of fear and upset. Isolation after their abuse seems the only solace. But that's ok. I have my cat to keep me company!! Yay!!







1:06 AM  

I would suggest approaching this with a bit more perspective. My x has convinced everyone that I AM THE ABUSIVE one..classic narcissism. . unfortunately you were not there and you are reading HIS side.

Best

tish

10:05 PM  

Im going through hell as well and just was dignoised and put on medication for my ptsd this is pure hell what my ex bf did to me physically mentally and emotionally i will never be me again

9:28 PM  

Just remember, you were strong enough to survive the direct abuse and thus, you are WORTHY to see post traumatic help.
I just don't get that even after divorce the "A-hole" won't leave me alone and sad to say his family is so WELL connected, he has received more support than I have.

9:07 AM  

Thank you for writing this. My father is a narcissist and it took until I was in my early 20's to realise that all my depression, anxiety and episodes of "unfeeling" from a young age was not actually might fault and I could pin-point what was causing it. I've been seeking help for 2yrs now - still in my 20's - but it's hard to grow out of the abuse and become the person I wish I had as a role model.

6:22 AM  

What do you do if that psychopath is your dad (in the past)?

4:31 AM  

I am currently in counseling from the narcissist relationship, it has been almost a month now with no contact and I still feel pain every day. I always thought it was my fault, he lashed out at me accusing me of stuff that I had no idea what he was talking about, he always played mind games with me making me feel like I was going crazy. He would disappear for days making me wonder what did I do, then he would pop back up with a text like nothing. I was always crying and felt tortured by him, it affected my home life, job and my kids always asking me what was wrong. He gave me a low self esteem. He would tell people I was crazy and I stalked him which I never did. I hope someday I can be the person I was before I met him.

4:12 PM  

You are not alone and now I know I am not either. Thank you for speakung out. I had my daughtwr at 20, I finished finished school at Fresno State, alwalays worked and volunteered anywhere that i could help others. I was always proud of m th being a Sunday school teacher and all the while I was a single mom.
Four years ago it all began shortly after my dreams came true al my walls came down and I married the man that I thought God pickedjust for me. Then the first month of our marriage I was lied to about where he was in Germany, then I recieved a call from my drunk husband refarding how he was going to find out if the 19 year old bartender is naughty folkiwed by a hang up. I was devistate, as moral yt? Devorce was not an ootion for me. Upon his return I was shouted at broken down to a mouse that could nit breath and then the first threat of divorce came. This was the first trigger in my remembering horrific events fri m my childhood. The horrible nightmares, the flashbacks, I thought Iwas loosing my mind. But I was uncotrolably remembering things I had supressed as a child, I dont have words to discribe the horror and fear that envelopes me each time I remember more. Then u became so physically ill I spent 3 months at the mayo clinic, where they diagnosed me with severe PTSD andc were leaning twards ALS. Which was one more thing Icould not dwal wirh not being here for my precious daughter. Since tgen my husband makes me out to be crazy as he calls me retarted and says i am a piece of trash, u dont understand. I appologize if i am in tge wronge and my focus is to love him and my girl and not burden them with my childhod issues. He said i burden him if i reach out to him for support or even love, he had me put in a mental hospital told them i said i wascgoing to kill myself
I would never do that to my daughter. I love her more than myself .when i got home after a week of being evaluated, she was gone and we were moving to washing ton .she was to come shortly thereafter. Its been almostca year since i have saw ger beautiful face and her biological father likes the wrlfare check he gets .he had her one day a month her entire life and my husbsnd inforned him he c an keep getting tge check if he says i am crazy anot safe for her to be aound. He has now serced me with divorce paoers, got me fired from my job, we have spent all of my savings and he has everything in atrust isigned when I was sick. Even the little a frame. cabin that I have dreamed of since I cant remember is in the vBulletin trust. He wants to give me $1500 a month including my leased c ar he traded my paid of car in for. I am horrigiedv at nu ght from my ptsd likeca five yearvold I csnt go from my car to the cabin door I am horrified sonething is going to kill me. So I honk thevhorn for mybhusband to walk me inside. He calls me retarted and breakscthe vBulletin xar window right on my tearfilled face and says get the gell out of here. U had to sleep in my car . Wrll sevetal nights since then. I still have a ligh tv in my hartvand lovevforboth ers .ibget up and get ready for a full day, but I accomplish nothing i had planned. Only crying , my joy has gone vBulletin away with her beautiful smile and I a feeling of numbness is overwhelming. I am trying with sll thatbi have not BBC to yeild not too loose myself. It seems thatcanyone I havev ever loved had turned to be some kind of evil monster. My oarents granparents. Now my husband and they have tsken my joy from me. I am not trying ti come accross perfect but when I am wrongi accept responibility for my actions. Never cheated, I respected my husband even when none wad returned. Why is he distroying me like this without just cause? I dont understand. Alass I read a post and a feeling of utter lonliness and dispair that haunts me was oushed away... by a warm feelingvof joym. . Thank you so very much.. I am affraid it will not stay. But I wil pray it does

6:34 AM  

I believe you! Hang in there as nd i will too..

6:42 AM  

How do I even begin to find help? I was in a relationship with a narcassist for almost 4 years. I never saw it coming. Even when it was happening... i was blind sided. The emotional and physical abuse has seriously impaired my mood, my life, my mind, my sleep, my personality... i don't feel like me at all anymore. I left him in January but still hung on until August. The last 3 months he has been making my life miserable. I am in the process of getting a civil protection order for fear that he will physically hurt me again. But how do I begin to find the help for theemotional damage??

8:14 PM  

So how is pity for a psychopath different from pity for a psychopath's victims?

The first feeds the psychopath (who is a liar and a thief - when (s)he emotionally abuses, (s)he steals joy; when (s)he kills, (s)he steals lives), the second is necessary to swoop in and help the victim get back onto a level playing field, made uneven by the psychopath's attacks and injuries.

Important to discern the difference.

And, falls into the axiom: Identical surface behaviors (in this case eliciting pity), become entirely different when the underlying truths and underlying motivations are different.

8:46 PM  

I want to believe so intensely, and,beyond words, that someone as damaged as I am can have hope and dreams... Even love

8:50 PM  

I went thruca similar situation with my mother. From a young age I remember thinking why does she hate me so much! But I got into therapy and it took time and hard work. I am now in a healthy relationship with a man who loves me dearly. I was able to work some things out with my mom before she died. Walked away from a family member who molested me as a child.
There is hope and you can do it...pray, meditate when you are stressed out and find a good therapist & medical dr to treat you. You need a team to go at it together ..YOU ARE NOT ALONE NOR DID YOU DO ANYTHING WRONG OR DESERVE THIS!!! God bless & best of luck & love

4:55 AM  

These symptoms describe me perfectly. I grew up with a N mother, and then spent 11 yrs with a N boyfriend. He destroyed me. He took everything from me, my dignity, my self esteem, my passion for life, and my children. I've had no contact with him or my children for 3 years and I honestly don't want to go on anymore. I moved out in the middle of nowhere a year ago, and still haven't found a therapist.

I feel like I'm barely existing at this point. My previous therapist diagnosed me with bipolar and I've been trying to get on disability for that, but I really think I have severe PTSD. I can't work at all, I have severe anxiety and always feel like I need to run. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm drowning :(

The only thing that has kept me going is my youngest daughter that is with me (different father). But sometimes I tell myself she would be better off with her dad and everyone would be better off without me. I'm so afraid to reach out for help because I feel like they will try to say I'm an unfit mother and take my daughter away from me. Without her I would have nothing left to live for.

12:27 PM  

You guys who have partners, i.e. husbands or wives who do this to you - count yourselves the 'lucky' ones. Take joy in the fact that you can leave them and their treatment of you behind you. You have a great chance to heal. What when it is your son, your daughter, mother or father who is the perpetrator? These along with a life long abuse are the hardest to 'escape'... hopes and dreams shattered

11:47 PM  

It wasn't until others pointed out that I was being bullied and emotionaly abused that me and my boyfriend recognized that my boyfriend's sister was in fact villifing me to the family, inventing stories and trying everything to prevent me from singing in the band. When he confronted her, she raised our rent $1,000 dollars the next month and continued to try to break us apart because she wanted to be the "only" singer in the band and wanted her brother with her. It was sheer hell for 2 years and has caused us such turmoil that we moved away from San Francisco to another city in the country. We are happy now without her constant criticism, lies and decietful behavior. It took awhile to fully realize it, but when we did and looked at all that she did.. we realize we were dealing with a severe disturbed personality. I thank the people who pointed it out to us and invited us to a meeting where we came face to face with her behavior and realized we couldn't just 'take it'. We had to break away from the abuse.

6:39 PM  

My late Mother was the primary Narcissist in my life. Two years ago I met with a licensed critical social worker for grief counseling due to two of my dogs being euthanized by the local animal shelter after I lost my job and temporarily couldn't take care of them.During my sessions I discussed my family life and some of the horrible things my Mother orchestrated to control me and prevent me from having a life. The LCSW suspected that my Mother had Narcissistic personality traits. When I was a child my Mother subjected me to 10 years of parentification (forcing me to be the caretaker of my siblings, and her confidant), she also told me that I had the trait of Sickle Cell anemia and my Dr. recommended that I didn't have any children. My mother also reminded me that if it were not for me she never would have married my father. She did everything she could to keep my isolated from family and friends the bottom line is my mother intended for me to spend my entire life supporting her financially, and fighting her battles for her. To make a long story short she did everything she could to stop me from having a normal adult life as well she gossiped,lied told everyone I was abusing her and nitpicked about me convincing two of my children and other family members that I was unfit to care for anyone, or any creature besides her. Through prayer I developed the back bone to stand up to her and developed self confidence she and my two older daughters verbally abused me for several years to break my spirit,force me to move back in with her, and give her money. As painful as it was to endure the verbal abuse, and gas lighting tactics I persevered. My Narcissistic Mother passed away leaving one of my children a life insurance policy as her reward for betraying, and torturing me psychologically. i would recommend that everyone takes the time to read as much information about Narcissists as you can to understand what makes them tick.I can not change the damage my mother caused in my past relationships however I am at an advantage I know that two of my children are also Narcissists,I know that they think I love my youngest child more then them, I know what they are capable of, ow well they can lie, and what tactics I must use to counteract their actions.I felt as if a great weight had been lifted off of me when my Mother died. Relieved.

12:06 PM  

Brilliant article, well written & so true. I have cptsd. Have it from childhood trauma & recently seperated from a narc.... It's amazing how we become s attached to them, that we can't function without them. I've shared this... so that others can learn how we feel. It can't just be switched off & some of us never ever heal. I thank you for publishing this.

4:52 AM  

Everyone's comments help me to remember that I am not the crazy one. I have been with a guy who has broken me little by little for over two years but he must love how when it looks like I'm down for the count I find my will to get up and keep moving forward. I left the country for two months trying to get away from him but he sucked me back in. However, when he proposed to me on my return I saw him for all the strategic moves he is and has been making since the beginning. The worst part is I blame myself for allowing such devastation to happen to me. I'm the one that stayed and now I am the crazy one because I obsessively email and text and call, always bouncing between desperate begging, hating him completely and telling him I'm strong enough to get through this. He always responds with short either sweet comments or cursing. He never responds with any depth. He has had me arrested, thrown all my belongings out, robbed my remaining belongings from my storage unit (I'm pretty sure of it), isolated all my friends and family, prevented me from finishing my thesis for Graduate school and has cheated, lied and is slowly turning me into him. I have since had him arrested, thrown some of his things out, break into his email and other accounts trying to find more things that only serve to destroy me. When I met him, I prided myself on my honesty, loyalty and belief that goodness protects you from pure evil. I feel completely alone, in so much pain (and that is thing - whenever I am down he is the most loving, caring, gentle guy there is - but once I am on the path to self-esteem and respect he does whatever he can to push me back into the needy, desperate for love, willing to accept any and all lies - a woman I can't stand at all. And he has the written documentation of my own instability with my inability to stop writing him wanting him to see who and what he is and what he has done to me. But I took a pledge today for no contact and really want to stand by it. I want my life back. I want to move away where no one knows me (he smeared my name around town), and start over. But how do you start over when you have no self-esteem, no one to talk to about it and no motivation or desire for life? I am afraid of everyone, afraid of evil and even believe sometimes he has put his demon inside of me. I am not okay. But your stories help me to start to accept the truth as it is, try not to be overwhelmed with shame and move on. But I can't get a single thing done. I lay in bed and think only of him and whether or not it is me and I should be lucky to have him. I hate this. I hate me. I hate him. And I hate feeling hate.

6:45 PM  

having lost the love of my life, my wife, six weeks ago to another man, who shook my hand knowing he was sleeping with her, i have
become aware of PTSD and have many symptoms, it all started ten year ago when i fell in love at first sight of my wife,
it was a blind date, she was at the time living in a small flat in a rough part of town, after are date she went home then rang me asking could we meet again, my dreams had come true,
she moved into my home within a week and all was bliss for six months, i then noticed i change in behavior she became distant and mood, i was still in the honeymoon period, so let this go,
this trait became verbal abuse then physical abuse, then started not coming home after work for days i forgave her bought her presents to help with the mood swings,
after three years together she became fixated with marriage and asked me every day for week to marry her,
even though i loved her deeply i had worries about her previous behavior, in the end i gave in,
we married but hr behavior became even worse nothing stopped her from doing what she wanted when ever she wanted i know of three affairs that were rubbed in my face,
having put up with this behavior for years i was shocked that she then asked if we could try for children, i had moved into another bedroom because she told me that i made her skin crawl at the slightest touch,
so her asking to try for children was a like cloud had lifted from me, sadly my wife became aware that she had a problem so we had to try IVF this went well untill six week when she felt something wrong,
this became such a problem for her she cried for weeks and had to support her through this, this was the time i dropped my guard and let her become even more empowered her ,
narcissistic sociopath ways became even more dominant her lack of remorse is beyond my comprehension,
this last affair started because i was to busy to take my wife to a cycle event, her new man came on the scene and offered her lifts to three events, my wife decided that she needed a new bicycle and asked me like a child every day for this,
i gave in and spent the last of my savings on it, the following week i had an accident at work and was in hospital a week, for some reason my wife was busy and only managed to visit me twice,
i never thought anything of this, on being discharged from hospital i was unable to drive so asked my wife to pick me up, her reply was i could have given her more notice and she would be an hour,
which a thought strange as we live ten minuets from there, on arriving home after a week a way i noticed a strange smell to my home and asked my wife who had been round as it smelt of aftershave in the house, she said nothing,
the next day my wife asked me for a divorce i went into a state of shock and needed hospital treatment i couldent handle the stress of it all my anxiety levels are beyond my comprehension, i am broken and cannot find the pieces,
i search for answers but find none, my state of mind became suicidal and i tried, it was not my time as i survived something that i shouldn't of,
my wife total lack of empathy is beyond anything i would wish on any man, as i sit at home now my love of ten years,
has moved in with this man to a house lass than a third of a mile from my home the car i bought her sits out side on the drive
Christmas decorations shine from every window and i sit here alone under a growing black cloud i see no end to my pain ,
how can the love of my life cause me so much suffering that i feel the life drain from me

8:33 PM  

I grew up with health problems, i was ashamed of myself regardless of family but slowly and surely their narcasisitic way started to bash me around, i would pick myself up to be smashed to the floor again and again and again, now im being harrased by a neighbour who knows they are getting to me because of my open heart i come back to familys momentrily ive just joined a church and now im being broken again. my memory is so impaired its ridiculous and i feel im lost. the only thing i want to do is commit suicide and forget this life ever happened my friends were narcissists and the mother of my child is. all i wanted to do was help the world and those in dire straights, but everyone has used me up as their playtoy to call the bad man and get their own personal gain for 'standing above me' goodbye.

12:27 PM  

My "girlfriend" cheated on me the whole 8.5 years, poisoned my little girl, dog , to death, set me up to get in trouble with police, poisoned her father, and poisoned me. I need help, but I don't have a car and there are no in network psychologists around where i live. its consuming my every waking moment now and i need help but all i can get is texting a couple people about it who have had the patience of saints and i'm hanging on because of them.
thanks for listening. :~(

7:49 PM  

My Father is a sadistic narcissist and my mother is a compensatory narcissist. They are Virgos born on the same day. I married a narcissist.
I cannot find the words to describe the physical and emotional torture that I have endured for decades. As I am without guile and massively empathic, I accepted the ongoing abuse from my father not knowing that my mother was encouraging and enabling him due to her jealousy and competitiveness.One day when I told my father that he should not have hurt me, he replied, "I should have beat you harder Mother F----r." No one can comprehend the cruelty from a father to a daughter, as father's typically want to protect and adore their daughters. I came from an affluent family and my peers had normal loving parents. As the torment is continuing and effecting my children, friends have started to speak out and threaten exposing them. Because my mother cares about her social standing my friend's idea to no longer turn a blind eye to evil and to reveal the extent of their wickedness and destruction has penetrated slightly. if they cannot desist the whole world will know, which they deserve.

8:31 AM  

Thanks for the interesting post, I linked your post to my blog:
cherished79.wordpress.com

Take care. Deb

I am a survivor of ptsd.

7:20 PM  

I didn't have a label for the Women who was my neighbour, became what I thought was my friend, drugged me to the point i thought i was having a breakdown and threatened my Child into secrecy. I spent months living in what i can only describe as a living hell within my own mind. Knowing something was going on but not knowing what. It was only after leaving my area it was confirmed i was being drugged and the women had been accused of doing it before. Now i know she is the sick one. Not me. God bless anyone who encounters one x

4:33 PM  

My mother called me on the phone when I was 45 to tell me she was dying. She lived 1600 miles away (we had moved so that I wouldn't be living near her). Her voice, the guilt trip, were to get me out there to come and say goodbye. I hung up the phone and cried, then I went in to take care of my children, ages 5 and 9.

I looked at them, and knew I would not be going out to see her. Her vindictive behavior would have left me a basket case, depressed and useless as a parent for six months to a year. Did my children deserve this? Was it better being true to them or "honoring my mother". I chose my children. It left me with a ton of angst.

It was also a relief. I could feel my whole body releasing tension. She died a month later, and when I got the call, there were no tears. This shocked my husband. The only feelings I had for 6 months was that I didn't tell her off-for the mean spirited, deflating self absorbed victim role that she had played with me for years.

After that, I realized I was lucky. I didn't let my mother destroy me for the kid's sake. Then I realized that she didn't have the right to destroy me for my sake!!!

I tell people I'm close to that when my mother died,I didn't cry. She was not a mother, I was there only to serve her needs- and her needs were for a pet to kick around.

A wise minister said in one of his sermon's that I remember, "If your family is not nice to you, find another family". I'm recovered and stronger, can read people, and spot a narcissist a mile away. My relationships are all with giving kind people and I reciprocate in the same way.

To those in pain, there will be scar tissue, and sometimes it gets wiped away when you have to deal with ugly people or experience failure (putdowns were to my mom an art form).

I have a loving husband and have been married 32 years and raised 2 generous, loving, humble and considerate children which makes me proud.

Please, if you can recognize that you've been made to feel like you're crazy. You're not. Divorce your narcissist and never look back. Realize that you have worth and are a survivor and congratulate yourself. You have courage!! And you will find that from the pain you'll make your way to good people in your life. I believe in you!



11:25 PM  

I have all these feelings and reactions we've been together 20 year ! I am losing weight , snapping g I have extreme violent dreams that as he is standing g over me goi g on and on and on that I blow his brains s out. And finished ally peace help me I k ow I. Would never be able to harm him but I just want hi. To shut the duck up

1:18 AM  

After reading your post, I felt the numbness inside me dissolve. I could not help but cry knowing that I was not alone in my suffering. I grew up witnessing marital violence in our home perpetrated by a narcissist abuser. As an adult I continue to struggle with my fear of marrying because of the trauma I suffered as a child. While I tried to cope by working hard as a professional, I unfortunately crossed paths with another narcissist who subjected me to chronic emotional and verbal abuse in the guise of "supervision" and "mentorship". I am angry at myself for not realizing this sooner. By the time I left, I was already suffering from depression, numbness, anhedonia, complete loss of motivation, low self-esteem and cognitive changes.
My passion, energy, and idealism are all but gone. Most of the time, I still hear this narcissist's voice in my head, talking down to me and I am once again paralyzed with fear. But at the same time, I want to lash out in anger.
My only hope is that it is not too late to achieve recovery and healing.
I wish this not only for myself for everyone who has suffered abuse.

9:25 AM  

They do not show the face to other that we see. Many people thought we had the perfect marriage. almost 40 yrs I stayed. long story short I barely got out alive. all of the symptoms..lack of motivation, not caring etc have been true with me. i am starting to get better since no contact. For over a yr after he dumped me he still kept me constantly beat down emotionally. the experience still scares me to death. I am slowly seeing I can make it and am so much better off. it was and is a nightmare that I am trying to heal from this relationship. I didn't realize what was going on but boy I get it now. the lies, the beating me up, twisting situations and blaming. I never would have believed I would have stayed. He had me put in a mental institution and my oldest son won't speak to me a yr and 1/2 after the divorce. I wanted it..he told my kids. ha that is why he texted me he wanted a divorce after all those yrs. yes, I said text. what a coward the bully turned out to be. he sent me another text saying he filed and had my phone turned off. i went to tthe bank and he had taken his name off the account and let only enough for his autowithdrawals. couldn't take that money or his student loans would bounce w/my name on the account. no money for food etc. horrible and I was in deep shock. turns out he did me such a favor. God sent wonderful people to befriend me and my life is starting to look up. I had no self-confidence or respect left for myself. it was a horrible time.He used the fact that I was abused as a child to hurt me. most of my family has passed away and he had talked me into selling my mom's paid for house several years earlier.long story short it is possible to start over..I am 56. don't know that I will ever have a relationship w/a guy again but I will make it anyway. Trusting is scary and I have panic attacks, nightmares etc besides some bad physical problems. At the end he said he didn't want me because I was sick. have PTSD from childhood abuse, his abuse and could no longer work. he said I was a waste of time and could no longer do anything for him. He was dead right. I can't do a thing for him. My mother was a narc and very controlling. So finally I am on my own and trying to make decisions. Fear and lonliness have been hard but I am going to survive.Learning to go out places after my friends gradually re-introducing me to the outside world.Where my life is going I am unsure but there is life out there for us w/o them.hang on and do what you can and try to make living about you. some days I can't get out of bed (depression, fibromyalgia, degereative disc disease etc) but some days I can. God bless each of you and try and find some peace.

7:22 PM  

therapy and meds help me. Prozacin helps w/the nightmares. yes, your daughter triggered this and you need to be prepared. you can't change a narc or anyone else. work on you and your reactions. i don't think I will ever be completely immune to triggers but work, hard work, has helped. walk away from them.

7:35 PM  

I am one out of six children also. The oldest and i was cpntrolled, belittled, embarrsed etc....he really didba number with my mind. Now 30 and after avoiding people i know realise i hsve no odea who i am :(

12:38 AM  

Unfortunately I married a Danish Man last January who is a Pretty Boy Obsessed AUDI Driving/Steroid Pumped Druggy BodyBuilder who's such a dirty nasty monster! Unfortunately they are master manipulators who smoothly uses their black spirit to lure women in (and in my case my kids are involved and he killed my animals). He will stop at nothing till he sucks your soul dry! Terrible stuff, and his family and bad support system feed him because he is pretty to get away with his abusive ways! I never knew he was a physcopath until I married and moved in with him with my kids and animals to his condo in Denmark while filing for his immigration visa! BIG mistake!! Terrible abuse my kids and I went through with him and his physcotic mood swings! He did a good job of isolating us and telling everyone else I was the problem. These physcopatic men are sick. I am now free from that parasite thankfully and re building myself up. His last abusive trick was abandoning my kids and I with nothing in Denmark. He stole EVERYTHING from us. Women/Girls need to BEWARE and learn the dangerous warning signs of physcopathic abusers. They come in all shapes and sizes. Pretty Boys who work for AUDI included. Usually a big sign is insecurity which may come in the way of a beautiful bodybuilder (the all have narcissistic personality disorder as well as addictive personalities) My husband Emil had mood swings all the time from steroids and mental instability! Please KNOW THE SIGNS OF A PHYSCOPATHIC ABUSER and if you are with one GET OUT QUICK or they will try to steal your soul! Thank you for this blog! Education is SOOOO important! No Silence! We MUST Speak UP! Xo Diana Empacher

12:00 PM  

it's been almost 2 years since I left my Narc/BPD relationship. One of the most painful parts was having to physically leave the place that I loved, my home because I knew after many years that if I stayed physically in the same place as him I would always be manipulated back into the same bullshit. I'm reading and writing because though I am in a healthy relationship with a wonderful, kind person now I still feel haunted and often have dreams that make me relive the pain over and over again. I have been perplexed because it's been so long. I should be over it, right? Well, I'm not and I feel guilty and weak that I'm not over it. Right after I left he swooped up one of my good friends, she was moved in with him within a month of me leaving. I thought that she was one of my best friends. I just have to remind myself that I also fell victim to his manipulation so many times. I thought it was my fault that I wasn't good enough and that perhaps she is but I know now, from lots of therapy, that there is NO good match for a narcissist!! She is now in the same pain I was and although my hurt and anger are still here ultimately I feel pity on her.
I just wanted to thank all of you that have commented and to those who wrote the article. Especially all the parts about, sleep, reactive depression, nightmares, etc.. I thought I was crazy and totally lame that I still carry the pain around and dream of him and her so often still.
All of this has helped me feel okay about where I'm at and helped me to see how damaging these people and relationships can really be. I don't have to feel so crazy and weak anymore about still reeling from this experience.

I agree with the person who posted, "IF YOU EVEN THINK THAT HE/SHE COULD BE A NARCISSIST RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!! Mine took five years of my late 20's that I can't get back.

Research characteristics of "REAL" Narcissistic/Borderline/Anti-social... Personality Disorder!!! It's not just someone who think's they're pretty awesome and likes to look at themselves in the mirror. It's so much more.

Our society's casual idea of what Narcissism is NOT the reality! They will manipulate you every time you try to leave. You feel like you can't go on without them because they have groomed you to feel that way. That's not real! - even though you feel physically ill and overly fearful at the thought of leaving. I promise that It will never end! It is impossible for them to change because of the type disorder they have does not allow them to look at themselves the way that we can and they NEVER will be able to.

So ultimately please hear my advice...(I do realize that kids and marriage make this even more complex and difficult)...

BUY YOURSELF A PLANE TICKET TO SOMEWHERE SAFE AND AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT....BECAUSE IT DOES!!!....even if it means leaving everything you love and where you want to be.

....and STOP BELIEVING THAT YOU'RE NOT BEAUTIFUL ENOUGH, STRONG ENOUGH, SMART ENOUGH, SKINNY ENOUGH, ETC...

IT'S A LIE!

THEY NEED YOU TO FEEL THAT WAY SO THEY CAN KEEP YOU THERE TO KEEP SUPPLYING THEM WITH WHAT THEIR DISORDER NEEDS TO SURVIVE.

REMEMBER THEY ARE NOT WELL - THEY ARE MENTALLY ILL....you can expect "normal" behavior from them. So STOP TRYING!

Love yourself and don't look back.

Lots of love and kind regards to all of you xoxo

10:46 AM  

Reading the above makes me sad. It has been my reality. I have been in therapy almost ten years. Following a twenty four year marriage with a narcissist. I did not realize the issue was a personality disorder. I though it was the beer that he overused to deaden himself with. I always thought something would change to make him happy. I stayed to long as if it took a intervention to get me out. I was heading down with the exhaustion from trying to keep it together.

All this said almost ten years later I am still so broken. I fight to keep the will to live. I have made some progress but always fall to the bottom. I am ruined. I pray the information saves others from this miserable existence.
All

10:29 PM  

My wife was 16 when she got involved with a boy she wasn't supposed to because her parents were really strict. The boy's father and mother use to beat each other up (the mother was a nasty woman). The mother's family has a history of alcohol, drug and domestic abuse.

My wife comes from a good hard working family. The parents were tough but loving. They were from the old country.

This boy was sick with a condition and was enabled by his mother. The boy was beating my wife early in the relationship. The insults started then too. "you are fat, you are ugly, nobody would touch you, etc". The boy's mother was also abusive to this teenage girl.

Fast forward after three years of physical and mental abuse and my wife's parents worst nightmare happens...their 19 year old is pregnant (on birth control at the time) with the monster's child.

My wife who grew up a strict catholic decided doing the right thing was to get married. This didn't last long...She got punched, chocked, kicked, hair pulled, etc. Especially when this monster came home from drinking or drugging (she wasn't aware of this). The monster used to come home and wake the two year old up and give your mother a beating "because she is a whore" etc. She finally get enough courage to leave...

After several break-in attempts on her home, my wife's cloths left on a grave behind the house after it was broken in to by the abuser, she decided to move home. The ex mother-in-law's verbal abuse (threat against her life, threats of taking the kid) cause her to have massive panic attacks, to the point where she was hospitalized.

The divorce goes through and I enter her life. The threats and attack on my property begin. I start watching my back real close. After watching my wife's struggle with fear, it made me closer to her every time the asshole (ex) does anything to me or her.

The custody battle ensues for the child, but the asshole can't pass a drug test, so he does not get custody. The advocate that was assigned to the monster in law's house also denied visits.

My wife never received a child support payment. The total goes up to 100k and a penny was never paid. The asshole was collecting from the state. My wife finally hires the correct attorney and the monster is forced to pay or go to jail...We ask for asshole to wave his parental rights and she would wave the payments.

I then adopt the my wife's daughter. We have three kids.

While my wife has been diagnosed with Lupas, fibromyalgia, I believe she also has ptsd, but she will not see a therapist. She shows signs of depression and sometime has suicidal thoughts.

What can I do to help convince her to get help before it's too late??

8:38 PM  

Numb is also how I describe myself. Inn less than a year I qas robbed of all family and friends. I keep waiting for an apology after an outburst (which may last for days) of the cruelest words and put-down. I didnt want to believe he felt no remorse, but its clear as day. Had I not researched this, I would probably be nuts. He has this way of twisting things and shifting blame. I have to say that it does break my heart to know that he could care less if I was to leave him (I havent tried yet), and never feels bad after hurting me. He was my prince in shining armour in the beginning but that prince is gone and I have to quit waiting on his return. This evil being has replaced him.

4:16 AM  

Your post brought me to tears cuz I feel your pain. Like you, even my tears must be hidden. I am now but a shell of who I used to be. Family and friends are just a memory. I let him totally control and manipulate me. I have no rights, no voice and am only existing. Good thing is, like the person who responded to you said, I began reading and learned that I am a victim. This happens to many, not only me. Just exchanging words with fellow victims has given me courage to face the sad truth - "it's not going to get better".The charming man who swept me off my feet never really existed. I was fooled. I am grateful to those who took the time to provide groups like this for people like me.

9:21 PM  

Thank you (Anonymous at 2:07). Beautiful poem. Seeing others who manage to get out brings me hope. I can only imagine your struggles.Now that I researched and read about psychopaths, it is hard to keep the blinders on. Say strong. Thougjh you sti suffer. I wish I was where ur at, a lot closer to freedom.
Peace

2:47 AM  

I was married for ten years to a narcissist/borderline personality disorder. I have been through everything that was described in the article, all with the intention of true, giving love and being taken for granted and abused the whole way. Constantly having to house her family members and parents who were both mentally ill, I felt like I was a hero, but never acknowledged. She was extremely sexually abused as a child and projected that on to me and eventually started accusing me of coercive rape. I worked and took care of our two children doing most of the shared work myself in misery and when she got her first job after getting an online degree in psychology, she moved out and took the kids. She now works with children for the county mental health, ironically. I don't know how she slips through the cracks. She continues to demean me and sharply abuse me at every whim in our partnering of the children. I feel like I now have no hope. My children however know the kind of man I am, and I keep hoping the truth will find it's way. AT least we are divorced but I have mountains to climb toward healing and feel I will never make the summit at times. God bless you all and keep loving, I still hope.

2:29 PM  

hi
i am too a aperson from a abuse and shattered, home, have suffered for years , and i am married to a wonderful person of 36 years, and have 2 wonderful childern , and have 4 grandchildern, i have been reading through your comments on here, and i am too from these kinds of problems, my mother i am sure has narcissist/borderline personality disorder for sure, as well as a older brother who has severe issues, as well as my sister, and younger brother, i got looking at these sites, thought i was done with all of this many years ago , and recetly it has pop its head back out again, family who i havent seen or heared from in years, has came out of the woodwork , making comments, how do you tell tell them everything? and let them know they have no idea? my sitution is this my mother has always been abusive, either by showing it , or verbly, the beatings as child never seem to stop, and the name calling went on forever, then my older brother basliy rape me through out my child hood, yet i get told he only touch me> so after years of this i had to break away from them send my mother a letter cer and has it noitized, and that was it, she recently had a stroke and tried my darness to be decent and went , i will never put myself into that situation again, they havent changed at all, and i am not amazed by it either, but how do you stand up for yourself with other family members that i no idea? i really dont want to bring the dead back to life, and perfer it stays dead, need help on this . thanks

10:00 AM  

amen!

7:05 AM  

Agree with the above reply. Thisdoes actuactually sound like the response of a narcissistic abuser. The ex sounds like she IS the victim and he has done a very good job in persuading you otherwise.

6:38 PM  

Omg seriously you took the words out of my mouth !!! I wanna stab him in the throat a or blow his brains out just to shut him up. ....... The nonsense he spews is insane and he sounds so so stupid. But he thinks he's so smart ! I got to go I swear ........ I have been doing this so long I hate him and I literally have become immune to name calling and well.........he's freakin an idiot ! Um scared though because he's very violent tried to kill my cat

2:27 AM  

I hate him want to blow his brains out to shut him up. !!! He is scary ...violent but scary stupid

2:29 AM  

Anonymous said...
My partner, the supposed narcissist, has been accused, maligned and almost killed by the supposed victim. She accused him of cheating, physically hurting her and causing her to be unable to work.He started a business for her to run and she ran it....right into the ground. She posts "domestic abuse " prevention comments all the time when she was and is the abusive one. She is the narcissist.... she tells everyone how horrible he is yet she has come on to him both in person and in in writing. He supported her for 10 years and will continue to pay her support until he has fulfilled his legal duty. In the meantime, he is supportive of me, we take care of each other, we share expenses, chores and life. He is a man..... maybe self centered sometimes, but so am I. He is an incredibly positive man but after dealing with his crazy narcissistic ex wife for years he has some PTSD symptoms from dealing with her. We are working through those things together and we hope someday she finds a new victim to destroy because only then will my partner be free of her negative and crazy ranting.

11:25 AM  

I'm responding to this post. Are you so sure that his ex-wife is the narcissist. You have described my accusations against my soon to be x to an uncanny tee. He supposedly took care of me for ten year. But the truth of the matter is that he limited my working hours. I was only allowed to work during the hours of 9 and 2 because he didn't want our son in day care. I worked off and on as a waitress until I eventually started my own in home catering business. He did help me to open up a store front so that I could make more money. He was planning to leave me as he was involved with four women at the same time. He was in a drunken state of confusion and turmoil. His emotional and verbal abuse was over the top and I couldn't maintain the business but he lied and said that I was lazy and didn't try hard enough. I could barely get out to the bed when I learned that he indeed had a sexual addiction and that I had been exposed to disease which could lead to possible death. He was a chronic cheater and emotionally and mentally abusive. I saw evidence of the cheating on paper and with my own eyes. He was a charmer.

11:27 AM  

This I'd dead on. I have been living this nightmare for 25 years now and I still don't have the guts to get out

1:07 AM  

I have been involved with a narcissistic guy for 6 years. We do not live together because he has other partners. He displays all the traits of narcissists and I realise that my mother also has those traits. She never wanted me to live my own life. Just stay with her. I did not rebel so 43 years on, I am now back at home looking after her full time, no job, no relationship and being forced to do this by my sister who has also got those traits. It is too late for me to escape. I have tried. I dread old age and being alone long after the person who never wanted me to have a life is gone. She is 82 and could live a lot longer. I want to leave and did have the chance to leave her in a nursing home. The family stopped it. So now I am imprisoned 24 hours a day looking after her. It is too late for me but I beg you all, please do not do what I did. I have no children,I never married. At least some of you did those things.







ayscuto season













































































































































































12:24 PM  

Yes it goes on and on years go by,you think you're going to forget you never do,,even after my mother died,,she's still with me.,I still cry,,will it ever go away. Hasn't yet,,

1:04 PM  

okay so my narcissist and now in jail for fraud and grand larceny he's facing prison time wait before he went in jail I was going insane I had suicidal and homicidal feelings every day I give elephant which I couldn't stop and he stood over me and screamed at me all day everyday he would yell at me in public and tell me I was crazy and I got soulit sucksit wasn'tanything I can do right everand everything I said was a lie all the time I was told what a liar liar I wasand of course he always told me he never liked everything he said was always the truthwish I could just do one thing right once you be surprisedit got to be everyday all day long why would just listen to what he said everything would be ok why would just do as I was told it would be okI started to tell friends I wanted to kill him and they were did not want to hear itI couldn't vision shooting and stabbing him making and be quiet and then chilling myself I was scared cause I really felt I wanted to do it but I knew I couldn'thonestly I was trying to hold on for you went to prison because I had just bought us a moped and of course it was his and everytime I tried to leave of course he loves his and he tried to kill my cat it kicked me out everyday I swear everyday I was a basket case of anxiety and now that he's gone I don't want to be around anybody I just want to be by myself I get so I can't stand people they annoy me is in jail and I'm spending all my money putting money in his canteen and on the phone and yells at me from jail that I can't do that right or that's not enoughso I feel like I have had come to visit me with my bad thoughts about himsince he's been in jail I have had so much anxiety I got in an accident and got hurt real bad and now I've had an abscessed teeth and my cat bit me real bad I've been in the hospital 3 times are all the bad things happening me because of my fight against him

8:05 PM  

I am there as well. 17years together and at 1232am this morning I woke up feeling strange.something has changed and it can never be the same again. Mine had put me down , never been there when I needed him ever and blames, accuses and ridacules me for everything. I am not allowed to know where him and the kids are but he is to know everything about me. That feeling I discribed is him fucking a 20 year old and he is in his late 40'a. To top it off I have been blamed for it and he did it. No wonder I feel dead inside. I am trying to brake out ,but I got nothing in reserve due to the constant put downs Etc. I am getting a puppy to help me brake the numbness. I feel scared all the time. The only time I rest is when I am with my daughter and son and they sleep in the same room as me, as we protect each other.

1:21 PM  

To anonymous

It would be great if our society supported healing for those of us damaged with a heart. Unfortunately it seems the ones with NPD just gain more power and are basically the " fittest" in this world of survival of the fittest....
Th is is a real spiritual crisis for me...

Society seems to support the perpetrators and blame the victims...
Probably due to some deep seated fear....

11:33 AM  

These things are all to familiar, but how many can be labeled, and how many escape.
This is a world of so many self rightous people, , ones that want to non stop, others to make their name stand out and guys just because they have a male part that makes them a man and knows best for all even when it's their business they didn't take care of that must be stress in it's self, but I'm not impressed, they can't even see or care what a socio / psycho / ect. is and what destruction they leave, not just as a victim but as human race.
To many people go by paper such as law enforcement, for rules and feel pumped up by it but little do the such great ones know that they cause these actions to start with.
If you can't help create a better world, I guess it is all just chiefs that are all Stepford wives.
Been through many of these idiots and their spawn offs, had the mother deal, plus sociopath at work and one around the corner with many others on me, as it being my fault or that I was just
a piece of #.
I have been through sociopaths and pedophiles in my younger age also, and other people have always been their to help these poor excuses for a person knowing or not.
These type of people nothing is never enough for them, I would assume impaling would be a proper reward for them, as there would always be more, as the goodness of the others could decide this would be wrong and make a name for theirselves.
This is actually clear the path we have taken, in all our
wonderfulness.
Fearful to live and be alive, why should others garner?
Don't expect of one, what you do not of another or aquire your fame off my back. XX

1:41 AM  

The biggest problem is you want Society to do something about it, Society is in its self Narcistic, worried only about money and power and not carring who they step on to achieve their goal to becoming part of the 1%. Those of us that are unfortunately in the wake of their achievement of being the 1% become collateral damage of society. Its up to us victoms to fight back, by revealing how the social elete and the people trying to achieve the goal of 1% are not only , narcissistic but also psychopathic.

11:07 AM  

Your story is my story i think it's harder seeing them happy amd treating the other person so great while I can't barely get out of bed am agitated all the time nightmaRes snap at my kids either can't sleep or can't wake up. Anxiety depression on meds nothing helps. I want to run. Away but you take your head with you I just n wish I could stop thinking about it music movies tv shows places everything reminds me
I hate my life I used to be fun and have friends before him now I have nothing

12:20 AM  

I learned how to pretend when I was only a child, before school years. Daddy and Mom would fight, we walked on egg shells and he held me hostage as he tried to burn the house down, until the Law ambushed the home and arrested him, rescued me. He had raped us all, my two other sisters, I do not recall it but was told. Then Mom had a boyfriend that repeatedly beat her in front of us, threatening to kill her if we told anyone. Then she met my Step Dad who was the Apple of My Eye, but soon after I suppose Momma couldn't take being thought as a failure and stayed with the man I admired so, but I wondered why my oldest sister would scream at nights and footsteps that made ghost sounds came up the stairs and led to her room. She left home soon after then it began with Momma blaming Us and that we should be greatful he came into our lives, constantly she would remind us of the beatings she took from my real Dad for us, but we were frieghtened kids we knew to be quiet, Dad beat Momma because he found out about her boyfriend but she blamed us. Years passed and Momma would leave us with my Step Dad and he would tell her that because I sleep walked, I must sleep with him to watch over me, so both my sister and I had too or be put in homes or sent to live with Dad they threatened. My sister left home at 16 leaving me behind and Momma really did all she could to keep me home and blamed me for everything if I did not make her happy, My step dad had a secret door that he came thru from a closet and would come into my bedroom, She knew! Then she would play my other sisters against me, beat me up, mistreat me, to keep me home to do her will for she never wanted to be alone, I was her attachment extention. I met a guy, got married and of course it busted up and they began ruling over my child, reminding me of how unstable I was and I believed it and then Mom would go into fits and rages and I had to shut up to calm her down for she didnt want to lose her husband, my step dad. I have two sons, both treat me like I am so stupid, so uneeded unless they want money, talk to me and about me like a dog, I had ran away and met a guy for protection only to find he was as bad as Mom and Bob of whom I loved so dearly. Odd you mistake it all for love for you only want to be loved and never are good enough. The story goes on, and on, with the bullying in the family and of course I am the reason, but how can one person possibly ever be the reason for a family of so many people be the blame. I don't want to be touched and I have a hard time being told what to do and live alone now finally since Mom and my Step Dad died 7 years ago but I met a creep that tried to kill me and embezzled my money and all i could get from my sister was, Your a bad judge of character and no one is going to love you, I cant stand to be around her and her toxic marraige for it makes me destressed at her harping. I have stockholms and PTSD and I cant bring myself to date, I do not want to talk to my kids anymore for their hatefulness, I avoid almost everything for it has happend with everything all my life. I am 55 and the last two years is first time I have ever been free to live far away from them all just to get some solid ground. I cry alot, and it is hard for me to believe the people I see that say they are in love, be in love, and I do not trust no one but my therapist but that is a start for she doesn;t treat me like I am crazy. I do music, sing, dance, cook, takes nature walks and finally drive, and no one is there to tell me how to do it and well, that is the best part of all. I don't think I can ever love again and not sure I want too, yet I use to be so full of life.

12:21 AM  

I'm so happy I found this site my mother abused me when I was a little girl 2 yrs old then played games with me to hurt my father threatening to try take custody until she was pronounced unfit! Thank god otherwise I don't think I would be writing this post... I'm 29 yrs old and have started having worse nightmares and flashbacks from my trauma I always had nightmares always low self esteem always fought for acceptance always was provocative thinking i had to act a certain way to get what I wanted... hurt alot of guys :( but I finally woke up to my actions realized I wasn't normal I had issues but not because I caused them! IV recently been receiving help for my ptsd I feel I will never be that happy little girl I was always meant to be! But maybe I now have a deeper appreciation for unconditional love and know when I see a malicious narcssasist! IV learnt and started healing early there is hope! I'm proof! I had horrible inexplicable things done to me i blocked it out for many years I had no choice when they started coming back in nightmare form! I had to act to defend myself I might en of had the people or power or knowledge to help myself then but I sure do now! And the rest is history! So onto a happy fun filled life i deserve it!
Thanks for listening to my story

7:50 AM  

There is hope! I'm 29 and have just started seeking therapy it's never to late to heal yourself! And u deserve it! Love yourself because that bitch didn't! I hate my mother I'll never accept what she did just learn to deal with it! It should never of happened and being our mother it was the ultimate betrayal! I'm happy I can give positive words to help soothe the situation it helped me! Alot people starting believing me people started accepting what happened! That's when it gets easier realize it was never your fault NEVER! There are horrible malicious vindictive insidious mothers well baby makers I would say! They don't deserve the tittle mothers! We gotta stick together!

5:14 PM  

I wish I could reply to each of u. I can relate so well. As if you are telling my story. I am so thankful I ran across this article. ♡♡

5:30 PM  

WOW.....What is it with these guys? I waited until I was over 30 to marry, thinking it was my prince charming. Like you said, he was charming, intelligent, soft spoken, and everyone liked him. I should have seen the signs along the way. After we married and had kids, he taught them that it was ok to disrespect me, and I put up with them throwing hamburgers at me - since they were the wrong kind, and things like that. My X built me a lovely chicken house. Then he told the kids that had I not gotten the chicken house, they could have a pool.

They were taught at a very early age to hurt me and hate me. When I filed for a divorce, it took 13 months to get through it. My x's plan was to "bring me all the way to the ground." I spent around 40,000 and he spent over that - needing to hire one of the top 25 lawyers in the area. I had never seen the liar-cheater side of him. I found that he was and still is a womanizer - as well as a sex maniac. My x told my kids that the youngest son no longer had college money - because I chose to hire a lawyer, which in turn made him need a lawyer. That in turn used all of the child's future college money. I do not understand how he twists everything around.


It has been 3 years since I have seen my kids - I missed seeing them going through their teenage years, and I cry every day, wondering what I did to make the kids dislike me so much.

7:09 PM  

Agreed. Be wary OP. Narcs are great at passing blame. I worry for you that you might learn the hard way. I believe the x too.

10:26 AM  

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