Sanctuary for the Abused
Saturday, November 16, 2019
Narcissists & Psychopaths Cause PTSD for their Victims
by Tim Field
How do the PTSD symptoms resulting from a Narcissist or Psychopath's abuse and bullying meet the criteria in DSM-IV?
A. The prolonged (chronic) negative stress resulting from dealing with a narcissist or psychopath has lead to threat of loss of job, career, health, livelihood, often also resulting in threat to marriage and family life. The family are the unseen victims.
A.1.One of the key symptoms of prolonged negative stress is reactive depression; this causes the balance of the mind to be disturbed, leading first to thoughts of, then attempts at, and ultimately, suicide.
A.2.The target of the narcissist or psychopath may be unaware that they are being exploited, and even when they do realize (there's usually a moment of enlightenment as the person realizes that the criticisms and tactics of control, etc are invalid) - victims often cannot bring themselves to believe they are dealing with a disordered personality who lacks a conscience and does not share the same moral values as themselves.
Naivety is the great enemy. The target is bewildered, confused, frightened, angry - and after enlightenment, very angry.
B.1. The target experiences regular intrusive violent visualizations and replays of events and conversations; often, the endings of these replays are altered in favour of the target.
B.2. Sleeplessness, nightmares and replays are a common feature.
B.3. The events are constantly relived; night-time and sleep do not bring relief as it becomes impossible to switch the brain off. Such sleep as is achieved is non-restorative and people wake up as tired, and often more tired, than when they went to bed.
B.4. Fear, horror, chronic anxiety, and panic attacks are triggered by any reminder of the experience, e.g.receiving threatening letters or email from the narcissist or psychopath or their friends, their family or attorneys. Additionally postings on online boards or sites about the victim by the abuser (often to try to make the victim look like the abusive one!) can add to these triggers and health related issues tremendously.]
B.5. Panic attacks, palpitations, sweating, trembling, vomitting, binge eating or forgetting to eat, ditto.
Criteria B4 and B5 manifest themselves as immediate physical and mental paralysis in response to any reminder of the narcissist or prospect being forced to take action against the narcissist.
C. Physical numbness (toes, fingertips, lips) is common, as is emotional numbness (especially inability to feel joy). Sufferers report that their spark has gone out and, even years later, find they just cannot get motivated about anything.
C.1. The target tries harder and harder to avoid saying or doing anything which reminds them of the horror of the exploitation.
C.2. Almost all Victims report impaired memory; this may be partly due to suppressing horrific memories, and partly due to damage to the hippocampus, an area of the brain linked to learning and memory.
C.3. the person becomes obsessed with resolving the experience which takes over their life, eclipsing and excluding almost every other interest.
C.4. Feelings of withdrawal and isolation are common; the person just wants to be on their own and solitude is sought.
C.5. Emotional numbness, including inability to feel joy (anhedonia) and deadening of loving feelings towards others are commonly reported. One fears never being able to feel love again.
C.6. The target becomes very gloomy and senses a foreshortened career - usually with justification. Many targets ultimately have severe psychiatric injury, severely impaired health.
D.1. Sleep becomes almost impossible, despite the constant fatigue; such sleep as is obtained tends to be unsatisfying, unrefreshing and non-restorative. On waking, the person often feels more tired than when they went to bed. Depressive feelings are worst early in the morning. Feelings of vulnerability may be heightened overnight.
D.2. The person has an extremely short fuse and is often permanently irritated, especially by small insignificant events. The person frequently visualises a violent solution, e.g. arranging an accident for, or murdering the narcissist; the resultant feelings of guilt tend to hinder progress in recovery.
D.3. Concentration is impaired to the point of precluding preparation for legal action, study, work, or search for work.
D.4. The person is on constant alert because their fight or flight mechanism has become permanently activated.
D.5. The person has become hypersensitized and now unwittingly and inappropriately perceives almost any remark as critical.
E. Recovery from a narcissist experience is measured in years. Some people never fully recover. Long term and repeated damage by disordered persons become C-PTSD.
F. For many, social life ceases and work becomes impossible. Many develop autoimmune diseases such as lupus, fibromyalgia, chronic pain or adrenal fatigue and even become totally disabled.
THERAPY can and does help. But it takes a lot of time and work. The longer you wait to get help & treatment, the deeper the damage and the more difficult to heal or manage. Hang in there!
http://bullyonline.org
Labels: abuse, anxiety, bullies, c-ptsd, complex ptsd, damaged, naive, narcissist, panic, psychopath, ptsd, sociopath
Monday, September 17, 2018
Anti-Social Emotional Vampire
ARE YOU INVOLVED WITH ONE?
Anti-Social Vampires are called that not because they don't like parties, but because they are heedless of normal social rules.
They love parties, and any other source of excitement and fun. They hate boredom worse than a stake through the heart.
DAREDEVILS are attracted to thrills like lemmings to cliffs. Sex, drugs, online relationships, spending, driving fast, and so on.
LOOK FOR: Sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll. Covert or overt.
DRAW YOU IN WITH: Fun, excitement, and adorable adolescent rebelliousness.
DRAIN YOU BY: Overdoing everything exciting, and underdoing everything else.
THE ONES YOU SEE EVERY DAY: Cowboys, cowgirls, day traders, party animals, rebels without a cause, and that one lover you just can't seem to forget.
DEFENSIVE STRATEGY: Keep your brain engaged even when theirs are turned off. Especially then.
USED-CAR SALESMEN their drug of choice is putting one over on you.
LOOK FOR: People who swear they're telling the truth. Think about it, who but a liar would expect to be doubted?
DRAW YOU IN WITH: Instant rapport, smiling sincerity, and the sweet prospect of something for nothing.
DRAIN YOU BY: Lying, cheating, stealing, and perhaps getting you to engage in a bit of subterfuge yourself.
THE ONES YOU SEE EVERY DAY: Anybody who asks you if you've thought about your financial or romantic future.
DEFENSIVE STRATEGY: Always read the fine print, and remember, if a deal sounds too good to be true, it is.
BULLIES are addicted to the raw thrill of seeing you cry or squirm.
LOOK FOR: Anger, threats, and yelling.
DRAW YOU IN WITH: The illusion that they are powerful.
DRAIN YOU BY: Making you afraid.
THE ONES YOU SEE EVERY DAY: The guy in the pickup who flips you off, and the petty tyrant who runs the finance department, the ex friend or lover who says "if you tell on me I will....".
DEFENSIVE STRATEGY: Remember that the real battle with bullies is not in the dust of the playground, but in your own mind.
By ALBERT J. BERNSTEIN, Ph.D.
Labels: anti-social, bullies, emotional, narcissist, psychopath, sociopath, threats, vampire. pathological
Tuesday, January 09, 2018
Smear Campaigns - Part III in a Series
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Carefully tending to his or her image as an ''innocent and upstanding' whistleblower who is 'bravely speaking up against evil' is a necessary part of the smear campaigner’s plan. Whether smear campaigners claim to be your victim or just a conscientious bystander (or both), they know that being seen as “the good one” fools the most people possible.
The smear campaigner must work to make people believe them. They will put on a good face, agree with their listeners and feign integrity and kindness.
This is a righteous and brave warrior of truth – not someone who is having a tantrum because you got in their way when they were doing something wrong. This is not a cowardly tyrant who is seething with revenge — certainly not. This is just a decent person who is bravely trying to help others by spreading the word to be careful and avoid a monster of an abuser – you!
Smear campaigners may claim that they don’t want to say anything bad about anyone, and that it’s “not like them”, but they just have to say something about you in order help good people snuff out your supposed evil. They must break with their usual humble moral humility in order to step up and save the decent people of the world by finally exposing the truth about you that nobody has ever known!
Of course, it’s not the truth; it’s a smear campaign. But most everybody wants to support a person who has been hurt by someone abusive and will rush to their defense, so that’s the role the smear campaigner often plays — the good and innocent victim-hero. Smear campaigners play on the sympathies of others, using people’s empathy to gain social leverage against their victims.
Most smear campaigners are highly narcissistic, and narcissists cannot ever be expected to apologize, come clean or admit any wrongdoing, even if caught red-handed in their lies. They truly believe, in their own way, that a smear campaign is the right thing to do to you, because you have opposed them, and you should have known better than to do such an unthinkable thing, so it’s simply all your fault they’re smearing you anyhow. They’re teaching you a lesson — agree with whatever they want, or else. You “asked for it”, and they’re teaching you better.
Smear campaigners are like spoiled playground bullies who kick another child when the teacher’s back is turned, just because the child doesn’t give them whatever they want. They cannot be made to empathize, and they are well-practiced in their abusive games, because they have been playing them all their lives. Next we’ll be discussing a list of ways to counter smear campaigns.
Labels: attack, bullies, character assassination, evil, false, harassment, libel, narcissist, pychopath, slander, smear campaign
Sunday, December 17, 2017
Psychopathic Bullying
One of the most common misconceptions relating to the pathology is that psychopaths are deep down inside self-loathing and they project their inner hatred of themselves onto their victims. Nothing could be further from the truth. To imply this is to suggest that psychopaths are somehow self-reflective of their own pathology - as they would have to be, in order to come to this conclusion. The fact is that psychopaths adore themselves, period. What is being classified as self-loathing is in reality more akin to resentment and jealousy. They do not feel inferior to other people who enjoy the relationships, social life, careers and material goods which the psychopath covets - they just want to take these things away from the victims for the sake of it. A sick game of one-upmanship which can destroy another person’s life for a brief rush of energy in the psychopath.
This resentment is most commonly seen when psychopaths bully other adults, having first developed their craft as children. They begin to realise the value of bullying while still in school - however, they will continue to do this for the rest of their lives as bullying pays off for the psychopath on many levels towards their relationship, social and employment ambitions. Although a psychopath will implement a smear campaign or bullying campaign against another person at work or in an organisation in order to take over that person’s position - the underlying thrust is that the position the victim holds is what the psychopath desires for themselves. It’s nothing really personal against the victims as such - they just have to give up to the psychopath what they have. If this leads to the bullied victim resigning, transferring to another department or even killing themselves (murder-by-suicide) then so be it. Once they give up what the psychopath wants from them, they do not care one iota how the victim chooses to undertake this.
In his paper, Intelligence as a Person-Situation Interaction, Dr. Robert Sternberg lists five fallacies of thinking. He states, "There is another dimension to person-situation interaction: the extent to which particular situations elicit ’stupid’ thinking in intelligent people." All of his five fallacies which range from a sense of godlike indestructibility to extreme hubris occur mainly in the context of perceived power or dominance over others. Dr. Sternberg is one of many scientists who have discovered that the enjoyment of power and control over other people changes brain chemistry and behaviour. Some people are more prone than others to these effects of power and positions of influence - depending on personality type along with social and environmental factors. Psychopaths know no other way to live other than to gain and hold power over others constantly - similar to an addict seeking a drug fix - they are likewise subject to the above fallacies all the time and for all of their lives.
Neuroscientists have established that the human brain continues to grow and change long after the rapid developmental stage of early childhood. It is now well established that people who have been bullied as children by a psychopathic parent or another student at school, or as an adult at work - are much more likely to be depressed, anxious, and suicidal. The psychological torment that bullying victims experience is emotionally ravaging and visceral. Contemporary research into the psychological effects of bullying is now underpinning its emotional and psychological scarring as something with very real negative consequences for the victims. Bullying has now been shown to leave a lasting effect on a young person at a time when their brain is still developing - actually leading to reduced electrical connectivity within the brain, along with destroying the growth of new neurons. This very real neurological damage is identical to what is also seen in those who have been physically and sexually abused in childhood.
In the July 2010 edition of the American Journal of Psychiatry, in a paper by Martin Teicher, a neuroscientist studying the effects of children being verbally abused by adults and their peers presented some unsurprising data, which finally gave scientific legitimacy to what victims of psychopathic bullies have long known. In his study of more than 1,000 young people, he discovered that words were indeed as hurtful as "sticks and stones". Teicher’s participants varied in how much taunting, ridicule, criticism, shouting, and bad language they had been subject to in the past. What was uncovered found that victims of bullying had higher incidences of depression, anxiety, and other psychiatric disorders than the subjects who had not experienced bullying.
Those subjects who reported having been bullied by their peers had observable abnormalities in a part of the brain known as the corpus callosum which connects the right and left hemispheres of the brain, vital for visual processing, and very significantly from a psychopathic standpoint, clarity of memory. Victims of psychopathic relationships always have trouble recalling memories from the time their relationship with the psychopath commenced. Psychopaths will often say to their victims. "Do you recall when you said this…?" and so forth and the victim will often reply that they have no memory of doing and saying certain things which the psychopath claimed they said and did. Victims memories are impaired and this allows the psychopath to invent a fake past event(s) which the victim cannot readily dispute. This is why it is very common for psychopaths to target people who were victims of childhood abuse and bullying.
In another study Tracy Vaillancourt, a psychologist at the University of Ottawa, discovered that being bullied as a child can alter levels of cortical in victims - a hormone produced during times of stress. Vaillancourt’s findings showed that boys who have been bullied have higher levels of cortisol than normal - while bullied girls have abnormally low levels of cortisol. Weakening the victim’s immune system, sometimes destroying neurons leading to memory problems.
With verbal bullying, more and more studies are finding it is more akin to physical and sexual abuse than had been previously assumed. As psychopaths perform all three on their victims it becomes very apparent how a skilled psychopath can break down and psychologically destroy even the most rational and emotionally balanced person. If the target has been bullied as a child this creates a perfect opportunity for the psychopath to implement techniques such Gaslighting more effectively and much sooner into the relationship. The psychopathic child who is bullying other children at school, or the psychopathic parent bullying his/her own children can be viewed in the same context as a farmer planting an apple orchard to be harvested later on in life.
Labels: autoimmune, brain development, bullies, bullying, gaslighting, harassment, jealousy, memories, polite. psychopaths, projection, smear campaign
Sunday, November 12, 2017
When Someone Judges You or Says Things About You
Labels: abuse, bullies, judging, lies, narcissist, psychopath, smear campaign, sociopath, verbal abuse
