Sanctuary for the Abused

Thursday, June 13, 2013

How a Psychopath Conditions His Victims


by Claudia Moscovici

In previous posts I have shown how psychopaths camouflage their real evil identities and bad intentions, to appear normal and even better than normal partners to their victims. What may seem surprising to those who have not experienced personally the psychopathic bond is why their victims put up with it once the bait and switch occurs and Mr. Jekyll turns into Mr. Hyde. There’s no simple answer to this question, since the motivations and personalities of the victims themselves vary. Some stay out of fear, others out of extreme emotional dependency and love addiction, others because they, themselves, suffer from a personality disorder that bonds them to a psychopath. Today I’d like to delve into the question of why even relatively normal and healthy women can stay with psychopathic men after the initial luring phase is over and the relationship becomes overtly toxic.

Psychopaths are extremely skilled not just at pretending to be decent men, but also at dosing. As early as the luring phase of the relationship, when they appear to be loving and normal partners, they make deviant requests, under the guise of romantic love. For instance, they isolate their new partners from those who care about them–family and friends–by claiming that they’re so in love with them that they wish to spend as much time as possible together. If the psychopath’s partner wishes to go out with friends, he spreads gossip about those individuals, claiming that they were critical of her or of their relationship. Or the psychopath may state that he’s so much in love with his partner that he can’t bear to spend time apart from her.

Couched in these positive terms, many women allow their other, healthy, social relationships with family members and friends to slowly but surely deteriorate. The less support they have from others, the more such women invest themselves wholeheartedly in the psychopathic bond. Once he senses his power over her, the psychopath becomes more openly possessive and controlling. Psychopaths have an intuitive relationship barometer that tells them when they have achieved dominance over others and can demand more (and more and more…) from them.

Another way in which psychopaths condition their partners to accept a toxic relationship is by gradually pushing the envelope of deviant requests. Since psychopaths are easily bored and need constant thrills, they may initially ask their targets to make out in public, under the pretense that they’re so attracted to them that they can’t keep his hands off of them. In reality, however, psychopaths are not as attracted to their partners, even at the beginning of the relationship, as to the thrill of crossing the boundaries of public decency and demeaning their partners. Recall from my previous post that psychopaths are extreme narcissists who derive most pleasure from the dominance and victimization of others.

As soon as the victim complies with one perverse request, it becomes normative. After a short while, the psychopath will demand more indecent behavior from her, once again pretending that it stems from their great and special passion. Pretty soon, the victim finds herself complicit with his abnormal behavior, sometimes even addicted to it. Not surprisingly, this technique is often used by pimps to create loyalty and submission in the women and girls they ensnare into prostitution. What begins under the guise of romantic love and passion–something that most women yearn for–ends up being what it always was in reality and in the psychopath’s evil design: a form of sexual slavery.

Even partners who refuse to engage in the psychopath’s transgressive behavior–be it his scams, lies or sexual perversion–are inevitably poisoned by the toxic relationship if they continue to stay with him. The most common way in which a psychopath poisons his partner is to condition her to accept his abusive behavior as normal. This doesn’t have to be under the form of physical violence, although it can be. 

More commonly, however, any person who stays with a psychopath becomes gradually used to bigger and bigger doses of emotional abuse. 

When she catches the psychopath cheating on her for the first time, she may have a normal reaction and break up with him. But if she doesn’t have the strength to move on and later returns to him–since after bouts of promiscuity, a psychopath is likely to act repentant and romantic to lure back his main partner(s)–then the next times she discovers evidence of his cheating (or lying, or fraud), she puts up with it, or pretends she doesn’t know about it.

Denial becomes the shield that absorbs most of the emotional impact of his hurtful behavior. When denial is no longer possible, because his wrongdoings become too frequent and flagrant, she displaces her anger and resentment towards the other women in order to maintain the “integrity” of her relationship with him. If he cheated and lied, it’s the other women’s fault rather than his. She also blames those who point out the psychopath’s pathology rather than him for mistreating her. They’re the bearers of bad news, who expose the hollowness of the life she leads with him: a truth she can no longer face, after becoming so dependent on him. At some point, she becomes more invested in the false image of strength and of a wonderful relationship she has with the psychopath than in facing the dire reality and moving on, to achieve real strength in life and have the chance of having a non-pathological romantic relationship.

Eventually, after a long series of discoveries of infidelities and other kinds of bad behavior, she becomes used to it and finds some solace in the assumption that those flings mean nothing to him. In spite of his consistently unloving behavior, she convinces herself that the psychopath loves her and that she’s the most important woman in his life. His infidelity then becomes open and normative: what he used to do behind her back he does openly, before her eyes. What’s more, since psychopaths are sadists, he relishes seeing her suffer from a combination of jealousy, wounded pride and helpless love.

Any person intimately involved with a psychopath will be harmed. To offer an analogy, the cancer cells that are most dangerous are the few that resist the chemotherapy and multiply quickly in the body, to kill it. Psychologically, the most dangerous aspects of any victim of psychopathic seduction are the ones that survive and adapt to his mistreatment. Once she becomes inured to the constant lies, verbal abuse, cheating, etc, she allows those vices to multiply in the relationship and take over her life.

Just as the most pathological elements of a society adapt to and rise to the top of totalitarian regimes, and just as the most pathological individuals thrive in the life of crime of gangs, so the most pathological parts of a person adapt to and embrace the disorder of a psychopath. A psychopath trains his victim gradually into a form of submission–or acceptance of his deviant behavior–that annihilates everything that’s healthy about her personality and existence. Eventually, if she doesn’t find the strength to leave him, she’s reduced by the psychopath’s gradual poison to the shadow of the strong and healthy person she once was.

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shared by Barbara at 12:02 AM


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60 Comments:

Why isn't there more psychopathy awareness? Why? Why aren't we given this as an option when we take psychology in middle school and college? It should be taught at the most basic level. It should be taught in church. In churches they tend to focus on the love but God never told Moses to go snuggle Pharaoh. Nope. Didn't tell Pharaoh that "I'm okay, you're okay". Jesus didn't tell the Pharisees that they could just "act right" and that was good enough.

Psalm 55:21 "His speech is smooth as butter, yet war is in his heart; his words are more soothing than oil, yet they are drawn swords." How about this bible verse? Quite sums it up, doesn't it? See, it's all in there, written down, yet I rarely hear sermons on these imperative verses. Abigail didn't tell Nabal (who's name means "fool" by the way, and read proverbs on fools, which describes all psychopaths)that it was cool to dis David, one of God's annointed. Nope. She had to go out to divert the disaster that would have been brought upon their household. Sound familiar? Always the same when psychopaths are around, fixing one nightmare after another.

Another truth about psychopaths? At the end of their tales of woe, they are either the HERO or the VICTIM. And remember, that they REALLY believe this. Once they put a thought into their head, it becomes true to them. It's why they can pass lie detector tests. Because THERE IS NO TRUTH IN THEM! Psalm 5:9 "Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongue they speak deceit." Can I get a witness up in here!

9:36 PM  

absolutely! Back in the days when I was caught up in my ex's psychotic behaviour and I was trying to sort it out in my own head how he even thought his behaviour was acceptable, I would try and point out to him what he was doing and you could just about guarentee that the next time we had an argument he would accuse me of doing the same thing. It was like he had stolen my words and was trying to make me responsible for his behaviour. It made no sence to me and I often doubted myself because he was so convinced that it was my problem. I often felt unhinged after having an argument with him and in the end would try and avoid one at all cost. Now he even has himself convinced that I am some sort of money grabber and he is a victum, even though I walked away with much less than what I was entitled to so as to avoid arguing in court. He even repeats lies back to me as they were fact and I'm sure he is fully convinced that they are. This verse came to me when I was in the midst of it and it was like being in the middle of a thick fog. I could not distinguish what was truth.
Isaiah 26:10 Though grace is shown to the wicked, they do not learn righteousness. Even in the land of uprightness they go on doing evil.
Ecclesiastes 10 As dead flies give purfume a bad smell, so a little folly outweighs wisdom and honour.

1:59 AM  

I'm in complete agreement with the first comment. It has taken me 15 yrs to figure out that I am married to someone very sick. As a God loving woman, I've been taught to die to self.. turn the other cheek, forgive, believe that the same Jesus who saved me can save him, and that I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength. Is it any wonder the church is full of women who are severely abused? Even after 15 years of hell, I believe he's capable of being saved. Mercy to the hilt, that's what I'm called to do, right? Pfff! He knows I'm a push over. I suppose that's how I got here in the first place.

10:00 AM  

I beat myself up daily wondering how I could let myself be so controlled by such an evil person. I have fogiven him, but have yet to forgive myself. How messed up is that?

7:40 AM  

This is a PERFECT description of my relationship with my Ex Narc. I feel like I'm going through rehab for a very unhealthy addiction right now. The one thing that stops me from contacting him is that I know he will do nothing but humiliate me (if he bothers to respond at all), as he has already discarded me for not complying to all his rules and calling him out on his double standards when it comes to being faithful. Basically I have no access to my drug which deep down I know is the best thing that can happen to me. But the pain is almost unbearable. Thanks so much for this blog. Its so hard to explain myself to others who have never experienced relationships with psychopaths.
One thing I wanted to request is for you to have a look at the layout of your page as one of the ads sometimes blocks the text you have written.

9:00 AM  

To comment right above mine @ 9am. I am going thru the same exact thing. He devoured me, wanted & loved me (bs) & then proceeded to devalue, abuse, destroy, choke, lie, manipulate & break my heart & soul to pieces. Now he has discarded me after creating an insane fight that I finished. I could not take the withdrawals I am feeling, been 4 days, and he disappeared. I text him 2x & emailed & nothing. I just feel so stupid, used & abused. The worst part is that I love him & trusted him. I keep thinking we could fix it if he got help. Turns out, do obviously apparent now, this man does not love me..probably abhors me instead because I brought too much truth & light into his disgusting darkness & wrath. I am worried, sick, broken, missing him & wondering how he could turn on me this way & humiliate me to this degree. I am obviously addicted to him & this fucking toxicity even while I feel hatred now toward him. He has hurt me so badly. I just want him to make it right. I gave no access to him either & he vanished. How does one get thru this!??????

7:50 PM  

No contact is the only way to survive these evil,awful animals. I wish u all the best of luck,if u made it this far,do not look back. These types of people will suck u dry till there is nothing left. And they won't feel any thing doing so.

9:49 PM  

I am currently trying to stay away from 'him'. it's so difficult though and the fact that its difficult is so embarrassing because of I know what he has done to me.

I am fully aware of all the evil and deception... I even fully believe that he injected me with HIV virus to get back at me for something I did not even do. There is no other way I could have come into contact with the virus and he is HIV negative...

How can it be difficult to stay away from him... how lonely must I be??

2:43 AM  

This is in response to the 10:00 am comment. Found a great article that talks about the abuse you've endured and the self-sacrificing we tend to do as Christian women and the reason we are put into this position. The title of the article is "Submission Tyranny, in Church and Society The Belief That Begets Domestic Violence" and I linked there from Waneta Dawn's website. The part of the article that reminds me of your comment is "Sunday, October 18, 2009
Authors: Fireproof intended for ALL Marriages, Not Just Abusive Ones." It makes some great points.

Would also like to say that one of your brethren is praying for you and that nothing you're going through is hidden from God. He can handle it all and loves you.

11:09 PM  

I met my sociopath ex six years ago. I was only 26, he was 38. He swept me off my feet like he was the night in shining armor there to rescue me. I had never felt so alive, beautiful, desired. It was a whirlwind romance full of passion and excitment. About a year into the relationship, I found him in jail facing rape charges on for a 21 year old girl. I was so in love with him that I couldn't leave him. The next five years I spent enduring physical, emotional and sexual abuse. Each day more isolated, each day weaker and weaker. Every now and then he gave me a glimpse of the man I initially fell in love with. I spent years of my life under his thumb hoping if I just did what he needed, that man I fell in love with would return. Well, that man did return.. But not to me. He once again is the artificial charming romantic he once was as he has met his next victim. A 22 year old girl. He is 43 now. After all the pain and trauma I endured for his "love" I was left cold with him having cut all ties as if I never existed. I pray she has more strength than I did. Sociopaths are preditors. Nothing less.

3:22 PM  

I never thought I would be faced with a man like this. I can remember my Dad telling me very early on the man I have been seeing for a year now is a psychopath. I am 43 years old and I thought he was just different and misunderstood! I thought I was the only one who could understand his strange and twisted mind. I convinced myself he needed me! I remember I said to my Dad that I would tell him if it ever got to the point that I wasn't in control. Oh how I wish I could go back and change things. What was I thinking? I can now officially say it is out of control and I am not the same person nor will I ever be.

If I could help one person and say walk away from anyone you suspect to be a narcissist or psychopath, RUN! I read the same advice and I ignored it.

These men do not love. They take and belittle and ruin and trash and discard. They only love themselves. They are evil.

In the beginning the relationship was wonderful! He was so romantic and he was a perfect gentleman, never pressuring me but allowing me all the time I needed before we had any intimacy. We actually waited four months. He was so attentive and like no other man I had ever met. It was unbelievable really. Then as soon as he knew i was in love with him (not before he told me was deeply in love with me and couldn't love without me!) he pulled away and that was it! He withheld all sex, kissing, holding, touching. Everything....just nothing. He was just a shell. It was as if his soul and life had been sucked from him. I continued for months to try and reach him. I begged and pleaded for something. If I tried to kiss him he would turn his head and say "no". I could not for the life of me figure out what had happened to my perfect relationship with the love of my life! We eventually broke up and after a while of no contact (my punishment) he finally started inching his way back in to my life. Of course the sex was wonderful again and the kisses were long and passionate. He would hold me and squeeze me tight like he had not seen me in a year. then guess what...as quickly as it started he withheld all affection again. All I can say is confusion does not even begin to describe the emotion I felt.

I am currently in a no contact period...but only because he got mad and hung up on me..so I am going to really try to move on this time! If he would just leave me alone I could go on about my life. As many of you know, one phone call and I would be putty in his hand. He knows this too well. I ask myself what is wrong with me? How can I allow a man to emotionally and verbally abuse me? I actually divorced my ex husband after 17 years of marriage for physical abuse. I always laugh and say at least I knew where I stood with him! This is SOOO much worse then ever being physically hit. I just hope I can survive this one!

6:44 PM  

Amen

6:30 AM  

I`ve been involved in relationship with psychopath during three years. 6 months ago I interrupted the relationship. It was constant suffering, constant emotional and verbal abuse and although I am a psychologist he had managed to catch me in his cage. He was using his system of logic to make me guilty in whatsoever he did. He had other girls involved in his pathological relationship. I`ve managed to escape, but still I feel addiction to him. I know it`s abnormal, I struggle. I think, main instrument for not being in an abusive relationship with psychopath is reducing defeating personality symptoms in victim and realizing the cue to psychopath personality.

8:49 AM  

I am a female and met a man online about a year ago.He was very cold hearted and emotionally abusive from the start.I never knew anything about psychopaths but I let him move on because he was trying to corner me.I started looking up abusive behaviors online and found out he had the symptoms of a psychopath.He was trying to lure me into Florida.He wouldn't answer no questions and he emailed me two dark photos of himself with sunglasses on so I couldn't see his eyes.When I asked him for a full body picture he refused and got emotionally abusive.I have been researching everything I can find on psychopathic behavior.I did speak with him on the phone and he seemed so sweet but he was very abusive in his emails and he was very intelligent but he could not connect to my way of thinking.He was very self centered.

1:38 PM  

To the 10 am comment.You say you are a Godly woman.You are right.Only God can help a man that sick.But would you live with the devil?Let God help that sick man and you move on and stay the Godly woman that you are before he destroys you.

2:11 PM  

I met my partner when I was 19yrs old and he was 28 during the last 10yrs I have always supported him even after me finding out he had infected me with the HIV virus. The last 3 yrs I have been enduring his verbal and physical abuse daily. I was raised in Christians values and teachings, so many times I forgive to who hurt me. However, I have asked God many times for guidence, but no one even notice my cry for help. Maybe the Lord does not love me anymore even though God is and will always be in my heart. I attempted to kill myself twice, but the thought of my brother's death in 2010 and the difficult time my parents experience stops me. I keep think of them right before I slit my wrist or jump of a bridge. My partner's constant insults and physical abuse has made me lose the will to live and often feel worthless. Because of your kind soothing words about God seing everything and still has love for us. I did not succeded in my third attemp to end life and suffering. Thank you, and God bless you.

10:18 AM  

How do you know he infected you with the HIV Virus, is this from the same comment above that he is HIV negative and you are positive? Just trying to wrap my head around it. I was with a psychopath momentarily but got out it still a little addicting but am getting better about it everyday. Was he doctor or something. The one I was seeing was a dentist and I was just afraid of the same thing. Thanks

12:03 PM  

I guess the reason I'm reading this is because I have a cousin who fits the mold, or description of a Psychopath. I'm not a victim and he had nothing to gain from my visit, but he was nice and funny and gave me a gift, while I stayed at his house. I don't know why he gave me so much attention.

3:23 AM  

(The same commenter about the cousin). Maybe he knew (it's a well known fact in my family) that I'm supposed to inherit some money and property. And supposedly Psychopaths are drawn to eccentric types, but I don't know if that's true.

3:40 AM  

As Judge Judy would say "Bingo! That sounds about right...!" I'm still stuck with my stranger.. the cute sweet one... WHERE IS HE??

9:04 AM  

Holy SH@T! This is my STEALTHY Narcissist PARTNER! HE HAS NO EMPATHY! NO BOUNDARIES!!- THERE IS ABOUT 3% TRUTH IN THIS FINE CRAFTED SMEAR CAMPAIGN... THIS IS WHAT I'M UP AGAINST THIS IS PROJECTION AND TRANSFERENCE ...(YES I'M CALLING YOU ON YOUR DARK SNEAKY LIES!)-- PEOPLE COME HERE TO BE GENUINE... TO SEEK SANITY FROM CRAZY MAKERS LIKE YOU! YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM IN OUT RELATIONSHIP... I TRIED TO GET "you" -US!- TO GO TO THERAPY. TOU REFUSED! AND YOU HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE! AND I ASKED YOU TO DO IT FOR ME... NOPE! REFUSED! SWEETS YOU MAY HAVE BEEN VICTIMIZED WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD... I WISH I COULD CHANGE THAT, GOD KNOWS I TRIED... I'M STILL TRYING! YOU LAUGH AT ME FOR CARING, AS IF THAT IS A FLAW PER-SE!REMEMBER WITH THAT SL--ZER GUY YOUR "YEAR 2010- 11 AFFAIR" SNICKERING HOW PATHETIC AND BRAINWASHED I AM... YOU FORGOT TO TELL THEM ABOUT THE 30 + OTHER SIDE TRICKS OR HOW YOU SKIP WORK AND GET HIGH...INTERNET SEX... GET YOU MANAGER TO LIE FOR YOU IN EXCHANGE FOR... IF YOUR SO INNOCENT WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY ON-LINE SEX HOOKUP PROFILES... YOU HAVE 3-4 AT ANY GIVEN TIME...I HAVE NONE... ODD?? YOU SLEPT WITH OR TRY TO SLEEP WITH MANY OF MY FRIENDS OR YOU MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO HAVE FRIENDS... ISOLATION IS ONE OF YOUR GAMES... THEN BELITTLE "CALL ME FAT..." I AM 5.9+ 170-180 LBS ! OK NOT EVERYONE IS AS PRETTY AS YOU! WHAT CAN I SAY... YOU SEND BIZARRE BESMIRCHING EMAILS TO MY PARENTS, THEY LIVE 3000 MILES AWAY... !THAT BACK-FIRED ON YOU! MY PARENTS SAW RIGHT THROUGH THAT CRAP. THEY KNOW THEIR SON... WHO ARE YOU TO THEM TO SAY THOSE THINGS! THEY WARNED ME ABOUT YOU... RIGHT AROUND THE TIME YOU ATTEMPTED TO CLEAN OUT OUR SAVINGS... YOU SMEARED ME AND TOLD PEOPLE YOU COULDN'T TRUST ME! OMG! TRANSFERENCE AT IT BEST! I SHOULD HAVE RAN RIGHT THEN! WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER THINGS YOU DO TO ISOLATE ME. YOU GET OFF ON MY SUFFERING! I COULD GO ON BUT I'M EMBARRASSED I LET MYSELF BE ISOLATED FROM MY FAMILY, FRIENDS... I WAS RAISED TO STICK WITH YOUR "MARRIAGE" THREW SICKNESS AND HEALTH... IT SHOULD BE SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL... SAD YOU CANT FEEL THAT KIND OF INTIMACY...VERY SAD. I AM NO LONGER A SOURCE OF NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY. TO YOU. YOU NEED HELP! I AM STANDING FOR WHAT IS LEFT OF ME... AND OUR SAVING THAT YOU DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO TAKE. THANK GOD! JESUS BUDDHA ALA WHOM OR WHATEVER THAT YOU DIDN'T TAKE ALL OF OUR SAVINGS... HA HA! PRAISE JESUS!! AND ANGELS!! YOU ARE EVIL I AM FEELING STRONGER... THE HELL WITH YOU! 11 YEARS! YOU ARE HIV POSITIVE YES... FUNNY YOU HAVE A DIFFERENT GENENOME STRAND WHEN YOUR, OUR, DOCTOR TESTED IT... FORGOT THAT FACT. YEAH! GO ON THE MURRY POBITCH SHOW FIND OUT WHO YOUR BABIES DADDY IS... PLEASE STOP THE SMEAR LIES! PERHAPS IT WAS SOMEONE AT THE BATHHOUSE??

10:46 AM  

I would bring this post to a (your?) therapist... It seems like you have more to say, maybe a better setting like a therapists office would help? Otherwise, somethings not adding up...

11:03 AM  

I have been involved with a psychopath for 2 years. Only last week did I identify that he is indeed a psychopath. He was so charming witty and played to my every emotional need that I did not consider that he may be a deviant. As time went by and I witnessed his temper and how he used others I began to question his true character. Then I began to note the high drama that surrounds him and the stories that dont match up. I helped him secure a higher paying job in our organization and within 5 days he began distancing himself from me emotionally. I feel both used and naive.

12:44 PM  

"What he used to do behind her back he does openly, before her eyes. What’s more, since psychopaths are sadists, he relishes seeing her suffer from a combination of jealousy, wounded pride and helpless love." OMG, this is so spot-on. He did it right in front of my eyes...and then gaslighted me and told me I was "crazy." Sadistic isn't even the word for what these empty shells of human beings are.

7:11 PM  

Dear Claudia and every single person who helped me through the darkest patch..I would like to share my story but it is so full of incidents that I can only highlight,for a lack of a better word,some incidents. The day after I met him he started commenting on my breasts(which incidently are my best physical natural attribute) Immediately I started feeling insecure which is exactly what he wanted. After that,being in a long distance relationship with him that was filled with non-stop over the top communication,glib flattery and schoolboy innocence,a darker side appeared.He slowly started conditioning me with tales of his sordid past. I would gasp in surprise at gay experiences, threesomes,prostitutes,stripshows drug induced sex fuck buddies(pardon the language). He made it all sound so normal..his male friend who tried to give him a blow job..he made me feel so old fashioned..Our relationship eventually deteriorated to me having to give him oral sex every time,me doing all the foreplay which made me feel like a cheap slut,him calling me a nymphomaniac and he is just supplying my needs. He stopped kissing me touching me except during sex. He started calling me needy suspicious insecure. I found other womens sanitary towels,stockings,sjampoo. He said I was paranoid. He called me dumb,lazy,stupid. I tended to his every whim day and night when he visited. The smallest thing would spark a rage. He acted so loud in public with such a short fuse in the supermarket that I just stayed indoors with him to avoid the humiliation. There it was a bombardment of demands which started early morning and ended late at night. If I looked non-chirpy in ANY way he would ask "And the long face?" I am regarded attractive by others but I developed such low self-esteem that despite the fact that I have achieved certain things in life I have no self-confidence. Everything that he said in the moments he lied to me and I believed him,everything that made me feel so loved(my last girlfriend on earth,most beautiful..I am in love with you and want to walk with you till the end..blah blah blah..)it was non-stop but inbetween were these insults that nearly took my breath away and confused me,harmed me,made me weak. I discovered after a year of being with him that he took meds for Genital Herpes. I asked him why he didn't reveal this to me seeing to the fact that I asked him for an Aids certificate which he brought before we became intimate. He said his other girlfriends had no problem with it and he couldn't pass it on on seeing to the fact that he is on medication. I also established that he does not suffer from depression but is a diagnosed Bi-polar..which explains the bizarre experiences I had with him..sometimes feeling that he could just push me off a cliff..He forced me to climb mountains..even whilst I was crying with fear..he would get an erection if he saw me cry. He would forever by involved in criminal and illegal activities although he is a highly educated genius coming from a very respectable family. He would fake everything that is fakeable and I mostly wondered where his boundaries were. I soon enough found out..he had one night stands which he told me he has no clue why it upset me so because it was just a step up from masturbation..women he picked up in sportsbars and had unprotected sex with whilst knowing that he has Gential Herpes..posting me pics with love of him and I together an hour later. The lying the cheating the criminal tendencies. The list goes on and on. He is a very attractive outdoors man...he is a danger to every woman alive. I fell for him and he destroyed my dreams. He is bringing some of my stuff back today..my heart longs for the lies..I won't be here..It is a discipline to see in in a clinical light..that's the only way to escape the romantic lies and the heartache of the gaslighting campaign he is now running against me. That "lovers" drift apart and that's the way "love" goes

1:47 AM  

That just described my previous relationship to a T
I feel much better now about being single right now. It did hurt. It does hurt. I will find a good man one day when the time is right.

7:26 PM  

Omg. On my first physical meeting with my now husband but we are separated and I'm filing for divorce and his fighting for contact with our two year old, he said to me have you ever considered having a boob job. I was heavily heavily depressed when I met him (the perfect victim) but I just laughed it of as my DDs had never been an issue to me. Later it became such a big issue to me and I'm scared for life regaring my bust. Due to childbirth and stress I have lost so much weight that my boobs are near on existent and just saggy bits of skin. He told me how he had behaved towards his ex how he cheated on her. Would text other women whilst she was laying next to him in bed. How he had two phones for Communication with all the other women. How he had abused drink and drugs. How he assaulted her and came and went as he pleased and wooing her back just for sex only to leave shortly after. How he got arrested for possessing knives in the street. Criminal damage. Common assault. Selling drugs and leaving his ex to pay back the money he had bullied her into borrowing. Paying for his mates to get a blow job at the local brothel and how he didn't have one because he was embarrassed but two years later admitted to me that he also had paid and received one and went into great details about the place, telling me how it all works. A pass codes on the door etc. How he chose who he wanted to perform this act on him and even told me she was Russian. He could see the hurt in my face but continued almost getting a kick out of it. How when we first met he was a women's dream come true. My knight in shining armour. My soulmate. My life. My everything. God did he condition me. He lived off me financially and got me into debt and him telling me it was my problem not his. He has never paid a penny of it back. I'm now blacklisted for the first time in my life. Basically everything he told me he had done to his ex in the past that he assured he would never do to me because we were real and his relationship to her was fake and meant nothing he was now doing to me. I do find it strange now also as to why did he keep asking me how much did I trust him that might I add never reached 100% because I had been hurt before. He wanted me to have his child two months into our relationship. We spent 24 hours a day together. He didnf work. I loved the attention he gave me. I was addicted to him. Couldn't believe my luck. I had finally met my match. How wrong was I. He was so good at mimicking me that we were so alike. What an ar*ehole. I'm such an honest loving caring giving person and he used and abused me only to satisfy his own needs and left me totally destroyed. He sucked the life out of me. I really find it hard to understand how another human being can be so cruel. I'm left picking up the pieces of my life and trying for stay strong for my children. It's so hard. I'm only weeks into the separation where there is zero contact although he only lives round the corner. I can't even start to explain how I'm feeling and the effect this has had on me. I feel so alone.

5:43 AM  

I am on day 50. I am humilated and broken. I am terrified of my psychopath. He treated me so badly. Yet he said he loved me. We lived together and he kicked me out on a regular basis with no notice at all. I would beg him not to do this. Then he would let me come home and act like nothing happened. He belittled me to others. I thought I was going insane. The infidelity was so profound. Yet I believed him when he told me he had been with no one else sexually. We had sex 3-4 times a day. He said I was the best he ever had. Why would I believe that he was sexually involved with anyone else. He took other woman to dinner some of them were so unattractive. But swore nothing else was going on. He blamed anything and everything on me. He tried to make others think I was crazy. He would never answer text or the phone while I worked. Then when I would call and text he would accuse me of being over the edge with trying to contact him even though we were living together. He constantly said I love u but I am not in love with u. He asked me to marry him and gave me a beautiful ring. Broke the engagement constantly just to kiss my ring and take it all back. Then he would say I was the love of his life. He tried to drug me and make me appear suicidal by having his daughter take me to my office impaired. I have very little memory of that night. I keep seeing his son on top of me. His son is a psychopath and just ad evil. He ( son) spent 11 years in prison. I dont know what all was done to me that night but it was profound. This happened after I moved out. He and his daughter came over however whatever they gave me I do not remember any of it clearly. I think his son was there to. They took me to work filthy ( I am a doctor). My hair uncombed. Not coherent. They dropped me off and did not even come in to tell anyone they brought me. By the grace of god I was able to tell them who brought me. Just his daughter brought me. She said she came over because I called her. She said when she got there she thought I was dead. That I had flies coming out of my mouth. Yet she never called 911. They put up stickers of butterflies on my patio door which I found the next day. By the way there was never s phone call made to her by me at all.
Come to find out my fiAnce had been text messaging his ex the whole time we lived together. He told her that he lived alone. Told her he wanted to marry her in June told me in july was to he our wedding date. She finally dtRted to text him back after he had been texting her for over a yeAr. She agreed to be his friend. He stepped it up with her and completely denied my existence. He needed me gone right away without a trace. It was the only wY he could have pulled the lies off with her. He wanted revenge with her. First of all she took his credit card and charged 1000o dollars when they broke up. She left him. She got restraint order as he was stAlking her big time.
She and I met by the grace of god. She pulled me out and has been my rock. Neither of us will ever talk or have any contact with him again. But I am still so broken. She has been away from him for 21/2 years. She never had any intention of going back. Just thought maybe she could be his friend. We clearly saved each others life. I don't have any desire to date sY all. There is so much more to the story.

1:13 PM  


MY HUSBAND STEP MUM HATE HIM SO MUCH
My man died 6 weeks ago after 12 month illness where he required increasing amounts of oxygen. I was told 6 months previously that he was about to die and we moved heaven and earth to get him home from hospital. My wonderful strong man carried on for 6 months despite what everyone said. I stopped work and we spent nights and days together mostly with me watching him almost suffocate to death every day. one day in September when there was no one else around I lay down beside him and fell asleep, when I woke up he had gone. I never believe that my husband death was natural..cos i know those that did not want his progress, every night and day i always cry i fill like killing my self because things where hard on my side, my husband family throw us out of the house me and my children where on the street begging for food and water..cos no money any more. one of my friend that i have not see for a very long time saw my on a street and she called my name, when i turn i was an old friend of mine, i explain every thing that happen she gave us accommodation and told me my husband death was not natural she told me i should not worry she is going to help me, will contact Dr Opingo who salve family problems i explain every thing about my husband to him and he said he will help me know about the death of my husband i was very happy that very day...cos i no something was behind my husband death and i see who is going to help me out, Dr ask me to send my husband picture, surname, and his name i did every thing immediately. After Dr Opingo have use the information i send him, two weeks later my husband step mum confess that she was the one that kill my husband through sickness...i am so happy i am free because the family believe that i kill my husband to take over the properties. thank you once again HELEN my best friend for introducing me to Dr Opingo you can contact his email if you still need his help alterofcandletemple@gmail.com

9:05 AM  



I broke up with my bf, changed my mind, but it was too late. Our relationship went from completely loving to no contact. Because of my temper. I blew up over an incident & broke up with him. I can only compare my grief to losing a loved one. Incredibly, it took me only 2 weeks to be able to start functioning normally. I emailed him several times(everything else was blocked) but I never went to his home, called his home,his work, fam, etc. A month later I dated a new guy, who sort of just fizzled out & I relapsed on missing & thinking about my ex. Guess that guy I dated was just a band-aid solution. & sadly, I have yet to heal. BUT, last week he emailed back for the first time. We had a few heated email exchanges, & in the last one, out if the blue he said, "By the way, there isn't one single day that goes by that I don't think about you." I replied, "Me too", & went from hardly thinking about him anymore to crying everyday. Ugh! I hate it. & I do know what I must do but it's taking all of my effort to do tge right thing & forget this happened! What now? I can't stop thinking if I should have acted on him saying that. Or if I should wait until he does with another future email sometime...someday. I know I'm contradicting myself because I said I knew what to do, but in reality, no, I don't know what to do. Stop thinking about him(try my best), or act on his words. Any advise is highly appreciated. (Also, his birthday is coming up in a week, & like Katy's story, it'll be 2 months since we broke up, & I was pondering if asking him out for a drink on me would be a good idea. Because of his bday.i was on net when i saw a testimony how love spell bring ex back and i email Dr Eromusela, dreromuselaspelltemple@gmail.com who really help me, he is just too power i will stop sharing his testimony because i never believe he will come back for me again thank you once again dreromuselaspelltemple@gmail.com for the love spell free free and contact him he is just too good to build your home

10:00 PM  

Everyone's account seems so similar! I, too, am so thankful for the information I discovered on these various websites that speak about these festering parasitic leeches that slime their way through our communities. I had been love bombed by a cheating, lying, manipulative narcissistic goofball whose game could match any of these other descriptions in this comment section.

These psychopaths are thankfully textbook and follow the same pattern making them easier to identify. These predators are such a problem for so many otherwise good people in our communities that we must take back our lives from their control, avoid their psychopathic stare at all cost, cut them off from contact that allows them any toehold in our lives and be ever vigilant as we maintain our ground and protect ourselves from their deceptive, weaseling ways that they employ in order to fool us once again.
I had it done to me. He did the gaslighting, the crazy making, the telling everyone I was crazy and having them ganging up on me, the "psycho bitch", when it was him and his toadys conspiring to rob and kill me and my son. It was sheer hell but thankfully, with sincere prayers of anguished requests to the deity to give me the way to first, discover and then, rip open the fakery in the spath's clever ruse, I was able to discover the most sordid collection of secret life bull puckey that I could imagine! I could actually never have imagined how truly horrible it turned out to be. I was speechless for two weeks. Then I started to talk about it to a few trusted friends. The spath's friends. And mine, more or less.
My one closer friend told me to gtfo!! And never ever go back. ( he makes horror movies and so recognized immediately that the goofball was a severely dangerous problematic character) the other guy was an introduction by the spath, so was less likely to side with me. But whatever. I don't care if anyone "likes" me. I'm not playing popularity contest games with ego maniacs. I'm just trying to raise my children and be a good person and conduct my business without some *bloodsucker sex addict drag on society walking social blight* guy trying to get in my face and schmooze me into believing his palava one more time.
Cutting them out of your life is your ticket back to joyful living. Keeping the vigilant effort of getting the information about these subhumans out into the community is the best possible way to help others who are being fooled right now by these losers. As other confused women-- and a few men who've been hit by the female brand of spath--find the information they need to explain the horrible abuse they are experiencing, then they become empowered with the knowledge necessary to extract themselves from the predatory psychopathic suckholes who prey upon kind hearted and compassionate people.

8:37 AM  

My psychopath is a "cyberpath". I knew him casually for quite some time before he had gathered enough information with regard to my vulnerabilities. Then he moved in for "the kill".
I was completely taken by his love bombing. I have never felt so pretty or desirable or fun in my entire life. I should have questioned his odd (very inappropriate) behavior but it felt so good to be appreciated.
Thankfully this "relationship" lasted for a very short time before he got bored and to the discard stage. Miserably, I am hurt, my husband has moved out and I actually miss the excitement of the psychopath. I am so bitterly ashamed of my behavior with him. I started thinking very early on that he may be The Devil - but ignored my own gut. I had no idea that these people were out there or how badly (and quickly) they can destroy lives.

1:42 PM  

I was in a three year relationship with one. Two months out, I am starting to feel better. I have been doing a lot of reading to learn why I was open to this person in the first place. Connecting the dots and being very honest, my ex is exactly like my mother. I am trauma bonded to him. I have the need to see the best in people who are cruel and abusive because I needed to see my mother as good. The most intense bonds are ones that involve intermittent abuse mixed with promises, hopes, kindness, and tenderness. The abuse creates the intensity; the tenderness allows the fantasy to flourish. Attachment is also intensified by the false feeling of intimacy that occurs when you are abused by someone you love—there is the “high” of the crisis, the euphoria of reconciliation, and the amnesia that follows. If the fantasy starts to unravel or wane, another crisis situation will occur to reinvigorate the fantasy, stories, and promises. After each cycle the trauma bond deepens. My ex cheated not only with women, but with men too. He said it wasn't cheating because the hook-ups meant nothing to him. He has no ability to feel the pain he inflicts upon others, yet enjoys the suffering. DO NOT LET YOUR PSYCH KNOW YOU ARE SAD! Instead say breaking up was the right thing to do. I wish you well, bye! Then move on and NEVER EVERLook back!

11:46 AM  

my ex is not only like this, but also a pedophile. he would often make me pretend i was a young child often his "daughter" it was the only time he was able to maintain an erection. i was with him sadly for too many years. it has affected my new relationships vastly as i find myself needing to cling to my new bfs and needing to feel loved and beautiful. i have such shame and for allowing this sexual abuse to go on. I call it sexual abuse because it was demeaning me morally and sexually. it got to the point where it was the only way that i felt I was a sexual being to pretend to be that age. god it disgusts me. But God gave me a way to escape all the abuse and this psychopath. now I am with the love of my life who knows what I went through and accepts me baggage and all. it does frustrate him however that my reactions to him and mirrored to the way i had been conditioned. i am so thankful that i am not alone in this and that i am not crazy.

9:33 PM  

7 months ago I meet a nice and charming man on a dating site. He is from Algeria and I am from Denmark. He want visum to Denmark. We talked nic and long time. After 3 days, he asked me to go to Sweden with him, easier for him to get visum. I said yes, should have known better. On our number 2 date he said he loved me, and wanted to marry me. And then he had made plans for my apartment, I own my apartment. I was stunned, but went along with it. Again I should have run away. Every morning I got much sms'es from him, telling me how much he loved me, that I was everything for him, that he could not live without me and so on. The same happened in the evening. That went on for 4 months, meanwhile we saw each other every 3 or 4 weeks, not normal when we live in the same country, only 4 hours between us with train. Well, all time he wanted me to sell apartment and get pregnant, I agreed, but somehow my brain must have been clever than my heart. 2 months ago things changed, he was with me and on the same say he broke up with me 2 times. After that, he has been very evil to me, stopped all his living sms'es, he now call me liar and whore. 3 weeks ago I had to call police, he threatned me with coming to my city and beating me. Where was the man that I loved. The last 7 weeks have been living hell. Every day bad sms'es, no more I loves you and other nice things. I know it is because I was to clever for him, that I did not sell my apartment and got pregnant. Friday 28 june, he manipulated me to sendig him 200 dollars, so he could come to my birthday, I stood in train station for 2 hours, he never came, day after I got a sms, saying that 200 dollars was for my engagement ring. Sunday 30 june, got 2 sms'es, he was going to Belgium, and said goodbye liar to me. It has now been 3 days now, I can't sleep and think. I only think of him and the loving man he was the first 4 months. I think now that I have been with a psychopath. I have been stupid and send him sms'es yesterday and today. He closes his mobile, but turns it on but never answer me, I think he is punishing me. I know I have been manipulated but I also know that I maybe have been stronger than he expected and that is why he has moved on, I am just afraid that he might not stop writing to me. He broke my heart.

4:18 PM  

I wonder, not every day now, but often... when I will ever be ok again. It's nice to find this page, and feel..not so terribly alone and broken.
Thank you for sharing

9:52 PM  

I dont know how r what to do in my life I married one for nine mths he put his hands on me the first time I said no to him not once in the whole.nine mths did I see that comin and I was hidin from him for three days had the only person I knew to call which was a male.friend of his get me out of the woods three days and he killed hiself and told me it would be all on me in,a text just mins before he passed well seven mths later I was in a one room house for mths no one came by r anything I lived with the man that picked me up felll head over hells in sick love waitin alo.g for him to come home day inday out hot and cold mean at times and he goes to jail now he wants me to be his wife where did thst come from

10:08 AM  

What can I do to get him out of my head I am in love with him ..i need help I have no one

10:10 AM  

Plenty of women are psychopaths not just men.

10:06 AM  

An excellent psychotherapist told me once that church pews are full of young women who have never developed a strong sense of self. He said that all the talk of dying tothe self is fine if and when YOU choose to sacrifice yourself for another/others. However, you have to have developed a self first that you can then sacrifice. Keep away from churches that do not value women with a strong sense of self. Watch out and guard yourself from overly religious males who insist on submission. Guard yourself and your children against people who are witnessed to and who show up in church for a few Sunday sermons. You don't know them or their background. Don't be so naieve. Churches/religious groups are perfect hunting ground for the psychopath.

9:32 PM  

I have gone through the same for over 15 years. My stbx has had relationships with many, many, many other women since day one. He is a bottomless pit and needs attention from women all day every day. I have tried to ignore, repair, nearly killed myself and more to correct our marriage and save my family...he isn't interested and becomes immediately screaming loud and physically abusive if I attempt to discuss anything about our relationship. He uses the children as a shield and has verbally abused me to the point of my own children having issues and not respecting or loving or even listening to me and he continues to do so.

I was angry, hurt, than hateful and yet still deeply in love just a year ago...now its gone. I am afraid for my life as I have been beaten so badly Ive even had my eardrum perforated several months ago. If he would come home today and admit his true lifestyle and be remorseful, I could not do it. Although I wanted that for years I suddenly have absolutely ZERO left for him. I am being peaceful as possible and no longer love him, nor feel hurt or jealous of the many others nor want apologies. I want out. I will be out soon, he doesn't know this as I fear him. I feel sorry for him, he has no emotional intimacy with me and I doubt the others. He cannot be intimate and honest because he isn't capable. He also, tried to make me look crazy and it worked. It will not work again, everyone knows the truth. I cannot wait to live in a house without his belittling, criticism and nonstop abuse and control. I cannot wait to be free and independent and intimate with other people. I too have been controlled with money for years, going with nothing at all and having to rely on the state while he hides hides hides his true lifestyle, money, relationships, even his career details. I can't belive I wasted so many years believing I was in love with someone who cares nothing about me and will very quickly remarry with no second thought of me. If only I knew then.

I hope all women stay strong and realize what you are feeling is not love. He doesn't love you, you are nothing to him...

1:23 PM  

I have been going over the emotional trauma in my head over and over again and what my abuser did to me .. its makeing me crazy .. what do i do !! ?

9:48 PM  

I am have been involved with some one who I now think might have be a psychopath... let me run this through and please post your reply.
we had been together for 7 years they had a child from a previous marriage. we started talking and from the first night I looked into this persons eyes I saw that they were dilated. I asked do you drug they said no. I later asked take medication they replied yes bipolar... ok so they seemed nice anyways so we began to live together. I was accused of cheating multiple times later soon after that they started following me places and would tell me that I had to come home with them now I had now where lese to go so I complied. they then started to hit me when and call me names... then when I started to fight back they would blame me for the fight and they once called the police after hitting me and I got arrested I didn't say anything cause this person had a medical license and I did not want them to loose it for the child there was a protection order put in place. I was allowed for my good behavior to be a trustee within days. Then a visitor came... it was them. they stated they were sorry and wanted to make it right. I was let out to await trial with no bail because I was not threat. They left the state and would not testify to the case I was set free and cleared of all charges and protection order was dropped. they returned to the state and wanted to have a child ...stated to keep us together always. I was so blind. were got married 4 months later. they wanted to move to the state they came from to be closer to family mine was in one that we lived. I complied because the area was better for the new child where as the town presently in was rattled with crime. Things were good for a while.. I later learned that they had been married 2 times before. during the marriage fights broke out they would throw things yell and be little me. I made half what they did and was far from home and had a child together I was trapped no way out I sated I wanted a divorce. I came home and was drinking some one came over and said that said they stated I get violent I stated "you want to see violence wait until there other person gets home " this person did not know of the other persons violence that I keep secret" the other person left the state with my children and filed for divorce before I could I week later when there protection order was denied they returned with the children and said that they were sorry three years went by yelling money coming up missing out of the accounts and then a trip to see the in-laws for Christmas I protested because they treated me like crap two mother earlier they had stated they would not even pry for my father who was dying of cancer... he died 1 month later. the person said that I had promised and told me if I became uncomfortable we could leave. 20min into the 2 hour trip I stated that I wanted to turn around and go home they would not comply I was trapped again once there I left on foot the person tracked me down 5 or so blocks away and told me to return though the house because it was cold and I had no where to go this was a small town less then 3,000 people in the middle of no where. I complied once I waited two house before I could not take it any more I packed my bags and set them inside the truck and they went to get the kids placed them in to the truck where they went in to grab the Christmas gifts they persons father came out where I was waiting by the truck and protested the children and us leaving words be came shouts all I wanted to do was get away I was then attracted by my ex spouse then a brother in-law why the police showed up I was arrested the truth to protect the persons medical license was twisted and now I was put out to be the aggressor. I am I crazy or are the I am a male let me now

1:05 AM  

I split with my controlling, domineering & psychopathic partner 8 months ago after taking a police protective order on him as he was violent & cruel to my eldest son & I. I changed my mobile number but he still rings my work a minimum of 5 times a day. Does a hang up if my colleagues answer. As he owes me a settlement, he knows this & uses it to make me listen but then the verbal abuse & demoralizing continues. He's a pathological liar due to heavy drug use & I wish he would stop contacting me

7:16 AM  

I lost my mother in 2010. sInce she became I'll, I had some dealings with my off the chart brother. My daughter stated when she was 12, that she thought her uncle was a rapist and killed women. I was appalled by her statements. I have now for several years dealt with a very scary situation. I now. Realize how my submissive. Side and loyalty has been abused and how much in denial I was. As a small child He punched. Me constantly, and usually the the crap beat out of Him by my mom, who was a single parent at that time. He then began punching me in the stomach, until she put me in the tub and saw I was bleeding. I never told. He never ever told. Usually His twin brother rattled him out, upon the wrath of Mom. Later we moved to the country, a small town. I love animals, and He would constantly and repeatedly do very cruel things to them. But still He was my brother, and I knew that He was hard to love, but I still did. Other encounters as a teen, that I won't go into. He joined the military and I had few dealings with Him. He married and we had few encounters. His now ex told me that she was forbidden to make eye contact with me and he told her not to talk to me, don't even look at her. We became friends after their divorce. He now stalks me, shows up at places unrelated to him. Has for no apparent reason a extreme jealousy towards me and my daughter. I am early 50s, so It is so ridiculous. There has been a series of events that have happened, that I firmly believe he has tried to kill me. He told someone recent that he will see. That I am dead or destroyed and that is his mission. Healsostated that he wants. To see me go to jail and he will be. Elated. Unfortunately they, my brothers are my business partners who have trashed the properties, and not paid a penny of taxes, notto mention the damage they have done. Though only one brother is a psychopath, his twin is totally loyal to him. Submissive, beyond the word. He. Is a very laid back personality that asks very little from life than to work, fish, spend time with his animals. I have been accussed by the. Submissive brother of stealing fishing gear, yea I said it out loud, in a police report. They caught the thieves and recovered his gear.then a gun from his wife's car, they recovered and caught the thieves. And then he told police I stole his mailbox. With a bass wrap! He is His brothers victim. he is too controlled to see the light of day! I believe my mother saw this my brothers whole life, and really didn't know how to handle it. By the way the narcissistic brother is good looking, charming, intelligent, retired at 52 from Air traffic control. hardworking, articulate, an overachiever with a 4 wheel drive, 2 boats, 3 motorcycles and 2 mini coopers.I have often wondered if I should go to counciling to know what is next!I fear for my life with good reason.

9:56 AM  

I have been in a relationship like this for the past 3 years. The difference is it was never physical. We had a spiritual/psychic relationship. He psychiclly attacked me and used metaphysical attributes, thought and mind control. He energetically corded us. It has been a nightmare for the past 3 years and finally getting control over the situation. He still stalks me via all my electronic devices and social networking... He is a energy vampire. I'm looking forward now to putting this all behind me now and moving forward in my life. Thank God our relationship never became physical and I hope to never see him again in my lifetime.

6:41 PM  

Hi. Thanks for all the comments and shared pain. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I have loved him more than any other man. We have travelled a rocky road. Before I met him, he did 10 years jail time. During the time I was with him he was in and out of trouble, but always declared undying love. We had good times. I was happy just to be with him, but over time I was in and out of hospital for physical abuse. It was always over some misunderstanding or another. Eventually I losy my job too and my house. I escaped numerous times, but we always got back together again. Last week, after an incident, he chased me away in a fit of rage. He pulled out a knife on my. I ran. He let me go for my safety. As he said, if he wanted to hurt me he would have. He only kicked me against my heaf softly (doesnt remember that though). We were on holiday. I climbed into my car and went back to the guest house we were staying in, packed my stuff and left one thousand rands on the bed so that he could get back home. I drove 1400km to get away. Now I am in a strange place without friends or family and must start again. I am 45. At least still have some money left in my bank account to start over. He's been calling now telling me that when he arrived back at the guest house he took some of the money and went drinking and the rest was stolen from his room and he can't get back home. Now he says the phone I lent him has also been stolen, the next day. He keeps calling asking me to send money so that he can get home. He needs to appear in court for a reckless driving charge soon. Please can I send money. The thing is, during the time I have known him so much has been stolen from me by his friends and children from his ex. I can't tell you all the things I have been through. Why do I still cry? I feel hollow inside. I feel bad about his dilemma, but I have turned my phone off. I see the wonderful charismatic charming and exciting person, but what about the monster? I think the no contact rule is essential to break this toxic bond. He can tell everyone how bad I am, but it's no longer worth trying to defend myself. These people are very convincing. I think he believes his own lies. I need to be strong, but it's not easy when your emotions have been ruling logic. He said he wanted to change and control his violent temper. He promised he wouldn't hit me again, but there are other ways of hurting someone. I was a strong person, now I feel broken and sad. I think time and space will help. I feel guilty that he now has to find his own way home, but he's a cruel parasite and I need to break free if I want a normal life.

1:27 AM  

I am in a relationship with a Psychopath. I am reading many many things about this person. The thing that bothers me a lot though is everywhere I am reading is about how a man is the psychopath. I am a man and the woman I am dating is a psychopath.

Why is every single article or quote I read about a man being psychopathic?

10:58 AM  

Im sorry you're going thru this.Maybe God Iis doinf for you what you cant do for yourself; however, I know you feel heartbroken. The description you gave about being devoured, devalued, and all else is exactly how I feel. He for the 1st threatened to leave me and said that when he does, he will disappear. Why am I still with him him? I really am stupid. He has some kind of hold of me. He is so cruel and I am never worthy of an apology, let alone an opinion.

4:49 AM  

Yes, the emotion beatings are worse than the physical. It is amazing to hear from so many victims going thru the exact same thing as me. His passionate kisses and unselfishness lovemaking lured me in. The cruelty and lies have progressively gotten worse; however, he still dishes out the passion. I am making plans to leave soon, but I cant let him in on it. I too have to completely leave him because I can easily become putty in his hand. I am an emotional mess and staying longer qill only make things worse for me. I could see his evil smile when im sobbing or become confused during or after a verbal beating. He is tearing me down. I am empry. Just a shell with no voice ir worth.

5:04 AM  

He may not be capable of loving me, but he sure loves himelf to the fullest. If I loved myself even a fraction of how he loves himself, I wouldn't put up with his abuse.

6:35 PM  

I hate that I let him into my life so quickly and complerely. It was so out of charecter for me. You hit the nail on the head saying they prey on the kind-hearted and I will add "vulnerable" to it. This weakness of mine made me the perfect victim. He tells me I was stupid from day one. He also twists things and makes me look like the crazy one tp his family. I have been ganged up on, too. I am thankful for one thing, which will only help me when it comes time to leave - his pride. He will probably make it a point to totally ignore me. When I extended a 1 day trip to 3 days, thats exactly what he did (he ignored the fact that his physical abuse kept me away). The physical abuse stopped. But the verbal was doubled. I am thankful for the various websites that address this. Their tactics and actions are textbook. W/o this information, I would have just resigned mysrlf to the untrue fact that I was crazy and only he could put up wiith me. I know I could do better- even spending my lifetime alone will be better. I am not a bad looking lady, I am educated (which he makes fun of), but bhere I am, being humiliated and called every name In the book. I feel like a dog with its tail between its legs. Why? Why cant I love myself more than that?

2:23 AM  

Yes It is sad, that there is not more public knowldege and campains to inform people of the dangers of psychopaths.

I had been young and naive, and i am a male and another male tricked me into me trying to defend himself against his sick and false accusations. He did a lot of harm to my family, to my mother, to my father, who is dead now. I am just sad, that my life in which i had suffered a lot and then it has improved with my hard work, dedication and faith in better future was attacked by this psychopath. I cant say how sick some people can be, and i didnt do nobody no harm, i just wanted to have my own life, be happy mary a nice girl. He was trying to turn everytthing on me, manipulating, speaking evil words, publicly offending me,... such evil, and sickness. How can some people be like that, why dont they leave people in peace and mind their own bussiness? Why they dont understand no. Now after more then one year, i am still having occasionally doubts about myself.I think he is a psychopath, but he said that i am and publicly lied, such evil from him. I knew who i were before completelly, but then i have some doubts from time to time, and sometime i feel such emotins i have never felt before he was insulting me, he was raging at me, humiliating, he has 2 face and is total sadist in my opinion, like Hitler. I think i havent defended myself enough.

Now i even have problems with women, which i havent had before in such a scale. That makes me even more sad, since i desire a nice girl to be happy with and then this psycho came and started turning his projections on me.
SOmetimes thoughts what he said still show in my mind, its so terrible, i just want to move on and i hope that person wont get near me never again or i wont hear or read his texts ever.

I am just so sad, that such people exist, thats why is so important that you people protect yourself and your lives against such people.

1:21 PM  

Hi I need help I went out withhold guy for the first time he gave me a ring and told to hold it til we go out again and so I don't go out with anyone else should I be worried

4:51 PM  

Ok so where do I start…………it was the end of the July and my girlfriend went to visit her “family”. She came home that morning and said we need to talk. I said about what (through texts and I am at work). She said nothing we will talk later. Now after someone tells you that you have to know something is up. She finally broke up with me through text. Ileft to go home to work and she started blaming things like not leaving the shower door open when showering because it was “growing mold” So anyways I finally found out the truth. She left me for the girl that she had been “best friends “ with for 15 years. She then kicked out and moved in the girl within 2 weeks. Who moves that quickly? It hurts so much.

11:52 AM  

Help!!! I believe that I am being stalked by my ex husband. At 1104 pm 4/3/2014 I was on my front porch smoking a cigarette when I see a vehicle driving up to my house, the vehicle was my exinlaws van they stopped 50 ft from my house when they saw me sitting on my porch. Stayed there for at least 1 minute then proceeded to creep past my house.
This is not the first time, every time my new husband and I move with our kids,some how my ex and his parents always seem to know where we live eeven though all our stuff is private. My ex husband was abusive to my children and i .
In April 2009 in Tennessee he got arrested with 2 felony charges of child abuse and 1 felony charge of aggravated assault. The safe shelter bought my children and I 1 way tickets to Utah were my mom lives when he got out of jail he traveled all the way to Utah to hunt me down.
I don't know what to do I cant get a restraining order cause he hasn't been caught with harming us where we are at now in Florida and I can't get a no trespassing order cause we live on a public road. Ive already been told that by both the Bonifay police department and Holmes county sheriffs dept. They only come around whenthey think my husband is gone.

1:55 AM  

Help I am in need of some advice. At 11:04 p.m. April 3rd 2014 I was outside on my front porch smoking a cigarette when I noticed a vehicle coming by the neighbors house, at first I thought either it was the neighbors or a cop car, since cops do random checks of our neighborhood, but when I seen the vehicle come around the corner I noticed it was my ex in laws vehicle I got up and proceeded to shut my front door when I noticed me they stopped 50 feet from my house. They waited there for at least a minute and they proceeded to creep by the front of my house. With it being late at night I don't know if it was my ex husband or my ex in laws driving.
This ain't the first time I haven't stopped by my ex's family, every time my current husband and I with our kids move they always seem to know where we live, and all of our information is private.
In April 2009 in Tennessee my ex husband was arrested on 2 felony charges of child abuse and 1 felony charge of aggravated assault. When he was arrested my children and I were taken to a women's shelter by police. the women shelter bought 1 way tickets for my children and I to Utah where my mother lives. When my ex husband got out of jail he proceeded to hunt me down in Utahafter traveling there from Tennessee.
I have tried to get protective orders/ injunctions, restraining orders and I have even looked into getting a no trespassing order. I have went to the police station and talk to the police station and also have gone to the courthouse as well as the sheriff's department here in Bonifay Florida. But I have got denied both an injunction as well as a restraining order since he has not been caught harming children or I here even though I have proof from the police department as well as the courthousefrom Tennessee where he harm my children and I. I have the police report and court documents to prove he done what he did. The only problem is when I moved to Utah the charges got dropped because there were no witnesses there to prosecute against him. I am unable to get a no trespassing orderagainst any of them since I live on a public road.
The only time they seem to try to stop by is when my husband is not home.
My question is what am I to do.I'm trying to move on I'm trying to make a better life for my children and I. my current husband is a wonderful man and I know he means well when he is wanting to try and protect us but I am afraid I don't want him getting hurt I want my children to get hurt.
Is it going to take something bad to happen to me or my family or all of us for something to be done. My ex husband had tried killing me several times when we were married. He has also threatened me that if I ever took the kids away from him that he would kill me.

2:30 AM  

Please help me my bf of 4 years is now on probation for 5 years for forceable oral sodomy on me n has served time for same charge on his first wife. He is facing charges on a 17 year old thart he hurt after she told me he tried to play with her boobs n said he would rape her if she told n he wants me to lie in court that he didnt hit her. Sence he got probation he has tied me up held me in my home to many times to count its my home he has never paid a bill n he is making me preform oral sex even when im screaming no he pulls my hair n I cant move in my kitchen saturday I tried to fight back for the 1st time he took me to the ground n put his fingers in my mouth I bit his thumb bad he got up n was flicking his blood on me n tak8ng pictures of me I was literally having a nervios break down. He later came in the room n said murder can u say murder your gonna die get ready were gonna play the shane game. There is to much to tell but I found this site n I am typing so fast. I think this describes him. I need help the police think im crazy for him being here I call them often when I can get away from him. I cant take the forceable oral stuff anymore. I am going to loose my mind. Help me what do I do

5:02 PM  

Thank You for sharing this. I thought I was making this up in my head. I thought why dont other people see he is wearing sheep ski. I sometimes would think I am literally married to the devil. When he is in jail I feel sorry for him, it is hard to say no.I'm in the middle of a cross road, I'm trying to leave him again, I can't bring myself to file for the much needed protection order. I dont want my boys to turn into monsters like him. I'm so confused but this will help me make the next step. Thank You.

1:40 PM  

Jackie Hughes. I was in the same situation. I filed for protection order and the police or law enforcement would not honor because "I Let him back into my life". They will not honor another one for me in that county. I am in the process of applying for another one. It has been a long 13 year marraige of hell, neglect, verbal and emotional abuse, cheating and lying. It's hard to explain the cops the abuse when it is not physical. I am sick an tired of being isolated. I said a prayer, asked for a miracle to remove him from my life and the same day he went to jail on an old warrant in a different state. I'm blessed to be able to view this site about psycho paths. I thought I was alone. Now I realize I am not. You might have to do what I am about to do. Move to a different state, and take on a new identity, which means changing your name and having the women shelter or who ever help you with the legal process of doing so. I too was stalked until I had to let him back in my life. It sucks, I am back at square one it seems like. Don't let yourself go 13 years or more of hell with this man. Get another protection order, demand it if you have to. Leave the state if you have to.

1:47 PM  

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