Sanctuary for the Abused

Sunday, July 21, 2019

How a Psychopath Conditions His Victims

by Claudia Moscovici

In previous posts I have shown how psychopaths camouflage their real evil identities and bad intentions, to appear normal and even better than normal partners to their victims. What may seem surprising to those who have not experienced personally the psychopathic bond is why their victims put up with it once the bait and switch occurs and Mr. Jekyll turns into Mr. Hyde. There’s no simple answer to this question, since the motivations and personalities of the victims themselves vary. Some stay out of fear, others out of extreme emotional dependency and love addiction, others because they, themselves, suffer from a personality disorder that bonds them to a psychopath. Today I’d like to delve into the question of why even relatively normal and healthy women can stay with psychopathic men after the initial luring phase is over and the relationship becomes overtly toxic.

Psychopaths are extremely skilled not just at pretending to be decent men, but also at dosing. As early as the luring phase of the relationship, when they appear to be loving and normal partners, they make deviant requests, under the guise of romantic love. For instance, they isolate their new partners from those who care about them–family and friends–by claiming that they’re so in love with them that they wish to spend as much time as possible together. If the psychopath’s partner wishes to go out with friends, he spreads gossip about those individuals, claiming that they were critical of her or of their relationship. Or the psychopath may state that he’s so much in love with his partner that he can’t bear to spend time apart from her.

Couched in these positive terms, many women allow their other, healthy, social relationships with family members and friends to slowly but surely deteriorate. The less support they have from others, the more such women invest themselves wholeheartedly in the psychopathic bond. Once he senses his power over her, the psychopath becomes more openly possessive and controlling. Psychopaths have an intuitive relationship barometer that tells them when they have achieved dominance over others and can demand more (and more and more…) from them.

Another way in which psychopaths condition their partners to accept a toxic relationship is by gradually pushing the envelope of deviant requests. Since psychopaths are easily bored and need constant thrills, they may initially ask their targets to make out in public, under the pretense that they’re so attracted to them that they can’t keep his hands off of them. In reality, however, psychopaths are not as attracted to their partners, even at the beginning of the relationship, as to the thrill of crossing the boundaries of public decency and demeaning their partners. Recall from my previous post that psychopaths are extreme narcissists who derive most pleasure from the dominance and victimization of others.

As soon as the victim complies with one perverse request, it becomes normative. After a short while, the psychopath will demand more indecent behavior from her, once again pretending that it stems from their great and special passion. Pretty soon, the victim finds herself complicit with his abnormal behavior, sometimes even addicted to it. Not surprisingly, this technique is often used by pimps to create loyalty and submission in the women and girls they ensnare into prostitution. What begins under the guise of romantic love and passion–something that most women yearn for–ends up being what it always was in reality and in the psychopath’s evil design: a form of sexual slavery.

Even partners who refuse to engage in the psychopath’s transgressive behavior–be it his scams, lies or sexual perversion–are inevitably poisoned by the toxic relationship if they continue to stay with him. The most common way in which a psychopath poisons his partner is to condition her to accept his abusive behavior as normal. This doesn’t have to be under the form of physical violence, although it can be. 

More commonly, however, any person who stays with a psychopath becomes gradually used to bigger and bigger doses of emotional abuse. 

When she catches the psychopath cheating on her for the first time, she may have a normal reaction and break up with him. But if she doesn’t have the strength to move on and later returns to him–since after bouts of promiscuity, a psychopath is likely to act repentant and romantic to lure back his main partner(s)–then the next times she discovers evidence of his cheating (or lying, or fraud), she puts up with it, or pretends she doesn’t know about it.

Denial becomes the shield that absorbs most of the emotional impact of his hurtful behavior. When denial is no longer possible, because his wrongdoings become too frequent and flagrant, she displaces her anger and resentment towards the other women in order to maintain the “integrity” of her relationship with him. If he cheated and lied, it’s the other women’s fault rather than his. She also blames those who point out the psychopath’s pathology rather than him for mistreating her. They’re the bearers of bad news, who expose the hollowness of the life she leads with him: a truth she can no longer face, after becoming so dependent on him. At some point, she becomes more invested in the false image of strength and of a wonderful relationship she has with the psychopath than in facing the dire reality and moving on, to achieve real strength in life and have the chance of having a non-pathological romantic relationship.

Eventually, after a long series of discoveries of infidelities and other kinds of bad behavior, she becomes used to it and finds some solace in the assumption that those flings mean nothing to him. In spite of his consistently unloving behavior, she convinces herself that the psychopath loves her and that she’s the most important woman in his life. His infidelity then becomes open and normative: what he used to do behind her back he does openly, before her eyes. What’s more, since psychopaths are sadists, he relishes seeing her suffer from a combination of jealousy, wounded pride and helpless love.

Any person intimately involved with a psychopath will be harmed. To offer an analogy, the cancer cells that are most dangerous are the few that resist the chemotherapy and multiply quickly in the body, to kill it. Psychologically, the most dangerous aspects of any victim of psychopathic seduction are the ones that survive and adapt to his mistreatment. Once she becomes inured to the constant lies, verbal abuse, cheating, etc, she allows those vices to multiply in the relationship and take over her life.

Just as the most pathological elements of a society adapt to and rise to the top of totalitarian regimes, and just as the most pathological individuals thrive in the life of crime of gangs, so the most pathological parts of a person adapt to and embrace the disorder of a psychopath. A psychopath trains his victim gradually into a form of submission–or acceptance of his deviant behavior–that annihilates everything that’s healthy about her personality and existence. Eventually, if she doesn’t find the strength to leave him, she’s reduced by the psychopath’s gradual poison to the shadow of the strong and healthy person she once was.


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shared by Barbara at 12:02 AM



Why isn't there more psychopathy awareness? Why? Why aren't we given this as an option when we take psychology in middle school and college? It should be taught at the most basic level. It should be taught in church. In churches they tend to focus on the love but God never told Moses to go snuggle Pharaoh. Nope. Didn't tell Pharaoh that "I'm okay, you're okay". Jesus didn't tell the Pharisees that they could just "act right" and that was good enough.

Psalm 55:21 "His speech is smooth as butter, yet war is in his heart; his words are more soothing than oil, yet they are drawn swords." How about this bible verse? Quite sums it up, doesn't it? See, it's all in there, written down, yet I rarely hear sermons on these imperative verses. Abigail didn't tell Nabal (who's name means "fool" by the way, and read proverbs on fools, which describes all psychopaths)that it was cool to dis David, one of God's annointed. Nope. She had to go out to divert the disaster that would have been brought upon their household. Sound familiar? Always the same when psychopaths are around, fixing one nightmare after another.

Another truth about psychopaths? At the end of their tales of woe, they are either the HERO or the VICTIM. And remember, that they REALLY believe this. Once they put a thought into their head, it becomes true to them. It's why they can pass lie detector tests. Because THERE IS NO TRUTH IN THEM! Psalm 5:9 "Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongue they speak deceit." Can I get a witness up in here!

9:36 PM  

absolutely! Back in the days when I was caught up in my ex's psychotic behaviour and I was trying to sort it out in my own head how he even thought his behaviour was acceptable, I would try and point out to him what he was doing and you could just about guarentee that the next time we had an argument he would accuse me of doing the same thing. It was like he had stolen my words and was trying to make me responsible for his behaviour. It made no sence to me and I often doubted myself because he was so convinced that it was my problem. I often felt unhinged after having an argument with him and in the end would try and avoid one at all cost. Now he even has himself convinced that I am some sort of money grabber and he is a victum, even though I walked away with much less than what I was entitled to so as to avoid arguing in court. He even repeats lies back to me as they were fact and I'm sure he is fully convinced that they are. This verse came to me when I was in the midst of it and it was like being in the middle of a thick fog. I could not distinguish what was truth.
Isaiah 26:10 Though grace is shown to the wicked, they do not learn righteousness. Even in the land of uprightness they go on doing evil.
Ecclesiastes 10 As dead flies give purfume a bad smell, so a little folly outweighs wisdom and honour.

1:59 AM  

This is a PERFECT description of my relationship with my Ex Narc. I feel like I'm going through rehab for a very unhealthy addiction right now. The one thing that stops me from contacting him is that I know he will do nothing but humiliate me (if he bothers to respond at all), as he has already discarded me for not complying to all his rules and calling him out on his double standards when it comes to being faithful. Basically I have no access to my drug which deep down I know is the best thing that can happen to me. But the pain is almost unbearable. Thanks so much for this blog. Its so hard to explain myself to others who have never experienced relationships with psychopaths.
One thing I wanted to request is for you to have a look at the layout of your page as one of the ads sometimes blocks the text you have written.

9:00 AM  

To comment right above mine @ 9am. I am going thru the same exact thing. He devoured me, wanted & loved me (bs) & then proceeded to devalue, abuse, destroy, choke, lie, manipulate & break my heart & soul to pieces. Now he has discarded me after creating an insane fight that I finished. I could not take the withdrawals I am feeling, been 4 days, and he disappeared. I text him 2x & emailed & nothing. I just feel so stupid, used & abused. The worst part is that I love him & trusted him. I keep thinking we could fix it if he got help. Turns out, do obviously apparent now, this man does not love me..probably abhors me instead because I brought too much truth & light into his disgusting darkness & wrath. I am worried, sick, broken, missing him & wondering how he could turn on me this way & humiliate me to this degree. I am obviously addicted to him & this fucking toxicity even while I feel hatred now toward him. He has hurt me so badly. I just want him to make it right. I gave no access to him either & he vanished. How does one get thru this!??????

7:50 PM  

No contact is the only way to survive these evil,awful animals. I wish u all the best of luck,if u made it this far,do not look back. These types of people will suck u dry till there is nothing left. And they won't feel any thing doing so.

9:49 PM  

I am currently trying to stay away from 'him'. it's so difficult though and the fact that its difficult is so embarrassing because of I know what he has done to me.

I am fully aware of all the evil and deception... I even fully believe that he injected me with HIV virus to get back at me for something I did not even do. There is no other way I could have come into contact with the virus and he is HIV negative...

How can it be difficult to stay away from him... how lonely must I be??

2:43 AM  

This is in response to the 10:00 am comment. Found a great article that talks about the abuse you've endured and the self-sacrificing we tend to do as Christian women and the reason we are put into this position. The title of the article is "Submission Tyranny, in Church and Society The Belief That Begets Domestic Violence" and I linked there from Waneta Dawn's website. The part of the article that reminds me of your comment is "Sunday, October 18, 2009
Authors: Fireproof intended for ALL Marriages, Not Just Abusive Ones." It makes some great points.

Would also like to say that one of your brethren is praying for you and that nothing you're going through is hidden from God. He can handle it all and loves you.

11:09 PM  

I met my sociopath ex six years ago. I was only 26, he was 38. He swept me off my feet like he was the night in shining armor there to rescue me. I had never felt so alive, beautiful, desired. It was a whirlwind romance full of passion and excitment. About a year into the relationship, I found him in jail facing rape charges on for a 21 year old girl. I was so in love with him that I couldn't leave him. The next five years I spent enduring physical, emotional and sexual abuse. Each day more isolated, each day weaker and weaker. Every now and then he gave me a glimpse of the man I initially fell in love with. I spent years of my life under his thumb hoping if I just did what he needed, that man I fell in love with would return. Well, that man did return.. But not to me. He once again is the artificial charming romantic he once was as he has met his next victim. A 22 year old girl. He is 43 now. After all the pain and trauma I endured for his "love" I was left cold with him having cut all ties as if I never existed. I pray she has more strength than I did. Sociopaths are preditors. Nothing less.

3:22 PM  

I never thought I would be faced with a man like this. I can remember my Dad telling me very early on the man I have been seeing for a year now is a psychopath. I am 43 years old and I thought he was just different and misunderstood! I thought I was the only one who could understand his strange and twisted mind. I convinced myself he needed me! I remember I said to my Dad that I would tell him if it ever got to the point that I wasn't in control. Oh how I wish I could go back and change things. What was I thinking? I can now officially say it is out of control and I am not the same person nor will I ever be.

If I could help one person and say walk away from anyone you suspect to be a narcissist or psychopath, RUN! I read the same advice and I ignored it.

These men do not love. They take and belittle and ruin and trash and discard. They only love themselves. They are evil.

In the beginning the relationship was wonderful! He was so romantic and he was a perfect gentleman, never pressuring me but allowing me all the time I needed before we had any intimacy. We actually waited four months. He was so attentive and like no other man I had ever met. It was unbelievable really. Then as soon as he knew i was in love with him (not before he told me was deeply in love with me and couldn't love without me!) he pulled away and that was it! He withheld all sex, kissing, holding, touching. Everything....just nothing. He was just a shell. It was as if his soul and life had been sucked from him. I continued for months to try and reach him. I begged and pleaded for something. If I tried to kiss him he would turn his head and say "no". I could not for the life of me figure out what had happened to my perfect relationship with the love of my life! We eventually broke up and after a while of no contact (my punishment) he finally started inching his way back in to my life. Of course the sex was wonderful again and the kisses were long and passionate. He would hold me and squeeze me tight like he had not seen me in a year. then guess quickly as it started he withheld all affection again. All I can say is confusion does not even begin to describe the emotion I felt.

I am currently in a no contact period...but only because he got mad and hung up on I am going to really try to move on this time! If he would just leave me alone I could go on about my life. As many of you know, one phone call and I would be putty in his hand. He knows this too well. I ask myself what is wrong with me? How can I allow a man to emotionally and verbally abuse me? I actually divorced my ex husband after 17 years of marriage for physical abuse. I always laugh and say at least I knew where I stood with him! This is SOOO much worse then ever being physically hit. I just hope I can survive this one!

6:44 PM  


6:30 AM  

I`ve been involved in relationship with psychopath during three years. 6 months ago I interrupted the relationship. It was constant suffering, constant emotional and verbal abuse and although I am a psychologist he had managed to catch me in his cage. He was using his system of logic to make me guilty in whatsoever he did. He had other girls involved in his pathological relationship. I`ve managed to escape, but still I feel addiction to him. I know it`s abnormal, I struggle. I think, main instrument for not being in an abusive relationship with psychopath is reducing defeating personality symptoms in victim and realizing the cue to psychopath personality.

8:49 AM  

I am a female and met a man online about a year ago.He was very cold hearted and emotionally abusive from the start.I never knew anything about psychopaths but I let him move on because he was trying to corner me.I started looking up abusive behaviors online and found out he had the symptoms of a psychopath.He was trying to lure me into Florida.He wouldn't answer no questions and he emailed me two dark photos of himself with sunglasses on so I couldn't see his eyes.When I asked him for a full body picture he refused and got emotionally abusive.I have been researching everything I can find on psychopathic behavior.I did speak with him on the phone and he seemed so sweet but he was very abusive in his emails and he was very intelligent but he could not connect to my way of thinking.He was very self centered.

1:38 PM  

To the 10 am comment.You say you are a Godly woman.You are right.Only God can help a man that sick.But would you live with the devil?Let God help that sick man and you move on and stay the Godly woman that you are before he destroys you.

2:11 PM  

I met my partner when I was 19yrs old and he was 28 during the last 10yrs I have always supported him even after me finding out he had infected me with the HIV virus. The last 3 yrs I have been enduring his verbal and physical abuse daily. I was raised in Christians values and teachings, so many times I forgive to who hurt me. However, I have asked God many times for guidence, but no one even notice my cry for help. Maybe the Lord does not love me anymore even though God is and will always be in my heart. I attempted to kill myself twice, but the thought of my brother's death in 2010 and the difficult time my parents experience stops me. I keep think of them right before I slit my wrist or jump of a bridge. My partner's constant insults and physical abuse has made me lose the will to live and often feel worthless. Because of your kind soothing words about God seing everything and still has love for us. I did not succeded in my third attemp to end life and suffering. Thank you, and God bless you.

10:18 AM  

How do you know he infected you with the HIV Virus, is this from the same comment above that he is HIV negative and you are positive? Just trying to wrap my head around it. I was with a psychopath momentarily but got out it still a little addicting but am getting better about it everyday. Was he doctor or something. The one I was seeing was a dentist and I was just afraid of the same thing. Thanks

12:03 PM  

I guess the reason I'm reading this is because I have a cousin who fits the mold, or description of a Psychopath. I'm not a victim and he had nothing to gain from my visit, but he was nice and funny and gave me a gift, while I stayed at his house. I don't know why he gave me so much attention.

3:23 AM  

(The same commenter about the cousin). Maybe he knew (it's a well known fact in my family) that I'm supposed to inherit some money and property. And supposedly Psychopaths are drawn to eccentric types, but I don't know if that's true.

3:40 AM  

As Judge Judy would say "Bingo! That sounds about right...!" I'm still stuck with my stranger.. the cute sweet one... WHERE IS HE??

9:04 AM  


10:46 AM  

I would bring this post to a (your?) therapist... It seems like you have more to say, maybe a better setting like a therapists office would help? Otherwise, somethings not adding up...

11:03 AM  

I have been involved with a psychopath for 2 years. Only last week did I identify that he is indeed a psychopath. He was so charming witty and played to my every emotional need that I did not consider that he may be a deviant. As time went by and I witnessed his temper and how he used others I began to question his true character. Then I began to note the high drama that surrounds him and the stories that dont match up. I helped him secure a higher paying job in our organization and within 5 days he began distancing himself from me emotionally. I feel both used and naive.

12:44 PM  

"What he used to do behind her back he does openly, before her eyes. What’s more, since psychopaths are sadists, he relishes seeing her suffer from a combination of jealousy, wounded pride and helpless love." OMG, this is so spot-on. He did it right in front of my eyes...and then gaslighted me and told me I was "crazy." Sadistic isn't even the word for what these empty shells of human beings are.

7:11 PM  

Dear Claudia and every single person who helped me through the darkest patch..I would like to share my story but it is so full of incidents that I can only highlight,for a lack of a better word,some incidents. The day after I met him he started commenting on my breasts(which incidently are my best physical natural attribute) Immediately I started feeling insecure which is exactly what he wanted. After that,being in a long distance relationship with him that was filled with non-stop over the top communication,glib flattery and schoolboy innocence,a darker side appeared.He slowly started conditioning me with tales of his sordid past. I would gasp in surprise at gay experiences, threesomes,prostitutes,stripshows drug induced sex fuck buddies(pardon the language). He made it all sound so normal..his male friend who tried to give him a blow job..he made me feel so old fashioned..Our relationship eventually deteriorated to me having to give him oral sex every time,me doing all the foreplay which made me feel like a cheap slut,him calling me a nymphomaniac and he is just supplying my needs. He stopped kissing me touching me except during sex. He started calling me needy suspicious insecure. I found other womens sanitary towels,stockings,sjampoo. He said I was paranoid. He called me dumb,lazy,stupid. I tended to his every whim day and night when he visited. The smallest thing would spark a rage. He acted so loud in public with such a short fuse in the supermarket that I just stayed indoors with him to avoid the humiliation. There it was a bombardment of demands which started early morning and ended late at night. If I looked non-chirpy in ANY way he would ask "And the long face?" I am regarded attractive by others but I developed such low self-esteem that despite the fact that I have achieved certain things in life I have no self-confidence. Everything that he said in the moments he lied to me and I believed him,everything that made me feel so loved(my last girlfriend on earth,most beautiful..I am in love with you and want to walk with you till the end..blah blah blah..)it was non-stop but inbetween were these insults that nearly took my breath away and confused me,harmed me,made me weak. I discovered after a year of being with him that he took meds for Genital Herpes. I asked him why he didn't reveal this to me seeing to the fact that I asked him for an Aids certificate which he brought before we became intimate. He said his other girlfriends had no problem with it and he couldn't pass it on on seeing to the fact that he is on medication. I also established that he does not suffer from depression but is a diagnosed Bi-polar..which explains the bizarre experiences I had with him..sometimes feeling that he could just push me off a cliff..He forced me to climb mountains..even whilst I was crying with fear..he would get an erection if he saw me cry. He would forever by involved in criminal and illegal activities although he is a highly educated genius coming from a very respectable family. He would fake everything that is fakeable and I mostly wondered where his boundaries were. I soon enough found out..he had one night stands which he told me he has no clue why it upset me so because it was just a step up from masturbation..women he picked up in sportsbars and had unprotected sex with whilst knowing that he has Gential Herpes..posting me pics with love of him and I together an hour later. The lying the cheating the criminal tendencies. The list goes on and on. He is a very attractive outdoors man...he is a danger to every woman alive. I fell for him and he destroyed my dreams. He is bringing some of my stuff back heart longs for the lies..I won't be here..It is a discipline to see in in a clinical light..that's the only way to escape the romantic lies and the heartache of the gaslighting campaign he is now running against me. That "lovers" drift apart and that's the way "love" goes

1:47 AM  

That just described my previous relationship to a T
I feel much better now about being single right now. It did hurt. It does hurt. I will find a good man one day when the time is right.

7:26 PM  

Omg. On my first physical meeting with my now husband but we are separated and I'm filing for divorce and his fighting for contact with our two year old, he said to me have you ever considered having a boob job. I was heavily heavily depressed when I met him (the perfect victim) but I just laughed it of as my DDs had never been an issue to me. Later it became such a big issue to me and I'm scared for life regaring my bust. Due to childbirth and stress I have lost so much weight that my boobs are near on existent and just saggy bits of skin. He told me how he had behaved towards his ex how he cheated on her. Would text other women whilst she was laying next to him in bed. How he had two phones for Communication with all the other women. How he had abused drink and drugs. How he assaulted her and came and went as he pleased and wooing her back just for sex only to leave shortly after. How he got arrested for possessing knives in the street. Criminal damage. Common assault. Selling drugs and leaving his ex to pay back the money he had bullied her into borrowing. Paying for his mates to get a blow job at the local brothel and how he didn't have one because he was embarrassed but two years later admitted to me that he also had paid and received one and went into great details about the place, telling me how it all works. A pass codes on the door etc. How he chose who he wanted to perform this act on him and even told me she was Russian. He could see the hurt in my face but continued almost getting a kick out of it. How when we first met he was a women's dream come true. My knight in shining armour. My soulmate. My life. My everything. God did he condition me. He lived off me financially and got me into debt and him telling me it was my problem not his. He has never paid a penny of it back. I'm now blacklisted for the first time in my life. Basically everything he told me he had done to his ex in the past that he assured he would never do to me because we were real and his relationship to her was fake and meant nothing he was now doing to me. I do find it strange now also as to why did he keep asking me how much did I trust him that might I add never reached 100% because I had been hurt before. He wanted me to have his child two months into our relationship. We spent 24 hours a day together. He didnf work. I loved the attention he gave me. I was addicted to him. Couldn't believe my luck. I had finally met my match. How wrong was I. He was so good at mimicking me that we were so alike. What an ar*ehole. I'm such an honest loving caring giving person and he used and abused me only to satisfy his own needs and left me totally destroyed. He sucked the life out of me. I really find it hard to understand how another human being can be so cruel. I'm left picking up the pieces of my life and trying for stay strong for my children. It's so hard. I'm only weeks into the separation where there is zero contact although he only lives round the corner. I can't even start to explain how I'm feeling and the effect this has had on me. I feel so alone.

5:43 AM  

I am on day 50. I am humilated and broken. I am terrified of my psychopath. He treated me so badly. Yet he said he loved me. We lived together and he kicked me out on a regular basis with no notice at all. I would beg him not to do this. Then he would let me come home and act like nothing happened. He belittled me to others. I thought I was going insane. The infidelity was so profound. Yet I believed him when he told me he had been with no one else sexually. We had sex 3-4 times a day. He said I was the best he ever had. Why would I believe that he was sexually involved with anyone else. He took other woman to dinner some of them were so unattractive. But swore nothing else was going on. He blamed anything and everything on me. He tried to make others think I was crazy. He would never answer text or the phone while I worked. Then when I would call and text he would accuse me of being over the edge with trying to contact him even though we were living together. He constantly said I love u but I am not in love with u. He asked me to marry him and gave me a beautiful ring. Broke the engagement constantly just to kiss my ring and take it all back. Then he would say I was the love of his life. He tried to drug me and make me appear suicidal by having his daughter take me to my office impaired. I have very little memory of that night. I keep seeing his son on top of me. His son is a psychopath and just ad evil. He ( son) spent 11 years in prison. I dont know what all was done to me that night but it was profound. This happened after I moved out. He and his daughter came over however whatever they gave me I do not remember any of it clearly. I think his son was there to. They took me to work filthy ( I am a doctor). My hair uncombed. Not coherent. They dropped me off and did not even come in to tell anyone they brought me. By the grace of god I was able to tell them who brought me. Just his daughter brought me. She said she came over because I called her. She said when she got there she thought I was dead. That I had flies coming out of my mouth. Yet she never called 911. They put up stickers of butterflies on my patio door which I found the next day. By the way there was never s phone call made to her by me at all.
Come to find out my fiAnce had been text messaging his ex the whole time we lived together. He told her that he lived alone. Told her he wanted to marry her in June told me in july was to he our wedding date. She finally dtRted to text him back after he had been texting her for over a yeAr. She agreed to be his friend. He stepped it up with her and completely denied my existence. He needed me gone right away without a trace. It was the only wY he could have pulled the lies off with her. He wanted revenge with her. First of all she took his credit card and charged 1000o dollars when they broke up. She left him. She got restraint order as he was stAlking her big time.
She and I met by the grace of god. She pulled me out and has been my rock. Neither of us will ever talk or have any contact with him again. But I am still so broken. She has been away from him for 21/2 years. She never had any intention of going back. Just thought maybe she could be his friend. We clearly saved each others life. I don't have any desire to date sY all. There is so much more to the story.

1:13 PM  

Everyone's account seems so similar! I, too, am so thankful for the information I discovered on these various websites that speak about these festering parasitic leeches that slime their way through our communities. I had been love bombed by a cheating, lying, manipulative narcissistic goofball whose game could match any of these other descriptions in this comment section.

These psychopaths are thankfully textbook and follow the same pattern making them easier to identify. These predators are such a problem for so many otherwise good people in our communities that we must take back our lives from their control, avoid their psychopathic stare at all cost, cut them off from contact that allows them any toehold in our lives and be ever vigilant as we maintain our ground and protect ourselves from their deceptive, weaseling ways that they employ in order to fool us once again.
I had it done to me. He did the gaslighting, the crazy making, the telling everyone I was crazy and having them ganging up on me, the "psycho bitch", when it was him and his toadys conspiring to rob and kill me and my son. It was sheer hell but thankfully, with sincere prayers of anguished requests to the deity to give me the way to first, discover and then, rip open the fakery in the spath's clever ruse, I was able to discover the most sordid collection of secret life bull puckey that I could imagine! I could actually never have imagined how truly horrible it turned out to be. I was speechless for two weeks. Then I started to talk about it to a few trusted friends. The spath's friends. And mine, more or less.
My one closer friend told me to gtfo!! And never ever go back. ( he makes horror movies and so recognized immediately that the goofball was a severely dangerous problematic character) the other guy was an introduction by the spath, so was less likely to side with me. But whatever. I don't care if anyone "likes" me. I'm not playing popularity contest games with ego maniacs. I'm just trying to raise my children and be a good person and conduct my business without some *bloodsucker sex addict drag on society walking social blight* guy trying to get in my face and schmooze me into believing his palava one more time.
Cutting them out of your life is your ticket back to joyful living. Keeping the vigilant effort of getting the information about these subhumans out into the community is the best possible way to help others who are being fooled right now by these losers. As other confused women-- and a few men who've been hit by the female brand of spath--find the information they need to explain the horrible abuse they are experiencing, then they become empowered with the knowledge necessary to extract themselves from the predatory psychopathic suckholes who prey upon kind hearted and compassionate people.

8:37 AM  

My psychopath is a "cyberpath". I knew him casually for quite some time before he had gathered enough information with regard to my vulnerabilities. Then he moved in for "the kill".
I was completely taken by his love bombing. I have never felt so pretty or desirable or fun in my entire life. I should have questioned his odd (very inappropriate) behavior but it felt so good to be appreciated.
Thankfully this "relationship" lasted for a very short time before he got bored and to the discard stage. Miserably, I am hurt, my husband has moved out and I actually miss the excitement of the psychopath. I am so bitterly ashamed of my behavior with him. I started thinking very early on that he may be The Devil - but ignored my own gut. I had no idea that these people were out there or how badly (and quickly) they can destroy lives.

1:42 PM  

I was in a three year relationship with one. Two months out, I am starting to feel better. I have been doing a lot of reading to learn why I was open to this person in the first place. Connecting the dots and being very honest, my ex is exactly like my mother. I am trauma bonded to him. I have the need to see the best in people who are cruel and abusive because I needed to see my mother as good. The most intense bonds are ones that involve intermittent abuse mixed with promises, hopes, kindness, and tenderness. The abuse creates the intensity; the tenderness allows the fantasy to flourish. Attachment is also intensified by the false feeling of intimacy that occurs when you are abused by someone you love—there is the “high” of the crisis, the euphoria of reconciliation, and the amnesia that follows. If the fantasy starts to unravel or wane, another crisis situation will occur to reinvigorate the fantasy, stories, and promises. After each cycle the trauma bond deepens. My ex cheated not only with women, but with men too. He said it wasn't cheating because the hook-ups meant nothing to him. He has no ability to feel the pain he inflicts upon others, yet enjoys the suffering. DO NOT LET YOUR PSYCH KNOW YOU ARE SAD! Instead say breaking up was the right thing to do. I wish you well, bye! Then move on and NEVER EVERLook back!

11:46 AM  

my ex is not only like this, but also a pedophile. he would often make me pretend i was a young child often his "daughter" it was the only time he was able to maintain an erection. i was with him sadly for too many years. it has affected my new relationships vastly as i find myself needing to cling to my new bfs and needing to feel loved and beautiful. i have such shame and for allowing this sexual abuse to go on. I call it sexual abuse because it was demeaning me morally and sexually. it got to the point where it was the only way that i felt I was a sexual being to pretend to be that age. god it disgusts me. But God gave me a way to escape all the abuse and this psychopath. now I am with the love of my life who knows what I went through and accepts me baggage and all. it does frustrate him however that my reactions to him and mirrored to the way i had been conditioned. i am so thankful that i am not alone in this and that i am not crazy.

9:33 PM  

7 months ago I meet a nice and charming man on a dating site. He is from Algeria and I am from Denmark. He want visum to Denmark. We talked nic and long time. After 3 days, he asked me to go to Sweden with him, easier for him to get visum. I said yes, should have known better. On our number 2 date he said he loved me, and wanted to marry me. And then he had made plans for my apartment, I own my apartment. I was stunned, but went along with it. Again I should have run away. Every morning I got much sms'es from him, telling me how much he loved me, that I was everything for him, that he could not live without me and so on. The same happened in the evening. That went on for 4 months, meanwhile we saw each other every 3 or 4 weeks, not normal when we live in the same country, only 4 hours between us with train. Well, all time he wanted me to sell apartment and get pregnant, I agreed, but somehow my brain must have been clever than my heart. 2 months ago things changed, he was with me and on the same say he broke up with me 2 times. After that, he has been very evil to me, stopped all his living sms'es, he now call me liar and whore. 3 weeks ago I had to call police, he threatned me with coming to my city and beating me. Where was the man that I loved. The last 7 weeks have been living hell. Every day bad sms'es, no more I loves you and other nice things. I know it is because I was to clever for him, that I did not sell my apartment and got pregnant. Friday 28 june, he manipulated me to sendig him 200 dollars, so he could come to my birthday, I stood in train station for 2 hours, he never came, day after I got a sms, saying that 200 dollars was for my engagement ring. Sunday 30 june, got 2 sms'es, he was going to Belgium, and said goodbye liar to me. It has now been 3 days now, I can't sleep and think. I only think of him and the loving man he was the first 4 months. I think now that I have been with a psychopath. I have been stupid and send him sms'es yesterday and today. He closes his mobile, but turns it on but never answer me, I think he is punishing me. I know I have been manipulated but I also know that I maybe have been stronger than he expected and that is why he has moved on, I am just afraid that he might not stop writing to me. He broke my heart.

4:18 PM  

I wonder, not every day now, but often... when I will ever be ok again. It's nice to find this page, and feel..not so terribly alone and broken.
Thank you for sharing

9:52 PM  

I dont know how r what to do in my life I married one for nine mths he put his hands on me the first time I said no to him not once in the whole.nine mths did I see that comin and I was hidin from him for three days had the only person I knew to call which was a male.friend of his get me out of the woods three days and he killed hiself and told me it would be all on me in,a text just mins before he passed well seven mths later I was in a one room house for mths no one came by r anything I lived with the man that picked me up felll head over hells in sick love waitin alo.g for him to come home day inday out hot and cold mean at times and he goes to jail now he wants me to be his wife where did thst come from

10:08 AM  

What can I do to get him out of my head I am in love with him ..i need help I have no one

10:10 AM  

Plenty of women are psychopaths not just men.

10:06 AM  

An excellent psychotherapist told me once that church pews are full of young women who have never developed a strong sense of self. He said that all the talk of dying tothe self is fine if and when YOU choose to sacrifice yourself for another/others. However, you have to have developed a self first that you can then sacrifice. Keep away from churches that do not value women with a strong sense of self. Watch out and guard yourself from overly religious males who insist on submission. Guard yourself and your children against people who are witnessed to and who show up in church for a few Sunday sermons. You don't know them or their background. Don't be so naieve. Churches/religious groups are perfect hunting ground for the psychopath.

9:32 PM  

I have gone through the same for over 15 years. My stbx has had relationships with many, many, many other women since day one. He is a bottomless pit and needs attention from women all day every day. I have tried to ignore, repair, nearly killed myself and more to correct our marriage and save my family...he isn't interested and becomes immediately screaming loud and physically abusive if I attempt to discuss anything about our relationship. He uses the children as a shield and has verbally abused me to the point of my own children having issues and not respecting or loving or even listening to me and he continues to do so.

I was angry, hurt, than hateful and yet still deeply in love just a year its gone. I am afraid for my life as I have been beaten so badly Ive even had my eardrum perforated several months ago. If he would come home today and admit his true lifestyle and be remorseful, I could not do it. Although I wanted that for years I suddenly have absolutely ZERO left for him. I am being peaceful as possible and no longer love him, nor feel hurt or jealous of the many others nor want apologies. I want out. I will be out soon, he doesn't know this as I fear him. I feel sorry for him, he has no emotional intimacy with me and I doubt the others. He cannot be intimate and honest because he isn't capable. He also, tried to make me look crazy and it worked. It will not work again, everyone knows the truth. I cannot wait to live in a house without his belittling, criticism and nonstop abuse and control. I cannot wait to be free and independent and intimate with other people. I too have been controlled with money for years, going with nothing at all and having to rely on the state while he hides hides hides his true lifestyle, money, relationships, even his career details. I can't belive I wasted so many years believing I was in love with someone who cares nothing about me and will very quickly remarry with no second thought of me. If only I knew then.

I hope all women stay strong and realize what you are feeling is not love. He doesn't love you, you are nothing to him...

1:23 PM  

I have been going over the emotional trauma in my head over and over again and what my abuser did to me .. its makeing me crazy .. what do i do !! ?

9:48 PM  

I am have been involved with some one who I now think might have be a psychopath... let me run this through and please post your reply.
we had been together for 7 years they had a child from a previous marriage. we started talking and from the first night I looked into this persons eyes I saw that they were dilated. I asked do you drug they said no. I later asked take medication they replied yes bipolar... ok so they seemed nice anyways so we began to live together. I was accused of cheating multiple times later soon after that they started following me places and would tell me that I had to come home with them now I had now where lese to go so I complied. they then started to hit me when and call me names... then when I started to fight back they would blame me for the fight and they once called the police after hitting me and I got arrested I didn't say anything cause this person had a medical license and I did not want them to loose it for the child there was a protection order put in place. I was allowed for my good behavior to be a trustee within days. Then a visitor came... it was them. they stated they were sorry and wanted to make it right. I was let out to await trial with no bail because I was not threat. They left the state and would not testify to the case I was set free and cleared of all charges and protection order was dropped. they returned to the state and wanted to have a child ...stated to keep us together always. I was so blind. were got married 4 months later. they wanted to move to the state they came from to be closer to family mine was in one that we lived. I complied because the area was better for the new child where as the town presently in was rattled with crime. Things were good for a while.. I later learned that they had been married 2 times before. during the marriage fights broke out they would throw things yell and be little me. I made half what they did and was far from home and had a child together I was trapped no way out I sated I wanted a divorce. I came home and was drinking some one came over and said that said they stated I get violent I stated "you want to see violence wait until there other person gets home " this person did not know of the other persons violence that I keep secret" the other person left the state with my children and filed for divorce before I could I week later when there protection order was denied they returned with the children and said that they were sorry three years went by yelling money coming up missing out of the accounts and then a trip to see the in-laws for Christmas I protested because they treated me like crap two mother earlier they had stated they would not even pry for my father who was dying of cancer... he died 1 month later. the person said that I had promised and told me if I became uncomfortable we could leave. 20min into the 2 hour trip I stated that I wanted to turn around and go home they would not comply I was trapped again once there I left on foot the person tracked me down 5 or so blocks away and told me to return though the house because it was cold and I had no where to go this was a small town less then 3,000 people in the middle of no where. I complied once I waited two house before I could not take it any more I packed my bags and set them inside the truck and they went to get the kids placed them in to the truck where they went in to grab the Christmas gifts they persons father came out where I was waiting by the truck and protested the children and us leaving words be came shouts all I wanted to do was get away I was then attracted by my ex spouse then a brother in-law why the police showed up I was arrested the truth to protect the persons medical license was twisted and now I was put out to be the aggressor. I am I crazy or are the I am a male let me now

1:05 AM  

I split with my controlling, domineering & psychopathic partner 8 months ago after taking a police protective order on him as he was violent & cruel to my eldest son & I. I changed my mobile number but he still rings my work a minimum of 5 times a day. Does a hang up if my colleagues answer. As he owes me a settlement, he knows this & uses it to make me listen but then the verbal abuse & demoralizing continues. He's a pathological liar due to heavy drug use & I wish he would stop contacting me

7:16 AM  

I lost my mother in 2010. sInce she became I'll, I had some dealings with my off the chart brother. My daughter stated when she was 12, that she thought her uncle was a rapist and killed women. I was appalled by her statements. I have now for several years dealt with a very scary situation. I now. Realize how my submissive. Side and loyalty has been abused and how much in denial I was. As a small child He punched. Me constantly, and usually the the crap beat out of Him by my mom, who was a single parent at that time. He then began punching me in the stomach, until she put me in the tub and saw I was bleeding. I never told. He never ever told. Usually His twin brother rattled him out, upon the wrath of Mom. Later we moved to the country, a small town. I love animals, and He would constantly and repeatedly do very cruel things to them. But still He was my brother, and I knew that He was hard to love, but I still did. Other encounters as a teen, that I won't go into. He joined the military and I had few dealings with Him. He married and we had few encounters. His now ex told me that she was forbidden to make eye contact with me and he told her not to talk to me, don't even look at her. We became friends after their divorce. He now stalks me, shows up at places unrelated to him. Has for no apparent reason a extreme jealousy towards me and my daughter. I am early 50s, so It is so ridiculous. There has been a series of events that have happened, that I firmly believe he has tried to kill me. He told someone recent that he will see. That I am dead or destroyed and that is his mission. Healsostated that he wants. To see me go to jail and he will be. Elated. Unfortunately they, my brothers are my business partners who have trashed the properties, and not paid a penny of taxes, notto mention the damage they have done. Though only one brother is a psychopath, his twin is totally loyal to him. Submissive, beyond the word. He. Is a very laid back personality that asks very little from life than to work, fish, spend time with his animals. I have been accussed by the. Submissive brother of stealing fishing gear, yea I said it out loud, in a police report. They caught the thieves and recovered his gear.then a gun from his wife's car, they recovered and caught the thieves. And then he told police I stole his mailbox. With a bass wrap! He is His brothers victim. he is too controlled to see the light of day! I believe my mother saw this my brothers whole life, and really didn't know how to handle it. By the way the narcissistic brother is good looking, charming, intelligent, retired at 52 from Air traffic control. hardworking, articulate, an overachiever with a 4 wheel drive, 2 boats, 3 motorcycles and 2 mini coopers.I have often wondered if I should go to counciling to know what is next!I fear for my life with good reason.

9:56 AM  

I have been in a relationship like this for the past 3 years. The difference is it was never physical. We had a spiritual/psychic relationship. He psychiclly attacked me and used metaphysical attributes, thought and mind control. He energetically corded us. It has been a nightmare for the past 3 years and finally getting control over the situation. He still stalks me via all my electronic devices and social networking... He is a energy vampire. I'm looking forward now to putting this all behind me now and moving forward in my life. Thank God our relationship never became physical and I hope to never see him again in my lifetime.

6:41 PM  

Hi. Thanks for all the comments and shared pain. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I have loved him more than any other man. We have travelled a rocky road. Before I met him, he did 10 years jail time. During the time I was with him he was in and out of trouble, but always declared undying love. We had good times. I was happy just to be with him, but over time I was in and out of hospital for physical abuse. It was always over some misunderstanding or another. Eventually I losy my job too and my house. I escaped numerous times, but we always got back together again. Last week, after an incident, he chased me away in a fit of rage. He pulled out a knife on my. I ran. He let me go for my safety. As he said, if he wanted to hurt me he would have. He only kicked me against my heaf softly (doesnt remember that though). We were on holiday. I climbed into my car and went back to the guest house we were staying in, packed my stuff and left one thousand rands on the bed so that he could get back home. I drove 1400km to get away. Now I am in a strange place without friends or family and must start again. I am 45. At least still have some money left in my bank account to start over. He's been calling now telling me that when he arrived back at the guest house he took some of the money and went drinking and the rest was stolen from his room and he can't get back home. Now he says the phone I lent him has also been stolen, the next day. He keeps calling asking me to send money so that he can get home. He needs to appear in court for a reckless driving charge soon. Please can I send money. The thing is, during the time I have known him so much has been stolen from me by his friends and children from his ex. I can't tell you all the things I have been through. Why do I still cry? I feel hollow inside. I feel bad about his dilemma, but I have turned my phone off. I see the wonderful charismatic charming and exciting person, but what about the monster? I think the no contact rule is essential to break this toxic bond. He can tell everyone how bad I am, but it's no longer worth trying to defend myself. These people are very convincing. I think he believes his own lies. I need to be strong, but it's not easy when your emotions have been ruling logic. He said he wanted to change and control his violent temper. He promised he wouldn't hit me again, but there are other ways of hurting someone. I was a strong person, now I feel broken and sad. I think time and space will help. I feel guilty that he now has to find his own way home, but he's a cruel parasite and I need to break free if I want a normal life.

1:27 AM  

I am in a relationship with a Psychopath. I am reading many many things about this person. The thing that bothers me a lot though is everywhere I am reading is about how a man is the psychopath. I am a man and the woman I am dating is a psychopath.

Why is every single article or quote I read about a man being psychopathic?

10:58 AM  

Im sorry you're going thru this.Maybe God Iis doinf for you what you cant do for yourself; however, I know you feel heartbroken. The description you gave about being devoured, devalued, and all else is exactly how I feel. He for the 1st threatened to leave me and said that when he does, he will disappear. Why am I still with him him? I really am stupid. He has some kind of hold of me. He is so cruel and I am never worthy of an apology, let alone an opinion.

4:49 AM  

Yes, the emotion beatings are worse than the physical. It is amazing to hear from so many victims going thru the exact same thing as me. His passionate kisses and unselfishness lovemaking lured me in. The cruelty and lies have progressively gotten worse; however, he still dishes out the passion. I am making plans to leave soon, but I cant let him in on it. I too have to completely leave him because I can easily become putty in his hand. I am an emotional mess and staying longer qill only make things worse for me. I could see his evil smile when im sobbing or become confused during or after a verbal beating. He is tearing me down. I am empry. Just a shell with no voice ir worth.

5:04 AM  

He may not be capable of loving me, but he sure loves himelf to the fullest. If I loved myself even a fraction of how he loves himself, I wouldn't put up with his abuse.

6:35 PM  

I hate that I let him into my life so quickly and complerely. It was so out of charecter for me. You hit the nail on the head saying they prey on the kind-hearted and I will add "vulnerable" to it. This weakness of mine made me the perfect victim. He tells me I was stupid from day one. He also twists things and makes me look like the crazy one tp his family. I have been ganged up on, too. I am thankful for one thing, which will only help me when it comes time to leave - his pride. He will probably make it a point to totally ignore me. When I extended a 1 day trip to 3 days, thats exactly what he did (he ignored the fact that his physical abuse kept me away). The physical abuse stopped. But the verbal was doubled. I am thankful for the various websites that address this. Their tactics and actions are textbook. W/o this information, I would have just resigned mysrlf to the untrue fact that I was crazy and only he could put up wiith me. I know I could do better- even spending my lifetime alone will be better. I am not a bad looking lady, I am educated (which he makes fun of), but bhere I am, being humiliated and called every name In the book. I feel like a dog with its tail between its legs. Why? Why cant I love myself more than that?

2:23 AM  

Yes It is sad, that there is not more public knowldege and campains to inform people of the dangers of psychopaths.

I had been young and naive, and i am a male and another male tricked me into me trying to defend himself against his sick and false accusations. He did a lot of harm to my family, to my mother, to my father, who is dead now. I am just sad, that my life in which i had suffered a lot and then it has improved with my hard work, dedication and faith in better future was attacked by this psychopath. I cant say how sick some people can be, and i didnt do nobody no harm, i just wanted to have my own life, be happy mary a nice girl. He was trying to turn everytthing on me, manipulating, speaking evil words, publicly offending me,... such evil, and sickness. How can some people be like that, why dont they leave people in peace and mind their own bussiness? Why they dont understand no. Now after more then one year, i am still having occasionally doubts about myself.I think he is a psychopath, but he said that i am and publicly lied, such evil from him. I knew who i were before completelly, but then i have some doubts from time to time, and sometime i feel such emotins i have never felt before he was insulting me, he was raging at me, humiliating, he has 2 face and is total sadist in my opinion, like Hitler. I think i havent defended myself enough.

Now i even have problems with women, which i havent had before in such a scale. That makes me even more sad, since i desire a nice girl to be happy with and then this psycho came and started turning his projections on me.
SOmetimes thoughts what he said still show in my mind, its so terrible, i just want to move on and i hope that person wont get near me never again or i wont hear or read his texts ever.

I am just so sad, that such people exist, thats why is so important that you people protect yourself and your lives against such people.

1:21 PM  

Hi I need help I went out withhold guy for the first time he gave me a ring and told to hold it til we go out again and so I don't go out with anyone else should I be worried

4:51 PM  

Ok so where do I start…………it was the end of the July and my girlfriend went to visit her “family”. She came home that morning and said we need to talk. I said about what (through texts and I am at work). She said nothing we will talk later. Now after someone tells you that you have to know something is up. She finally broke up with me through text. Ileft to go home to work and she started blaming things like not leaving the shower door open when showering because it was “growing mold” So anyways I finally found out the truth. She left me for the girl that she had been “best friends “ with for 15 years. She then kicked out and moved in the girl within 2 weeks. Who moves that quickly? It hurts so much.

11:52 AM  

Help!!! I believe that I am being stalked by my ex husband. At 1104 pm 4/3/2014 I was on my front porch smoking a cigarette when I see a vehicle driving up to my house, the vehicle was my exinlaws van they stopped 50 ft from my house when they saw me sitting on my porch. Stayed there for at least 1 minute then proceeded to creep past my house.
This is not the first time, every time my new husband and I move with our kids,some how my ex and his parents always seem to know where we live eeven though all our stuff is private. My ex husband was abusive to my children and i .
In April 2009 in Tennessee he got arrested with 2 felony charges of child abuse and 1 felony charge of aggravated assault. The safe shelter bought my children and I 1 way tickets to Utah were my mom lives when he got out of jail he traveled all the way to Utah to hunt me down.
I don't know what to do I cant get a restraining order cause he hasn't been caught with harming us where we are at now in Florida and I can't get a no trespassing order cause we live on a public road. Ive already been told that by both the Bonifay police department and Holmes county sheriffs dept. They only come around whenthey think my husband is gone.

1:55 AM  

Help I am in need of some advice. At 11:04 p.m. April 3rd 2014 I was outside on my front porch smoking a cigarette when I noticed a vehicle coming by the neighbors house, at first I thought either it was the neighbors or a cop car, since cops do random checks of our neighborhood, but when I seen the vehicle come around the corner I noticed it was my ex in laws vehicle I got up and proceeded to shut my front door when I noticed me they stopped 50 feet from my house. They waited there for at least a minute and they proceeded to creep by the front of my house. With it being late at night I don't know if it was my ex husband or my ex in laws driving.
This ain't the first time I haven't stopped by my ex's family, every time my current husband and I with our kids move they always seem to know where we live, and all of our information is private.
In April 2009 in Tennessee my ex husband was arrested on 2 felony charges of child abuse and 1 felony charge of aggravated assault. When he was arrested my children and I were taken to a women's shelter by police. the women shelter bought 1 way tickets for my children and I to Utah where my mother lives. When my ex husband got out of jail he proceeded to hunt me down in Utahafter traveling there from Tennessee.
I have tried to get protective orders/ injunctions, restraining orders and I have even looked into getting a no trespassing order. I have went to the police station and talk to the police station and also have gone to the courthouse as well as the sheriff's department here in Bonifay Florida. But I have got denied both an injunction as well as a restraining order since he has not been caught harming children or I here even though I have proof from the police department as well as the courthousefrom Tennessee where he harm my children and I. I have the police report and court documents to prove he done what he did. The only problem is when I moved to Utah the charges got dropped because there were no witnesses there to prosecute against him. I am unable to get a no trespassing orderagainst any of them since I live on a public road.
The only time they seem to try to stop by is when my husband is not home.
My question is what am I to do.I'm trying to move on I'm trying to make a better life for my children and I. my current husband is a wonderful man and I know he means well when he is wanting to try and protect us but I am afraid I don't want him getting hurt I want my children to get hurt.
Is it going to take something bad to happen to me or my family or all of us for something to be done. My ex husband had tried killing me several times when we were married. He has also threatened me that if I ever took the kids away from him that he would kill me.

2:30 AM  

Please help me my bf of 4 years is now on probation for 5 years for forceable oral sodomy on me n has served time for same charge on his first wife. He is facing charges on a 17 year old thart he hurt after she told me he tried to play with her boobs n said he would rape her if she told n he wants me to lie in court that he didnt hit her. Sence he got probation he has tied me up held me in my home to many times to count its my home he has never paid a bill n he is making me preform oral sex even when im screaming no he pulls my hair n I cant move in my kitchen saturday I tried to fight back for the 1st time he took me to the ground n put his fingers in my mouth I bit his thumb bad he got up n was flicking his blood on me n tak8ng pictures of me I was literally having a nervios break down. He later came in the room n said murder can u say murder your gonna die get ready were gonna play the shane game. There is to much to tell but I found this site n I am typing so fast. I think this describes him. I need help the police think im crazy for him being here I call them often when I can get away from him. I cant take the forceable oral stuff anymore. I am going to loose my mind. Help me what do I do

5:02 PM  

Thank You for sharing this. I thought I was making this up in my head. I thought why dont other people see he is wearing sheep ski. I sometimes would think I am literally married to the devil. When he is in jail I feel sorry for him, it is hard to say no.I'm in the middle of a cross road, I'm trying to leave him again, I can't bring myself to file for the much needed protection order. I dont want my boys to turn into monsters like him. I'm so confused but this will help me make the next step. Thank You.

1:40 PM  

Jackie Hughes. I was in the same situation. I filed for protection order and the police or law enforcement would not honor because "I Let him back into my life". They will not honor another one for me in that county. I am in the process of applying for another one. It has been a long 13 year marraige of hell, neglect, verbal and emotional abuse, cheating and lying. It's hard to explain the cops the abuse when it is not physical. I am sick an tired of being isolated. I said a prayer, asked for a miracle to remove him from my life and the same day he went to jail on an old warrant in a different state. I'm blessed to be able to view this site about psycho paths. I thought I was alone. Now I realize I am not. You might have to do what I am about to do. Move to a different state, and take on a new identity, which means changing your name and having the women shelter or who ever help you with the legal process of doing so. I too was stalked until I had to let him back in my life. It sucks, I am back at square one it seems like. Don't let yourself go 13 years or more of hell with this man. Get another protection order, demand it if you have to. Leave the state if you have to.

1:47 PM  

Wow all I can say is WOW!!! God bless you all and I hope we can find the strength to move on and survive such horrible experience. My situation is combination of all these stories. It was a whirlwind relationship the courtship was everything I wanted and needed, he wanted me as his girlfriend instantly, it took me while at least 6 months before I could admit he was my bf. Little did I know he was online dating websites the entire time, constant breakups, constant heartache, the yelling the name calling the accusations never ended just got worst and louder and hitting violently, he was a 6ft 3 man and I'm 5'5", drag me by the hair, the horrible memories. He used me for money claimed he hurt his back, but I'll tell you it was all a lie, he just wouldn't work always wanted me by his side, claiming that I was needy however when I was slightly late in his Psychopath mind I was cheating, I was afraid to do anything, I stop hanging with my friends and family, I stop shopping only to the grocery store as I paid for everything, he borrowed money and accuse me a living at his house so he's keeping it. It all recent only a month but the pain and memories are sooo present. I hope and pray that he will get his one day and that Karma will find him and show him how he almost destroyed me. I know I certainly don't want him in my life again, I know I have to continue one step at a time. Thanks god for friends and my children. I do find myself wanting to be alone to heal and reflect. And like others on this website he tried everything in his power to discredit me call me crazy and threaten to have me arrested for the one and only time I stood up for myself, it was bottled up for way to long, my 16 month nightmare is over and I need to myself once again. Before the Psychopath entered my life I was so so happy and enjoyed life, now I find I'm in a dome and need to get out.

5:41 PM  

I just got out of a relationship with a psychopath woman. We started talking on december, I already knew her because she used to date a friend of mine. That time I already knew about her reputation of being cold and superficial but I didn't care. She seemed to be so profound, had the same interests as me - we seemed like soul mates intelectually and emotionally. I was passing through a dark phase in my life, and when she appeared it seemed like a dream coming true. It turned out to be a nightmare. When we first met, she already had a strange behaviour - at clubs, she would entertain herself by lying about her name, profession and US. She said to everyone that we were engaged and we were going to move in together. I just thought it was funny...later on, she would be very cold but sometimes sweet. I didn't know what we had, but it was great to have her by my side. The first time I felt like breaking up with her she convinced me that we should get serious because she wanted "stability". I agreed. But that stability only existed for me. We fighted every week, she would disappear on specific days. Her excuses where always the same - she had a terrible disease, so she had to take lots os meds that made her sleep or she would spend her time doing a project for college. She would cry and say she was in a lot of pain and in every relationship people would miscomprehend her, and leave her because they couldn't trust her. She only said she loved me to keep me tied and had absurd plans like marrying me or travelling with me but was very very distant on the present. I started to get insane...I went to see a doctor and she asked about it not because she cared, but because it was fun for her to see me losing my sanity. She even said that maybe I was bipolar. When I broke up with her I was pretty sure she was cheating on me, but she NEVER admited that. A week before that happened, she was always there for me, said she was trying to change her ways. I was so tired of everything, I kept my distance and then she started saying I met someone else, I didnt pay attention to her anymore. I couldnt go out without her, but when i asked her to go out with me she simply didnt want. So i broke up and she sent a message saying everything ended because I didnt believe on her. She felt sorry for not making me happy. I didnt answer and later she provoked me, deleted me everywhere. I sent a message for her to stop doing that because I was already in lots of pain. She said that I abandoned and forgotten about her, so I should leave her alone, because afterall she still loved me...5 days later it was her birthday. I felt so bad on leaving her before that because she said to me it was always a sad date. I left a letter for her, with my thoughts about love, us and the future. I wrote down where I was going to be if she wanted to meet me...she didnt go and sent me a message asking for me to go where she was. She didnt care or understand anything I wrote down - she only wanted to know if we were going to get back...I said we wouldnt, that I was tired of living a fake relationship. That I wanted things to be my way, too, not only an open relationship just for her. She only answered "ok" and we never talked again. I feel like a fool. I feel so stupid for believing on her "love". She only used me and I denied that to myself until that very moment. I think she never forgot her psycho ex and wanted to desperatly another to fullfill her needs. Now I see I dont love her...I lived in a fantasy and reality hurts. I feel guilty for putting myself in this situation. I almost sacrificed my whole life (work, college, family and friends) because of her. It's so sad to see I spent almost 6 months sharing my life with someone who doesnt exist. I dont know what was true, what was a lie. At least it's over and I know I'll be strong and get over that hell...
P.S.: sorry about the terrible english

8:20 PM  

My psychopath ex husband lured me in, then destroyed me. His love making wad totally selfish. He would push me away after he finished. It usually took him 2 minutes. He isolated me, telling me how he disliked all my friends and family. Slowly over time, he would delight in verbally abusing me, calling me every nasty name under the sun. Eventually, he would be verbally assaulting me every day. Then came the business trips I wasn't allowed to join him on. Then it was vacations I was not allowed to join him on. Then 2 days before my 50th birthday, he announced that he was going to Dublin to a conference and he would be away for my birthday. He never called me on my birthday...I spent it crying at home, alone. I subsequently found out he took his mistress to Austria for her 50th birthday. He used to hurl insults and horrible words at me to make me cry. This would happen on friday nights. If he saw I was calming down to stop crying, he would deliberately throw more insults my way to make me continue to cry. He would torture me like this all weekend to the point my eyes were swollen shut on Monday mornings and I'd have to miss work. He was a sadist to me but everyone else thought he was such a great gentle guy.
I eventually found the evidence of his infidelity. And I found the courage to leave him. He was a diabetic and had lost his ability to have erections. Karma looked after me and him. I'm able to deeply enjoy passionate physical love now with a man who thinks I'm beautiful ... and he is bitter, old and impotent. I must remind myself to thank his ex mistress for giving me the motivation to leave him. She got her karma too. Her husband divorced her and she keeps getting fired from her low paying jobs.

9:25 PM  

I would be happy if SOMEONE would stop them from continuing the abuse with court sanctioned minions. Mine has already gotten an ILLEGAL order in violation of the Social Security Act, so that even though he gets 250% of what he is entitled to, I also have to split the uncovered medical costs. He has enjoyed a lifetime pass to abuse me, which has only intensified since the separation in 2002. There are constant violations of the court orders, and all my attorney ever does is rack up the bill, and refuse to make sure the rulings in my case are consistent with the applicable family law codes and federal social security act. NOPE! At $250.00/hr. all he does is fuel the fire to get at least $1,000.00 in legal fees every time my ex threatens to violate the order and not send the child. It costs us about 3-4k a year. I loathe our systems. Fearful of losing their dominance over women, the abusers have met the resistance with an enormous blow. I feel for my daughter.

5:08 PM  

This sounds so much like me relationship but yet im unsure, i totally came across this page by accident and it intrigued me so i read. Ill try and make this as short as possible i have been with my husband since i was 14 we have 3 beautiful kids we have now been married for 12 years. I cant say i have been a perfect wife because i have not i have never been brilliant on housework and 2years ago i kissed someone else at a party i have been on anti depressants for about 4years now. Back to my husband he has slept with around 10 people on one night stands over half have been friends or people we no the others have been people he met on line,every time he seemed so upset that he hurt and always was so sorry and promised not to hurt be again, he had an affair not long ago which lasted months and resulted in her getting pregnant which is when i found out and he ended up in prison. While he was inside he promised me the world that he was so sorry about the past and promised to make it up to me even wanting to renew our wedding vows and possibly try for another baby. everything seemed to be going well until he told be he was going to a friends for the evening and we made al sorts of plans for the coming weeks but he didn't come home, ive not seen him since and a week later i got informed that he met another woman the night he "went to a friends" and moved in with her there and then. his since cut all contact with not only me but our kids to his family are harassing us before he cut contact this week every couple of days he would message me asking if i had moved on or met anyone yet and would ask the kids if im happier now or if im seeing anyone etc. He seemed to cut off contact when i started to stand up for myself. I hate to hear anything bad about him and know if i was a better wife he wouldn't of done such things to me, i would do anyting to have him back home, i love him so much he is my world i feel so lost and heartbroken and just dont know what to do.I also know he suffers from depression and other mental health things but apparently his much happy without me and iam the one that's caused his mental health and depression problems which also makes me feel awful. Reading this has made me question everything now im confused.

10:24 AM  

Reading your posts was so helpful, thank you. My ex is clearly a psychopath. He has taken advantage of me for years. We met online, he moved from another state, and the plan was for him to get a job. He never got one and I have paid for everything. He gets so angry. Everything is about him. He has no empathy. It is like being alone to be with him. Much more to be said, for all of us. Weird thing is, I divorced him and he did the same thing to another woman! Just lived off her, treated her like poop. But I let him back in again, he can be so convincing and charming. What is wrong with me? Lonely I guess. They sure rope us in. He blew a gasket last night and sent me 1/2 dozen hateful raging voice mails. I think I have had it. I hope so. I don't deserve this. It is so hard to be around people with problems, who tell you you are the one with the problem!!! No love left...

1:35 PM  

I feel sorry for anyone who ever has to deal with a psychopath. Whether directly or indirectly. A psychopath has been controlling my life for months if not years.

11:24 PM  

Say, i am not sure how i landed on this site and i did read the blog. Yes men mostly are the psychopaths, typically, right? I'm being srious and if anyone wants to slam me for what ever reason, go ahead. It's our society that is twisted. I am a man and my point being that women can be just as psychopathic as men. Maybe not so much in the physical sense but women can be FAR more malicious and cruel then men could ever be in certain aspects. Honestly there ar many cases where a wife or girlfriend ends up in the ER or sometimes dead, do you ever think that maybe a guy has be brought to this? Well I know there is always two sides to every story. Hey, i love women its wrong to strike or hit a woman but sometimes it's unavoidable as the woman would make sure that violence is the end outcome. She was not only asking for it she was demanding it! So, who's the psychopath i ask you? Honestly? If any of you think i am being brash or smug for shock value and say you have never seen such behavior in this day and age, you are lying or have not been socialized by your parents or guardians. Most people should know what i mean more or less. As a whole the human race is headed for DE-evolution and we will be but a tiny blip compared to most species that have lived before us. Just to assure everyone, my hatred to the human race guarantees i will not breed, this is why i have to be a psychopath. I hate people myself is very much included.

1:45 PM  

Looking for understanding to have some sort of closure to a recently ended relationship. I am not sure if I am in the right place for this. I am not a psychiatrist so I can't quite pin the issue that my ex is suffering from. To give a little of her history: She grew up in a normal, from what I could tell, loving family. She has one younger sister. At the current time we will say my ex is 23, as her birthday is coming up next week. When she was young her mother was diagnosed with MS. Her father quit working earlier than expected to care for the mother, but they aren't poverty stricken by any means. She was always very smart. Got really good grades growing up. Took all honors and higher end classes in high school and maintained around a 4.0 all 4 years. She started diving as her sport of choice at a young age and quickly excelled. She was on track to become an olympic diver. She applied and was accepted to a prestigious naval academy school back east where she stayed for 1 year, but then left saying the military wasn't for her and it wasn't the lifestyle she wanted to live. During this time she had a boyfriend that was off and on, mostly on for 3 years. I've recently spoken to him and found he dealt with a lot of the same behavior. She went to a school in Utah for about a year, but was forced to leave when the college found out she had an abortion at 5 months into the pregnancy. That would have been the child of her ex. She started fairly young having sex. What was odd to me was it was only sex. She didn't participate in foreplay really at all, she just wanted to kiss and then go straight to penetration. She often talked about how it was a waste to perform oral sex because it didn't give her anything that she would rather just get penetrated and get what she wanted. When I started dating her in December of 2012 she had led me to believe that she had broken up with her ex, only she hadn't. I had known her for months prior as just friends, but on this nigh of December we were laying on the couch. I gave her a kiss, lasted all but maybe a minute and she sat up and looked at me, somewhat frustrated, and said, "are you going to fu** me or what?"

10:28 AM  

(Part 2) She couldn't handle me talking to friends that were girls that I had known for 10 years. I couldn't go out without her, and if by chance I pulled it off she would start an argument so the entire time I was eating dinner with a friend or just hanging out I was glued to my phone calming her down. I tend to have a really strong gut instinct. There were many times in our relationship I felt things just weren't right. I tried to break up with her as frequent as 1-2 times a month. It seemed that no matter the attention, positive or negative, she thrived on it. Each time I caught her in a lie she would flip out and cause a scene and find a way to turn it on me. To avoid confrontation I let many things slide. I was living in Utah with her, but moved to california about 3 months ago. She has been down to visit twice, even paying for it herself. I went to Utah on the 27th of June to help a brother move, and it turned out that she got kicked out of her place right before so she needed to move as well. Her father booked me a ticket home about a week later so that I could stay and help her get moved. I got her all moved into her apartment on July 1st and flew back to California on July 2nd. I got home and things just felt odd. She text me on the 4th to say happy 4th. I replied. I didn't hear back until 11:00 PM at night in the which she stated she had been out on the boat all day and her good friend got really sick from drinking. I replied that was horrible and heard nothing else. This wasn't normal. She would text me every 5 minutes to the point I'd have to ask her to slow down so I could actually work some days. I didn't hear from her all day Saturday the 5th so I text her at 10:30 at night saying that I hoped she had a good day and was doing alright. No response. About an hour and a half later I sent another text saying that it seemed she had fallen asleep and said goodnight. About an hour later I saw her pop onto Facebook. I immediately text her and said I thought you were asleep, whats up. No response. I started calling and within a few calls her phone was shut off. It was obvious she was up to something. I had enough. I text her explaining I wasn't stupid and if she planned to text me the following morning apologizing for not responding by using the excuse she got off work and was tired and fell asleep, not to bother. I told her I was done. I couldn't take the lies and deceit any longer and told her it'd be best if we went our separate ways. She text me back the following day saying she had no clue what I was talking about, but i was again just trying to find something crazy about her so I could break up with her. She said if I didn't want to be with her after all we'd been through to do us both a favor and move on. I replied, "I thought I made it clear, I'm moving on." She simply replied thanks. That was the first time out of probably 50 times I tried to break up with her that she didn't fight for it or make up stories. It started to eat at me that my gut was right and she was only okay letting go because she knew she was caught and I just wanted to finally hear her admit to it.

10:32 AM  

(Part 3) I tried to get in contact with her all week. She blocked my number, Facebook. you name it. Then on Sunday night her good friend logged into Facebook and said she needed to talk to me. She came out and told me that she couldn't be part of the lies anymore and she hated seeing a good guy get screwed over, literally. She told me my ex was sleeping with her ex and 2 other guys the entire time we were together. My pride is shot. I'm more pissed at myself for not having walked away earlier, and still no confession or apology given from her. She changed her phone number and blocked every possible way to reach her, even having the new guy she was sleeping with days before I flew to Utah to help her move message me online and ask to leave her alone because she was crying and hurt. What on earth would cause a person to act like this? I gave her every out possible so if she wasn't happy she could go. Nights I was out of town or didn't let her stay at my place she would go sleep with someone else, but always cover so well as to only give me the feeling of betrayal and no physical evidence. She has gone on to tell people that I am the crazy one and she never cheated on me, but I have spoken to two of the accused who both admit it so I know the tip from the friend was accurate. I cared a great deal about her and her family, but she has now turned them against me saying I harassed her and ruined her. Does anyone know what screw is loose? to me its pathological liar, bi-polar disorder, and nymph all rolled into one, but I am sure there is a better worded/diagnosed name for this behavior. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. I don't intend or desire to ever be involved with this girl again, but I am struggling letting it go because of how heavily I was betrayed and deceived. My ego is begging for an apology or even a simple admittance of guilt. Until I get back to Utah in a couple weeks I have no way of getting that, but I would also love to understand what caused her to act in such a chaotic manner. What compelled her to lie over and over to my face. I wasn't buying her everything, in fact she payed for quite a bit. Why would she stay with me and create daily drama only to leave my house and go to anthers to sleep with them? Please help. Thanks!

10:33 AM  

This describes my partner all too well. He comes up with more and more deviant filthy behaviour and acts he wants me to do , and although he has not yet made me do them, if I try to tell him it's not what I want, he becomes very emotionally abusive, and has in the past become physically violent over my refusal. As I have nowhere to turn (he's taken me away from any family and friends that may try t help me), if I reluctantly give in and agree, he tells me how much he loves me, and how wonderful I am. His wants and desires sicken me, but I have no choice but to agree, sort of a for of self survival, and just live in hope he never has the chance to bring these deviant fantasies to lfe. I feel sometimes more than anything he wants just to humiliate me and control me.

7:04 PM  

wow!!!!!!! I am in such a mess with not one of these guys but two of them!! I am so numb right now. If you only knew. and no one will help. no one cares to see to help.

6:58 PM  

By reading so many of these stories I'm glad I am not alone but the hardest parent for me I met my abuser at 19 all the kisses and attention in the world telling me his bad past he had I sensed his anger then on after a year of dating long distance broke up and had another boyfriend didn't speak to him for over a year he was still calling even then, but what's hard for me I did everything dealt with the abuse and lowering my standards to the lowest point I have a 10 month old son which he does not help but goes back and forth saying he wants to see him and not. How I don't want my son around him or to learn of his evil ways anyone deal with a psychopath and have children

6:52 PM  

I must have been crazier than he was, I stayed married to him for 35 years. Yes, he did all of the bad things listed here but I was so emotionally numb and accustomed to it that I tolerated it.

When I could no longer tolerate his abuse I left, and that very day he robbed me blind by cashing out all of the policies and emptying our accounts. He knew if he did that I would not be able to recoup any of it, he only had to tell the court that he spent it. So much for the Justice system...

These psychopaths are criminally insane people. Never trust them no matter how convincing they act, just RUN for your life!

4:46 PM  

I fell in love with the same man as all of you mentioned, but with a different name. He came across so successful, loving, honest, Christian and always there for me no matter what. Handsome (excluding his fake hair piece, fake as him), funny, salesperson, etc. I had a little boy with no daddy that he immediately wanted him to call him "Daddy". I was the bread winner and had the house, income, etc. and he moved into my house with his adult son. I paid for everything. I really loved this person with all my heart. It hurts me so much to be without him, but I know it's the right thing to do because I was fooled by a Sociopath. Even with a head full of knowledge of who he is and what happened, I still miss and love him. I will not go back with him, but it is a temporary living hell. The place where you know what he is and how you feel but can not take any action to make it how it was, because it's not right. I'm so hurt by what happened to me and my boys but am so grateful that I never married this man. He is out on the prowl again, looking for his next victim on all the dating sites. Me and my boys are left with the wreckage of the storm and trying to heal every day.

11:31 PM  

Yes, we most certainly understand.

8:10 PM  

Nothing less..

8:21 PM  

Get the hell out now..he will kill you. Call authorities, call a friend or confidant to do it if you cant.

8:24 PM  

We all seem to be in the same boat...let's not sink!

8:37 PM  

Put other things on your list every day...things to develop you and give yourself something to be proud of and look forward to...that's what I'm doing. Works most days.

8:42 PM  

Don't ever respond again. This is your power over him. He's nothing except what we think he is. Now you know netter, he's a sick man

8:53 PM  

Somebody help me, its been a week since all hell broke lose. Everything said on the article describes him n the relationship. On top of that he still trying to hurt me by turning every one against me n making me like I'm the bad guy. He has so much power on me
I cant let it go, I can't accept he's gone... He has destroyed me in every way, he even raped me twice. I have nobody to go to, even turned my pastor against me n a counselor. I live on the streets n I'm so scared.

7:04 PM  

I recognize so many things from this article, and reading about what other smart and capable women has been put through, brings great relief.

Here is a little about my psychopath:

At the beginning of our relationship, he made me have sex in public. I had never done anything like that before. He always tried to get me very drunk, and then he would take humiliating pictures of me. I had never agreed to this with any other boyfriend, but he was just so convincing somehow. He made me trust him, more than I had ever trusted anyone. He also imsisted I go out wit him with see-through tops. I was very uncomfortable with this, but wanted to make him happy. Later I would refuse, but he would film me, and take pictures of me in accidental sexual positions without my consent. He also really enjoyed to take pictures of me when I was very tired and exhausted, and far from looking my best. There was no doubt that it was a turn on for him to see me suffering. In bed he would say things like: "Im going to use You" or "You like being used". I did not like to hear this, but he did not care at all. I was with my psycjopath for 11 years, and I later realized, that he jad been living a double life as single, sleeping with anybody willing. When I was told of his lasr infidelities, I confronted him, and he retaliated by throwing me and the three children out of the house, cutting of financial support, had me fired from my job (I am a psychologist), fabricated evidence to have me imprisoned, and manu other gruesome things. He has s top executive position in the most popular toy firm, and many doubt, that he has done all he has done. He is still continuing his smesr campaign of me, turning some friend and family members agsinst me.

He tried to take the children he never cared for from me, by claiming I was imcompetent and crazy. He didnt suceed (yet). I am ruined and denigrated and humiliated and broken by hom, but at least my children are with me, and lots of wonderful people and the church has helped me through.

My advice to you, if you are wit a deviant psychopath, is to reach out for all the help you can get, and turn to God. Do tell people what you are going tjrough. Some people might not believe you, but many others will. Dont give in and give up. Keep fighting. You are stronger than the psychopath has led you to believe.

5:46 PM  

OMG I had no idea there were sites like this. Just after Christmas I rec'd some knews: My husband was sexually abused by his MOTHER!!!! And, now all this turmoil I've been experiencing makes sense (for 19 years)! I am married to a psychopath!!!! I feel like I want to change my name, and take my 4! kids and move, immediately!!! Is this even human? Are psychopaths even responsible for their own behavior? Now, I don't trust anyone I happen to talk to. Oi, my kids are irrepairably harmed; a predator is their father! Oh GOD, what did I do? And what does it say about me? He's got me so burnt down, will the powers that be see through him, when time comes to jam?

3:56 PM  

The reason why women and men fall that are normal turn into victims of this type of abuse is because they are experiencing Stockholm Syndrome. The person will act like the hero and the only one that cares and isolates the person as they go back and forth with the abuse. The only thing that bothered me of this article is that it is written as women being the victim when in fact men are victims as well. As long as we only make it sound like women are the only one being victim men are more ashamed of coming out and stating they are victims. Please don't forget to mention abuse happens both ways.

10:34 AM  

I dont have any idea what the proper way is to diagnose my ex : we were dating then he couldnt see me , told me he was so sick in bed thats where he will be staying for the day . I knew he was alone so though it would be a nice surprise if I would bring him a coffee and sat with him in case he needed anything from the pharmacy I would be there to get it . When i showed up his truck was gone , thinking he must have went to the clinic , I called him . He got angry with me and said get the f--k off my property or I will have the cops throw you off . That was my first of mant episodes, 9 years on and off relationship and feeling sorry for him . He lied , cheated , made me a key for his door then within 24 hours he had put screws in the lock so i couldnt get in . He refused help , doctor says he has Bi-polar and said this was the reason for his cheating ? I didnt think there was any excuse for cheating but now he's been given one by his doctor so the cheating became worse . I left him last January , 2014 . The hurt he has put me through is still unbearable . Work and Faith is what keeps me going ,

3:59 PM  

Psychopaths are extremely skilled not just at pretending to be decent *___*, but also at dosing. Men are the only psychopath"s huh, well what about my ex sister in law, **** OFF

9:22 PM  

I am dealing with someone who is ruthless relentless and has no heart no conscience. Its someone i barely know. Its a female. I assume a lesbian. And from how she has stalked me relentlessly andspread humiliating rumours and lies making me lose work/income become isolated through turning family/friends against me This female gaslights my surroundings and has friends in authoratative places so anytime i seek a avo or help i am blocked. To me she is crazy. Who does that to anyone??!! Im not religious but to me this public servant is evil incarnate. . She is committing a crime- psychological crime against me. And my greatest fear she is going to get away with it. And my life is absolutely trashed and ruined.

2:42 AM  

Focus on loving yourself. Too many times, we develop emotional addictions Because we aren't learning how to nurture and live ourselves. Go to the gym, go to church, spend time helping someone elderly or kids. There is so much you can do to fill up your time. It's not over and after one or two weeks of blocking the psycho you will start to see change in a positive direction. You will start to get stronger. I recommend reading "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to lose your mind and create a new one" by Joe Dispenza. This book is helping me learn more about myself and making me mentally strong. Psychopaths and Mentally strong people don't mix. If we can build our minds up , we will be able to spot a psychopath from miles away. The first step is loving yourself. Submitted with love.

8:39 AM  

Yes, the psychopath I dealt with was a minister of music. And he used that to his benefit traveling around from church to church abusing his role and sleeping with women.

8:42 AM  

The article is spot on. I lived with one for 18 years (biological father), and watched how he did this to me, and to several women throughout that time, including my mother.

9:24 AM  

Its crazy reading these stories. Its like reading my life for the last two years. I felt like I could help him. I thought others didnt show him love like he needed. No it was just him. The lying the deciet the cheating. All these stories so similiar almost like a text book..I wish there was a cure. I did love him but he was incapbale of lobing me back. He doesnt even love his children. Uses them to get at his ex wife. Always plays the victim. Also an alcoholic. Which he always blamed his bahavior on. Made me believe everything was my fault. So crazy that we fall for these people. And thank you to everyone for posting this it is a God sent to hear Im not the only one.

12:28 AM  

My relationship with a psychopath was also an adulterous affair (he's married and I'm a widow) within a small church. After 14 long months I pulled away with the help of Godly friends who, either from first-hand experience or understanding of the type, believed who/what he was. Unfortunately, I was naive in thinking the pastor and fellow members could come at this with the understanding of my friends and me. They could not see past the adultery. Even though I took ownership of my sin and told them over and over that I had repented, they saw any attempt by me to "label" this man with a personality disorder as "defending/excusing my sin." He's out of the church at least, but so am I. I have no regrets though. I obeyed my conscience before God. Victims of Ps need to be prepared to not be fully believed or understood and should seek out counseling or support groups where other victims can affirm the victim and her story. Sadly, Christians are apt to be the most judgmental of all.

2:39 PM  

I consider myself to be a cynical, independent, tough minded broad and even I fell victim for three weeks. But hey, three weeks ain't that bad! He was so charming, TOO perfect. Then controlling and disrespectful but blamed me for being too angry. I'm done.

6:29 PM  

Your story is much. The same as mine I have been trying to research personality disorders as I knw there was something wring with him . After reading this I have no doubt and I am now pkanning my escape . I went once but cane back big mistakw . The cintrol is from what I eat wear whi I speak to. After we met he. Groomed me being my perfext partner after a year he persuaded me to give up myjob and move away from wgere Ilived to be with him. As soon as I moved in his rules started . i wasnt alowed to work as he wanted me ti be at his beck and cal wasnt alowed to make friends . Caused a row with my beautiful daughter because he was si jeakous of our relationship. I secretly talk to my friend and family and I know they are worried but Im going to go soon and never ever looj back . When I dont conform to his rules his whole demenor changes and he actually looks different . Hes tried to make me feel insercur aboutmyself but he cant brea me . To the lady above know that you are beautiful believe in yourself walking away means we win not them stay strong x

1:42 PM  

I needed to read this today. I am struggling with my plans to leave a long-term narcissist. I really appreciate a place to talk about this and get reality checks about who these psychopaths are. My story happened exactly like this article lays it out.

I needed to be reminded about losing the best parts of myself while what I thought was the "strong" part of me was accepting all the lies, cheating, manipulation and emotional abuse. I do need to leave - I need to leave.

I am taking steps to move forward and get away - having a lawyer draw up separation papers and that is done. But in that process I learned how much money I would have to give him (he of course is irresponsible and does not have a pension or good job). I've been told the courts don't care about behaviors so here is my sticking point. My earned money would go directly to subsidizing his darkness - including frequent prostitution, illegal drugs, and child porn. I've thought about consulting a criminal attorney to see if there is anything I can do to prevent pension money or alimony going to him. I'm not sure how this will play out.

So - thank you for listening as I take baby steps forward. As you all know, they can be amazing at manipulation and making us think that everything is our fault (it's not), and pulling us into their bizarre world (we don't belong there), and keeping so many secrets (makes my head spin).

I needed to read this today. I am planning carefully so that when I leave I can go No Contact safely and permanently. It is slower than I want it to be and there have been some disappointing surprises. I pray for the real strength I need to move forward. The advice on this site is priceless - thank you.

7:21 AM  

Every women should understand the characteristics of a psychopath before getting married. I looked the other way when all the signs were there. Women do that. Than we are trapped. Only know can I look at who he is and understand there is absolutely nothing I can do or say that will impact him in a normal way. There was never a relationship and there was never a pardnership. There was nothing but what he wanted and what he could get. He showed absolutely no emotion to my cardiac surgery ... he said "you were bossing me around after surgery" he meant when i was coming out of anesthesia in severe pain and asking him please to help me turn. I felt my heart break a million times with him since the day I married him. I moved away from him, saying I needed to be in a quieter city. The more I read the more I realize there is no reason to have any contact with him. He does not function emotionally like a regular person. If he can manipulate he will and he is a chronic liar about just about every single thing in his life. He has no concept that lying is not a correct way of life. There is nothing he could say to me after seven years that i would believe. from the mundane, what he ate for lunch to what kind of pornography are you into these days. life is a constant lye.
nothing is true in a life with a psychopath. you have to disassociate yourself entirely and form strong bonds with healthy people.

12:53 AM  

Is there a chance that psychopaths read such blogs?

He made me paranoid.

1:40 PM  

My husband has been cheating on our marriage yet I though he was been deceived by his mom. Unknown to me that he has been a womaniser. When I contact sunlight, the goddess told me about this I doubted. Then she asked me where is he? I told her, he's about to be going to a meeting that was 9months ago. Because he told me meeting because of sunlight words I tried to ask him the kinda meeting he was going but he never tell me nothing. Then goddess sunlight told me what to do to find out the truth. After he left, with his car that night, I also took my car then I followed him he didn't know because he never thought I could do something crazy like that. When he get to the hotel he packed the car and went inside. I have a spear key for his car so also he has mine that night, I also, drove in then I packed my car in the hotel and drive his car home. The next morning he came and I asked him. Honey where is your car? then he told me was attacked and was serious beaten by arm robbers I looked at him with tears he thought I felt sorry for the story he just told me then, he kissed me and said at least I still live it's okay. Then I deep my hands in my pocket and brought out his the spear key and I took him to the back of the house where I packed his car. When he saw the car he was confuse then I called my younger sister to drive me car home from the hotel. When she drove in with my car he was so surprised that the car he saw last night was mine. Just as the goddess said. I did everything and it was more like a dream. I never really believe that my husband has been cheating, all I thought about was, maybe it's the mom deceiving him. That morning I angrily went into my room and mailed mother sunlight everything that happened she laughed. Then I ask how I can forgive him because I don't feel like and because of my children if I just tell him that, he is forgiven he might play another drama on me. Then goddess sunlight now cast a spell and told me some spiritual words to say and told me somethings I need to do. She told me not to look at the mirror once I am done. I should just go and meet my husband. Then did everything she instructed me to do. Once I he sees me, he was moved by the beauty he sees in me then he knee down and said, you are so beautiful. normally my husband has never told me that ever since I gave birth but today the powers and the charms of sunlight that has cleaned him he swore never to live me alone again. He was fully charmed. And he was changed to my satisfaction. Then Right in my eyes I fall inlove with mother sunlight because of her powers and truthfulness. I've never see someone like her in my whole entire life. She is compassionate, kind, merciful and she is so caring and loving. Pls join me brethren in praise. If you however need her email please here it is. She is indeed a mother to the whole world she is truly a queen goddess of durga mother of the universe.

7:00 PM  

Hi . Im pregnant to a complete psychopath . Iv only just began to see it now . It's been mainly bullying and emotional abuse . Lying making me feel like I'm going crazy, lying constantly to me about everything . Love bombing me, I mean Iv just figured out what this is . Why when we would make yo he would shower me with adoration then it could be later in the day or a day later lose his temper scream at me my children call me names .. He would stalk me search my phone everyday but if I tried to look at his things ow oils be bullied down . He was never really physically violent. He would smash things up throw things at me shake me and threaten to crash car with me in it . Iv had enough now I see him for who he is all the sob stories about his bad past that o made all the excuses over his behaviour over . I see as just lies he doesn't care about anything but himself . I don't want him into babies life . Im so sorry for what you have been through how do you keep him away from you and your baby. Iv blocked my ex he would ring my house phone 40 times a day Iv just taken it out the wall. I feel so alone and scared to be a mum on my own . How are you managing xx

8:40 AM  

Omg going thru this now
No one understands
He lies about me to all his friends
How can he be so nice to them
But abuse me
Lie about me
And falsely cause me
I don't understand

12:06 PM  

I met my partner two years and taught I had finally met the love of my life , he was so great with my daughter also, it was so easy with him to begin with . Over the first few months he started getting real serious about his intention s for our future, I gave up my home my life my job and moved back to where I was originally from to live with him . He did make great efforts to make his house our home untill I moved in .slowly he started to change , all of a sudden I was dependent on him which I'd never been on anyone, isolated from my friends and family I saw only wen he came with me . He drank and cheated and I accepted it and the physical abuse for a long time .I finally got the courage to run but over the next few months he has drawn me in with crys and treats of sucide , knowing he was still cheating and pleas of I will change I went back for more only to be degraded and abused again . As a result I'm pregnant and totally alone and struggling. I've got my home back and a job but he is torturing me, spreading vile gossip and making promises of ruining me if I don't do things his Way . I refused to return home to him . I don't my daughter or this child to ever grow up thinking this type of behaviour is acceptable . What can I do , everyone knows he hasn't a good reputation with woman but thinks that he is a super guy and always there wen needed . I have been painted now as the town bike a bad mother and a liar , simply because I allowed him back into my life . As he tells me I brought it on myself ... So stressed ��

8:20 AM i sit in my room, a complete prisoner for the last 8 months, the only way i see out is in a body least it will be on my control. just too damned tired for too long for anything else.

3:48 PM  

My name is Catherine from United States.I am married with two wonderful kids. My husband and i have been married for 10 years and we were such a big happy family. But He started changing " for the worse " he looked at me like a stranger and also treating the total strangers. I knew once that something has gone wrong. I hired a private investigator that cost me a lot to help monitor his moves.

Sadly i was told he has was seeing another woman. It turned out right to be what i was thinking. I couldn't just believe it so i confronted him with the pictures,but he denied it bluntly. he said she was just a lady he has some working project with and foolish of me i believed him.But on one faithful day i caught them red handed and that moment my heart stopped for a while as i bust into tears, because i really love him so much that i can do anything for him. I have never seen in his eyes so much hate before, to the extent that he will have to cheat on me. he was no longer living with me and our kids. I still remember his words " "KEEP THE HOUSE AND YOUR SICK KIDS!" I wanted to drop dead but my lovely kids gave me strength to fight for what is mine. He was asking for a divorce but i wanted my man back because of the love i have for him. So i had to delay the process to buy time for myself so as to figure out a way to get him back. On a good day i stumbled on an ad of how a boy got his girlfriend back after she broke up with him through a spell caster. At first I told myself it's a scam, because i never believed of such. But as pressure from my husband's lawyer increased i became desperate and gave it a chance. I contacted him via email i saw on his website. His English was not so clear but he helped me. But not for free. I did as he instructed me.

When he claimed to have finished whatever he was doing i personally appreciated him by sending him some money. He sent me a hand written enchanting words and asked me to recite them morning and night for seven days " as he said seven is the perfect number "I did just that but at first nothing happened out of frustration i sent all kind of insult to him even calling a low life scam. He said he could destroy the entire thing he did but he wouldn't do so as i can see how wrong i was by insulting his personality. He said those enchanting words he gave me will make my husband see the demon in his new lover and its going to make him hurt badly. All what the spell-caster had said began to manifest. He literally confessed that he hated her all of a sudden. All what this great spell caster called Dr Kareem Jida that uses only this website: l address which is Website:// said came to pass. Few days later i got an email from my husband bagging me for re-union that he was so sorry for all he has done to our family. Without thinking twice i had to forgive and accept his plead, because i him so much. My husband is back home and living happily now and he is as faithful to me and as a saint. so if you have a similar problem just contact Website:// i bet you never regret him for: Winning of lottery , Getting a good job , meeting a very good life partner, bringing back your ex-lover,but i cant be listing them here now, All i can say here with full assurance to those that wish to contact him is to tell you all that he is so real and he will never let you down on any problem.

10:33 PM  

NO QUESTION, Always say yes when the poloce ask you if you wan't a restraining order. Don't be scared. You won't see him for a long time.

1:11 AM  

NO QUESTION, Always say yes when the poloce ask you if you wan't a restraining order. Don't be scared. You won't see him for a long time.

1:12 AM  

It is sooo hard. I feel like im losing my mind. 15 years married, 17 together, 2 children. Divorced 1 1/2 years. I am struggling to keep it together and he just skates thru. I look like a crazy person and he has done a great job of becoming the vic.

1:21 AM  

It is hard to fathom that an individual is capable of this and when you are involved you can not believe it because it does not make sense to you. You believe in the innate goodness of people and I think they seek out people who do. I hung in a lot longer than I should have, after finding out he was still with someone a married woman, after we were dating 9 mo. But around 7 mo. he totally became cold and distant insisting nothing was wrong. I know him a total of 2 year and the actual amount of times spent together were far and few in between. I decided to cut him off last July a year and a half into the relationship. He came back looking for me sending gifts at Christmas out of the blue. I returned them, politely said thanks but no thanks. He persisted pleading he wanted to talk thought it's be productive, he was going to be honest, hoping it would clear things up and we could move forward. Since this was new for him I decided to give it a chance. It was Valentine's weekend. I made plans for a short weekend getaway. Everything went well but as usual long visit to the men's room, little disappearances I was leary of. When we finally had the talk he proceeds to tell me he is still seeing the married woman, it's just a friendship he knows he must end in order to make a life with me, which he will shortly but has to end it his way. He wants to buy a house with me and if we are together I'm the only one he needs. He is giving me a key and will not be telling her where he lives. Well I just sat there in disbelief, how he felt this was positive and I would be accepting of it. Shortly after he excuses himself to make a phone call, vannishes for over 15 minutes and returns. I asked if he called her and he said yes, she had called and he returned her call on Valentine's Day! He proceeded to add, she knows I'm with you. I am here with you aren't I! As if I should feel privileged! I was so hurt, not because I had such high hopes but because of the total disregard and disrespect for me. It was an all time low that I had stooped to to allow it once more time. In a way I needed to see how convoluted his thinking was and how cruel of a person he was. There was no more sentimentality or thinking there was an ounce of good in this person. I cut off his number, texts and changed my email address. Since he lives close to two hours away chances are I will never again run into him hopefully the rest of my life.

11:04 AM  

My relationship is getting worse by the minute. He's cheated but blame me for him cheating by saying I wasn't doing what I was suppose to do to keep him from cheating. Now, when we go out in public he's looking at other women and belittles me and be very distant. If it wasn't for us walking together with our daughter, we wouldn't even look like we know each other. But, when we get home, he has these moments where he wants to kiss or touch me. Then sometimes, he wants to talk about the weight I've gained or something. Thank you so much for posting this it helped a lot. I hate I didn't learned any of this in college even though I majored in sociology:)

11:15 PM  

these abusers try to turn everyone against the woman when she leaves him. he will constantly lie about her to get an upper hand and will try to turn everyone against her on purpose. he still continues to be psychotic even though she left him. also to note, he does this to all women he encounters. he has a sick mind and tries to cover this up. the best thing to do if you encounter this evil person, Get out as Fast as you can. You'll be happy you did. you'll save yourself alot of pain and will be a positive move and brighter future.

7:26 PM  

I agree having no contact with the abuser is the best thing to do. if you allready know being around an abuser is the worst one can experience and it's never a happy thing to experience. these abusers get worst and will keep knocking you down to the point where you can't get up. his sick mind will get sicker and dangerous. this type person is not worth being around not even for a minute. if you know this person is abusive, psychotic etc, you should save yourself from further harm and get out FAST. please think of yourself and your health. RUN and don't look back. one will never have a healthy life with these male abusers / psychopaths. God bless.

2:06 AM  

the way you feel after leaving a psychotic / abusive man are only temporary feelings of being lonely etc. this is a positive change and these feelings of loneliness will change into something bigger snd better. just remember, you made the biggest and important decision to leave. you saved yourself and tuned this into something great and very positive. remember, don't look back but keep your head up and keep going forward. stay around positive happy people and those who will support you in what you're going through. Please stay away from negative unhappy persons as they will bring you back down. you jumped a hurdle by leaving the sicko so keep moving forward. you also now have control over your life. no man should ever control a woman or abuse / tear her apart. we are better than that.good luck and be aware of any abuser/psychopath. ask for a protective order or restraining order. keep him away from you. God bless.

7:27 PM  

Wow! I hope you got any from your demon!

7:04 PM  

I happened to read through the website, and I am glad there are people who are raising awareness about these emotional predators. Five months ago I was such a victim, I was a victim with a strong backup and had a good intuition. I finally managed to leave the S/N and later went to three weeks of distress, not because I loved the person because I admit that the relationship did more damage, and as a result now hate the person,and am glad that i am a survivor. the psychopath however continuously looks at me with contempt whenever he happens to be around now.
It was lucky for me that he didn't manage to manipulate my parents. Being living with my parents i would find myself in a place of hell already. the plan to meet my parents was to manipulate them so i won't have strong support system. his source of supply was money.
During the course of the relationshit i was getting paler and sicker and eventually stopped eating, i was questioning my behavior..why i was feeling that way. He was weird at best, and would tell exaggerating stories that if i write them down everyone would think i am being crazy and no one would dream of talking such bull. So i prefer not to write about them as they are too exaggerating. I haven't recovered completely from my eating disorder and my eating habits are disrupted but now i feel better and i look better than five months before, still i am glad i lost weight as i was a bit overweight before this started, however i don't look sick and that's a good start. I'm in no contact with this person and hope it will remain that way, his apathetic friends now do not even talk to me, and that's better, it looks like they are his minions so better to stay away from such people.
I applaud for those who made it and emerged as survivors, and pray for those caught in such situation including my S/N current victim, so they can realize the emotional damage done and fight for freedom and emerge as survivors even winners.

1:14 PM  

Wow, I feel GOD lead me to this site. I've been reading and educating myself on narcissistic abuse for the past few weeks! This article and thread of comments have helped me so much! it's so unreal how we as intelligent humans have been so terribly manipulated, abused, gaslighted and addicted to such evil humans.
As a 17yr old girl I fell in love and married my husband. Almost immediately he Began trying to convince me I was flawed..telling me mult times a day I was my eyes are normal! after weeks of this when he had me checking mirror he stopped. it was a game for him! I know that sounds funny but it's the earliest sign of his true personality. after 31years of marriage he said he wanted a divorce because he couldn't deal with my jealousy! I'm not a jealous person but he constantly hid everything.He had pass codes on his computer,phone,ipad. kept relationships with 2 female friends for 25 years. Once I found out and talked with the women,they thought I knew and they didn't know about each other, he broke the relationships even though they all claimed it was just best friends (why the secret then?).
My divorce is finial for 2 weeks and I feel like a war prisoner set free! Once the sell of our home and splitting of retirements is over I think I will be able to stop communicating, that's the problem! As long as I am in communication with him he is still trying to destroy me! We have 3 grown daughters and 2 grandchildren together so I'm going to have to see him. But let me tell you Our God is able to alert us to the issues and rescue us! Please, if you are in an Abusive relationship even if he/she doesn't hit you. Call on God and reach out to someone for help and RUN for your life!

6:12 AM  

Hello I am Brenda, I'm out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex lover back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another woman last month, But when i meet a friend that introduce me to prophet Williams the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to prophet Williams about how my ex husband left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company. He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i needed to do,After it was been done,In the next 48 hours ,My husband called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my husband returned home ,I was called for an interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the manager..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact prophet Williams at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on email:
and get your problems solve like me..... ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: . and you can call him on +2349029587438 that is his Whats App number too THANKS.

11:56 AM  

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2:06 AM  

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