Sanctuary for the Abused
Saturday, April 02, 2022
Emotional Manipulator -- Skilled Controller
by Cassandra
Abusers can be masters of disguise and covert operations. He or She hones their skills to expert precision, lest people see through the mask to the ruthless ambition and envy beneath.
Above all, the abuser seeks to keep that mask firmly in place so as not to lose the support of those who’ve been fooled by the outer facade.
This list of characteristics describes abusers and gives an awareness of the techniques used by * Chameleons * who may be male or female.
1. Charming in public – exuding warmth and charm, an abuser smiles and tells jokes, praises and flatters you, outwardly supports you with a show of approval and reassurance, makes you feel valuable and appears to be attentive to your needs.
2. Rumor-monger in private – criticizing you behind your back, he may suggest that you have personal or emotional problems, carefully building a case against you via calculated misinformation passed on to others behind the scenes. He manipulates others into criticizing you and then rewards them for their participation in his plot to undermine your image in every way.
3. Two-faced – He pretends to support you while planning to destroy you; then when you challenge him, he suddenly transforms from supportive to bullying. His soft-spoken manner hides his destructive intentions, his flattering words hide his desire to control you, and his seemingly warm personality hides his take-no-prisoners attitude.
4. Distorts truth and reality – He misleads people by omitting key facts. He’s extremely concerned to preserve an appearance of integrity, all the while withholding significant information. He misleads people by omitting key facts, he quotes hearsay as important and authoritative, then, justifies his opinion by falsely claiming others think the same way.
Master of the half-truth, he miss-states and belittles your viewpoint, asks questions that demean you, then interrupts before you can fully respond, he changes the subject before you can correct his miss-statements, then he adds new false accusations faster than you can respond to the old ones.
5. Hypocritical – His spoken philosophy and behavior don’t match, his words creating a positive image which does not match his actions. He describes his mistakes as minor, but your mistakes as serious, or ignores his own mistakes while always highliting yours. – He calmly demeans you, but is angry because you don’t respect him. Not respecting him = pointing out the inconguities and inconsistencies between who he claims to be and what he actually does and says.
6. Evasive – He acts confused by any complaint about his behavior and always shifts the focus to others. He acts like he is the one who is being victimized. He tries to make you feel guilty for hurting him, accusing you of behavior that was far worse than his and asserting that you are the cause of his bad behavior (if he ever does admit to behaving badly).
7. Pompous – He acts like a know-it-all and never apologizes, unless to prove how rarely he makes a mistake. He’s a prima donna … condescending in words, tone of voice and mannerisms. Every issue which effects him is high drama and he’ll try to demolish the opposition in every discussion to keep the focus on himself.
8. Self-righteous – In order to disguise his corrupt character, he always claims the moral and ethical high ground. He brags about the goodness of his own character while suggesting that others have dubious motives. He frequently talks of his superior ethical standards, implying that others don’t have his high standards and using distorted examples to prove that others are not nearly as superior as he.
9. Obsessed with image – He believes that his image is more important than reality, so he disguises his true emotions and desires. When you see beneath his persona, he will suggest that your actions have hurt his image. Alternatively, he says that your proposed actions (i.e., exposing him) will hurt your own image.
10. Passive-aggressive behaviour: (Anger Expressed Inappropriately)
* Put-downs
* Sarcasm
* Insults
* Rudeness
* Sabotage
* Intimidation
* Belittling Remarks
11. Pretends to care – While pretending to care about others, he is at his most manipulative and dangerous. Most people are taken in by his apparently positive energy, enthusiasm and charisma, but in reality, they are naively being fooled by an attractive personality which hides a morally and ethically corrupt abuser who is coldly and ruthlessly pursuing his own selfish ends.
His expression of affection is tainted with possessiveness and he compliments you only because it serves his purpose. He has a look of concern, but he doesn’t truly respect you.
He pretends to be your friend while tearing you down, destroying your reputation, weakening your position, and exaggerating the importance of your mistakes.
12. Plays the victim – He exaggerates his pain and suffering, trying to make you feel guilty for causing his pain and claiming that you don’t appreciate him.
He becomes angry and indignant when you try to reason with him, then says he is tired of doing all the compromising.
The above list of characteristics describes abusers and gives an awareness of the techniques used by * Chameleons * who may be male or female.
Labels: belittle, chameleons, doubting yourself, dr jekyll, gaslighting, lies, manipulator, misstatement, mr hyde, shock. smear campaign
Monday, January 01, 2018
How To Be A Passive-Aggressive Verbal Abuser
How to Be a Passive Aggressive/ Verbal Abuser:
1. make your partner doubt their reality. laugh at them when they talk and cling to your own twisted version of everything. (gaslighting)
2. devalue them. criticize every single thing they say and do
3. overwork them. give them a list of stuff to do and if they screw up only one tiny thing - concentrate on that thing and scream your head off. how DARE they! lazy!! They are merely YOUR chore-whore
4. don't let them sleep. 8 hours is too much. Noise, always have something to do, send the kids to them, demand sex... but no sleep!
5. leave all parenting and heavy-lifting, including 'children involved stuff' to them and be sure they know what an awful parent they are and how they are screwing up your children
6. if they are ill, they must be making it up - verbally berate them. YOU are the most important. Agree with their doctors in public but invalidate them in private.
7. sex: Ah now here you can really shine! either objectify them, sex is sex not love, make them do things they don't want to or do things to them that are rude and inappropriate. they are YOUR PROPERTY and have no feelings.
OR --- do nothing. No sex. for months and years. when they bring it up call them a nympho or sex fiend. If & when you do give it to them, they must do ALL the work and if they dare enjoy it - act like they make you ill.
8. ignore your own behavior - its all their fault anyway
9. if they try to leave: stalk, harass or take their stuff. no boundaries!!
10. ransack their belongings and go through their computer or hack it if necessary.
11. separate them from their friends at all cost. YOU are the only friend they will ever need
12. every conversation is to revolve around YOU YOU YOU and all activities are for YOU
13. make your SO plan any activities and then complain & scream about them, especially if it isn't all about YOU
14. blame them for everything your parents did to you. your parents were perfect
15. buy yourself expensive things - throw them a bone once in a while so they feel guilty - but spend predominantly on yourself
16. harass them any way you feel you have to. names in public, phone calls, stalking, humilation. its good for them
17. if they try to work or go to school - forget that. they need to focus on YOU
18. if they step right - you step left. If they step left - you step right. Do not let them WIN. This is WAR!!!
19. Court orders? ignore them - do your own thing - they won't stick up for themselves if you did your job right.
20. ANYTHING they say can & will be used against them in YOUR court of personal law. Twisting, distorting, whitewashing or intrusions on their privacy are all ok to make this happen.
21. They read too much, use the computer too much, watch too much tv, sew too much, cook too much, breathe too much, spend too much time with the kids. They never do ANYTHING right. ANYTHING!
21. make them so crazy they snap and scream & yell at you - see they ARE insane - you were right.
Labels: belittle, berate, gaslighting, invalidated, passive-aggressive, verbal abuse
