Sanctuary for the Abused

Friday, September 07, 2018

Female Psychopathy

In Savage Spawn, Jonathan Kellerman states that male psychopaths outnumber females approximately eight to one. Yet the voluminous literature on psychopathy focuses primarily on males, so little can really be said on the subject until assessment levels are more comparable. Childhood psychopaths (males) get far more attention than female psychopaths.

Basically, psychopaths exhibit callousness, impulsivity, shallow emotions, superficial charm, and no remorse for what they do. They're narcissistic and manipulative, and tend to seek stimulating activities like crime. They fail to learn from punishment, so they're well-represented among repeat offenders. When intelligent, they're generally persuasive and charismatic, and they can get people do to almost anything. They have no regard for truth, although they can evince complete sincerity, and they're looking out only for themselves. They generally form no long-range plans and fail to take responsibility for their deeds. Robert D. Hare's Without Conscience offers a comprehensive description of his work among male psychopaths in prisons.


In a study by Nesca, Dalby, and Baskerville, published in 1999, they attempted to profile a female psychopath, and their conclusions about female psychopaths in general are based on this one case. "Ms. X" had murdered her cellmate while serving a four-year sentence for armed robbery, and they felt that she showed many of the classic symptoms of psychopathy.

The authors claim that recent estimates indicate that "severe" psychopathy among women is rare, about one-third of the estimated prevalence for men. Relying on the social history and personality profile of 30-year-old "Ms. X," the authors found among her symptoms an early onset of antisocial behavior, evidence of sexual aggression, multiple substance abuse, and sexual perversion. She also showed fluctuating levels of reality testing when emotional, but no problem with impulsivity—considered a central trait of psychopathy.

She had suffered sexual abuse in her family home, was removed at the age of six, and put into foster homes over the next three years. At age nine, she joined a street gang. She had numerous short-term relationships, showed sadomasochistic tendencies, and only completed school through the ninth grade. She acknowledged a history of mutilating animals. Half of her life has been spent in prison, and all of her immediate family members have been incarcerated at some point.

Since she showed more theatrical acting out than narcissism, the authors decided that female psychopaths are more inclined to be paranoid and hysterical than arrogant and egotistical.

Deborah Schurman-Kaufman undertook a lengthy analysis of what little material there is on female offenders, and found that male and female offenders share a common background of neglect and abuse. In The New Predator: Women Who Kill, she finds only seven women guilty of multiple murder to interview—a sample far too small to draw any conclusions. At best, she can say they shared an introverted family life and sense of isolation. She also indicates that, as with men, killing for females is largely about control and power. Yet much of what she has to say about psychopathy, sadism, murder, and violent aggression is based on studies done with males.

No wonder people assume that what drives women to kill is a mystery---in particular, those women who assume the role of caretakers of the most vulnerable among us. It's striking that among nurses and midwives, there have been so many killers, but even more striking are those who have motives other than mercy for their deeds.

Bad Girls
Most data about violent crime and criminal types has centered on males, and that's attributed to the idea that males are more aggressive, violent, and criminally versatile than females. However, it may also have something to do with the fact that most of the researchers and criminologists have been male. Traditionally, it's been more difficult for men to admit to violence in women than to dissect the methods and motives of their own gender. As British philanthropist Lord Astor put it, "Everyone starts out totally dependent on a woman. The idea that she could turn out to be your enemy is terribly frightening."

Yet fear and bias should have no place in research. From a review of the literature, it's clear that we have a long way to go to understand violence in females.

"Violence is still universally considered to be the province of the male," says crime researcher Patricia Pearson. "Violence is masculine. Men are the cause of it, and women and children the ones who suffer. The sole explanation offered up by criminologists for violence committed by women is that it is involuntary."

Women are often viewed as "soft" and vulnerable: They're not really equipped for violence and usually end up being accomplices. One male writer even thought it was too cruel to allow a (beautiful) woman who'd killed 20 people in agonizing ways to choke to death on a hangman's noose. Would he have said the same for a male? That's doubtful. While it's true that male murderers far outnumber women, it's also true that all of our conclusions about violence are based on those who have been caught.

Who's to say how many female killers and violent offenders there really are?
While researchers repeat one another in pointing out how even in violence, women are still the gentler sex, there are times when a female shows more spunk. Instead of poison, she may grab an ax, even a gun. Instead of killing a customer who failed to pay for drugs, she might bear and kill children one at a time. (In fact, women outnumber men in the deaths of children and come equal to them in killing siblings and parents.)

Some females are just as cold-blooded as males, but female psychopathy is an understudied subject. The feeble attempts to assess a female psychopath—psychopaths being the most criminally versatile and most likely to repeat an offense among all violent offenders ── base conclusions on samples far too small to make any assertions. It's clear that many interpretations about female violence are framed by social projections about what women are supposed to be like, rather than on what they really are like, and there's little acknowledgment of how changing social conditions affect personality. During the 1970s, however, after women were "liberated," there was a surge in violent crime by women. They may not go on a rampage killing, but the lower visibility of their crimes does not discount the lethality of their motives or their viciousness.

Even so, it's clear that the motives for women show a range as diverse as that of males:
  • monetary gain
  • ridding themselves of a burden
  • revenge
  • dislike
  • pressure from a gang
  • seeking power
  • following orders
  • delusions
  • pleasure
  • self-defense
  • acting out from a history of abuse
  • sexual compulsion
  • team chemistry
  • psychopathy
  • misplaced mercy
  • depravity
  • rivalry


Of the 62 female serial killers in Eric Hickey's study for Serial Murderers and Their Victims, they accounted for between 400 and 600 victims. Some were nurses, some black widows, others were part of a team, and a few were predators. Three-fourths of them began their careers since the 1950s. The average age in the group was 30, and the longest period of killing without apprehension was 34 years. Some were grandmothers. In more recent years, females have turned increasingly toward strangers as victims, but they generally choose easy targets among vulnerable populations. They don't mutilate corpses, which is common to a certain type of male serial killer.

While people are appalled by women who kill their own children, it's more common than we think. Maternal instinct is sometimes no match for deadened emotions or personal ambition. Similarly, people are shocked when a woman who has professed love for her husband poisons his food or hires someone to kill him, but a woman is just as capable as a man of these crimes. Perhaps we don't recognize them as quickly, allowing women to get away with serial crimes for longer periods, because we don't want to. Yet Hickey's analysis showed that women were involved in serial crimes in some way 38 percent of the time.


SOME FEMALE PSYCHOPATHS WHO HAVE COMMITTED MURDER:

Nanny Doss - the lonely hearts husband killer

Aileen Wuornos - killer who prey on truck drivers

Karla Fay Tucker - Texas' Controversial Killer

Sante Kimes - Mother in Mother & Son Murder Duo

Karla Holmolka - Sex slayings with then-husband Paul Bernardo

Claudine Longet - Killer of Spider Sabitch or Accident?

Susan Smith - Child Killer say she was Controlled by her Boyfriend.

Lila Gladys Young - Black market babies

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Tuesday, August 07, 2018

How to Help An Abused Woman




Know the facts about woman abuse.

Assure her that you believe her story.

Listen and let her talk about her feelings.

Do not judge or give advice. Talk to her about her options.

Physical safety is the first priority. If you believe she is in danger, tell her.

Help her plan an emergency exit.

Respect her right to confidentiality.

Let her know you care and want to help.

Allow her to feel the way she does and support her decisions. Let her talk about the caring aspects of the relationship as well. Don't try to diminish her feelings about her partner. Don't criticize her for staying with him, but share information on how abuse increases over time without intervention.

Give clear messages, including:

Violence is never okay or justifiable.

Her safety and her children's safety are always the most important issues.

Wife assault is a crime.

She does not cause the abuse.

She is not to blame for her partner's behaviour.

She cannot change her partner's behaviour.

Apologies and promises will not end the violence.

She is not alone.

She is not crazy.

Abuse is not loss of control, it is a means of control.

Discuss how the violence affects the children.

Be encouraged that every time she reaches out for help she is gaining the emotional strength needed to make effective decisions. She may be too fearful and immobilized or confused to take any step immediately.

Although police can be asked to accompany a woman going back home to retrieve personal belongings, encourage her to be prepared for the possibility of leaving home in a hurry. She should have necessary documents or photocopies ready, as well as important items such as:
credit cards, cash, bank books, passport, birth certificates, citizenship papers, house keys, medications, children's favourite toy, clothing, etc.

An abused woman needs our support and encouragement in order to make choices that are right for her. However, there are some forms of advice that are not useful and even dangerous for her to hear:

Don't tell her what to do, when to leave or when not to leave.

Don't tell her to go back to the situation and try a little harder.

Don't rescue her by trying to find quick solutions.

Don't suggest you try to talk to her husband to straighten things out.

Don't place yourself in danger by confronting the assaultive man.

Don't tell her she should stay for the sake of the children.

Never recommend joint family or marital counselling in situations of emotional or
physical abuse. It is dangerous for the woman and will not lead to a resolution that is in her interest.

Encourage separate counselling for the man and woman, if they want counselling.

How to Help Children Who Witness Abuse

For Mothers

Understand that there is a reason for the child's behaviour, and acknowledge that in words for her. Children will work out reasons of their own for the turmoil, often blaming themselves, unless you discuss what is going on.

Let your children know that the fighting is not their fault.

Give them permission to talk about the abuse. Information, and talking about feelings helps to sort out what is going on. If you are not able to handle talking with your child, make sure she knows one or two other people that you feel comfortable having her talk to.

Help them to work out a safety plan: a safe place to go when there is fighting, numbers they can call, and make sure they know it is not safe to get in between fighting adults.

Acknowledge the mixed feelings they may have toward their dad; it is still okay to love him, and hate what he does.

Make sure your child knows that keeping silent about abuse at home sometimes leads to keeping silent about other negative experiences.

Help the child to identify feelings other than anger, and help them find safe ways to express those feelings. Try to notice and comment on what your child is doing right.

Be as specific as you can about what is going to happen in everyday life. Children who live with abuse need information ahead of time about where they will be, and how long they will stay. If your child has a hard time separating from you, reassure him, and tell him you will be safe and when you will be back.

Get support for yourself. It takes extra patience to cope with a child who is acting out because of witnessing abuse.

For Teachers and Child Care Workers

Try to incorporate into daily activities a discussion of feelings and how to express them and recognize them in other people. Some children who witness violence only recognize and express anger: a feeling vocabulary helps them to express what they are experiencing.

A child who witnesses abuse often has a short attention span, as a result of being constantly on edge at home. Try to avoid focusing excessive negative attention on this behaviour, and if possible, support the child in redirecting his energy.

Try to discuss behaviour in terms of "safe and not safe", rather than "bad, good, nice, not-nice". The child may already be suffering with very low self-esteem and will tend to identify with the aggressor in her family, if she hears at school that she is not nice.

Consistency, routine and follow-through are very helpful in assisting a child who is coping with violence. Try to create a feeling of safety and predictability in the child's environment, using visual cues like clocks whenever possible. Self-esteem words and phrases that identify concrete examples of positive behaviour (helpful cleaning up, shared his snack) go a long way to counter feelings of worthlessness and helplessness, especially when written down.

Be as clear as possible about rules, and consequences. Try to avoid the appearance of arbitrary punishments or decisions. Children who witness violence often have a very keen sense of justice.

Offer limited choices. This increases a child's sense of control over her world.

Try to be patient with decision making: it may be an unusual experience for her.

Give a time limit.

School-age children can benefit from discussions of gender stereotyping. Boys especially need to know that the abuser in their family is not the only way to be male.

Challenge stereotypes in popular culture that show helplessness and aggression.

Identify other ways of coping with problems.

Help the child identify her "support systems": safe family members or adults that can help a child by listening.

Know that the child's mother is doing the best they can under the circumstances. Be aware of the issues she is facing, and try not to judge her for what may look like poor parenting practices in your view. If you have noticed routines or patterns that seem to help or hinder the child, share them with his mother, but be aware that she may not always be able to act on the information immediately or consistently.

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Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Disabled Women & Abuse



Domestic violence & women with disabilities

 Domestic violence means violence that occurs in your home. Around one quarter of married women and women in de facto relationships in Australia experience domestic violence at some stage. Compared to women without disabilities, women with disabilities are more likely to experience violence and for more extended periods of time.

 Types of violence
The different types of domestic violence experienced by women with disabilities can include:

 The abusers
According to Western Australian research, the abusers are:
Male spouse or partner - 43 per cent
Parent - 15 per cent
Female spouse or partner - 11 per cent
Other relative - 8 per cent
Child - 7 per cent
Another person such as a neighbour - 6 per cent
Carer - 4 per cent
Work colleague - 2 per cent
Healthcare professional - 2 per cent
House or flat mate - 1 per cent
Clergy - 1 per cent.

Women with disabilities are more likely to experience violence

 Compared to women without disabilities, women with disabilities are more likely to experience violence and for more extended periods of time. Some of the many reasons for this include:

 Social myths - people with disabilities are often dismissed as passive, helpless, child-like, non-sexual and burdensome. These prejudices tend to make people with disabilities less visible to society, and suggest that abuse, especially sexual abuse, is unlikely.

 Learned helplessness - people with disabilities, particularly people with cognitive disabilities or those who have been living in institutions for a long time, are encouraged to be compliant and cooperative. This life history can make it harder for a woman to defend herself against abuse.

 Lack of sex education - there is a tendency to deny sex education to people with intellectual disabilities. If a woman with no knowledge of sex is sexually abused, it is harder for her to seek help because she may not understand exactly what is happening to her.

 Dependence - the woman may be dependent on her abuser for care because her disability limits her economic and environmental independence.

 Misdiagnosis - authorities may misinterpret a cry for help; for example, a woman's behaviour might be diagnosed as 'anxiety' rather than signs of abuse. In other situations, workers may not be aware that domestic violence also includes financial or emotional abuse, or may not be sensitive to the signs.

 The abuser takes control - if the woman seeks help, follow-up may be difficult because the abuser isolates her and prevents her from using the phone or leaving the house.

 Reasons for not seeking help from authorities
One US study found that women with disabilities tend not to report the abuse themselves. Some of the many reasons why women with disabilities may not seek help from authorities and support agencies include:

Fear can stop women from seeking help
Common fears include:

 Some of the reasons why women with disabilities may not get help include:

 Where to get help
Your doctor
Police
Ambulance
Domestic Violence Outreach Workers

Compared to women without disabilities, women with disabilities are more likely to experience violence and for more extended periods of time.

 The male spouse or partner is the abuser in 53 per cent of cases according to one Western Australian study.  Your abuser may well be female

 There are many barriers that prevent women with disabilities from seeking help, including reliance on the abuser, fear and service gaps in disability and women's agencies.

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Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Unhappy Relationships May Harm Women's Hearts


By Amy Norton

An unhappy marriage can break a woman's heart, figuratively and literally. New research suggests that married women who are dissatisfied with their relationships face a higher risk for heart disease.

In a study of nearly 500 middle-aged women, researchers at the University of Pittsburgh in Pennsylvania found that marital ''distress'' was linked to a higher risk for heart problems, independent of other threats to heart health such as smoking, high cholesterol and high blood pressure. Moreover, women's marital woes appeared to be unique from overall stress, depression and other psychological factors in their effects on the heart.

Lead researcher Wendy Troxel presented the findings last week in Monterey, California, at the annual meeting of the American Psychosomatic Society. Previous research has suggested that for men, marriage generally confers heart benefits. The health effects of marriage on women has been less clear, according to co-author Dr. Linda Gallo, who is now at Kent State University in Ohio. This study, which followed the women over about 11 years, was an attempt to gauge how marital satisfaction affects heart health as women go through menopause, Gallo explained in an interview.

She and her colleagues found that women who reported marital dissatisfaction were more likely than satisfied women to have significant plaque build-up in the main artery of the heart. They were also more likely to have blockages in the carotid arteries in the neck, a known risk factor for stroke. Of course, all marriages have their ups and downs, and this study did not look at the normal stresses that come up from time to time, according to Gallo.

Instead, she said, it looked at women's overall happiness with their husbands--their communication, amount of time spent together, sex lives and a range of factors. Unhappiness in a marriage may harm the heart by inflicting ''wear and tear'' on the body, according to Gallo. Like stress in general, marital dissatisfaction may lead to habitual elevations in heart rate, blood pressure and stress hormones. But, she noted, marital problems are likely one part the equation--triggering behaviors that take a toll on health, including sleeplessness and changes in eating and exercise.

"It's my guess that marital dissatisfaction might put women on a trajectory to poorer health," she said.

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Sunday, November 19, 2017

The Health Effects of Domestic Violence



The effects of violence on a victim's health are severe. In addition to the immediate injuries from the assault, battered women may suffer from chronic pain, gastrointestinal disorders, psychosomatic symptoms, and eating problems. Although psychological abuse is often considered less severe than physical violence, health care providers and advocates around the world are increasingly recognizing that all forms of domestic violence can have devastating physical and emotional health effects. Domestic violence is associated with mental health problems such as anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and depression.

Women who are abused suffer an increased risk of unplanned or early pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV/AIDS. As trauma victims, they are also at an increased risk of substance abuse. According to a U.S. study, women who experience intimate partner abuse are three times more likely to have gynecological problems than non-abused women. From Violence Against Women: Effects on Reproductive Health, Outlook, vol. 20, no. 1 (September 2002).


Women are particularly vulnerable to attacks when pregnant, and thus may more often experience medical difficulties in their pregnancies. Recent research has called for increased study of pregnancy associated deaths. "Pregnancy associated deaths" are "deaths occurring to women who have been pregnant within the previous year." A study conducted by researchers in Maryland of 247 pregnancy associated deaths found that the leading cause of death was homicide. The researchers have called for "enhanced surveillance" of pregnancy associated deaths and additional research focusing more specifically on the role of domestic violence. From Nancy K.D. Lemon, Health Watch, in Domestic Violence Report, vol. 8, no. 5, 69, 69 (June/July 2003) (citing Isabelle L. Horon & Diana Cheng, Enhanced Surveillance for Pregnancy-Associated Mortality—Maryland, 1993-1998, in JAMA vol. 285, no. 11, 1455 (21 March 2001)).

Other studies have shown that there are significant obstetric risk factors associated with domestic violence. Abused women are more likely to have a history of sexually transmitted disease infections, vaginal and cervical infections, kidney infections and bleeding during pregnancy, all of which are risk factors for pregnant women. Abused women are more likely to delay prenatal care and are less likely to receive antenatal care. In fact, "[i]ntimate partner abuse during pregnancy may be a more significant risk factor for pregnancy complications than other conditions for which pregnant women are routinely screened, such as hypertension and diabetes." From Violence Against Women: Effects on Reproductive Health, Outlook, vol. 20, no. 1 (September 2002).

As discussed in more detail in the section on marital rape, in many countries, marriage is believed to grant men unconditional sexual access to their wives, and to permit the use of violence if their wives do not comply. Women's lack of sexual autonomy in these situations puts them at risk of unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections. Recent research in Nicaragua, for example, suggests that domestic abuse increases the likelihood that women will have many children and found that abused women were twice as likely to have four or more children. From Ending Violence Against Women, in Population Reports, vol. 7, no. 4 (December 1999).

Domestic violence can be fatal; women are both intentionally murdered by their partners and lose their life as a result of injuries inflicted by them. In particular, recent studies in the United States have focused on choking or strangulation, a tactic often used by batterers. Because choking or strangulation rarely leaves vivid external physical marks, police may not recognize the victim's need for medical assistance or the seriousness of the violence. Injuries resulting from choking or strangulation can often be lethal; such injuries "may appear mild initially but they can kill the victim within 36 hours." From When Abusers Choke Their Victims, Violence Against Women 22-5 (Joan Zorza ed., 2002).

In addition to the danger of death from injury or intentional homicides, research also indicates that women who are abused may be more likely to commit suicide. The Family Violence Prevention Fund, reporting on a 1995 study, stated that 29% of all women in the United States who attempted suicide were battered. UNICEF reports that a "close correlation between domestic violence and suicide has been established based on studies in the United States, Fiji, Papua New Guinea, Peru, India, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka. Suicide is 12 times as likely to have been attempted by a woman who has been abused than by one who has not." From UNICEF, Domestic Violence Against Women and Girls, 6 Innocenti Digest 1, 4 (2000).

The World Health Organization's Factsheet and Violence Against Women: Health Consequences detail the health consequences of violence against women around the world. The National Center for Injury Prevention and Control and the Family Violence Prevention Fund provides an excellent overview of the health effects of domestic violence on women and children.

For a list of research and reports on the health effects of domestic violence, click here.

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Thursday, September 14, 2017

Verbal & Emotional Abuse



DEFINITIONS OF VERBAL & EMOTIONAL ABUSE


- You understand their feelings, but they never attempt to understand yours;

- They dismiss your difficulties or issues as unimportant or an overreaction;

- They do not listen to you;

- They always put their needs before yours;

- They expect you to perform tasks that you find unpleasant or humiliating;

- You "walk on eggshells" in an effort not to upset them;

- They ignore logic and prefer amateur theatrics in order to remain the centre of attention;

- Instead manipulate you into feeling guilty for things that have nothing to do with you;

- They attempt to destroy any outside support you receive by belittling the people/ service/ practice in an attempt to retain exclusive control over your emotions;

- They never take responsibility for hurting others;

- They blame everyone and everything else for any unfortunate events in their lives;

- They perceive themselves as martyrs or victims and constantly expect preferential treatment.

Copyright 2002 Abuse List.

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WHAT IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE?

There is no universally accepted definition of emotional abuse. Like other forms of violence in relationships, emotional abuse is based on power and control. The following are widely recognized as forms of emotional abuse:

rejecting

- refusing to acknowledge a person's presence, value or worth; communicating to a person that she or he is useless or inferior; devaluing her/his thoughts and feelings. Example: repeatedly treating a child differently from siblings in a way that suggests resentment, rejection or dislike for the child.

degrading

- insulting, ridiculing, name calling, imitating and infantilizing; behaviour which diminishes the identity, dignity and self-worth of the person. Examples: yelling, swearing, publicly humiliating or labelling a person as stupid; mimicking a person's disability; treating a senior as if she or he cannot make decisions.

terrorizing

- inducing terror or extreme fear in a person; coercing by intimidation; placing or threatening to place a person in an unfit or dangerous environment. Examples: forcing a child to watch violent acts toward other family members or pets; threatening to leave, physically hurt or kill a person, pets or people she / he cares about; threatening to destroy a person's possessions; threatening to have a person deported or put in an institution; stalking.

isolating

- physical confinement; restricting normal contact with others; limiting freedom within a person's own environment. Examples: excluding a senior from participating in decisions about her or his own life; locking a child in a closet or room alone; refusing a female partner or senior access to her or his own money and financial affairs; withholding contact with grandchildren; depriving a person of mobility aids or transportation.

corrupting/exploiting

- socializing a person into accepting ideas or behaviour which oppose legal standards; using a person for advantage or profit; training a child to serve the interests of the abuser and not of the child. Examples: child sexual abuse; permitting a child to use alcohol or drugs or see pornography; enticing a person into the sex trade.

denying emotional responsiveness

- failing to provide care in a sensitive and responsive manner; being detached and uninvolved; interacting only when necessary; ignoring a person's mental health needs. Examples: ignoring a child's attempt to interact; failing to show affection, caring and / or love for a child; treating a senior who lives in an institution as though she / he is an object or "a job to be done."

- Emotional abuse accompanies other forms of abuse, but also may occur on its own;

- No abuse - neglect, physical, sexual or financial - can occur without psychological consequences. Therefore all abuse contains elements of emotional abuse;

- Emotional abuse follows a pattern; it is repeated and sustained. If left unchecked, abuse does not get better over time. It only gets worse;

- Like other forms of violence in relationships, those who hold the least power and resources in society, for example, women and children, are most often emotionally abused;

- Emotional abuse can severely damage a person's sense of self-worth and perception;

- In children, emotional abuse can impair psychological development, including: intelligence, memory, recognition, perception, attention, imagination and moral development; and

- Emotional abuse can also affect a child's social development and may result in an impaired ability to perceive, feel, understand and express emotions.

HOW WIDESPREAD IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE?

Only a few studies provide insight about the prevalence of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is difficult to research because:

- Its effects have only recently been recognized;

- There are no consistent definitions and it is hard to define;

- It is difficult to detect, assess and substantiate; and

- Many cases of emotional abuse go unreported.

- Chronic verbal aggression ranked as the second most prevalent form of mistreatment following material abuse.

FACTS TO CONSIDER

Emotional abuse of children can result in serious emotional and/or behavioural problems, including depression, lack of attachment or emotional bond to a parent or guardian, low cognitive ability and educational achievement, and poor social skills.

One study which looked at emotionally abused children in infancy and then again during their preschool years consistently found them to be angry, uncooperative and unattached to their primary caregiver. The children also lacked creativity, persistence and enthusiasm.

Children who experience rejection are more likely than accepted children to exhibit hostility, aggressive or passive-aggressive behaviour, to be extremely dependent, to have negative opinions of themselves and their abilities, to be emotionally unstable or unresponsive, and to have a negative perception of the world around them.

Parental verbal aggression (e.g., yelling, insulting) or symbolic aggression (e.g., slamming a door, giving the silent treatment) toward children can have serious consequences. Children who experience these forms of abuse demonstrate higher rates of physical aggressiveness, delinquency and interpersonal problems than other children. Children whose parents are additionally physically abusive are even more likely to experience such difficulties.

Children who see or hear their mothers being abused are victims of emotional abuse.

Growing up in such an environment is terrifying and severely affects a child's psychological and social development. Male children may learn to model violent behaviour while female children may learn that being abused is a normal part of relationships. This contributes to the intergenerational cycle of violence.

Many women in physically abusive relationships feel that the emotional abuse is more severely debilitating than the physical abuse in the relationship.

Repeated verbal abuse such as blaming, ridiculing, insulting, swearing, yelling and humiliation has long-term negative effects on a woman's self-esteem and contributes to feelings of uselessness, worthlessness and self-blame.

Threatening to kill or physically harm a female partner, her children, other family members or pets establishes dominance and coercive power on the part of the abuser. The female partner feels extreme terror, vulnerability and powerlessness within the relationship. This type of emotional abuse can make an abused woman feel helpless and isolated.

Jealousy, possessiveness and interrogation about whereabouts and activities are controlling behaviours which can severely restrict a female partner's independence and freedom. Social and financial isolation may leave her dependent upon the abuser for social contact money and the necessities of life.

Emotional abuse can have serious physical and psychological consequences for women, including severe depression, anxiety, persistent headaches, back and limb problems, and stomach problems.

Women who are psychologically abused but not physically abused are five times more likely to misuse alcohol than women who have not experienced abuse.

Senior abuse is still a new issue and there is still little research in this field on emotional abuse.

We do know that senior emotional abuse and neglect can be personal or systemic and that it occurs in a variety of relationships and settings, including abuse by:

- a partner;

- adult children or other relatives;

- unrelated, formal or informal caregivers; or

- someone in a position of trust.

Seniors who are emotionally abused may experience feelings of extreme inadequacy, guilt, low self-esteem, symptoms of depression, fear of failure, powerlessness or hopelessness. These signs may be easily confused with loss of mental capability so that a senior may be labelled as "senile" or "incapable" when in fact she or he may be being emotionally abused.

Abusers may often outwardly display anger and resentment toward the senior in the company of others. They may also display a complete lack of respect or concern for the senior by repeatedly interrupting or publicly humiliating her or him. Not taking into account a senior's wishes concerning decisions about her or his own life is an outward sign of abuse.

DETECTING EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Emotional abuse may be difficult to detect. However, personal awareness and understanding of the issue is key to recognizing it. The following indicators may assist in detecting emotional abuse.

possible indicators of emotional abuse

- depression;

- withdrawal;

- low self-esteem;

- severe anxiety;

- fearfulness;

- failure to thrive in infancy;

- aggression;

- emotional instability;

- sleep disturbances;

- physical complaints with no medical basis;

- inappropriate behaviour for age or development;

- overly passive/compliant;

- suicide attempts or discussion;

- extreme dependence;

- underachievement;

- inability to trust;

- stealing;

- other forms of abuse present or suspected;

- feelings of shame and guilt;

- frequent crying;

- self-blame/self-depreciation;

- overly passive/compliant;

- delay or refusal of medical treatment;

- discomfort or nervousness around caregiver or relative;

- substance abuse; and

- avoidance of eye contact.

LEGAL INTERVENTION

Legal intervention in cases of child emotional abuse and neglect is governed by provincial and territorial child protection legislation.

All jurisdictions require that alleged or suspected child emotional abuse or neglect be reported to child protection authorities or the police. In some jurisdictions, failure to report child emotional abuse or neglect may result in a fine or imprisonment.

Emotionally abusive behaviour such as repeatedly following the other person or someone known to her or him; repeatedly communicating, directly or indirectly, with the other person or someone known to her or him; harassing the other person with telephone calls; besetting or watching the other person's house or place of work; and / or engaging in threatening conduct directed at the other person or a member of her or his family is criminal harassment.

These behaviours must cause a person to fear for her or his safety or the safety of someone she or he knows.

Other forms of emotional abuse such as insulting, isolating, infantilizing, humiliating, and ignoring, although serious, are not criminal behaviours and cannot be prosecuted.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

If you are being abused, remember:

-You are not alone;

- It is not your fault;

- No one ever deserves to be abused; and

- Help is available.

if you suspect/know someone is being abused

- Listen;

- Believe;

- Support;

- Let the person know about available support services; and

- Report suspected or known child abuse or neglect to a child welfare agency or the police.

if you are a service provider:

Work with other organizations to:

- Increase awareness of emotional abuse;

- Address the needs of those who have been or are being emotionally abused; and

- Keep informed of resources and materials relating to intervention and prevention of abuse.

support

Services:

- 24 hour help-line or distress line;

- transition house or shelter;

- social service agency;

- child welfare or family services agency;

- police;

- legal aid service;

- health professional (e.g., nurse, doctor, dentist);

- community health centre;

- public health department;

- community counselling centre;

- home support agency;

- seniors' centre;

- community living association;

- friendship centre;

- religious/spiritual organization.


THE PSYCHOLOGY OF ABUSIVE MEN

72% of American suicides are committed by white males; black men prefer homicide. (This suggests white men blame themselves and black men blame others: white neurotics, black psychotics.) Prisons overflow with men, and juvenile detention centers teem with boys; remedial readers are, in 90% of cases, male, as are those diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, substance abusers, and the violent. Rates of injury are three times as high for males. The lives of men are eroded by frustration inhibition perversion.

A white collar drug addict remarked: My work is so boring that it's really hard to do it if you're not hung-over in some way. My friend tried to not do drugs for a while and he was, like, "This is a nightmare! I have to sleep eight hours a day! I'm tired all the time! I wake up and it takes me three hours to get up, and then I'm tired in the afternoon."

Men are dying of loneliness, and no one knows.

- from The Eclipse: A Memoir of Suicide by Antonella Gambotto

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Monday, February 02, 2015

The Super Bowl & Domestic Violence




Jeanette Norman - BellaOnline's Domestic Violence Editor

Are there more reports of domestic violence during Super Bowl season? Do men really get that angry and violent during a sporting event that would cause them to cause harm to their wife/girlfriends and their children?

Some people say this is a myth, some people will tell you it is the truth. If you check out the Urban Legends section of Snopes.com, the author of an article about this claims that there are more reports of domestic violence on Super Bowl Sunday is false. According to the article, Ken Ringle, a reporter for the Washington Post contacted a professor who participated in a study based on the claims of the increase in domestic violence. The professor informed Ringle that the report published based on the study was entirely true.

It is believed that this myth was perpetuated when in 1993 a women’s group asked the NFL to run a public service announcement about domestic violence aimed towards men. So many people must have assumed that domestic violence was a problem particularly during this sporting event because of the unusual nature of this type of commercial during a sporting event.

Many resources that I read while researching for this article state that there has never been a solid study to confirm this statement. With privacy issues for women and children that are in or have been in shelters, it would be a hard study to conduct. However, there have also been numerous newspaper articles, interviews, and other published materials supporting the statement of domestic violence rises during super bowl season. The social workers I personally speak to on a regular basis have said that this statement seems to be true. There is tension still lingering from the holiday season on top of the excitement of “the big game.” 


The reports and journalist who decided to prove this claim wrong were mostly males, which may have played a role in some people changing their minds that there is no connection. Rush Limbaugh also had to put his two cents in by saying on his then TV show that the ad during the 1993 Super Bowl was “just a bunch of feminist bilge". He also continued to say the man dressed in a suit in the ad could not be a real abuser: "Like people who beat their wives wear ties.” Needless to say, his comments rubbed me the wrong way when I read them and further confirmed why I do not like that man.




ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE

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Thursday, April 04, 2013

The Misogynist

Characteristics of a Misogynist
Misogyny (mi-soj'e-ne) n. Hatred of women; a person who hates women.
[Gk. misogunia] - mis'sog'y-nist n. - mi-sog'y-nis'tic or mi-sog'y-nous adj.

Do any of these characteristics sound familiar?

If you or someone you know has 4 or more of these, we encourage seeking help to deal with the issues that have created these characteristics. Behaviors don't come out of a vacuum, there are reasons (not excuses) for this behavior, and it can be dealt with... often by you getting out of the situation.

* A Knight In Shining Armor, "I'll save you."

* Zeros in on a woman; he chooses her.

* Extremely possessive, always wanting to know where you are; who you're with.

* Obsessively jealous, even of your women friends.

* Has first class spending habits; always wanting more.

* Can't stand criticism; always on the defense.

* Exciting, fun, charismatic.

* A product of a dysfunctional family.

* Had a poor relationship with his mother. He had an abusive or passive father.

* Has a distorted view of reality.

* Uncomfortable with feelings; contemptuous of other's weaknesses.

* Has problems with authority figures.

* If you share a secret with him it may be used against you.

* Threats of withdrawal if you don't comply, "If you really loved me, you would…"

* Makes fun of you, calls you names and inflicts little digs; hostile humor.

* You feel awkward and incompetent around him; controlled.

* Embarrasses you in public, or flatters you then cuts you down when alone.

* Is nasty behind the wheel and feels that others' mistakes are directed toward him.

* Wants or demands undivided attention; you are to be available when he wants you.

* Cruelty may be directed toward animals.

* Has a dual personality (Jekyll/ Hyde).

* Has grandiose behavior; is cocky, controlling, self-centered.

* Is preoccupied with sex and is sexually controlling.

* Is competitive; must always win; his way or no way at all.

* As a child, he enjoyed playing with fire; more than curiosity.

* Was or is involved in a violent sport. (What is he doing now?).

*Comes on too strong and/or too fast, love bombing at first.

* Believes in the traditional stereo-type role modeling and roles.

* Is an habitual liar; he twists facts to make it look as if he were the victim.

* Has extreme mood swings (extreme high to low).

* Takes no responsibility for anything; blames others/ things/ circumstances for his behavior.

* Treats you rough at times; twisting your arm, grabbing, shoving.

* Is nice to others, but treats you badly; shows no respect.

* Steals, uses people, cheats them out of their money; always borrowing, never pays back.

* Professes to be religious then attacks YOUR religious beliefs or practices.

* Gives gifts then demands favors.

* Makes jokes and puts women down in front of you then ridicules you for being upset.

* Encourages pity from others; convinces you to feel sorry for him for all he's had to endure.

*Constantly cuts down your family and friends; isolates you. You must account for your time.

* Very impatient and when he gets angry will destroy property; usually yours.

*Overly sensitive and sulks when he doesn't get his way.

* Tells you everything to do; what to do, how to do it, when to do it; what to wear

(how many of these is your significant other?)

(While this is about the male abuser, your abuser may well be FEMALE!)

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